Father of the Brat

Disclaimer: I don't own anything affiliated with Buffy. It all belongs to Joss Whedon. I just borrow it. I'm not making any money from this, it's purely for fun.


“Oh, dear Lord.” Rupert Giles said as he began cleaning his glasses. Spike smirked. It was such a typical reaction of his father’s; clean your glasses when something shocks or bothers you. He was much more proper than Spike had ever been. Or probably ever would be. Giles, as the librarian had been known since Spike was in high school, put his glasses back on. “You…you have a daughter?”

“That’s right, Pops. You’re a grandpa.” Spike told him. He grinned at the scowl that crossed Giles’ face.

“I told you not to call me that.”

“What? Pops? Right then, I’ll stop calling you that, Grandpa.”

Giles let out an exasperated sigh. “Honestly, Will, must you always be so damn…”

“Witty? Charming? Sexy? Yes, to all of the above, mate.” Spike interrupted.

Oh, dear Lord. The poor girl was doomed. Giles looked at Spike and decided that this might be the time to bring up a somewhat touchy subject.

“Will…now that you’re going to be a father, it might be time to stop bleaching your hair.”

A look of horror crossed Spike’s face and he shot up out of his seat. “Are you mad? There’s no bloody way I’m changing my hair! It’s fine the way it is! Next thing I know, you’ll be wanting me to get rid of my duster.”

“Well, actually…”

“No. No, no, no.” Spike exclaimed, waving his hands in front of him as if that would stop the thought from forming. “Absolutely not. Just because I suddenly have a daughter does not mean that I have to change the way I look. I refuse. I can be a father as myself just as easily as I could if I dressed like a nancy boy!” Spike spun around and left the library, muttering about old men and their daft notions.

Suddenly, Spike walked back in. Still looking extremely offended and angry, he walked back to the chair he had been sitting in.

“I forgot my duster.” he told Giles in a tone that had him expecting to see Spike pouting. Then, just as quickly, he walked back out. Giles sighed again.

“Oh, dear Lord.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“You what?” Angel Gray asked, staring in disbelief at the blonde man sitting across from him.

“I’ve got a daughter.” Spike repeated slowlyif hif he were speaking to a two-year old.

“You’ve got a daughter.” Angel repeated.

“Is there an echo in here?” Spike looked around the room as if searching for something before raising an eyebrow in Angel’s direction. Angel just looked back at him, causing Spike to roll his eyes.

“Spike, I’m assuming that the reason you’re telling me this is because it’s going to affect your job.”

“Well, bloody hell, Peaches, of course it’s going to affect my job. I’m going to have a teenage daughter, I can’t just go somewhere at the drop of a hat anymore. That’s why I came to talk to you. I’d like to stay at the magazine, but I won’t be able to continue traveling. So, I was wondering if you couust…ust…reassign me.” Spike told him. Angel considered it before nodding.

“Yeah, I could arrange that. Jonathan wants to travel more, so this would be the perfect opportunity for him. Okay, you can do local stories and the farthest that you’ll be traveling is Los Angeles, most likely. How does that sound?” Angel asked. Spike smiled and nodded.
oundounds just fine, Peaches, just fine.”

“Oh, and Spike?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t call me Peaches.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike looked around the Espresso Pump while he waited for his best friend, Xander Harris, to arrive. In Spike’s opinion, they had a weird friendship, but it was a friendship that had helped both of them a lot over the years.

They had met freshman year of high school and immediately made it their mission to make the other’s life miserable. Then, in sophomore year, Spike had begun dating Harmony Kendall who went around calling him her “Blondie Bear.” Xander, knowing that Spike hated the nickname, made the mistake of calling him by it on one of Spike’s bad days. Spike punched him in the face for it and the two had come out of the fight bruised, bloodied, and friends for life. They even worked at the same magazine, though Xander was involved in graphics.

And, of course, Xander still called Spike “Blondie Bear” just to annoy him. It worked every time.

As if on cue, a hand slapped Spike on the shoulder. “Hey Blondie Bear! How ya doing, you ugly jackass?” Xander asked as he slid into his seat, grinning. Spike scowled.

“Don’t call me that.” he growled.

“What’s the matter? The truth hurt?” Xander’s grin got wider as he deliberately misunderstood Spike’s order. Xander looked like Spike’s exact opposite. He had black hair and brown eyes. He was tall and lean with an air that could give away his mischievous sense of humor even before he let the sarcastic remarks fly.

Spike sent him a mock glare before shaking his head. “All right Xander, you said you had some news. Let’s hear it.” At that, Xander’s smile seemed to change a little.

“You don’t want to share yours first?” he asked. Spike shook his head.

“You go first. I bet you I can top your news with mine.” Xander raised both his eyebrows at the challenge before the happy e ree returned.

“Okay, Bleach Boy. I’m in love.” Xander announced.

“Is this going to be like the bug lady?”

“I’m serious, Spike.”

“So was I.” Spike paused before holding up a hand. “Well, then you’re in love. The lady have a name or no?”

“Her name’s Anya Jenkins and I’ve been dating her for the past month and a half.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” Spike burst out. Then, as if realizing howly gly girly that sounded he added, “And are we talking about the Anya Jenkins from Financing? The one who thinks all men are evil?” Anya Jenkins was known at the magazine for practically hating men ever since she had gotten out of a serious relationship with her longtime boyfriend, Scott Hope. As a matter of fact, some people muttered about her being some type of vengeance demon after she had, well, gotten her revenge on him for cheating on her.

Xander smile slowly reappeared. “Let’s just say that I’m definitely changing her mind about that.”

“Bloody hell, you’re sleeping with her!”

“Say it a little louder why don’t you? I don’t think the people outside heard you.” Xander hissed, his face turning slightly red. Sometimes being with Spike in public was an experience that just couldn’t be described. In a bad, red face type of way.

“Sorry, just...I can’t believe someone would actually sleep with you.” Spike teased.

“Oh shut up, Captain Peroxide. What’s your news?” Xander asked as he took a drink of water.

“I just found out I have a daughter.” Spike announced very calmly. Xander, on the other hand, started choking. Spike reached over and slapped him on the back a couple of times. "You okay, mate?” Xander nodded.

“A daughter? When? How?” At Xander’s last question Spike smiled.

“To answer your questions…yes, about fifteen years ago, and if I have to tell you how then obviously you aren’t doing as well as you thought with Anya.” Xander glared at him.

“So…mind explaining why you never knew before now?” he asked Spike. Spike explained the entire story to him about Dru and how she had died and how he had only found out because of some social worker. After he was done, he grinned.

“And you’ll never guess who the social worker was.”

“Probably not, so just tell me.”

“Buffy Summers. Want me to say hello for you when I meet her at the airport?”

“Buffy? As in the Buffy that you spent you’re entire high school career annoying and teasing and just basically torturing?”

“Yes, that Buffy. Bloody hell Harris, do you really need to use that many words to get to the point?”

“Well…yeah. So, you’re meeting Buffy Summers at the airport the day after tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I am.” Something in Spike’s tone of voice alerted Xander. He knew that tone of voice. He’d heard it many times since high school. It was the tone of voice Spike used when he was interested in a woman…in a more than friendly way.

“Spike what are you going to do?”

“Nothing! Just because the chit went and grew up since the last time I saw her doesn’t mean I’m going to do anything.” Spike insisted quickly. Too quickly.

This time it was Xander who grinned. “Oh, I see.”

“See what?”

“Nothing, Mr. I’ve-suddenly-discovered-that-Buffy’s-gorgeous-and-now-I-want-her-in-my-bed.”

“I do not.” Spike said. At Xander’s skeptical look, he shook his head. “I don’t!”