Christmas Frost and Fairies

Part Three...

"You're talking about Spike, aren't you?"

Joyce chuckled softly. "As unlikely as it
sounds, it's what God has planned for
you...and for him." Becoming suddenly
serious, she leveled a direct gaze on
her daughter.

"Buffy...Spike needs your love far more
than Angel ever did. He just didn't know how
to ask for it."

Buffy felt a sense of rightness at her mother's
words, as though she was finally hearing
exactly what she'd been needing someone
to say to her.

It was almost like a benediction...a blessing
from...

"Like a sign from Heaven," she said soft-
ly, as her heart did cartwheels inside of
her.

"Buffy...?"

The slayer smiled at her mother. "He loves
me," she said simply.

"Yes, he does." Joyce smiled back at
her. "He truly does."

Buffy sighed, shaking her head. "For the
longest time I didn't believe it. I didn't think
he COULD love me."

"Believe it," Joyce said. "Because he more
than loves you, darling. There is nothing
he will not do for you. He would die for
you...without thinking twice. He nearly
did."

Buffy felt tears sting her eyes at the
memory. "I know...it's just that..."

Joyce touched her finger to Buffy's
lips. "Listen to me, honey. You are
his life and his salvation, and he knows
it."

Buffy blinked back the tears in her eyes. "And
after all the times he tried to kill me, all
the fights we've had."

"Yes," Joyce agreed. "And it might have
escaped your notice, but neither of you
ever won any of those fights. You never
managed to kill each other. Why do you
suppose that is?" She wore a look of
amused perplexity. "Do you think that maybe
someone was watching over..."

"I get your point, Mom." Buffy inter-
jected. "But he was so bad for so long.
It kinda makes you wonder what God was
thinking about when he planned all this."

"Don't question his plans, honey." Joyce
squeezed Buffy's hand. "You'll just go round
and round in circles, and end up with a head-
ache." She smiled. "Just know that there is
a reason for everything. You may live an entire
lifetime and never understand, but there IS
a reason."

Buffy took a deep breath. "I'll try and..." She
stopped suddenly when she remembered. "Mom,
he's gone. I made him leave...I was so cruel
to him...said such awful things." Fresh tears
brimmed in her eyes. "I told him that I didn't
care...that what we had together meant
nothing." She looked at her mother with
desperation. "Oh, God...what have I done?"

"Buffy, don't cry." Joyce brushed a single
tear from her daughter's cheek. "He's not
going anywhere," she said insistently. "Not
without you. He loves you far too much to
ever leave you...no matter WHAT he says."

Buffy stared at her mother, wanting to believe
her words. "Oh, Mom...what am I gonna do?"

"The only thing you can do," Joyce said,
aching for her little girl who seemed so
terribly lost and alone. "Follow your heart.
It won't let you down."

Buffy sighed. "You make it sound so easy."
She waved one hand as though it held a
magic wand. "Just follow your heart and you'll
live happily ever after."

"I didn't say it would be easy," Joyce chided. "But
if you want it badly enough, if you're willing to
work at it...then there's nothing you can't accom-
plish."

Buffy gave her mother an imploring look. "I'm
not very good at being happy...and I'm scared."

"Scared to love?" Joyce asked. "Now, I don't
believe that. I've never known anyone who
loves so completely as you do."

Buffy shook her head, searching for the
words. "I'm scaro loo love HIM," she said,
her voice breaking a little. "They always
leave, Mom. They say they love me...and
then they leave."

"Buffy, listen..."

"I can't go through it again. I can't bear to
have another man leave me behind."

"Buffy!" Joyce said again. "You have to believe
me when I tell you that will never happen. I
know this to be true."

She eyed her mother questioningly. "You know
because..." She tilted her head, gesturing
skywards..."you have inside information?"

Joyce laughed. "Let's just say that I know." See-
ing that Buffy needed more, she added, "Look
at it this way...if you give your heart to him com-
pletely, without holding anything back...he'll
have no reason to leave you. Because it's all
he really wants."

A new thought occured to Buffy, a more fright-
ening one. "But the chip...what if it malfunctions
orhe gets it taken out. If he reverts back to
what he was...I'll have to kill him. It'll be like
Angel all over again."

One diamond bright tear escaped and trickled
down Buffy's face, and Joyce once again
brushed it away with a gentle fingertip.

"And what if none of those things happen?"
she asked. "Buffy...don't waste your life wonder-
ing what if. Life doesn't give you guarantees.
All it gives you are choices...the rest is up
to you."

"Oh, great," Buffy mumbled. "Cause I'm SO
good at making choices."

"Don't mumble, dear," Joyce scolded. "It's
very annoying."

Buffy smiled a little. **Mom is still Mom...no
matter what**

It was a reassuring thought.

"Now," Joyce said briskly. "Before I go, there's
one more thing I have to tell you. Something
that I don't want you to ever forget."

"Okay," Buffy nodded.

"Spike chose his path. The choice was given
to him, and he made the right one." Joyce's
eyes sparkled with amusement. "Call it a test.
A test that he passed."

Buffy caught her mother's teasing tone. "Got
a good grade did he?"

"Yes, he did...and it had NOTHING to do
with that stupid chip!" Joyce rolled her
eyes in exasperation. "Good LORD, I am
tired of hearing about that thing."

Her tone was no longer light.

"I mean...all it does is keep him from harm-
ing humans. THAT is it's only purpose,
so don't give it too much credit."

Buffy saw the familiar signs of her
mother beginning to get worked up, and
she smiled at the memory of being on
the receiving end of her irritation."

"And what a thing to do. Just...just CHIP
somebody without knowing a thing
about them!"

For some bizarre reason, Buffy heard her-
self offer a small defense of the person
her mother was speaking about. "Well,
you know...Professor Walsh was just
trying to control..."

"Oh, I KNOW what she was trying to
do," Joyce interrupted. "But she didn't
do her homework"

"What?"

"Protecting us from 'the hostiles'. But
it wasn't for protection, was it? It was
her own agenda she was concerned about.
Those nasty little experiments of hers. She
didn't care what she had to do or who got in
her way."

"Yeah, that's true," Buffy agreed, remember-
ing what had happened when she'd been the
one to piss off Maggie Walsh.

"Buffy, you have no idea how many UN- hostiles
she used," Joyce said indignantly. "I don't
know what that woman was thinking."

"Why don't you ask heen yen you go back?"

"Are you serious?" Joyce arched her eye
brows. "SHE'S not there."






TBC....