Going Deeper, Lasting Longer

Title: Going Deeper, Lasting Longer (3/3)
Author: Brooke
Email: yabbadabbadome13@yahoo.com
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. I wished I owned the two Xanders’ from “The Replacement” though. Buffy and friends are owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The UPN and whoever else has rights to the show.
Summary: Set after“Holding Out” and “PDA”. Buffy and Xander are in love. Xander asked Buffy to marry him. Buffy said yes. So they’re getting married, right?
Distribution: I don’t know why anybody would want this, but if somebody does…sure.
Feedback: Definitely!! Tell me if it sucked or if you liked it. Whatever. Just write back!
Authors Note: This takes place in an AU season 4. Xander and Anya weren’t that serious, and Riley was never there (well, until now).
Authors Note 2: This last part contains a bit of a song that EVERY Bxer should have heard by now: My Immortal by Evanescence. If you haven’t seen that great BX video to the song email Lexie for the link. It’s a total inspiration. Oh, and speaking of, thank Lexie for this final part. I was having massive writers block with this story but she was able to talk me down.

And now, the end of the series…

~*~*~

The Magic Box

8:50 PM

~*~

The phone rang twice before Willow reached over to answer it. The store was closed so there was only a limited number of people who it could be so she decided to forgo the professional greeting. “Hello?”

“Willow.”

She immediately recognized ‘Pensive Xander’s’ voice and headed back around the glass counter to the table in the center of the room. She pulled out a chair and took a seat. “What’s the matter, Xan? Where are you?”

“Nothing a bottle of Jack won’t fix.” He said dryly and with a sigh. “She actually went out with him.” He sounded disbelieving and offered no precursor for the conversation. He figured that he didn’t really need it since the only person besides Willow and possibly Dawn who could make his voice go, what he had deemed, ‘Ross Geller’ was Buffy – it had to be about Buffy.

“Who?” Willow asked tho though she already had a fairly good idea of the answer. “That Riley guy?”

“YOU KNOW?!” Xander’s voice rose as he realized that he hadn’t explained anything about the situation, and he heard his best friend trying to back peddle.

“I…I…They were here. This afternoon…”

“And you just forgot to mention it?” He sounded even more hurt and a tad bit accusing.

“Well I was with you on this.” Willow defended herself whole heartedly. “I didn’t think she would actually, you know…go.”

Xander’s tone softened and the self pity crept back in. “What am I going to do Wills? She’s on a date with this guy. I mean, it’s not like she thinks that I’m okay with it, and it’s not like I could tell her not to go…”

Willow felt a mixture of things at her friend’s tone. She shared his sadness just as she had her whole life. He did the same thing with her. And then she felt anger. She didn’t like that he, and in turn she, felt the way he did because of Buffy. It pissed Willow off to no end that Buffy would do that to him – not just as a friend but as the man whom she was supposed to be so deeply in love with that she was preparing to pledge the rest of her life to him.

“How sad is it that I’m sitting outside of the Espresso Pump?” he asked before she could reply.

Willow shook her head. “Are you going to go in?”

“Do you think I should?” He asked immediately and gave away that he was already considering it, but just wanted a second opinion. “I was thinking that she might put me through the front window if I…”

“Or she might be flattered that you care enough go after her.” Willow hoped to offer a new perspective. She had reasoned from her earlier conversation that it was mostly cold feet, but after the Slayer had accepted the date with the other man the Wicca thought there was more than a little attention seeking vibe in there too.

“Or a Xander through the window again,” he said again. There was a pause, “Do you think that’s what this? She thinks I don’t care or something?”

Willow made an I-don’t-know sounding grunt into the phone. “I think that she knows that you care, Xander. I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

His chuckle was a grunt of doubt and Willow’s anger at her blond friend reasserted itself. “Do you know that she actually compared this thing she’s doing to you and me hanging out?” He hesitated. “I’m going to go in.”

“Alright.” She didn’t want to tell him what to or not to do. He had already made his mind up anyway.

“She wasn’t even wearing the ring, Willow.” Xander said desperately. “She never wears it, did you know that?”

“Then go in, Xander.” She said but didn’t hear any movement on the other end of the line. “Are you going?”

Xander exhaled deeply. “Can you come down here and go with me?”

That made Willow smile for reasons she didn’t even know anymore. “Wait five minutes. I’ll be right there.”

Xander smiled truly for the first time in hours. “Thank you Wills.” Her ‘mmhmm’ was meant as an ‘any time’ and Xander knew it. “I’ll meet you on the corner?”

“Yeah. Five minutes.” She was already putting on her coat and heading back to the counter to replace the phone. “And Xander,” she said just loud enough to distract him before he ended the call.

“Yeah?”

Willow knew what she was saying was true, but she didn’t necessarily feel comfortably with it yet. “She does love you. You know that.”

“I do.” Xander whispered and then moving somewhat slowly hung up his cell phone.

~*~

Espresso Pump

9:10 PM

~*~

“Can you see them?” Xander asked as he sat slouched in the corner booth that he and Willow had scored…well, he had threatened the high school kids that had been in it before and they had left. But the point was that they had the booth that was in the direct line of sight with the table Buffy and Riley were seated at.

Xander had ushered Willow into the seat across from him in a manner that the Wicca had thought would look suspicious and draw attention if anybody had chosen to look up at them, and taken his own seat with his back to his fiancé. Willow’s job was to be the mole – very conspicuous and sneaky like and it would have been cool if it were being applied to actual useful evil fighting tasks. As it was Willow was spying on Buffy who wasn’t even hiding and looked as if she wouldn’t even mind if both she and Xander were to walk up to her table and take a seat.

“Yep,” Willow said instead of voicing everything she had just thought.

“What’s she doing?” Xander looked over the menu he had made a point to ask for. He was using it as a form of disguise, kind of like in those movies where the man on the park bench would be looking through two eye shaped holes cut in a news paper.

“Talking.” Willow replied. “Still talking.”

Xander nodded as if in deep consideration. “Does she look like she’s having fun?” His friend’s brow furrowed and she shrugged. “I mean, is she doing that flirty smile thing?” He pulled off a snotty looking mockery of his girlfriend’s half smile and doe eyes.

“She’s smiling…” Willow squinted at her friend. “Sort of. Her coffee might be too hot.”

Xander rolled his eyes. “Are they touching? If they’re touching… I…I…I’m going to break his fingers.”

Willow spoke before she thought. “Not above the table.”

That made Xander’s eyes go wide and he sat up suddenly, jerking around to face behind them. He turned just in time to catch Riley’s unbridled smile as he obviously finished saying something he thought was funny and reach over to rest his and on Buffy’s where it was wrapped around her huge mug. Probably white hot chocolate, Xander thougngringrily – that was her favorite from this place… nd Riley was still touching her. And Buffy wasn’t pulling away or shaking him off, she was just staring at the table and her leg was fidgeting beneath it. His eyes narrowed and he crumbled the menu in his
hands.

~*~

“So,” Riley nodded through a sip of coffee. “Engaged, huh?” He received an automatic nod and fought his wince when Buffy tugged lightly at a chain around her neck and procured diamond studded band. He relaxed some when she tucked it back in place with an affectionate smile. “How long?”

Her smile remained. “A few months. Xander and I have known each other since high school. He…” she swallowed and ducked her gaze apologetically. “…is not something you want to talk about.”

“Nah,” Riley shook his head and seemed to fight reaching across the table to take her hand again. He was fighting that urge a lot it seemed. “It’s part of you.” His voice was warm. “I want to know everything there is to know about my new friend Buffy.” Something was still telling him that there was something else more to this. She had agreed to come out with him and was apparently not spending the night with this Xander character – he had taken a bag when he had left her house. And now she was wearing her engagement ring on a necklace, hidden from public view…

She nodded and he finally did manage the reach and let his fingers press to the top of her hand before sliding up over her wrist. He shouldn’t do that, Buffy thought. That was no good.

Riley didn’t want to say that he could work with this. That would be objectifying and he didn’t want to do that to her. But, he grasped her hand fully – he could work with this.

Buffy tried to, as subtly as possible; disengage her hand from Riley’s grip. She hoped her smile didn’t come across as too uncomfortable, but that’s just what she was. He was nice and everything but…What was the nice way to say that she wasn’t remotely interested?

What was he even saying to her? He had mentioned something about how he couldn’t stand all the milk based coffees. And she had nodded. Xander had lactose issues too. Then he said that it was getting to the point that he would almost rather walk anywhere in Sunnydale and the traffic problem was getting out of hand. She had nodded to that too. Xander had said that last month and she hadn’t cared much about it then either. Then he had changed the topic to movies and said that The Lord of the Rings Trilogy was turning out much better than the Star Wars one, just hoping to lure her into a conversation. But all he had gotten another nod. She wasn’t really sure about that either, but she knew for certain that Xander had mentioned both of those to her before. Her only vocal response had been that she thought that they were in different genres and that was like comparing tiny apples to laser sword fighting space apples.

He had smiled at that and then said something about that being a very Buffy thing to say, but what did he know about Buffy things to say? She almost wanted to ask him if he graded their class papers or if the Professor did, and if so was it within the rules for him to even be with her if he did. Just a nagging question.

And then she had lost track of what he had said, but decided to smile anyway because he was laughing, and then the whole topic of Xander had come up and, coincidentally, the hand holding happened. Buffy had freaked out considerably for somebody who just sat still, and she hadn’t moved to pull away she had been so taken aback. Her palms were sweaty against the steaming mug of white hot chocolate that she was holding in both hands and her eyes darted all over the semi-crowded room while she tried to think of a way to get out of this.

Talking about Xander made her feel even guiltier even though, on her end, this outing was completely platonic; and then when he touched her hand…Dawn’s earlier Scarlet Letter reference was on surround sound in her mind.

Buffy discreetly glanced down at her watch to see how long she had been there and then did quick math to see how long it would take, barring any supernatural infractions, to get home… to Xander’s apartment. She just wanted to go home and take back the last few hours. This wasn’t right and every time she took a deep breath she felt the rim of her ring that she wore around a chain on her neck, hidden under the collar of her shirt, burning her. Reminding her of where she belonged and what she was missing sitting here and reminding herself to smile and laugh and look interested.

Xander never made her have to think about that. It just was with him. Her smiles were as genuine as her laughs and occurred just as frequently. She was interested even when she wasn’t – his voice made it so. Anything Xander wanted to tell her she wanted to know. She was just her and it was comfortable and warm and he would look at her…

She just wanted to go home to that. She wanted her…Xander?

Buffy’s brow furrowed just over Riley’s shoulder when she heard the clank of glass as some cups jumped against the table top of a booth across the room. It was the noise that initially drew her attention as it was a welcome distraction from the foreign feel of another mans hand trying to hold hers, but it was the wide chocolate brown eyes that she found staring at her that confused her.

That made Buffy yank her hand back from Riley’s without discretion and she smiled in, what she hoped was a, gentle manner when she slid it under the table to smooth out her skirt. Buffy tried not to stare back at her boyfriend and make it seem that she was focused on her current companion. Something made her laugh loudly and she figured that it was probably the renewed nervousness. Riley met her with a confused grin.

She did see Xander sink back into his booth seat though, hiding himself by slouching down until only the crown of his brown hair was visible, which only served to leave Willow in plain sight. Buffy almost giggled when her redheaded friend suddenly made wide eyes and dropped down further into the booth as well.

Very smooth, Buffy thought dryly. She was teetering between being pissed that this was a sure sign of Xander’s mistrust of her and sincere warmth because this was certifiably goofy Xander who was too in love to see reason, or even truth. Buffy knew what that was like and not just from dealing with him. She felt that way sometimes too.

There were times when she would be irrationally jealous because he had evening meetings with contractors who he initially referred to as Bobby and Danny, but whom he later replaced with the pronouns ‘she’ and ‘her’. One time she had given her herself away and spoken cynically and with a bitchy tone when she said that they probably spelled their names ‘Bobbie and Dani’. She remembered that he had laughed – Xander liked it when she was jealous.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” She spoke suddenly and was standing before Riley’s surprised look registered.

“Well,” he grinned crookedly in a way that was overwhelmingly boyish. “I’ll be waiting here.”

Buffy returned the expression and headed towards the booth where Xander was without seeming to obvious to the people at her destination. Riley was sweet and somebody would fall completely head over heels in love with him one day…just not today and that somebody wouldn’t ever be her. For all the time Buffy seemed to dedicate to running from becoming Mrs. Harris, she spent even more recovering from being smacked in the face with the fact that she already was.

She was able to push that stomach clenching thought aside long enough to approach the booth and the first thing that she saw was Xander’s form huddled tightly against the back rest with his eyes squeezed closed. He was taking up a surprisingly little amount of room in his seat so, foregoing a greeting, Buffy dropped down onto the bench beside him. “Fancy seeing you here, guys.” Her voice was eerily chipper to her own ears and she wasn’t surprised by Willow’s muffled ‘eep’ when she sank further into her seat.

Xander, on the other hand, ventured far enough to sit up a little straighter and open one eye, then the other. “Oh,” he said as if surprised. “Sweetheart. I didn’t know…what are you doing here?” He glanced across the booth to his redheaded friend who was still clenching her eyes closed and he laughed nervously. He kicked her as gently as possible in the shin and Willow’s eyes sprang open angrily. “Wills and I were just out and we thought, hey, coffee would be good.”

“And here we are.” Willow tried to smile but her shaky voice belayed her. “Having coffee.” She gestured to her cup while the Slayer stared with a disbelieving blankness that always made people falter. Willow hated not knowing what exactly it was that she was supposed to say or what the reaction might be. “Well, I’m having tea and I told Xander that he should try it too on account of its so late and its really good here. Better than that kind that Giles bought back from England that time and that’s weird because the English, like, invented tea or something.” Buffy still said nothing and Willow’s eyes darted back and forth between the Slayer’s look and Xander’s pleading one. She chose secret option number three. Her fingers flipped open her cell phone and she, from memory alone, found the ring tone selection option. Without fail a jingle sounded from her lap and Willow jumped in response. “Oh hey… Tara.” She eyed the couple expectantly and spoke to the dead line on the phone. “Really?! Get out.” She held the phone away from her ear. “Tara,” she pointed to the object in her hand. “I’m going to talk to her…” she hurried to get out of the booth. “Over there.”

Xander gulped and watched Willow moved hurriedly for the door and noticed that she was making no move to even talk into her cell phone. Lousy liar, he thought, but when he turned to share the idea with Buffy he found her staring at him wearing the same look that had just unnerved the Wicca. He gulped again. “So, Buff…honey…uh, having a good time, sweetheart?”

He was fishing and stuttering and something about that made Buffy want to smile but she fought that urge and folded her arms across her chest. “What are you doing here Xander?”

He didn’t like her tone and it made him prickle up in defense, now sitting up straight and facing her. He noticed when she leaned back and tilted her head up to look into his eyes. “Could ask you the same thing,” he countered bitterly. “But oh no, oh wait. I already know.” He cut his dark eyes back to the table where Buffy had been sitting with Riley and to where the other man was now sitting alone. “Date going well I hope.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Just answer me.”

“No,” Xander’s eyes were snapping and he denied her flat out. “No. I don’t have to answer the question when you already know the answer.” That made her glare wither into a confused sneer for a brief moment, but then it changed back. “You know why I’m here.” He watched her mouth open to respond and immediately cut her off, just knowing what she was going to say. “And don’t ‘you don’t trust me’ again,” he did an imitation of her voice that he could see made Buffy want to ram his face into the table. She hated his spiteful impersonations of her as much as he hated the one she sometimes did of him.

“Do you know how childish this is making you seem?”

“Almost as childish as spite dates?”

“Yeah,” Buffy shook her head and stood up so that she was looking down on him sitting in the booth. “Almost. Or maybe as mature as dragging our best friend into your twisted reality,” she gestured back to where Willow had ran outside a few minutes earlier.

“My reality?” Xander challenged and slid closer to her, but still stayed seated. “You mean the one where the woman I love more than anything told me that she wasn’t sure that she felt the same way?”

“I never said that…”

“You never didn’t say it either.” Xander glared and spoke before Buffy could question him. “And you did a great job of the imply, too.”

“You can’t ask how somebody feels and then yell at them for it when you don’t like the answer.” Buffy’s arms folded over her chest. They were attracting attention just by the nature of their stances and that did nothing to ease her frustration. They could have had this discussion at lease three separate times today, but Xander had walked away from all of those opportunities but thins one.

He did stand up then. His move forced the Slayer to take a small step back to maintain eye contact. He could have screamed…he knew that she could have matched him, too, but slice she was trying to remain eerily calm he mimicked her. “If somebody wasn’t an emotional fraud then I wouldn’t have had to ask.”

“So now I’m a cheating lying fraud.”

“I didn’t see the need to double up on you with the ‘lying’ but now that you mention it.” His conviction was steady even if he was having trouble following all the paths Buffy was taking this argument on. All Xander knew was that he wanted to break Riley’s teeth out – whatever she was talking about now was some sort of useless diversion that he was pretty sure should end with his fist in Riley’s face.

“Find the bathroom alright?”

Xander hadn’t even noticed Riley walk up behind Buffy he was so caught up in their heated staring contest. He had been too busy coming up with suitable counter arguments, and by the way Buffy jumped a the new voice, he could tell that she had been taken by surprise too. “Forgot you came here with another man?” he asked innocently.

“Xander.” Riley greeted before Buffy could release the litany of curse words that were dancing on the tip of her tongue. The slightly taller man stepped between the Scooby and the Slayer and was met with a look of pure disbelief from the dark haired man. “I think you should just go.”

Xander honestly couldn’t speak he was so shocked and his eyes darted back and forth between the blonde man and his fiancé. “Excuse me?”

“Xander, there’s nothing to freak out ab…”

“Oh I think there is.” The brunette challenged and noticed that Buffy had just now chosen to step around her new self-appointed protector. He lifted his gaze from Buffy’s and locked eyes with Riley. “Maybe you should ‘just go’.”

“We came here to talk.” Riley clarified in a tone Xander would describe as snotty. “You came in here yelling, and to tell the truth, I’m not going to stand here and listen to you talk to her like that.”

“I’m yelling?” Xander pointed to himself and laughed. More than a few patrons were looking at them now and Xander glanced around the room. “I’m yelling?! You came here with the woman who I’m going to marry in a few months, and I’m yelling and should go?! Are you joking?!”

He had been so caught up in his rant that he hadn’t noticed Buffy at his side now – and it seemed that Riley hadn’t noticed her leave her post by his. She raised her hand and let it rest lightly on his bicep. “Sweetie,” Buffy called and the sound of her voice, right at that moment, made Xander recoil out of her reach. She didn’t move from his side but he was able to see her attempted-comforting expression falter. “Xander,” she repeated herself in a much more closed tone. “Let’s just go outside.”

“You sure you don’t want me to go, too, Buffy.” His head cocked to the side. “You’re new friend seems to know you so well…” He turned on Riley, “But I’ll tell you that I know her better.” He pointed an accusing finger and narrowed his eyes when Riley rolled his. “I’ve known this woman since I was fifteen and if you think that…”

“All I think, man,” Riley sighed but kept his voice strong, “Is that you’re crowding her.” He looked sideways at Buffy and his demeanor faltered. “And she, for some odd reason. likes it… She loves you, man…”

“And I don’t need to hear that from you.” Xander jabbed his finger at Riley again. He still sounded accusatory despite the knowledge of Buffy’s feelings that even Crush-on-her Riley couldn’t avoid.

“I think that maybe you do.” Riley td and and walked back to the table that he had been sharing with Buffy.

“Riley…”

He just shook his head and waved back over his shoulder when he heard Buffy call his name. He tossed some money on the table when he reached it and took up his coat. Shrugging it on he headed back to where the couple was standing and watching his every move. “You guys have some stuff to work out,” he stated and then locked eyes with Xander, “…and you should work it out, because if for some reason you don’t…I might not walk away next time.”

Xander glared at the other man’s back, his rage building even as the confrontation was being abandoned, and Riley walked out of the café. “Yeah,” Xander spoke lowly enough for only Buffy to hear. “Walk away!” he called out louder after the blonde man and then glanced back down at Buffy. “That guy came a millisecond away from a right cross to the trachea…”

“Like I’m not standing right here.” The Slayer huffed. Xander thought that he was angry…everything, every second of this day saw her becoming so filled with anger that it was giving her a head ache to think about it. She went back to her old table to get her coat, leaving Xander behind. She stopped back in front of him on her way back and peered up at him. “Next time you want to have a pissing contest give forewarning so I can find an else where to be.”

He was good at ignoring people’s disapproving and condescending looks, and he did just that as he followed Buffy out of the Pump. She was already a good distance away from him and didn’t seem to care that she had left him. “Where are you going?!” Xander’s voice was a mixture of intense irritation and defeat as he watched Buffy stop glaring at him, turn her back and begin walking down the sidewalk away from him. She seemed to ignore him and maintained her steady stride. “Buffy?!”

She whirled on him, but didn’t re-approach him. And Xander kept his distance as well. “I’m thinking that I need to find something to kill.” Her eyes were burning and Xander refused to break her gaze. “The longer I stay here, the more likely that something is going to be you, and I’ve got this teeny part that’s screaming ‘don’t kill him, Buffy’.”

It had always seemed to him that the worst possible time to slay was when they had unfinished business. That scared him more than anything because stress meant that she was focusing, and if she wasn’t focusing she was in even more danger than she was usual. But, as he had gathered from Buffy, a lot of demon slaughter got carried out when she was pissed. “Well,” Xander huffed. “Thank you for that shred of decency.” Then he muttered knowing full well that she could hear him, “Spare my sorry life, but God forbid you don’t rip out my heart.”

Buffy opened her mouth, but then it shut automatically. “Bye Xander.” She turned on her heel and headed the rest of the way down the street. She swallowed the lump in her throat and held her eyes wide open to stave off her tears – and felt Xander’s eyes staring holes into her back until she turned the corner and left him behind. Oh, bring on the vampires and the demons because the Slayer was coming to play tonight.

~*~

Summers’ House

10:00PM

~*~

“Its official Mom,” Dawn’s voice was excitedly swooning over the movie they had just seen when she entered the house ahead of her mother. “I need to find Ashton Kutcher and marry him.” Joyce rolled her eyes and nodded. “I’m serious,” the teen insisted. “The future Mrs. Kutcher. Right here.” She pointed at herself.

They headed for the kitchen and flicked on the light by the door. “Buffy?” Joyce called when she saw her oldest daughter sitting slumped at the kitchen island. “I didn’t know you were coming back…” she stopped when she was faced with the watery blue eyes of her baby.

“We had a fight, mom.” Buffy said simply and didn’t move from her seat. She had every intention of using her heady anger to carry out her destiny, but had ended up at her Mom’s house.

“Was it the dating other guys?” Dawn pressed condescendingly.

“Dawn,” Joyce warned. “Go to your room, please.”

The teen blanched. “What? C’mon, mom. You said yourself that it was…” This time Joyce silenced her youngest with her eyes and Buffy turned her accusing gaze on her mother. “Buff,” Dawn turned to her big sister. “You have to, at least, admit. It’s a little skanky…”

“Dawn.”

“Fine,” the girl held up her hands and backed to the door. “This is what happens when you want to get married at the cusp of adulthood.” She climbed up the stairs while muttering to herself. “She’s not even functional by herself…dragging a perfectly good guy into her gutter…”

Both Joyce and Buffy watched the teen disappear from sight and earshot. “On that note.” Buffy said bitterly and finally pushed herself from her stool.

“Honey,” Joyce called and caught Buffy by the forearm on her way out of the room. “What happened?”

She looked down at the hand on her arm and then back up into her mother’s eyes. “What did you say?” The older woman looked confused, but the sadness in her daughter’s eyes reminded her. “About what I did tonight. What did you say?”

“Buffy I…”

“No, mom.” Buffy turned away from her grasp and turned to face her fully. Her voice was shakily quiet and whatever mot mother had to say it wouldn’t make the day any worse. “Tell me.”

Joyce sighed but complied. “I said that you’re a glutton for punishment,” she stated simply. “And not because trouble finds you, but because you seem to feel like if you’re not suffering you’re not living. You feel sorry for yourself and I think you do things so that the world will come down on you as much as you do on yourself.” Buffy pouted at the assessment she had asked for and her mother continued. “And I said that you not sure about being married so young…and that I told you so.”

“Mom…” Buffy wasn’t quick to defend herself because she didn’t like anything that her mother had just said to her. She had no idea where to concentrate her efforts in the rebuttal.

“You asked me.”

“You said this stuff to Dawn?”

“She asked me too.” Joyce shrugged. “You think that it’s easier to drive Xander away with actions instead of just talking to him.”

“I did…”

“Talk, Buffy.” Joyce countered and her daughter looked at the floor guiltily. “Not yell and fight and…I really know more about you than I’d like sometimes.” The tiny blonde blushed and Joyce couldn’t help the grin. “So Xander intercepted you at the coffee place.” She was in motion and brushed past her shocked daughter on her way to the fridge. “Willow called.” She filled in before Buffy could ask the question that she felt coming. “You scared her, sweetheart.”

Buffy turned to see her mom seated on her vacated stool and the Slayer approached slowly. “Yeah, well, I scared me, too.” She took a deep breath and studied the tiles on the countertop. “You think I’m too young, mom?”

“I think you’re young, yes.” Joyce took a sip of the bottle of water she had gotten. “But I also don’t think that you’re not ready.” She rested her hand on her daughters. “Buffy, ever since you were a baby you’ve been in a hurry. You’ve wanted everything and you’ve wanted right away.” Her daughter exhaled a hard chuckle. “And, luckily for you, it seems always works out. You decide quickly…thinking on your feet is probably a slayer thing or something…but you follow through and you don’t get burned by it too bad.”

Buffy looked up and smiled hopefully. “I was looking for an easier ‘yes’ or ‘no’.”

Joyce smiled gently and shook her head. “Never going to happen.” Her daughter’s eyes dropped back to the table. “You love him, Buffy. Just as much as he loves you. That’s going to hurt sometimes…”

“But he doesn’t even want to talk about this.” Buffy finally broke down and fresh tears fell. She vaguely noticed her mom struggle with the idea of getting up to comfort her, but she didn’t. “All he does is yell at me, so I yell at him and…”

“Go home and talk to Xander about it.” Joyce said evenly and finally stood. She moved with measured steps to the doorway while trying with all her might to not console her, obviously, distraught child.

“Mom.” Buffy sounded lost and shocked at the way she was handling this. “You’re supposed to, like… I don’t know…tell me its going to be fine…”

“It will be fine, Buffy.”

“…and that Xander’s a huge butt hole.”

“Xander’s a huge butt hole, Buffy.”

“And not placate me by calmly repeating everything I want you to say.”

Joyce turned over her shoulder at the door way and saw Buffy standing, glaring with her arms crossed over her chest. “I’m going to bed, sweetie. If you’re going home lock the door on your way out.” Her daughter was seething and it made Joyce smile at the situation. “And, honey,” she stopped on the steps and knew Buffy was still staring at the kitchen doorway. “Please believe that if I thought your relationship with Xander would ever hurt you I wouldn’t even have let him into my home.” There was silence and Joyce nodded to herself – her job done. “Good night sweetheart.”

Buffy stood in the empty kitchen and listened to her mother’s bedroom door shut. Her eyes slit periodically in anger when she felt she had recalled something that she didn’t like about the conversation. Huffing she stomped to the back door and snatched her coat off of the rack. She had skipped patrol for that. She would tell Giles it was her mom’s fault. Her mother and Xander – not her. She might be the only sane person left in this town.

She flung open the door and stepped outside, locking the door behind her. “And I’m not turning out the lights,” she muttered to herself and started her to Xander’s and… home, apparently.

~*~

Xander’s Apartment

10:35 PM

~*~

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haun…

He figured that a lighting strike was just around the corner as the perfect ending to this bad romantic comedy that his life had turned into. Hell, he seemed to have a naturally occurring depressingly quixotic theme song, so why not.

Xander turned off his car radio and took a deep breath. He hung his head and ran his hand over his face while he tried to collect himself. He wondered when the last time he literally had lost the will to even blink, let alone, walk was. It seemed like forever ago, but that was easier to focus on than the deep gut clenching emptiness that he felt inside.

He had just, quite possibly, given up on everything. Sure, he and Buffy had fought before. Almost every other day it seemed to him. And he walked away on almost every occasion. It was what they did. Give them a couple of hours and, where in the past a deep void would have started to form, everything would be corrected with just a look.

Xander wished he could remember just what the situation was. What the exact look was so that he could go back to the coffee house and do it– make her walk into his arms so that he could hold her and make all of this go away. He wished that she weren’t so afraid of this…of them. He wished that he could change that for her. Xander wished for a thousand things and all of them ended with Buffy being back in his arms where he wanted her…where she fit so perfectly that it hurt to even think that ‘there’ might not be where she wanted to be for the rest of his life.

He was out of the car and shuffling down the sidewalk to his apartment building before he even registered the change in location. It was as cold outside and it was in his car, and had been in the Espresso Pump, and had been inside since he had packed his duffle bag at Buffy’s house and walked out on her and Riley.

Oh, did he hate the very air that this Riley guy breathed. Thinking about that for too long was a definite cure for the massive pity. He couldn’t feel bad for himself when he was imagining all of the ways that he could be killing the other man with extreme prejudice.

His hands were fishing in his jacket pocket for his keys as he mounted the first step headed for the front entrance of his building.

“Xander.”

His head lifted immediately and it belayed his overwhelming hope. Yet again, Xander made a wish…that he hadn’t seemed to surprised and anxious to hear this woman’s voice. She didn’t deserve that, a rational part of his brain scolded. His heart then argued that she, of course, did. She was his everything. She was the woman that it had chosen to belong to for eternity and she deserved everything.

Buffy gulped and rose from her seat on the concrete step when Xander’s wide brown eyes flew up from their focus on the sidewalk to meet hers. She almost smiled when she saw his expression. He looked all the bit of an innocent little boy who had just been caught with his hand in a cookie jar…not that she had ever seen that, but if she had, she imagined that it would look like Xander now. He didn’t speak so much as gulp and lick his lips while taking a step back off of the step.

He thought it was ironic that Buffy was now standing above him, looking down.

It broke her heart that he stepped away from her.

Buffy had to clear her throat before attempting to speak again. “Xander, I…”

“You’re sorry.” He nodded. “I know.” Buffy’s gaze dropped and he jammed his hands into his jeans pockets. “I always hated when people apologized for things that they knew were wrong but then did anyway, you know?” He paused and looked up at her, but Buffy seemed to be focused on his shoes. “I mean,” he laughed bitterly, “…if you know you’re going to end up saying that you’re sorry, then why do it in the first place.”

“I didn’t think.” Buffy still didn’t meet his eyes. It struck him again how meek she sounded right then and her position above him changed perspective. She wasn’t above him dominating in a manipulative way…it was the contrary if that was at all possible.

It was chilly and her cheeks were red, she kept folding and unfolding her arms around herself, as if uncomfortable with her physical position in the wind. Her hair would occasionally waft around her face and she was shaking slightly in the chill. when she would venture a glance up at him her eyes…

Buffy was standing above him like she was his angel. Xander almost hated that.

“You never do.” He shrugged, refusing to relent to the urge to rush up and bundle her up with himself. Chase the chill away and act like everything that she had said and done to him over the past twenty four hours…the past four months that she had spent hiding from him and lying to his face about how she felt, hadn’t even happened. Hold her and forgive her for the simple fact that she was Buffy and he was Xander and that was always what he did where she was concerned.

Buffy chuckled humorlessly and accepted his punishment. It actually took a lot for the Slayer to not lash out in her own defense – she fought it physically just because she knew that whatever was wrong with them right now was her own fault. She wasn’t dealing with some stranger. This was Xander. Her best friend Xander who she, now, just happened to be head over heels in love with. He knew her better than she knew herself some times, and she could have gone to him when she was nervous. She could have said that she needed more time and he would have understood, but she hadn’t.

Xander peered up at her and tilted his head. “Do you like that you can hurt me so much?”

His question caught her and a little anger did seep through. “What type of question is that?”

“An honest one.” Xander didn’t waver. “You have to know that you’re the only person who can do this to me…” She opened her mouth and he hurried to continue. “I mean, c’mon Buffy. I’ve loved you since…since I knew what it was. You’re why I know what it is and you know that. And nobody I’ve ever met is in here,” he pointed to his head, “…or in here,” he pointed to his heart, “like you are. No one I’ve ever met…I’ve only ever let you…” Xander took a deep breath and Buffy gulped and darted her eyes away. “You use that.”

“So I use you.” Buffy repeated him emotionlessly. “Is there anything else that I, as your future wife, should know about what you think of me?”

“Is that really what you want to be?” Xander wasted no time and asked. If this was going to end he wanted it over now. “Or did you just come over here to start getting your things?”

“Is that what you think?”

He laughed. It was a loud rough exhale and Buffy actually jumped some. “That’s the point Buffy. That’s what I don’t know. God, I wish I did, but I don’t.”

The powerful Slayer crossed her arms low around her waist – protecting herself from her from a distance. “Did it ever occur to you that I came here because you’d be here? I mean, God,” she managed to sound bitter when she mimicked him. “I’m sitting in the cold waiting for you to get home.” Buffy laughed this time too, but at herself. Home had slipped out so easily that she had just barely caught it. “Our home, Xander.”

They wouldn’t meet each others eyes and stayed locked in their positions apart from each other. “Do you know,” Buffy continued in a shakily low tone, “That all that stuff you said about hurting and learning about love…that goes for you too.” Xander looked up and didn’t expect to see her blue eyes burning into him. Buffy laughed bitterly, “Thought that was another man too, huh Xander?” His eyes dropped briefly and he didn’t speak. “Then I don’t know what to say to you if you that I don't think that I love you with everything that I am. If that’s what you think then it’s only because…”

“You don’t even wear your ring.” Xander cut her off. He wouldn’t stand there and let Buffy turn it back around on him. It had to be some chapter in the Female Handbook that Buffy coauthored because she was such a master of it. “You’re going out with other men…”

Buffy ignored him. “It’s only because you don’t want to believe it.” Buffy sighed and hugged herself tighter still. “I’m standing out here arguing with you and trying to convince you that I love you when if you didn’t believe that you shouldn’t even have asked me to marry you

“Well maybe then you shouldn’t have accepted.”

The Slayer became incensed and yanked the thin chain around her neck hard and it snapped free. She held up the ring that he had given her that was attached to it in front of his face almost as a dare to say that she never had it with her. Angrily Buffy jammed the ring onto her finger and held it up for him to see. “There. There’s your sign. Your mark…like we haven’t known each other and been best friends forever. Like it’s all that we are.” Xander raked his hand back through his hair again. “I accepted because I knew that I loved you and I don’t need this to prove it, but if you do, then fine. Fine.” He was still silent. “I told you how I felt – with words like an adult…and I think that you need to stop looking at me for your answers. I said that I was ner and and, yeah, the thought of having to deal with *this*,” she gestured around them, “for the rest of my life tad tad overwhelming…but if you think I’m going to walk away from you…from us and this and my life, Xander…then I’m wondering if its not you whose having…”

“I’m not.”

“Prove it.”

“I’ve been proving it everyday since the tenth grade.”

She actually rolled her eyes at him. Buffy seemed to either not notice or not care that his eyes flashed with an anger that now mirrored her own frustration. “We’re not fifteen anymore Xander.”

“What? You stealing my lines now, too.” He challenged. “You’re right Buffy. We’re not…”

“So act like it.” Buffy dared and her arms uncrossed and her hands landed on her hips. “So don’t whip out your wallet every time *you* freak out. And don’t run around here pouting and acting like we’re the first couple ever to deal with this, and stop moping around with this ‘she’ll never love me’ attitude.” Xander’s new posture was defying and challenging. “That’s right, Xander. I’m scared as shit about this, but, guess what? I’m the Slayer. Scared as shit is what I do and I win.”

“Well, I’m not the Slayer, Buffy.”

“You do scared pretty well, though.” She tried to smile when his hard expression transformed into an offended frown that she found more endearing than she would let him know. “But you still win, too. You don’t run…I don’t run – because we know what fights are worth it. I seriously don’t know what it is about you and Willow that translates jitters to ‘run for the hills’, but…”

Xander shook his head sadly. “Why does it have to be a fight?”

“Because nothings perfect, Xander.” Buffy’s voice sounded as if she were pleading with him. “Nothing is just going to work out – it never has for us.” She wished that he would take one step closer to her. She had her gaze beckon that to him with the hopes that it would work…and then he was moving. Slowly and unsurely, but he was making his way up the stairs to where she was standing. “When we’re good, we’re really good,” she smiled crookedly and winked to alleviate some of the tension. “But when we’re bad…Xander, I’ll do anything get us back to the good.” She could reach him now and she extended her hand. Her fingertips just barely ghosted over his jaw line and only served to lure him up the remaining steps until he was looking down at her he was standing so close. “It’s a fight because I won’t lose you, and nothing will make you lose me. Nothing.”

Xander tried to duck his head when his eyes started to sting but Buffy’s hand on his chin stilled his movements. She pulled his gaze back to her own and he saw the faintest hint of wetness in her eyes. She smiled a watery grin and tried to blink it away. “Cold out.”

“Must be,” he whispered, accepting her weak explanation. “Why didn’t we do this inside?” He quirked an eyebrow and glanced around their open surroundings. They must look ridiculous to anyone who was walking by, but, to tell the truth, he hadn’t noticed anyone but her. Buffy always seemed to have that effect on him.

“I wasn’t invited.”

Xander’s eyebrows raised now, but he made no move to step back. “There something about being vamped that you want to tell me? I’m marrying you in a morning hour…if you burst into flames it’ll ruin the ambiance.” His arms wound their way around her midsection and her hands found their way and hooked onto his shoulders. Holding her was what Xander was born to do…Buffy had developed that playful smack that she did when he was fulfilling his destiny. “This is your place too…”

“My home.” Buffy said decisively.

A smile tugged at the corner of Xander’s lips and he held her tighter. He bend at the neck and brushed a feathery kiss on her that caught the corner of her lips. “If you want.” He paused when she sighed and mimicked his light touch with one of her own on him. “I wouldn’t give up that palace on Revello for this, though.”

“But you’re here.” Buffy tilted her head up and caught his eyes. She was now being held by him, a sure sign that whatever it was between them was passing. She was actually feeling quite proud of herself, they had talked. A real adult conversation without her strangling or jumping him and smothering him with horny. They had worked out their differences and she had the added warmth of Xander’s arms around her – Perfect. She allowed him the opportunity to pull the ‘protective man move’ and guide her into the building ahead of him – even when his touch was through layers of clothes and just a ghosting on the small of her back it would still send little tingles all through her body.

That was another reason that she knew that she needed to spend the rest of her life with this man. He just made her feel… He just made her feel. Buffy thought she should tell him that, she had felt it for so long, but she didn’t. It wasn’t even a matter of him thinking her foolish; it was more the way that it made her feel…not weak, but certainly vulnerable. The Slayer didn’t like that, but every day Buffy worked on getting to a point where she would be okay to let it all out and show him everything…or at least more. Someday she would tell him everything that he made her feel. Xander deserved to know just how much he meant to her.

Xander was holding her hand firmly in his own as he unlocked his apartment and flicked on the light inside. He had been mulling over in his mind what exactly to say, but he took relief in the fact that it wasn’t due to uncomfortable strife this time. “Buffy,” he ventured, turning and shrugging off his coat. He tossed it to his left so that it landed wildly sprawled over a chair back and missed Buffy shaking her head and hanging hers on the coat rack by the door. “I…I don’t,” The whole sentence hadn’t been worded in his mind yet and he struggled to convey it correctly. “I don’t want you to not want this.” His eyes looked pleading. “And I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t want this.”

Her tender smile was the affirmative that he needed. “I’m thirsty.” Buffy quirked a grin and headed past him towards the kitchen. “Did you drink all of that Pineapple-orange juice? Cuz if you did I want my four dollars back.” She spoke over her shoulder while leaving the room and Xander heard the teasing nature in her voice.

“And Buff,” he ignored her and turned, jogging after her. He stopped when he saw her bent, searching the fridge and not paying attention to him.

“Huh?”

His head tilt of its own volition and he checked out her ass. Xander swore that she knew what he was doing because, and for no reason at all, Buffy hummed and bent over further, swaying back and forth. Xander licked his lips and hoped that she didn’t hear him clear is suddenly dry throat. Fighting, for them, had always been a sure fire release of pent up sexual repression. Heady and charged. And, Xander felt the tiniest bit guilty for succumbing to his Y chromosome, but she was completely ignoring and trampling on the previously set rules of engagement.

Fight, make up, make out, grope, sex.

There was no room for the ‘let’s make lemonade and have cookies’ step in that plan. Her getting out the pitcher and the ice was like a breach of international law.

“You going to stop staring at my ass long enough to get it out?” Buffy head his heavy exhale/groan and a flush spread up her neck. She felt his suggestive retort coming and beat him to the punch. “The statement, Xander. Get out the statement.”

His laugh was more predominant now and he walked across the kitchen so that he was standing directly behind her as she had moved to the counter. With as much discretion as possible, and with a surpassing gentle touch for its intention Xander traced the waist of her skirt around the right side. He stood so close that he was almost covering her left side and then eased his hand down over the curve of her ass while she busied herself with stirring the drink. Buffy smiled while he watched her move intently and touched her.

“I’m thinking I’ll employ the multi-task here.” Xander’s voice was husky and his palm spread over the expanse of one gauzy cotton covered cheek and he squeezed hard enough to make Buffy gasp and arch away.

“Bang up job you’re doing then.” Buffy teased and turned slightly to look up at him so that he could see her smile. She shifted back some more and rubber her backside against his thigh before innocently going back to her task.

Xander hummed and bit his lower lip. “I was just saying,” he refocused on his statement. “That I’m sorry if I made you think that I didn’t trust you.” She hummed her acceptance and tilted her head back up to his. He bend at bestowed a lingering peck on her awaiting lips before pulling away and speaking again. “But the only guys you’re allowed to go out with are named Giles.”

“Allowed to?” Buffy challenged with a raised eyebrow, but wasn’t able to step way from Xander’s grasp.

He nodded a steady affirmative, but his voice was light. “Or, if by some Hellmouthian related incident, Dawn turns into your little brother.” Xander stepped behind her fully now and pressed his body against hers, curling around her and holding her tightly to him around her waist. He kissed the side of her neck through her hair when he heard Buffy giggle.

“You’re ridiculous.” Buffy’s voice wasn’t harsh, so much as a disbelieving chuckle.

“You know,” he raised his head and rested it on her shoulder while she poured herself a glass of lemonade, “this is the point where you just say ‘Yes Sweetie’ so that I can puff out my chest and be all manly and satisfied.”

Buffy took a long drink and then set her glass down. She turned in his arms unexpectedly and looped hers around his neck. “Yes sweetie.” Buffy said obediently and then laughed out loud.

“That was so easy that I don’t even believe you.” Xander mock protested. His eyes were focused on her mouth and he knew that she saw him looking at her lips. Buffy rocked her hips forward and pressed up on her tip toes. She felt the slightest quickening against her stomach through Xander’s pants and she raised her hands up to curl around the base of his neck and through the dark hair there.

“Xander,” Buffy’s voce was sweetly inquisitive and he hummed his response. Before she could continue Xander’s lips were pressed tightly over hers and he was moaning into her mouth. She opened hers to respond and Xander’s tongue flicked inside and against her own before she responded. She clung to him, her fingers carded in his hair and holding his head where she wanted it to be while she rocked her body against him. Her own mounting arousal matched what she felt swelling against her and he knew that he was right there with her. She pulled away breathlessly and blinked hard against the harsh light in the kitchen. Her lips felt tingly when they finally started to move. “Can we get to the satisfied part.” He smirked at her and pulled her closer than she thought was possible. “It’s just that we made up outside and the talking is still happening when we should be well on our way to an intense grope.”

Xander laughed – his exhale fanning back over her face and slid his hands down from her waist until he was grasping her ass in both hands. They knew each other and they knew them. “Grope.” He pulled up sharply and Buffy jumped up slightly in accordance, wrapping her legs around his waist. “Check.”

He turned and pushed her further up his body, making her grind willingly against his erection with each step and Buffy complied ten fold by rolling her hips into his in time with his rhythm. Her hands both curled up through his hair and she raked the locks through them, looking down into his dark eyes with her own smoky ones. She ducked her head slightly and kissed him again, hard and fast and pulling away when he had just begun to respond. “Now.” she noticed that he had walked them into the bed room, and she grunted when he, without warning, let her go and let her fall to the mattress. He was smiling at her surprise, but Buffy bounced up and stood so that they were facing each other. “Be a good boy and make up with me.”

Moving quickly she grabbed his shoulders and pivoted him so that his back was to the bed. Her hands were already pulling at the hem of his sweater, moving it up and exposing the still tanned skin of his chest as she went. Xander turned his hands loose to do the same; unbuttoning her top with arousal trembling fingers. He allowed her to pull his sweater up over his head and used the brief reprieve to suck in a gulp of air.

The replenished supply, however, didn’t do him much good besides giving him something to blow back out with a moan when he was able to see her again. Buffy’s hands were mapping the expanse of his chest and he was fascinated first by the wanton look in her eyes as she focused on her movements on his hot skin. when he broke himself from that trance his eyes were locked with plumb cleavage exposed by the unfastened buttons on her top that he had revealed before he was distracted.

Buffy felt his eyes on her and she unconsciously thrust her chest forward so that her nylon covered breasts pushed slightly against the top of his abs. Before she could respond she was being kissed again. Xander’s tongue was heavy in her mouth while she was pressed tight against him and his large warm hands splayed on her back in search of her bra clasp. She held onto him and sighed in relief when she felt the fabric give. With a slight wriggle and Xander’s insistent pulling the garment hit the floor at their feet and his hands immediately replaced its place on her body.

He was thoroughly enjoying his access – her warm supple flesh tipped with hard nipples that he was palming and squeezing… Xander dropped his lips away from hers and ran them over her cheek down to her throat. He had every intention of replacing one of his hands with his mouth, but Buffy, once again, moved quicker than he did. Xander was shoved back against the edge of the bed and he stumbled back, grabbing onto Buffy to brace himself.

She was grinning at him when she shifted out of his grip on her upper arms and dropped down in front of him – her eyes locked with his the whole time. Buffy tugged at the button of his fly and, for his part, Xander just sat and let her. His hands moved back and forth from gripping the edge of the bed and squeezing her arms and running over her smooth shoulders. Buffy’s salacious grin did nothing to help him control his breathing and he had to bite his lip to hold back his moan when she finally had him undone and pulled the jeans down his thighs. Xander’s hands moved from her shoulders to brush the hair out of her face and behind her ears while they shared a brief look.

He was going to say that he loved her, but it was lost when she wrapped her hand around his now straining and pounding cock and pumped it slowly. She already knew. She had known since before she even had him like this that he loved her. He knew that she loved him the moment that he had her like this. Xander set himself and when he saw Buffy’s tongue flick out over her lower lip and her eyes duck down away from his to access her impending task, he let his droop closed.

He knew what was coming, but the knowledge didn’t stop the ecstasy filled gasp from spilling from his throat when he felt her kiss the head of his penis. One time, her lips pressed against it and she let the tip of her tongue flick out against the tiny leaking opening. Another slow kiss that ended in her lips parting and taking in head between her lips and sucking lightly while her fist continued to glide against his shaft, and Xander groaned so low and long in his throat that it hurt at the end. He actually forgot that he had other parts when Buffy took him in another inch…then one more.

His fingers were flexing in her hair with every bob and she slide the hand that wasn’t wrapped around the root of him up his thigh. Xander’s exhale barked out in approval and he felt a warm hard exhale that signaled Buffy’s hummed acceptance of his praise when she cupped his sac and squeezed gently.

“Buffy…” Xander grit out and his eyes clenched shut when Buffy rose again and tongued the head of his cock. She held it just tight enough to keep it aimed straight at her face and she stiffened her tongue to trace the ridge of its head. His flesh was moist now with her efforts and she kissed down one side only to lick up the other and suck at the head again.

Xander liked sound. It had almost the same affect on him that the whole visual aspect of her doing this had, so Buffy made sure to remember to be noisy as possible. Suckling loudly and moaning. Whimpering when he palmed her head on both sides and thrust into her mouth with a great amount of restraint. Humming when she pulled back and let him watch her lash at the swollen head of his penis with the tip of her tongue. The whole package, because she knew what he liked and she always wanted to be the one to give it to him.

Her hand moved down to grip the base of his cock and her lips closed the head again. Xander pitched his head forward, his chest heaving, and body curling over the place where she was still moving in his lap. He clung to Buffy’s shoulders and briefly locked eyes with the top of her blonde crown before it turned to a sparkly darkness behind his eye lids.

Buffy kissed the head of his dick and swiped at the fresh pump of his arousal with his tongue. She opened her mouth again fully and sliding it down over his straining member and reveling in his groan of appreciation. She fondled his balls at the same time that she tried her last, and most coveted trick. Relaxing as much as possible Buffy plunged back down on him, letting the tip of his member into the back of her throat for the briefest moment. Xander warbled incoherently when the head of his dick hit the back of her throat and Buffy’s warm breath puffed out against his moist skin when she withdrew him.

Xander wasn’t able to stop his hips from thrusting up on their own, even though he was fully aware at how far she was taking him into her mouth…into her throat. The noises she was making: the gulps from deep in her throat while she made a wet sucking vacuum out of her mouth, sucking up and down a few more times before stopping on a down stroke, holding him back deep in her throat and swallowing – the muscles squeezing around the throbbing swollen head of his member while her mouth kept the shaft in a warm hold.

All of his vocal responses were reduced to a groan and a strangled cry and he used the grip of one hand in her hair to pull her up and away. Just the way she was looking at him made him feel like he was going to cum. Eyes wide mouth wet and parted while she panted out hard breaths. Her hands braced on his thighs while she waited. When Buffy wiped at her lips with her fingers, pressing the red pillowy cushion beneath them Xander felt his cock throb and pulse. Buffy glanced down and saw the dripping pre-cum there and then lifted her gaze back to his.

“Want me to finish?” Her voice was a gravely whisper.

“Nunuh.” If she even had a move back towards his cock right now he was for certain that this would be the kinkiest make up sex they had ever had. in fact, if she didn’t get up right now… “C’mere,” he completed the action for her. Buffy seemed to like it when he lifted her as if it were the simplest action in the world, and he liked it when she looked at him like he might be a much less Austrian Schwarzenegger. Since it was a plus all around he never brought up the fact that Dawn could probably lift her too.

He locked his arms around her and pulled her up, he maneuvered so that as he moved her he unzipped the back of her skirt. He turned when she was at eye level with him and rolling her onto her back while his fingers skimmed the thin waist band of her panties, pushing them down until she was able to kick free of them. She peered up at him, flirtatious grin in place as much as it could be when her blood was pounding in her veins and creating the familiar warm tingle between her legs. “I wanted to taste you more.” That whimper that made Xander have to remind himself that this woman was going to be his wife. When she spoke like that he wanted her as much and as fast as possible, but he forced it down. He had time…so much time to worship her and the longer he dedicated himself to it the more he wanted her. It was a never ending cycle of his undying attraction for this woman…who had just spread her thighs in such a way that he was moved between them and he, for the first time, felt the slick heat between them.

Xander’s fingers tickled down her sides while they shifted as close as possible while not giving into the innate urge to connect completely. Buffy reached up with her hands and face to pull Xander into a deep kiss that he willingly participated in. His fingers probed between there bodies in time with the thrusts of her tongue against his, feeling the sweet secretion through the short coarse hairs between her thighs as her body worked itself up to the pinnacle of arousal for him. That thought made him kiss her harder – swallowing the whimper that he had caused.

He tweaked her swollen clit between two fingers and then smeared around the spreading moisture with the pads of his digits. She moaned and forced her head back from his kiss, her mouth falling open and her eyes slipping closed at the sharp pleasure of the pressure he was putting on her throbbing nub. “Five more seconds and all you’d be asking to do would be to wash your hair.” Xander’s voice was husky and, for the life of her, Buffy couldn’t even force a smile. She wanted to laugh…something was telling her that what he had just said was funny…and then two of his fingers slipped into her at the same time.

Xander had the innate ability to be able to joke anywhere and any time. Buffy wondered how that was the case when she was having to remind herself to keep breathing. “Plus,” he whispered and ducked his head again, kissing the side of her mouth. He switched sides with a grin when Buffy tried to turn into his lips again. “What if I want to taste you, selfish girl?”

Buffy groaned and arched herself further into Xander’s palm – her hips jerking forward each time his fingers pushed into her and the heel of his hand smashed into her clit. She didn’t know where Xander’s lips had gone when she finally noticed that he wasn’t kissing her, but then she felt the feathery familiar brushing on her collarbone. His free hand was braced on the bed beside her so he settled for grinding his chest down into hers while his lips trailed down. Buffy released something that between a growl and a odd whimper when his fingers curled inside of her and pushed hard against a spot on her upper wall, alternating between massaging the muscled walls and pressing hard against it and creating a pressure so sharp that Buffy jerked in response and squeezed her eyes shut before…Oh God, what was happening!?

His tongue was tracing wet patterns between the times when he stopped to suck at various sporadic points and he had to stop before. “Xander…” Buffy begged and her eyes rolled shut. She didn’t know why but her hands scratched up his back and into his hair. She pushed at his head as lightly as possible and arched her back more towards mos mouth when she finally maneuvered him to her breasts.

“I was getting there,” he teased with hot pants against her before tracing the underside of her right breast with his tongue. He nuzzled her puckered nipple with his nose while kissing all over the soft skin and darker pink areola surround the taut nub.

“Get there faster.” Her voice was slightly higher and her hips were forcing his fingers in and out of her pussy with the force that she needed. Buffy honestly didn’t know if she was trying to get him to press against that spot inside of her that felt so good that it hurt, or if she was trying to keep him moving so that he couldn’t really find it again. Whatever it was she was tightening around his fingers and there was more than an ample amount of fluid spilling out of her to signal that she was closer than close. Buffy pushed at his head again under the disguise of combing through the now disheveled locks.

Xander’s lips dragged over her clavicle to her left nipple and he closed his mouth over it, flicking his tongue over it quickly several times and then biting sharply enough to make her whine. “Don’t tell me what to do, woman.” He teased even as he kept sucking and nipping at her flesh. He moved his hand over the quivering muscles of her stomach to replace his mouth on her right breast. He squeezed it just as he placed a light peck on her ribs, complying with her increasing pressure on his head.

He kissed over her abs, his mouth rising and falling with each heavy exhale until he reached her belly button. Buffy’s groan when he stopped there made his chest swell with pride and he darted his tongue into the shallow divot there. In and out, it moved in time with his fingers between her legs, but Buffy grunted when all of the motion stopped. His hand slipped from her pussy and she felt the warm stickiness of the fingers that had been inside of her resting on her thigh – pushing, with its twin, to move her legs in opposite directions. Buffy let him position her with a sigh and his teeth grazed over the small swell of her lower abdomen. He moved lower with tiny pecks, just barely glancing her skin with his until he reached the top of her slit.

“Xann…” She could hear the impatience in her own voice plainly so she knew that Xander recognized her begging. If he missed the tone of her voice, he probably definitely felt her pushing at his head again, trying to move him down just a fraction of an inch more.

When he finally stopped breathing on her swollen soaking flesh and parted her with trembling fingers she was ecstatic that he had taken pity on her. And when his lips wrapped around the pulsating nub at the top of her snatch, she was glad that he did that too. And when he nudged her shaky legs over his shoulders, gripped her hips and pulled her closer to his mouth; held her open and lapped the entire length of her womanhood while humming into her slickness, she was…she…Buffy didn’t have an emotion for that that she could name. Right now all she could string together was the fragmented idea of ‘Buffy happy. Xander good’.

He moved his mouth smoothly over the coated wetness on Buffy’s lower lips and savored the taste of her as it flooded his mouth and invaded his senses. Her hands weren’t putting pressure on his head anymore, so much as simply flexing – tensing in time with her shudders beneath his mouth. Xander’s chin slid down through her folds easily.

He licked his already wet lips and was saturated in the taste of Buffy’s very core. He wanted more… and Buffy arched closer to his face when his mouth was absent for that minute second. She wanted him to have it – to have her. All of her. Without warning he dove in for more. His name was something that he loved when she cried out, and she didn’t let him down when he caught her clit between his lips again. Buffy’s fingers tensed in his hair and then let go, falling to the bed at her side and clutching the covers in tight fists while she ground her hips against his face.

The space between her legs was pounding…had to be leaking it felt so wet when Xander’s face and lips and tongue slid all over and around it. Buffy’s inhales were deep gulps for air which was exhaled on sharp cries and she tried to push her body further down the bed to have him touch her more. Needed him…his mouth to keep doing… “Xan…ughyeahhhghhkeepkeepyea…” He pulled her tighter to his mouth, his tongue thrusting into her and making her bark out a rough exhalation at the minimal penetration.

He had to keep going…keep flicking her clit like that until she shook and then easing her down with feather light kisses. Buffy was shaking in his grip. He was the only thing that she could really feel – the only tangible thing that she could comprehend and, once again, Xander was holding her steady in this reality. Basing her in them and, more remarkably, making her breathe again. She could only imagine how hard he must be and she wished vaguely that she could see…touch it and feel him shuddering and reacting to her control again. Slayer Buffy wanted the control back…the other 97% of her wanted Xander to never leave the space between her thighs ever again.

She was burning up and yet Xander’s heat seemed to be over powering her own. She had never felt so exposed and so comfortable in that fact as she did with Xander. He made this place and feeling something that she could live with forever. “…love you…loveyouXan…” Her eyes dropped shut and she bit her lips but didn’t stifle her moan.

Xander rubbed the slippery swollen flesh that she had exposed to him with light strokes and closed his eyes. Xander let his senses drink her in – the sounds she was making, the feel of her heart beat through the sensitive skin he was tonguing eagerly. He could taste her and smell her and feel her…drown in her and he wanted to. Xander wanted to feast on her and he did, his tongue thrusting inside and being clenched there. Nuzzling her most intimate parts with gentle shakes of his head and sucking on her clit. Back and forth, where ever it seemed that she was excited by him being the most. Buffy’s hips were jerking against his face and he stopped his tongue fucking for a moment, replacing it with the tip of one of his thumbs where it stretched between her legs from behind and reattached his mouth to the swollen peak of flesh at the top of her vagina. He sucked and nipped while flexing his thumb to rub over just the rim of her opening. A concealed grin rose to the surface when, after a few quick passes, a breathy giggle floated down and Buffy tried weakly to shift away…not to hard, but a slight tensing that was adorable just because he was the cause of that reaction.

Buffy’s fists tightened on the comforter and she arched one final time against him and held. She held her breath and let her hips create their own rhythm against his face and tongue while the orgasm coursed through her silently. Coming out on a deep breath while her lower muscles pulsed on empty space between her legs.

Taking a deep breath Buffy reached slowly for Xander’s head as she relaxed back into the bed and ran her fingers through his hair again. His movements were languid now. Gentle petting and soft kisses that spanned over the area of her vagina and the inside of her thighs. He was so hard now that it hurt and he wanted…

Buffy moaned out loud and jerked on the bed when Xander’s teeth nipped into her sensitive clit but she let her eyes flutter shut again. “You’re a loser.” She shot back in a way that was utterly relaxed and held little clout with him. He knew it was just a weak obligatory potshot for him stopping his relaxing calming gestures in favor of trying to get a rise out of her again. With a gentle tug lifted his head from between her legs. She swallowed and let out a shaky breath while she studied his face, wet with her fluids and she could feel her arousal building again.

“Says Mrs. Loser.” Xander smiled when his comment made her eyes snap open. She watched him wait for her reaction, but whatever he was expecting she chose not to give to him. Instead, her hands combed through his hair to his cheeks and she pulled him into a slow wet kiss.

Buffy kept their mouths locked together, heads tilting in mutual attempts to dominate the kiss, and she managed to maneuver him back between her legs. She squeezed her thighs over his hips and with a last playful nip she rolled them over. Xander grunted in surprise and his hands closed around her hips. “I’ll keep my own name,” Buffy joked back at him. She giggled when his fingers released their hold on her in favor of tickling her sides, and then it melted into a hum when his hands moved to her front and he palmed her breasts.

Buffy pulled back from her excited kiss and looked down at him through hazy eyes. Her tongue slipped out over her kiss swollen lips and while Xander was still staring at her Buffy raised her hips slightly and reached down between them. Her mouth cocked into a half smile and then dropped open when she positioned the head at her entrance and let herself drop down on him. He had dropped one hand down to her hip and he grunted as he tried, in vain, to control her descent onto his hard flesh.

“Buff,” Xander hissed out while being held in the fiery hot sopping tightness of her body.

“Feel good.” Buffy assured through clenched teeth and rocked slowly on his shaft, taking him as deep as she could and frowning tightly with the effort she was using to roll her hips. She leant down and braced her hands on his chest, rotating her hips in slow hard circles, rolling back and forth, up and down while licking her lips and staring at his awed expression. The fullness stretching deeper inside her than before, pressing her inner muscles aside while they clenched in resistance.

Xander wouldn’t let his eyes close, and it was taking everything in his being to fight that urge when Buffy stopped her gently smooth rhythm and slammed down hard on his shaft. He could hear the intense wetness while her pussy sucked on him…he was moving so easily in and out of her body and feeling her surround him completely every time she moved. All Xander wanted to do was keep looking at her, since Buffy had seemed to make the same vow to herself.

He held her hips tighter and thrust his hips off the bed, forcing Buffy up with him. His mind was blank and solely focused on this, on them. Together and moving in tandem for that one moment…those mere seconds of blinding bliss and completion that Buffy had assured him she had never felt before him.

A perfect moment that was just purely them and nothing and no one could take that from them. From the very first moment that she went to bed with him Xander wanted to believe that this was forever. When he looked at her afterward he knew. He’d never let her go.

And while, since they had gotten engaged, they had made love, he felt it now. All of her completely there with him and there was no fear. She was moving on him and he knew that ass she could feel was the total comfort and relaxation and calming safety. Xander’s heart clenched and his throat restricted at the implications of that confession and he tossed his head back and redoubled his efforts, yanking her down to him harder and making her cry out loud. He couldn’t get any further inside of her and yet he wanted to. Buffy slammed down, felt his balls on her ass for a split second before she was lifted up only to repeat the sensation another split second later.

“I love you Xander,” Buffy sighed and tightened around him and released in fresh bursts of sensation. Her wetness expelling from her body and coating him. “Do you know I love you? You have to know.”

Buffy was staring at him again, more focused than before, but still with the same dark eyes while she rotated her hips on his. His eyes dropped and followed the line of her throat and down to her breasts. “Yes.” His voice hissed out of his lungs. “I know Buffy.”

Buffy was breathing hard and she leant forward, and his arms curled around her back, pulling them together so that their chests were as crushed together as their most intimate parts. Buffy undulated in his lap, unable to create lengthy strokes and settling to rub the hard flesh of his dick all over her inner self; crying out when she was able to mash her clit against his pubic bone. She stroked him up and down, once…then again…one last time while she tried to regulate her breathing to make the feeling last – keep the tingle just sharp enough without submitting to it

She arched her lower back and scraped her fingers over the tight bead of his nipple and over his stomach, only stopping when was was able to reach the rim over ht area where they were joined. She felt so full and open and she closed her lips over Xander’s when she realized it. Her fingers tickled over the base of his shaft and she caught his strangled, “Buffy,” in the midst of a strangled pant.

Xander’s eyes did shut as he sucked on her tongue. His hands smoothed down her back to her ass and he squeezed it tightly on his way down to the backs of her smooth thighs. He held onto her and halted her gyrations on his lap and rolled them over. The move was jerky but Xander refused to relinquish his any part of his hold on her. He took over the kiss when she was on her back and his hips started a more erratic slamming into hers – coupling them faster and hard than Buffy had been doing before. He loved the raw grunts and whimpers that she was releasing into him now and felt her clenching around him harder.

Buffy’s cries were inarticulate and her legs rose to lock his body closer to hers, her knees pressed just below his shoulder blades and Xander slipped one arm beneath a bent joint to help hold her there while he pushed further into her wet confines. “You…you don’t know….don’tknowwhatyoudotome…” She was panting and writhing beneath him now and Xander drew back from their kiss. Their foreheads were pressed together, the slick skin their melding them further and they kept watching each other. Every flutter of her eyes that coincided with those between her legs…every time his almost crossed with the effort it was taking to have her how he wanted her, how she wanted him to have her…they watched every reaction in the others eyes and it pushed them closer.

“Tell me,” Xander beckoned and felt the tingle start in the of of his spine. It shot forward into his groin and his hips moved faster, in harder aborted motions. “Tell me Buffy…I want to know.”

“Feel it,” Her plea ended in a whine and suddenly her head tilted up in a loud cry. Her fingers dug into the rippling muscles of his shoulders and Xander tried to clutch her closer as his hips kept their movements. his name drippled out in a drawn out warble and he did feel it. Buffy closed around him hard and rippled as her breathing managed to pick up. He bent and made himself drop sloppy kisses on her parted lips as she came all around him. He felt new warmth and suction and the slickness of her body all around him…so soft but defiant….contradictorily yielding around him, and just as he thought he would survive the sensations of her tightness contracting all around him his body said a silent ‘no way in Hell’ and exploded.

Buffy cried out again when Xander’s moan ground out of his body and he shoved himself hard into her. “I feel it,” he whispered hotly against her lower lip and when she nodded his lips brushed lightly against hers. Xander’s body pulsed through his orgasm and the room darkened further as he had kept his eyes open to watch her take him in completely. Buffy brushed his hair back from his face while he shook on top of her and he filled her in a way that she only ever wanted to have done by him.

He dropped down into a warm embrace of arms and legs when the last spasm ended and he took hard breaths against he slick skin of her neck. He pressed a shaky kiss to the artery in her neck that was still pulsing in the lingering sensation and pulled back to look her in the eyes.

Xander’s expression wavered between a satisfied smile and an awe filled stare and Buffy couldn’t fight the sting she felt in her eyes. It was the way he looked at her and what she knew he saw in her…it made her wonder why and hope that she could be everything that he already thought she was. His hand rose and brushed some of her loose hair back against the pillow and with a watery grin she shyly repeated his action by ticking his short hair behind his ear.

“Xander,” her voice was choked with emotion and Buffy didn’t try to curtail it.

“I love you Buffy.”

He thought he knew what she was going to say. He thought he knew this about her and he, for once had no clue. Buffy hugged him tighter and heard him stifle a moan as she had refused to let him slip from the sticky flaccid confines of her body. “Xander,” she repeated in a whisper. Her hands traced his face and she smiled more when he turned into her left one, placing disjointed pecks on her palm and fingers as they swiped lazily. “I want to marry you.” she told him just as his lips grazed the ring she was still wearing.

Xander reached up and caught her hand, bringing it fully to his lips. He kissed the underside of the band and then released her hand. He thrust into her again minorly when he dove back in towards her lips, catching them willingly with his own and lingering there. “You are.” He assured with a confident grin splitting his face.

“I want to do it tonight.” Buffy’s expression held steady while she waited for a response beyond his confused shock. “We can just go to Vegas or something…its only a couple of hours…”

“Your mom.” Was his first response. “Giles and Willow…”

He was right. Her mother would be pissed and Willow was so excited about the whole Maid of Honor deal. Giles was working on his tearfully pride filled speech about his surrogate children. The whole big wedding was just as much for them as it was for her on a lot of levels. She could still give them that honor, but right at that moment…this was about her and Xander…“I want us.”

All of the air left his lungs and a smile emerged.

“We don’t have to tell…”

She had mistaken his silence for his disagreement with her wishes. Far from it. His eyes opened and he looked down at her. So beautiful and perfect and everything he had ever wanted. And he had her. She wanted him too. “Pack a bag.”

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The End