What If??

Tara smiles softly as she glances up from her sketch pad, watching Buffy sleep for a few moments before turning her gaze back to the pad, quickly stroking lines and curves over the page, glancing up at her lover occasionally.

Buffy frowns as she slowly wakes up, hearing an unfamiliar noise. Running her hand over the bed, she opens her eyes as she realizes she’s in bed alone... again. As she’s about ready to bitch, she stops and watches as Tara places quick strokes on her art pad. Shifting to prop her head up, Buffy watches Tara silently for a few long moments, smiling as blue eyes slowly lift to lock with hers.

“Morning, sweetie.” Tara smiles softly as she sets aside the pad, dropping her charcoal back in the box as she slowly stands walking to the bed. Leaning down she places a gentle kiss on Buffy’s lips before sitting beside her lover. Running her thumb gently over Buffy’s cheek, Tara whispers quietly. “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you, last night.”

“No problem.” Buffy looks over Tara’s charcoal stained clothes before raising an eyebrow. “How long were you up?”

“A couple hours.” Tara admits, her hand stroking down the slayer’s strong neck. “I need to go shower and get off the charcoal smears, don’t I?” Tara questions as she sees her hands and the streaks of charcoal on them, knowing she’s probably got them on her face and the rest of her body.

“So, it’s not just paint you get messy with?” Buffy smirks as she eyes the witch, reaching up to brush at one particularly dark charcoal smudge on the witch’s cheek.

“Nope. I’m pretty much messy with everything.” Tara’s eyes twinkle as she turns her gaze from Buffy’s eyes to slowly traverse down her lover’s half-covered body. “But, I must admit, I do need to make a trip to the art store and pick up a couple more pads.”

“Are they open on Sundays?” Buffy slides her body closer to Tara’s, running a hand over her lover’s back.

“They’re open from 10-2 on Sundays.” Tara murmurs, closing her eyes as Buffy’s hand caresses her back.

Buffy’s eyes turn to the clock. “It’s early. I would have thought it would be later than 8:00.” Buffy states softly, moaning quietly as Tara starts to stroke a hand through her hair.

“We kind of went to bed early last night.” Tara admits quietly.

“That’s okay. We’re allowed to sleep occasionally.” Buffy smirks, then chuckles as Tara pinches her gently on her arm. “Okay, we’re allowed to sleep more than occasionally.”

“Better.” Tara smiles lovingly at Buffy. “Shower time? Then come back and finish off the meat and cheese for breakfast?”

“Hmmm. Depends. Do I get to see what you were sketching?” Buffy’s eyes open to look at Tara.

“Of course you can.” Tara smiles before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on Buffy’s lips, before standing. Flipping the pad to the first page, she hands it to Buffy after she props her back against the head of the bed.

Buffy takes a moment watching as Tara climbs in to sit beside her on the bed, before turning her gaze to the art pad in her hand. Looking at the sketch of her face, Buffy’s stunned at the likeness. As she slowly turns the pages, looking at the progressively more detailed, fuller bodied sketches, Buffy whimpers quietly. “Please tell me you aren’t planning on using these for my mom’s present.” Buffy turns worried eyes on Tara.

Tara raises an eyebrow before glancing down at the full bodied sketch of Buffy’s body, shown in intimate detail with the blanket just covering the barest minimum of her lover’s sex. “You don’t think she would appreciate the artists rendering of her daughter?” Tara glances up, her eyes twinkling merrily. “Turn to the one I was working on, sweetie. It’s the next one and the last so far.”

Buffy gently flips the page, blushing deeply. “I know I was covered with the blanket!”

“You were. Artist’s poetic license. Plus I know what the blanket was hiding.” Tara smirks at her lover as she glances down at the sketch. “You have an absolutely beautiful body, Buffy. I would love to sketch you dressed as you are now, without the blanket of course, in some of your fighting stances. The play of muscle, the shadows…Goddess! It would be unbelievable.”

Buffy slowly closes the art pad, blushing profusely in embarrassment. “Who is going to be seeing these…drawings?” Buffy questions softly.

“Just us.” Tara turns to run a thumb over her lover’s bottom lip. “Unless you were willing for me to have them at a showing. I would never sell them, though. I am supposed to have some nudes for my art class by the end of the year. If you don’t want me to use you as a model, I’ll have to sign up for some night classes the teacher provides with a model. But that’s not anything that we have to worry about for a couple months yet.”

“You have to…Nude?” Buffy squeaks.

“Yes. Part of our final grade is on charcoal sketches, paintings, nudes, nature…” Tara smiles at Buffy. “It kind of has to be a well-rounded folio. If you don’t want to have your absolutely beautiful body displayed, I’ll do whatever model they have for the class I’ll have to take.”

“So, you could be sketching a male?” Buffy frowns deeply, not liking that thought.

“Yes.” Tara nods as she grasps the pad, standing to put it back in its place.

“Wouldn’t that bother you?” Buffy questions.

“No, why should it?” Tara turns her gaze on her lover, before realizing what the hang up is. “Sweetie, my drawing a person’s body would be the same to me as drawing that…” Tara eyes glance around the room, lighting on her desk. “That desk there. It’s just an object to be drawn.”

“So, I’m an object to be drawn?” Buffy pouts, but feels her lip trying to curl up in a smile as she realizes what Tara’s saying.

“You are being rotten on purpose.” Tara mutters before walking over to the bed and tapping Buffy on the nose. “No, you are not an object. You’re my love, my life, my everything. I would much rather draw, sketch, paint you any day of the week than anything else.”

“Oooh. Sounds like we’re cycling back around to the body paints again.” Buffy grins, climbing out of the bed and wrapping Tara up in a gentle hug. “I need to run to the bathroom.” Buffy admits as she pulls away.

“And I need a shower.” Tara grins crookedly at the slayer. “Let’s go get cleaned up, sweetie.”

“Yeah, I might as well shower while I’m there.” Buffy eyes Tara for a moment, before turning and pulling on a robe, tying the sash tightly before grabbing her overnight bag, watching as Tara grasps her robe and shower kit.

“If you want, I’ve already added your toothbrush and deodorant to my shower kit. You can get cleaned up, then come back here to put your clothes on.” Tara offers softly, smiling as Buffy sets down her bag before walking to the door.

“You don’t have to twist my arm. I know a good deal when I hear it.” Buffy grins as she opens the door. “Got your keys?”

“Yes, I do.” Tara pats her shorts pocket as she walks out of the room, Buffy following closely behind as they walk down to the communal showers.

“You know, if they had made these shower stalls a little bit bigger…” Buffy wiggles her eyebrows as she trails off.

“We would run the whole dorm out of hot water.” Tara chuckles quietly. “Let’s get cleaned up, sweetie.”

“Okay.” Buffy sighs quietly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Tara grins.

*************************

Buffy watches as Tara finishes eating her sandwich. Having finished the rest of the lunchmeat and cheese on her two sandwiches, Buffy was munching on popcorn as Tara eats the last of her sandwich. Buffy grins at the dark hickey on her lover’s neck, enjoying the sight of the pristine white column of the witch’s neck bearing her mark.

“You aren’t thinking about pouncing on me again are you?” Tara questions softly as she sips her juice, watching the grin crossing her lover’s face.

“What if I am?” Buffy sets the bag down before crawling the short distance towards Tara, pushing the witch gently back so she’s lying flat on the floor, with Buffy looking down into the laughing blue eyes. “Maybe I want to give you a matching mark on the other side of your neck.” Buffy eyes the soft skin, before her gaze travels down to the witch’s covered breasts. “Or maybe leave my mark somewhere else.”

“I think you already left multiple marks ‘somewhere else’.” Tara chuckles as Buffy pouts.

“Don’t mean I can’t put more on you. You’ve got all this white creamy skin that’s just crying out to me. ‘Come mark me, put your stamp on me, I want to be flushed red for a week also.’ How am I supposed to ignore that?” Buffy questions, smiling.

“No, I guess you can‘t. The only thing is, if we start that again, we’ll still be here at dinnertime.” Tara gently rubs her hands up and down the slayer’s sides. “I kind of want to check in on Faith. See if I can figure out where we stand.” Tara admits quietly.

Buffy nods her head, sighing softly as she stands up, helping Tara to stand. “And we have to stop at the art store and pick you up another art pad.”

“Definitely need more art pads. I have a feeling a certain slayer is going to be taking up a lot of them.” Tara murmurs as she kisses Buffy briefly. “Let’s go, sweetie.”

“Okay.” Buffy grabs the keys, tucking them in her jeans pocket before grabbing the piece of cloth out of her bag, tucking it away in case it’s needed.

*************

Tara chuckles as Buffy pinches her on her butt as they walk into Faith’s room. “Hi, Joyce.” Tara looks up, grinning at Buffy’s mom. “How’s everything?” Tara questions as she sets down the small bag, Buffy placing the larger bag with the sketch pads in it against the wall.

“More movement.” Joyce smiles at the young woman, and her daughter. “I could swear she tried to squeeze my hand.” Joyce smiles down at Faith.

“You sticking around?” Buffy questions watching her mom.

“Would it be okay if I stayed?” Joyce looks at Tara.

“Of course.” Tara smiles gently as she walks around the bed, scooting the chair close to the bed as she’d done before. “If you two want to talk, or whatever, that’s fine.” Tara smiles as she watch’s Buffy lean against the wall by the door in her normal position.

“How long?” Buffy questions looking at the clock.

Tara looks up at the clock, realizing it’s a little after 11:00. “Give me to 4:00. If you get hungry, maybe Joyce wouldn’t mind grabbing you something from the cafeteria?” Tara looks hopefully at the older woman. “I’m assuming you’ll leave before that to go home ready to fix dinner?”

“Probably. I’m planning on making meatloaf, mashed potatoes, salad and some other vegetables for dinner.” Joyce thinks quietly. “I’ll probably make two decent sized meatloaf’s since Xander will be coming to eat dinner also.”

“Well, that’s dinner for me and Xander. What are you two going to eat?” Buffy smirks at her mother.

“Very funny.” Joyce rolls her eyes at her daughter. “I’ll probably leave around two.”

“Well, let’s see if Faith is feeling sociable.” Tara runs her hand over the dark slayer’s forehead. “I’ll be back later.” Tara smiles at Joyce then Buffy. “Love you.” Tara whispers at Buffy, smiling at the obvious love looking back at her.

“I love you, too.” Buffy smiles back as she watches Tara close her eyes, placing her hand over the slayer, going into the trance to visit with Faith.

“Why don’t you sit down, honey?” Joyce questions shifting to watch Buffy.

“I run interference, in case someone tries to come in.” Buffy admits quietly. “After Tara’s first visit, there was a lot more brain activity with Faith and the doctors and nurses were in an uproar, wanting to know what Tara did when we came back the next day. We played it off as being simple prayer. They wanted to be in here when she did it again, so I kind of threatened them with a lawsuit.” Buffy smirks at her mom. “Some stupid nonsense about obstruction of her right to practice her religion her way.”

Joyce chuckles quietly. “So you want to make sure no one tries to come in while she’s working her magic?” Joyce looks back at Tara, watching as the slight frown seems to smooth out on her forehead.

“If you watch either one of them closely, you’ll see their facial features move. With Tara it’s more noticeable, with Faith you have to pay close attention.” Buffy shifts her eyes from her mother to Tara’s, as she sighs quietly. “The waiting is the worse.” Buffy admits, shifting around to get more comfortable.

Joyce smiles sadly at her daughter. “Hopefully Faith will want to get better, sweetie.”

“I hope so.” Buffy whispers, the pain obvious in her voice.

****************

Faith honestly doesn’t know what to think as Tara arrives. She’d been aware of Joyce for a while, listening to the woman talk about anything and everything that occurs to her. When the woman apologized repeatedly about not making her come stay with them. Make sure that she had someone to talk to, to just be there for her, Faith could hear the sincerity in the woman’s voice, the caring. Finally deciding to see what Tara may want to say, Faith thinks herself towards the woman, making form and appearing right in front of her.

“Hi, Faith.” Tara smiles softly at the woman, noticing the confused state she’s in. “Do you want to talk?” Tara comes straight to the point, the smile falling from her face.

“Why is everyone being so fuckin’ nice to me?” Faith growls, frowning deeply. “I want the truth, do they actually care? Or is it a fuckin’ set up for me to come to and send me back to the Council to be taken out?”

Tara sighs quietly, watching the woman. “Okay, first off, they do care for you. They all feel like they let you down, that if they’d done things differently you wouldn’t be where you are. Buffy wants her sister slayer back, Faith. Joyce wants you to come stay with them. Hell, given the chance Xander would probably get down on his knees begging you to give him another chance at being the friend he feels he should have been instead of fucking you. Is that what you want to know?” Tara states bluntly, laying it all out on the table.

Faith blinks a couple times at the blunt words of the blonde, before a genuine smile crosses her face. “Damn, girl can say it like it is.”

“Yes, well, don’t get too happy just yet.” Tara allows a quick smile to cross her face before becoming serious again. “We have Giles trying to talk to the Council. None of us are willing to allow you to be taken back to the Council. Honestly, with everything that Buffy told me about what they did to her, and how when she felt her and Angel might have been making some headway with you and they came in, I’d rather them stay the hell away from here. I don’t trust them.”

“Yeah, well, I ain’t exactly a girl scout.” Faith admits finally. “I fucked up, not them. I’m the one that killed Finch, I’m the one that killed that dude for Wilky. Strangled Xan, held a knife to Red’s neck. It wasn’t them, it was me.”

“Faith, none of us believe that all that would have happened, if you’d had the support and friendship that you were entitled to. That you deserved.” Tara softly makes the statements. “Everyone screwed up. Everyone! Not just you, not just Buffy, but everyone made mistakes. I just want to give everyone the chance to make things… no you can’t make them right, but maybe make amends. To earn forgiveness, to be given another chance. Whether you want to believe it or not, you being like this is tearing Buffy up inside. The guilt and pain she feels for stabbing you, is literally eating away at her. She isn’t aware that I know this, she talked about it some, but I can see it every time we talk about you. If you came to and never forgave her, you might as well bury that knife in Buffy, because you’ll kill her.”

Faith stares in stunned disbelief at the woman. “She has the knife?” She whispers.

“Yes, she kept it. It’s in a box in her closet. Don’t ask me why she kept it. I can hazard a guess, but I can’t say why.” Tara frowns. “Is there any chance whatsoever you can possibly forgive these people and give them a chance at being your friend?”

Faith swallows hard, thinking for a few long minutes. “You have a tendency to fuck with my mind, witch.” Faith runs a hand through her hair, watching the witch. “Give me a while. Let me think. Can you bring someone else in with ya’ when you visit?”

“Yes.” Tara answers simply, watching the dark haired woman as the emotions cross her face.

“See if B will come with you.” Faith whispers looking at the woman. “I want to talk with her.”

“Okay. Do you want to talk to her now, or would you rather wait? It’s Sunday, I won’t be able to get back here ‘til Saturday.” Tara admits softly.

“How long have I been out?” Faith finally questions, what’s been on her mind since the witch first came to visit her.

Tara sighs quietly. “Roughly six months. Thanksgiving was Thursday, hence my being able to come here the last three days.”

“I’ve been out for six months.” Faith hoarsely whispers.

“Yes.” Tara watches as Faith nods her head in acceptance.

“See you next week, witch.” Faith allows a small smile to cross her face. “Bring B with ya’.”

“I will, Faith. Take care.” Tara answers softly watching as the woman’s essences fades away, breathing a little easier.

**************

Buffy stands up quickly as she watch’s the obvious signs of Tara coming back. Looking quickly at her mother, she smiles nervously.

“Hey, sweetie.” Tara smiles softly at Buffy.

“Everything okay?” Buffy kneels down beside Tara, leaning into the witch’s caress, as Tara runs a hand gently through her hair.

“I think it’s going to be. It’s going to take some time, but we’re going to get there.” Tara smiles as Buffy hugs her tightly. “Thanks for coming, Joyce. I think it helped a lot.”

“I should have come more frequently than I did.” Joyce sighs quietly. “Can’t undo the past, but maybe we can go forward doing better.”

“That’s all we can do.” Tara smiles. “We’ll see you first thing Saturday, Faith.” Tara stands, reaching back for the dark-haired slayer, grasping her hand gently. “I promise.”

“I’ll be right behind you.” Buffy smiles as Tara and Joyce leave the room. Swallowing hard, Buffy plays with the sheet beside Faith. “Faith, I want you to know that I’ll do anything I can to help you. Just come back to us, okay? I think that would be the best Christmas present any of us could ask for. Think about it? I got to see if Giles has gotten anywhere with the Council. Because we sure as hell aren‘t going to allow them anywhere near you. I don‘t even think Tara likes them much, just with the little bit I told her about them. She‘s strong, Faith. Stronger than you can imagine for a woman that‘s been what she‘s been through. She can probably help you more than all of us combined, if you let her. I better go, we got some stuff we got to get taken care of today. Maybe I can stop by a couple times this week and visit you, if that‘s okay?” Buffy whispers, clasping the slayer‘s hand in her own, gently squeezing it. Buffy sighs, watching the slayer for a few minutes. When she feels a very slight squeeze back, Buffy grins. “I‘ll take that as a yes. Thanks, Faith. Thanks for giving us another chance.”

Buffy smiles as she pats the slayer’s hand before quickly leaving, catching up to her mother and lover waiting down the hallway.

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