Lovers

Three Of One Series
Book One: Lovers
3. Goobyes

~*~*~*~

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear / Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near / Someday you'll say that word and I will cry /

~*~*~*~

It's amazing what someone else's near death experiences will do to change a person. Obviously, my sister had been there before, but actually knowing something nearly got Buffy, seeing the wound, seeing how out of it she was after the adrenaline of the fight drained out, that stunned me. Until then she'd always been super-human. Nothing could hurt or scare or throw Buffy.

Wasn't that why the potentials had preferred Faith? Faith was a human, just like they were. She got wounds that weren't healed by the next day; she drank, she smoked and she was obviously fronting almost 24/7. Buffy never did any of that. Buffy was a health freak. She never slept and never seemed to need it. She somehow made everyone around her fall for her. And then when she got scared, we all freaked and decided we couldn't trust her. We blamed her for those girls' deaths when she was probably already killing herself inside.

I've had a lot of talks with Xander about this, about why were all so hard on her. He thinks that we couldn't trust her because we were all looking out for ourselves and not the world, so we couldn't accept that she wasn't looking out for herself. Spike was the only one who really saw that and tried to help her. Giles misinterpreted that and claimed she thought that Spike was the only one of us that she could trust.

But I got off track. My point was that after Buffy almost died, I grew up. She needed me to play sister, not whiney brat. And we got really close. I got to know human Buffy for the first time, and she's an amazing person. She's really smart and fun and she's not the dictator we forced her to become. She's kind and forgiving and she hates it when people don't get along.

Which is why she moved to L.A., to be near Daddy while he was sick. And they got really really close again. She never really opened up to Mom; they had different opinions about everything. But Dad she could talk to. Mom told him she was the Slayer, so there were no big secrets between them. They had one of those Alicia Silverstone father-daughter relationships and it was exactly what they both needed.

We never saw it coming. Yes, he was sick, and technically he was a senior citizen, but he was our father. He wasn't vulnerable like Mom was. He couldn't die. It didn't make sense. And yet...

~*~*~*~

"I'm Buffy Summers," she informed the suit in the doorway, somewhat defensively. "Why?"

"My name is Greg Mullins, I'm your father's attourney," the stranger introduced himself. Spike moved defensively to place a hand on Buffy's hip, giving off the perfect menacing boyfriend vibe. "I'm afraid he's had a heart attack."

"Oh my God," Dawn whispered, stunned.

"Is... will... will he be okay?" Buffy stammered nervouslly, taking the hand on her him and squeezing it. Please God let him be okay.

"I'm sorry Buffy, Dawn, but your father is dead."

The sentence rang through the suddenly hollow and cold apartment, filled only moments before with laughter as y any and Dawn looked through baby books, Xander slept, and Angel and Spike cooked.

Your father is dead. Your father is dead. Your father is dead.

"I don't understand. He was fine when I left him Friday night," Buffy whispered, silent tears falling from her eyes. "How did this... how could this... Oh God."

Angel, who'd stood by her side opposite Spike throughout the conversation, wrapped his arms around Buffy, and she leaned back in his arms, turning her head into his shoulde as she sobbed.

Your father is dead.

"I'm going to go..." Dawn gestured in the direction of the spare bedroom where Xander was still sleeping. Spike nodded to her while Buffy collapsed.

~*~*~*~

He was still sleeping when I slipped back into the bedroom that had been 'mine' since Buffy bought the apartment. His arm was thrown over his eyes and his chest was bare, as always when he slept.

I hadn't really known my father. I celebrated holidays with him, but otherwise I wasn't really family. Being around him and Claire and their kids hurt. They got to be with their Daddy in a way I never had, even th he he was the same man.

But Buffy and I were his daughters. Everything we were and ever would be came at least partially from him.

He was a good man and in his way I know that he loved us. He was our father. I don't think any parent can really hate their child. They can be disappointed or angry or just sadistic, but they can't really genuinely hate what they created.

I couldn't imagine hating my baby, anymore than I could imagine leaving him or her behind. I used to get scared that Xander would though, like my Dad. I never realized how angry I still was with him until he died.

I felt a tear slip from my eyes as I thought about what my anger had lost us both. I would never have my father walk me down the aisle. He would never hold my baby or visit us with hard candy and presents for the kids. He would never even meet his son in law.

I lay my head down on Xander's chest and cried myself to sleep.

~*~*~*~

Buffy's sobs had faded into soft whimpers while Spike and Angel urged her to eat something. Finally they gave up and Spike carried her into the bedrooms in the hopes he could get her to sleep through the trauma, while Angel called people to cancel all three of their plans for the next week. Buffy had to heal and the unspoken agreement was that they had to heal her; afterall, she had always taken care of them.

Spike lay Buffy out on the bed, wrapping himself around her. He had been spooning her, but she turned in his arms. Her hot tears burned through the cotton of his shirt but he made no move to stop her. After long moments she looked up at him, eyes shining. "Are you alright pet?" he whispered, knowing the answer.

"No," she sniffled, rubbing her face into his chest. "I want my Daddy back."

"I know," Spike sighted, sitting up on the bed and cradling her gently to his chest. "I know you do."

"Make it better," she whimpered, leaning into his lips. She tasted salty, like her tears and Spike let his tongue slide out to taste him, clearing her mouth of the liquid misery and then lapping at the water drying on her cheeks. "Make it stop, Spike."

"Are you sure you want this?"

Without words, she straddled his lap.

~*~*~*~

"Dawn," Xander was shaking me in his really gentle Xander-like qay and I almost forgot what was wrong. Almost. "Dawnie what's wrong?"

"A man came while you were sleeping," I admitted, pulling him closer to me. "My Dad's lawyer."

"Why? Did he want you to pay child support?" I'd forgotten how protective Xander got sometimes. He'd always been angry with my father for leaving, almost as angry as I was, though they'd never met.

"He died."

"Oh Dawn..." he paused, unsure of what to say. He'd never been close to his own father, I knew, and so I didn't ask him for words. No words would help or changed the fact that I lost my father before I'd ever really gotten to know him.So I buried my head in his shoulder, burrowing into him.

"Promise me we won't be like them," I begged. "Promise me we'll never hurt each other."

"I can't," he told me sadly. "There's no way we can never hurt, but we can work at it. We can't be perfect, but we can try really hard to be happy. And we will. I promise that much."

"Thank you."

~*~*~*~

Buffy pressed against Spike, needing him to wipe away the pain, to make her whole again in the way he was best at. Some part of her aware that this was similar to their first relationship, but it was entirely different, too. "I love you," she whispered aloud, needing him to know. "Hurts."

"I know," he whispered back. "I was younger than you."

"What?"

"When my Dad died, I was 19," he explained, sympathy in his features. Buffy ran her hands over his face. He was so innocent in the moments they were alone. He didn't hate Angel anymore, he even kind of liked him, but with Buffy he was always different,softer, than he was with the other vampire. Buffy cherished those moments, the times when his eyes were open completely to her, when he didn't bother to hide anything.

"We weren't close, like you and yours were, but..."

She pressed her lips to his tenderly, drawing his tongue into her mouth. Tears slipped from her eyes again, but she ignored them, opening his traditional red shirt and rubbing her hands against the muscle protected by the black underneath. Ordinarily he would remain mostly unclothed in the morning, but because Dawn and Xander had stayed over that weekend, he'd actually dressed. it was suddenly very important to Buffy that she rectify that sacrifice.

She whined, struggling with the tight black cloth until it finally tore in her hands. "Sorry."

"S'okay, love," he smiled wryly. "I have others." She smiled back through her tears, already drying as Spike let her take control. She bent her head to lap at the planes of his chest. He groaned as she scraped his nipples with her teent and she teasingly ran her tongue into his navel. His hands found her shoulders and pulled her up so that they were eye to eye.

Then Spike undressed her, lovingly, slowly, worshipping her skin. His teeth found her own nipples as he lifted the sundress she wore off of her. "Spike," she whimpered as he continued to touch her everywhere but where she needed him. He ignored her, knowing the more he drew their pleasure out the less she would be able to think about her father, the longer he could spare her pain.

Finally, he reached her centre, running his hands along her thighs as his lips found her clit. He spread her outer lips and let his tongue play, gently flicking againts her every few seconds but not giving her enough friction where she needed it. Buffy squeeled angrily, hitting his shoulders and finally he relented, stabbing one, then two fingers inside of her and pumping as his lips settled around her slit and sucked. She moaned as she came, and he sucked down her juices before crawling back up the bed and wrapping blankets around themSleeSleep," he commanded gently.

"But you didn't..."

"I can wait," Spike assured her. "You were up until dawn talking to your sis, and you're in shock. You need rest."

He tucked her in gently, kissing her forehead. "I love you," she whispered again.

~*~*~*~

I've never been through what Buffy has. I've never lost anyone other than Mom really. I never met Ms. Calander or Kendra or any of Buffy's high school friends who've died. I missed Tara, I still miss Tara, but she was one of my sister's friend's girlfriends, or just my sister's friend. Buffy confided in her. They were almost closer than Tara and Willow for awhile.

But I have lost my sister. And what I went through then was probably what she went through losing Daddy, and I can't imagine ever having to put my child through that.

~*~*~*~

It'll break my heart / to hear you say goodbye...

END

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Sorry for the wait!!! I had it written the day after I posted the last two, but I handwrite everything so I didn't get around to typing it for awhile! Sorry.