Who, What, Why, Where, When?

CHAPTER 3

Buffy marveled at the difference in her friend's physique in just four weeks. “Of course” she muttered to herself as she kept up with him on the circuit-training course “I wasn’t really admiring his body before, but I’m pretty sure that butts a major improvement”. As he stopped to drink some water, bending over to pick up a towel, she whispered “Ohhhhh yesss, a definite improvement”

He realised she was staring at him, probably his butt again, and he smiled to himself. As she seemed to shake herself out of whatever daydream she was in, he laughed and pointed to his watch. “I beat you on time again.” He laughed even more at her very unladylike expletive.

“Not fair” she spluttered “You keep bending over to distract me”

“You should have more discipline” he said sternly, then laughed again as she threw her towel at him and stomped off to the showers.

Xander met them both in the juice bar and noted Buffy’s unhappy bunny face. “You beat her again didn’t you?” he accused Giles.

“I couldn’t help it” Giles protested “I’m not going to train in one of those tweed suits just to stop her getting distracted!”

Xander laughed “That would only work with Buffy anyway, Willow always thought you were way sexy in tweed”

Buffy groaned and covered her eyes with her hand “Way to go secret squirrel, why don’t you just give him the decoder ring while you’re at it?”

Giles and Xander stared at each other and shrugged “Must be a hormone thing” they both nodded together and started to run as Buffy lifted her eyebrow and growled.

After a fairly leisurely swim, they returned to Giles' flat and made sandwiches for lunch.

“Listen Roop” Xander said as he munched through his third peanut butter and jelly sandwich “Can you let Willow know that Anya and I are going away for a long weekend next Thursday?”

“Sure” said Giles “But only if you stop calling me Roop” he laughed “I think I almost preferred G-Man”


Willow checked the directory board and headed for Doctor Alexander’s office. She had only ever met him in the hospital before and was wondering what his consulting office would say about him – she firmly believed you could tell a lot about the quality of the Doctor by the age and type of magazines in their waiting room!

There wasn't anyone at the reception desk so she waited in the small adjoining room. She smiled to herself as she noticed a two month old golf magazine and a two day old Cosmopolitan. “Good combination” she murmured to herself “Not fixated on sport and sensitive to today’s modern woman!”

She was making her way through the obligatory sex quiz in Cosmo when a small cough attracted her attention. “I’m sorry to disturb you in the middle of such vital college reading” Doctor Alexander smiled and shook his head as Willow jumped up and dropped the magazine guiltily.

She preceded him into his rooms and he took her jacket from her as he ushered her towards a chair. “Perhaps you would like a cup of tea?” he asked.

“Oh yes please Doctor Alexander” sighed Willow “I haven’t had a decent cup of tea in weeks”.

“I promise the tea will be decent only if you call me Fraser, we’re not on the hospital ward now you know!”

She smiled at him and said “Fraser, what a lovely name”

Bringing their tea over to his desk he sat behind it and opened up the top file of a large pile. “I’m sorry to take up your time, I can see you’re busy” she stammered “Perhaps I could come back later on?” He looked a little bemused and then smiled “These aren’t all of the patients on today’s list” he smiled a little sadly “No, these are just Rupert’s files”

“Oh My God!” Willow said weakly and slid back into the chair. “How many concussions has he had over the years?”

“It’s not that bad” he explained “These go quite a way back to when he was in England and I retrieved them to check if he had a history of this kind of problem.” Willow seemed to relax a little. “Anyway” he continued “He is an old man you know, nearly….47” he said checking the front page of the top file.


“He is not an old man” Willow denied a little too strongly before she realised that he was teasing her. “I’m sorry” she mumbled a little chastened “I’m just tired and a bit down, that’s all”

“I’m not surprised” he said, rounding his desk and taking her wrist to check her pulse. “Rupert told me all about the schedule, so when was the last time you had a proper meal and a good nights sleep?” he asked sternly.

She smiled up at him “Five weeks and four days ago” she announced proudly “At least I still have the ngthngth to keep count” she finished and lifted her chin in a look of defiance.

Shaking his head and laughing he returned to his seat “I’m sorry, I know Rupert’s condition is a worry for you, but it is important that you remain well to ensure his recovery!”

“I promise I’ll look after myself better” she said, in a tone of voice normally reserved for promising Xander that she wouldn’t pick a chick flick at the video store – he had seen Steel Magnolias nine times.

“Anywsaidsaid Doctor Alexander with a sigh “What can I do for you today?”

“Well, you said you wanted to know if Giles was displaying any “unusual” symptoms” she started.

He sat forward eagerly “And is he?”

“It’s kind of difficult to say really and it may be more of a feeling than anything specific, but then again you wouldn’t expect this kind of thing to show up as a rash or anything, so I guess that when you said to us to keep an eye out for this kind of thing that this is the kind of thing you meant!” She finished in a rush and looked pleadingly at him.

“OK” he started “What you mean is that you’ve noticed some peculiar personality traits that you find unusual in your Rupert?”

“YES” she beamed at him “ Wow, you’re really good at this stuff” she marveled

He laughed “OK, so cheer me up, tell me he’s taken up skateboarding or surfing!”

“Not really” she laughed “Although he looks fit enough to do both” as she said this she got a mental picture of Giles in a wet suit and drifted off for a moment. Doctor Alexander’s cough brought her back to earth. “Sorry” she mumbled. “Do they teach you that at Oxford?” she asked.


He looked puzzled and she smiled again “The cough, it just seems that only "old boys" can do lit little “get on with it” cough!”

They both laughed and he said “So, tell me about Rupert”

“Well for one thing he’s really into the gym training and exercise routine that Buffy and Xander have been doing with him, which is good, I mean he looks fabulous….. not that I’ve looked….well obviously I’ve seen but I definitely didn’t look” she stumbled to a halt, obviously confused as to where the sentence had started.

“Willow, I know I said I wasn’t busy today but I do have some appointments for tomorrow, if this is going to take much longer I may have to postpone them”

“Sorry, sorry, right back on track” she took a small notebook out of her pocket. “I’ve been kind of jotting stuff down as it came to me.” With a nod of his head he signaled her to carry on.

Willow arrive his his apartment shortly after two and said she had already had lunch. Xander, realising thathad had kept Anya waiting, darted out.

Giles sighed and Willow looked over at him “Buffy training you too hard?”

“Not really” he smiled “I beat her in the time trials again today”

“Wow” she mouthed “I’m impressed, what did you do, tie her shoelaces together?”

“No!, as if I, an Englishman, would cheat” he raised himself to his full height in mock indignation “I bent over in my shorts a couple of times though” he admitted wryly.

“Giles!” Willow yelped “You didn’t!”

“He did” said Buffy from the doorway “Then Mr Hefner here had the audacity to blame me for having hormone problems”

Giles and Willow laughed while Buffy huffed into the room.

“Anyway, I only dropped by to let you know that I have to go visit my Dad in LA next weekend”


They spent the rest of the afternoon continuing their project to catalogue his personal collection of books and papers.

“I can’t believe I haven’t done this before now” he marveled as they stopped for a tea break after a couple of hours.

“You have been kind of busy” she reminded him, then winced as she saw the look of worry on his face. “I’m sorry” she stammered “I didn’t mean to remind you that you couldn’t remember!” She looked a little confused as she finished the sentence and he laughed.

“Why is it that when I am feeling depressed you will make me laugh when no one else can?” He moved over to her and hugged her.

She froze and he pulled back a little “I’m sorry” he said and was about to walk away when he stopped and moaned.

“What is it?” she asked worriedly

“Headache” he said through clenched teeth. After a couple of minutes, and some painkillers he looked up and smiled a little wanly “I think I just remembered something and I don’t know that I want to do it ever again if the headache is an indication”

She smiled at him and tried to focus on the positive “You remembered something – that’s great” she got out her notebook and rooted around on the desk for a pen.

“What was it?” she asked, pen poised and ready to record.

He sighed “I’m not sure you really want to know” he wouldn’t look her in the eye.

“Giles you’re scaring me – tell me what you remembered or I’ll call Fraser right now!” she ended with a scary mother-knows-best voice.

“OK, OK” he wi as as his headache gave a final kick before succumbing to the drugs “Just turn the volume down a bit”

When he felt a little better he began “It was when I hugged you, I suddenly got a flash of doing exactly the same thing in a library of some kind and I also had an overwhelming feeling of having lost you” He looked at her curiously and waited for her to explain the conundrum to him.


“OK” she began and put the notebook down “First of all that happened in the school library and it was all a big misunderstanding”. He didn’t look any the wiser so she took a deep breath and continued “You and Xander and Buffy thought I had died in ……. a car accident” she hoped he didn’t notice the hesitation “and when I arrived in the library, not knowing what was going on, Xander and Buffy gave me a group hug and then you gave me a hug as well”

He still looked atle tle confused “I still seem to be missing something” he said and shook his head.

“Perhaps we should cat a t a day and you could get some rest?” she asked, not really wanting to have to explain the whole vamp willow thing. “Pe “Perhaps we should give up the cataloguing for the day” he agreed “but I don’t really want to be alone right now, would you stay for dinner?”

Sensing her hesitation he continued, stammering a little “That is unless you have something else… better… with someone else.. I mean”

She smiled at his awkwardness and said “I was wondering how long it would take be the the stammer returned, I would love to stay for dinner”

Willow was standing in the kitchen preparing the meal and Giles was leaning against the other side of the counter "I meant to ask, who is Fraser?"

"What do you mean?" asked Willow

"Well you threatened to call Fraser if I didn't tell you what I remembered and I don't remember meeting anyone of that name recently, is he your boyfriend?"

Willow laughed a little "No, it’s Doctor Alexander, he askedto cto call him Fraser the last time I saw him"

"Do you see him often?" he asked, a little curtly

"Not really, I was just checking up on some research I had been doing for college and he was kind enough to give me five minutes earlier today" she smiled, not sensing his discomfort with her revelation. "He was asking after you by the way, he wanted to know if you had taken up skate boarding?" Turning round she saw the sad look on his face "What's wrong" she asked "headache coming back?"


"Not really, I'm just tired" he lied "I'll go and lie down on the sofa for five minutes if you don't mind"

She smiled at him a little worriedly and agreed that she would wake him for dinner in a little while.

Cursing under his breath he returned to the sofa and closed his eyes. He could remember the doctor's reaction to any mention of Willow's name and his threat when he upset her on the day she picked him up from hospital, but he had no idea that they were an item. He had always been a little shy around women but this had mostly served to endear him to them and appealed to their protective instincts. What had he done to Willow to lose her? He was experiencing a pain almost as acute as the headache but he had no idea whether he had any right to feel jealous or not. The more he thought about it the more convinced he became that they must have had some kind of relationship over and above their friendship. His memory had been triggered by the smell of her hair, which meant he had to have been that close to her before but he simply couldn't remember any other details.

She was exactly the kind of person he had been searching for over all of his years at Oxford and his training with the Council. She was incredibly intelligent and a little shy about it, she was incredibly funny but couldn't tell jokes, she was incredibly beautiful and didn't seem to realise the fact. He felt that he could share things with her about his life, his responsibilities, which he had never shared with anyone. Of course he wouldn't, after all he would rather have her around to torment him than lose her because he told her about his particular interests.

Willow peeked at him from the kitchen and saw the worried look on his face. She hoped he wasn't remembering any more of the vamp willow memories. She could still remember the feel of the tight leather and the look on the male faces as she had paraded in front of them that night. As far as she remembered, however, Giles had only been worried for her safety and had been one of the few not to let his jaw drop on seeing her outfit for the first time. She still wasn't sure whether she was reassured by his reaction or a little disappointed!

They ate dinner in near silence and he helped her tidy the dishes away afterwards. They were both sitting reading books and drinking tea a little later when he cleared his throat and looked at her over his glasses. "Willow, would you be terribly offended if I asked you a personal question?"

She looked a little wary but agreed that he could ask whatever he wanted.


"It's just, I still can't quite get the hang of the group relationships - in the sense of me, you, Buffy and Xander". He stopped, hoping that she would jump in with an answer but he realised she was waiting for something more and cleared his throat again. "I know that Buffy and Xander used to spend time with me but I get the impression that it was you who used to be here most often" he paused, looking curiously for any sign that she understood what he was trying to ask. "I mean, sitting here tonight, this just feels so.. so.. normal" he finally found the word.

"We used to do this kind of thing quite often" she confirmed. "When you were hanging out with Buffy and Xander it was more of a physical thing… you know, they didn't really get into the "sitting quietly with a book" thing, you were doing stuff and always on the move". She paused, not sure how to continue "But we used to do a lot of research, for my college course and various projects of your own and, after the accident at the school, we used to research everything here"

He looked a little triumphant that he had figured out that much for himself and was about to ask another question when she silenced him with a wave of her hand. "It’s not just a hang over from school, with you being librarian and everything" she realised that now she had started this particular train of thought she would need to finish it. "You really were a friend to all of us and this kind of became a second home for us, especially me" she finished quietly.

With Buffy and Xander both disappearing for long weekends, Giles managed to persuade Willow that they should also have some time away from the schedule.

She agreed and they planned a picnic for the Saturday afternoon. He insisted on preparing the food himself and couldn't understand her reticence until he finally wheedled it out of her. "What do you mean I can't cook?!?!?" he asked indignantly. "I'll have you know that I was extremely sought after at the Museum in the area of sandwich preparation for field trips"

She started to protest "Well, maybe it was the American food that kind of threw you"

"You bloody colonials think you invented everything, have you even heard of the Earl of Sandwich?"

At this final outburst she couldn't contain her amusement any longer. "Alright, I'll submit to the great sandwich taste test on Saturday".


He looked a little mollified but mumbled as he headed for the kitchen. She laughed and started to collect her books and papers. She didn't see him watching her from the kitchen and only turned round when he quietly said her name. "Willow, perhaps I failed to mention but I can cook dinner as well"

She looked a little perplexed "OK, but I don’t think spaghetti bolognese will be that easy to eat on a picnic!"

He smiled "Exactly why it would be easier for you to come to dinner on Sunday night as as as the picnic on Saturday". He ended on a questioning note and she realised that he was anxiously awaiting her answer. She also realised that she was taking a long time giving her answer when she saw his face fall.

"Are you sure you want to go to all that trouble, after all this is supposed to be a weekend where you relax?" she asked.

"No really, it would be a pleasure, cooking was always a relaxation for me, and you have been working so hard that I would like to give you something in return"

"OK, that would be lovely thank you" she smiledif tif this was a perfectly normal occurrence, despite the little voice inside her head which was screaming that this was a bona fide, definite, no doubt about it, DATE.

Saturday dawned bright and sunny and Giles sighed as he drank his breakfast tea. He knew it was completely illogical to be dreaming of rain when he had planned a picnic for today but he couldn't help feeling a little bored with the monotony of constant sun. He shook his head and gave himself an internal shake as well. He had an ideal opportunity today to try to get to know Willow better and that could only be for the good. He vowed that by the end of the day he would have a better understanding of their relationship.

Willow had chosen an area of the local park that was quiet. Giles had been allowed to drive again after his last visit to Doctor Alexander and he had picked Willow up at 10:30. Parking the car at the outer perimeter Giles suggested a walk around the park before they settled on a spot for their lunch. Willow had readily agreed.

Leaving the food in the car they strolled off at a leisurely pace. "This is much better than the last time I was here"

Willow looked up at him, squinting a little in the sun, "Do you remember your last visit?"


"Not really that difficult" he shrugged "Xander and I jogged round here twice last week"

She smiled a little sadly "Oh, I thought you meant you remembered before that"

"Did I used to come here often?" he asked, then started to laugh "My God, that's an unusual variation on a line even I had stopped using!"

Willow laughed as well and punched his arm playfully "I don't believe you ever had to use a line to get a girl to go out with you"

He pretended to rub his arm in pain then stretched it around her shoulder "Oh, it would surprise you the moves I perfected!"

He smiled down at her and she grinned back at him. Her legs were still moving and, when she checked, she was pretty sure that she was still breathing. However, she knew that these were controlled by her subconscious because her conscious mind was completely involved with the whole "Giles has his arm round me in public" thing that was going on.

He was very pleased at the turn of events so far. He had planned this trip a hundred times in his head but had decided to wing it at the last moment. He guessed that his winging it skills had been considerably honed in the last six years.

Willow finally managed to get her brain in gear enough to begin a conversation. "You never finished explaining about your years at the museum" she queried.

"Oh, I'm sure it wouldn't be very interesting for you" he demurred, although he was secretly delighted that she wanted to know more about him.

"No honestly" she disagreed "I would love to hear more about what the place was like, the objects you researched, the people you met"

They talked without realising the time passing and only stopped when they had completed a full circuit and arrived back at his car.

"Right" he said and rubbed his hands together "Are you ready for the chef's surprise?"

She was unaware that her face showed exactly how eager she was that this particular chef surprise her, however, Giles was heading towards the car to ieveieve the picnic basket and did not see the desire in her face.


She moved to help him carry the blanket and wine cooler and then headed towards a small rise with a few trees providing ample shade. She spread the blanket out and sat down opposite Giles. He, in turn, was distributing various boxes and packages around the area. He opened a bottle of white wine and retrieved two glasses. "I have to admit that I went a bit mad and made a few of everyt I c I could think of" he sheepishly admitted. He handed her a glass of wine and clinked their glasses together. "To friendships second time around" he announced.

She smiled. "Friendships" she agreed and drank some of the wine. "This is really nice" she added "but I think I'll have something to eat before I drink any more"

"Of course" he agreed enthusiastically "What do you want to start with?"

Talking took second place to eating for a while. "That was fabulous!" she finally said as she half finished her second glass of wine. "From now on you are the grand master of picnic lunches!"

"I'm glad you enjoyed it" he said and reached for the bottle of wine. He topped up both glasses and then dropped the empty bottle back into the hamper with the debris of their feast. "I should have brought another bottle" he said and leaned back to enjoy the warm breeze across his face.

"Mmmmm" she agreed and also leaned back on thenketnket.

He smiled and looked across at her. Taking his glasses off he rubbed the bridge of his nose and then asked "Are you a little merry?"

"Maybe" she mischievously answered and turned to face him "Are you?"

"No" he laughed "but I think that may be because I have a higher tolerance for alcohol after years of abusing it"

"Why did you drink?" she asked, taking a sip from her glass.


"Why does anyone drink?" he shrugged "When some very unpleasant things are happening in real life it's easier sometimes to drink yourself into an alternate world where things aren't so bad"

She looked at him sadly "I'm sorry that so many bad things have happened to you" he started to interrupt "No, really, you don't deserve to be that unhappy, you are a good person and good things should happen to good people!" She finished on a note of absolute certainty and nodded emphatically. Unfortunately this caused some wine pillpill onto her shirt.

Giles reached across and used his napkin to dab at the stain "Good things do happen to me, look at today?"

She was looking to where his hand was continuing its travels across the front of her shirt. Suddenly she looked up and earnestly asked him "Has today made you happy - truly, genuinely happy?".

"Happier than I can remember in a long time" he said, removing his hand and dropping the napkin into the hamper.

She giggled "That isn't saying very much" then her hand flew to her mouth and she gasped "Oh my god I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry Giles, that was so careless…"

He took her chin in his hand and lifted her face till he gazed into her eyes "It's OK I know you didn't mean it." The moment seemed to stretch forever and neither of them even dared to breathe in case it broke the tension.

Finally he leaned in towards her and she closed her eyes, preparing for the inevitable kiss. When their lips finally met she was amazed at the tenderness and gentleness of his touch. His hand moved from her chin to gently touch her hair.

Finally she opened her eyes and pulled back slightly. He waited expectantly for her response and was a little concerned when her eyes started to moisten and her hand covered her moutondeonderingly touching her lips.

"Are you OK, I'm sorry if that wasn't what you wanted" he started but she interrupted him.

"I've wanted you to do that for the last year!" she admitted and gazed into his eyes.

"Why didn't you kiss me?" he asked and smiled at her a little shyly.


Laughing she pulled him to her and kissed him until she needed to surface for air "I have no idea, but I don't think I want to stop now I've started".

He smiled "I'm not complaining" and lying on his side he pulled her closer until she was lying in his arms. They began to kiss again and her hands strayed to his back and neck when he started to groan. Thinking this was a pretty good sign she pushed her body even closer and kissed him with renewed vigour, however, he pulled away and grabbed his glasses off.

"Jenny" he gasped and she jerked away as if he had slapped her across the face.

"Jenny, my god why didn't you tell me?" he asked in anguish and turned away from her, his eyes filled with pain and tears.

It took her several minutes to gather herself together and then she quickly packed away the remainder of the picnic debris and took the hamper back to the car.

Passing a drinking fountain she splashed water on her face and took several long drinks of the tepid water. In truth, the shock of his reaction had sobered her up faster than intravenous caffeine and she was using this time to regain her equilibrium and to try to switch back into concerned friend mode. Finally she took a ragged breath and turned back towards Giles. He had moved away from their lunch site to lean against the nearest tree. She watched him use his handkerchief to dry his eyes and then look around to try and find his glasses. She moved to the blanket and, picking them up, moved towards him.

"If you'll let me, I'll drive you home" she said in a quiet voice, not daring to look into his eyes.

"Please" he nodded and handed her the keys. She noticed that his hand was shaking as she took the keys and gently put her hand on his elbow to guide him to the car. She made sure he was safely belted in and returned for the blanket and his jacket.

Once he was home he headed straight for the bedroom and murmured something about getting some rest. She didn't bother to reply, knowing that he had forgotten her already. The last thing she wanted was to remain in his house, especially now that it was haunted again by Jenny but she couldn't leave him on his own. Sighing she went to empty the car and tidied up the final memories of her perfect afternoon into two garbage bags.


Fraser arrived about forty minutes later to find her curled in a chair nursing a large mug of coffee. "Gone off the tea?" he asked gently and she smiled a little at him before her eyes filled with tears and she moved into his arms.

"It was terrible" she sobbed into his chest "I remember his pain from the first time and now he has to go through it all again"

He waited until her sobbing subsided and then pushed her back into the chair and sat opposite her on the sofa. "Start at the beginning and tell me what happened" he ordered.

"We had decided to take a picnic to the park and it was a perfect afternoon" she said, taking a gulpy sob at the end "We had drunk a bottle of wine and had talked for hours”

"What made him remember Jenny?" he asked gently

"It was all my fault" she said and the tears were now running freely down her cheeks, but she had regained her composure and continued. "We were talking about how happy we both were and then he kissed me" she didn't notice the brief flash of irritation on his face. "It was wonderful and I was kissing him back when he suddenly pulled away from me and said her name"

He waited for her to come back from the mental image of Rupert's anguished face.

"It wasn't just that he remembered her, it was that he remembered what happened to hs wes well" she shook her head "He looked so hurt and not just about the memory but that I hadn't told him"

"There isn't anything I can say that will take away your pain or his" Doctor Alexander said, then he softened his voice. "Perhaps you could give us ten minutes or so and I'll make sure he is comfortable before we have a further chat?" She nodded and, taking a large blanket from the back of the sofa, moved to the courtyard with her coffee. He sighed, it was 860C out there and she was sitting wrapped in a blanket and shivering.


He had known Giles at the time of Jenny's death but his friend hadn't wanted to talk about it or the circumstances surrounding her body turning up in his apartment. Fraser had wondered how Giles had coped at the time, as he didn't seem to have any friends outside of Willow and her peers. After months had passed Fraser realised that he had dealt with it in some way as Giles had returned to normal operation, well, normal in that he turned up at casualty a couple of times a month with obscure "sporting injuries". Fraser shook his head as he entered the bedroom. He was missing these unexplained, physical injuries. At least he had a chance of diagnosing and treating them instead of the uncertainties surrounding this current problem.

Giles was sitting in the chair cradling his head in his hands. Fraser sat on the bed opposite him and gently asked "Rupert, is there anything I can do for you?"

He waited until he thought Giles hadn't heard him when "No, there isn't anything anyone can do right now". He looked up and Fraser recoiled slightly at the pain in his eyes. "It was just a bit of a shock to suddenly remember everything about her in a flash like that"

Fraser nodded "I know, Willow told me what happened".

Giles groaned "Oh god, she must hate me right now".

"She doesn't hate you Rupert, she's just really concerned and feeling a little left out because she can't do anything to help you".

"No one can" Giles stood up and took off his sweater. "I just have to relive the last six years all over again in the space of a few months" he was getting angry now. "What I can't understand is why I can't remember any of the good stuff yet!"

"Surely Jenny is a good memory?" Fraser asked gently and sat back a little to watch Giles pace.

"She would have been a great memory if I had any more than two seconds to remember her as anything but dead on that bed" he shook a little as he pointed to where Fraser sat. "It would have been a great memory" he continued "if I hadn't been snogging the face off of someone else at the time the memory sprang into my mind." Fraser raised his hand to quell the incipient hysteria rising in Giles' voice but he was ignored. "It would have been a great memory if I hadn't ruined the perfect afternoon with a woman I may very well be madly in love with" With this finally out of his system he subsided into the chair and went back to holding his head in his hands. "How can I ever face Willow again?"


Fraser sighed "OK, this may seem impossible right now but Willow understands some of what you're going through and, after the shock subsides a little, I'm sure she'll be ready to get back to normal".

"But what is normal?" Giles asked and looked at his friend. "Tomorrow I could remember fifteen other women I was madly in love with, how can Willow ever trust me when I say I love her?"

"I can't answer that but I think she is predisposed to believe just about anything you tell her" he answered and Giles looked strangely at him. "I mean I think her or Xander or Buffy would believe you if you told them the world was ending tomorrow!" He expected Giles to argue with him but wasn't expecting the complete lof shf shock on his face and the whisper of "Dear Lord" he heard. "Rupert, are you OK?" he asked then realised how redundant that question was. Even without his considerable medical expertise he could tell this man was far from OK.

"It was a figure of speech" he explained as he moved to Giles' side and grabbed his wrist to check his pulse. Giles didn't even regr thr that he was still there as his eyes glazed over and he was clearly somewhere else. When he was confident that the rapid change in demeanour wasn't the onset of a major coronary he gently guided him to the bed and helped him to loosen his clothing. Giles was gently mumbling under his breath to himself and Fraser couldn't make out the words that were in English, never mind the others. He administered a sedative injection and left him alone after checking that his vital signse coe consistent with a deep sleep. Considerably shaken by the transformation he had witnessed he returned downstairs to find Willow in the kitchen making him a cup of tea.

"Is he OK?" she asked and was surprised to see the uncertainty on the doctor's face. "What’s wrong?" she asked anxiously.

"He's sleeping now but I think I just experienced the same reaction that you got from him this afternoon" he said wearily and accepted the cup she handed him.

"You were kissing him and he remembered an old girl friend?" she asked incredulously and realised the seriousness of the situation when the doctor took a moment to process her question before answering.


"Not quite" he acknowledged "but he was really worried about how much he had hurt you by his reaction earlier and I made an off the cuff remark which caused him to phase out a bit". He looked a bit confused and shook his head "I'm sorry that didn't make any sense to me either".

Willow asked him gently "What did you say to him?"

He recounted the conversation and was completely lost whe she saw her blanche a little at the same phrase as Giles. "All right" he said loudly "enough is enough, I'm not losing two patients the same way in the one night, what exactly is going on?" She looked a little panicked and he said, more gently "Please Willow I only want to help both of you"

"I'm sorry" she said, and he noticed she physically pulled herself together "It isn't my place to tell you why he reacted that way but I'm pretty sure he has recovered some more memories"

"Are you sure you can't trust me any more than that?" he asked and shrugged his shoulders when she nodded.

"It's not that I don't trust you, that any of us do" she started "after all, we've trusted you with Giles who is one of the most important people in the world to all of us
"
"I'm not blaming you" he said and moved towards her to touch her shoulder "I'm not even sure I could help any more even if I did know what he's remembering right now"

"Once he's completely recovered I'm sure I can persuade him to let you in on the details" she promised and hugged him "Thank you for all your help, I didn't know who else to call today"