Complement

XXI – what lies beyond

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They all went back into the shop immediately after the sun rose brightly in the sky.

Giles slowly headed over to the bookshelves, obviously in pain and a little dopey still from the pain medication but ready to go into research mode regardless. Willow helped Faith get Tara comfortable at the table, she gathered some paper and pens, giving them to Faith and left the two of them giggling and drawing. Willow joined Giles over at the bookshelves, quickly switching from Blondie's-girl to Research-girl in the blink of an eye.

Spike ran for the back corner away from the sun's rays that were falling across the floor. He wondered if Giles had any blood here, he couldn't remember the last time he had fed. "Watcher... Toss me a book..." He demanded in a bored tone. Didn't want the bloody wankers to think he really wanted to help, just that he had nothing better to do.

Anya started puttering around, movihinghings, cleaning, doing shinghing to keep herself occupied. Xander followed her wanting to help but just kept getting in her way. He decided to go help Willow and Giles with researching before he ended up just pissing off his girlfriend.

Buffy stood a few feet just inside of the door. She watched all of them, each helping her, Dawn, the world, in their own way. She loved them all, she would need more than just this one lifetime to ever tell or show them just how much. She knew that without them she would have been dead by now. She would not have survived without their support, encouragement and love. She looked at Faith with a renewed sense of amazement, and awe that she had managed to survive all alone. Buffy couldn't imagine going through all that Faith had been through all alone in the world.

Buffy walked over to the table and stood behind her lover. She draped her arms over Faith's shoulders and rested her chin on the top of her head. She was tired and as she looked around, she saw that she wasn't the only one. It was in all of their body language, in the way they were moving as if they were underwater. In the heavy droopy-eyed look they all shared. It had been close to twenty-four hours since any of them had slept. Still they were here pushing themselves beyond their limits, doing it because they were a family. And at least for their family, family took care of family.

They were all like the walking dead, well, one of them actually was the walking dead and even he looked tired. She knew they would stay here researching, looking for answers until they fell on their faces from exhaustion. If they all didn't get some rest, none of them would be good for anything or anyone. Buffy had to trust her instincts that Glory wouldn't harm her sister until it was time to perform the ritual. Spilling Dawn's blood prematurely would only ruin all of her plans. Like every other time she had to deal with demons and some type of magic she was sure that the ritual wouldn't be performed until after nightfall, sometime probably around midnight.

It was time for Slayer Buffy and just plain ole' Buffy to send her family home to get some much needed rest.

"Hey guys..." she waited until they all turned their attention to her before continuing, "I think that we should call it a night... um... morning and go ggo get some rest. Then meet back here later this afternoon."

They all started to protest at once, "Time was of the essence," Giles pointed out to her. Buffy knew that better then anyone else, it was her sister that skanky-ass-bad-haired-exiled-god wanted to bleed just so she could go home. God, she thought, she was starting to sound like Faith, who then tipped her head back and smiled at her like she knew what Buffy was thinking. But she also knew that they were all way past the point of exhaustion and were more likely to miss things, make mistakes. And she loved them all the more for protesting.

"I understand that better than anyone Giles. But we're all exhausted, we all need sleep. How are we even going to defeat Glory if we are all falling down from exhaustion? Are we going to dream her to death?" So maybe she hadn't need to add that part. "Sorry. I'm tired too. None of us have slept or eaten since yesterday morning. I appreciate that you all want to stay and research... but... the only person we help is Glory if we don't at least get a little rest."

After a few more grumbling protests she finally got them all to agree to go home and get some rest. They decided to meet back at the Magic Shop at four. Willow and Tara were going to stay with the Slayers at the mansion, since they now had an open-air room thanks to Glory.
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Faith had waited in the shower for Buffy who was showing Willow and Tara to one of the many bedrooms in the Mansion, after about fifteen minutes she finally gave up and got out. She was already dressed in sweat pants and a t-shirt when Buffy entered the bedroom. Buffy just walked right over to her and Faith wrapped her in her arms and held her tight. They stayed tway way for long minutes, neither needed to say anything, they could feel what the other was feeling.

Reluctantly Buffy moved out of Faith's arms. She gently ran her hand down the side of her lover's face, who captured it and held it pressed over her heart.

"Why don't you go take a nice hot shower and I'll go downstairs and get us something to eat and drink."

"'K," Buffy leaned up and gave Faith a soft kiss, before she left to go take a shower.

Faith was surprised to see Willow sitting at the counter in the kitchen, a glass of Orange Juice in front of her. She quickly glanced around but she didn't see Tara anywhere. "Hey Red. Couldn't sleep?"

"Hey," Willow looked up at Faith, and saw how tired, worried the Dark Slayer was. "Where's Buffy?"

"Takin' a shower. Ah... Red... Willow."

That certainly got Willow's attention; Faith only used people's full names when she was dead serious about something. Willow watched her and waited, curious about what it was that Faith wanted to talk or ask her about something.

Faith had been wondering if she had actually felt Willow when she tried to reopen her connection with Buffy at the apartment. She tried to remember if it happened before or after Anya had told her what type of spell Willow had been doing. But everything that happened at the apartment was kind of blurry.

"When you were doing that mind-meld thing with Buffy did you ah... did you a..."

"Yes," Willow cut Faith off, knowing what she was going to ask. "I felt the connection. It kinda set me off balance. I didn't realize how strong the connection between you and Buffy had grown. But I never expected that I would be able to feel you, or recognize that it was you, even if I was inside of Buffy's mind. It was sort of..."

"Strange... Yeah I know... But it's grown, well at least for me, to be even more than just echoes of feelings between us now... I'm getting..." Faith stopped talking abruptly; she turned her head up towards the stairs, a look of concentration coming over her face. "We'll have to finish this later Red, I gotta..."

Willow didn't catch the rest as Faith took off running for the stairs, taking them two at a time. Hesitating but a second, she took off after Faith. Her first thought after Faith left so abruptly was Glory. Shit! What if Glory had found them here?!? That was all it took to get the witch up and moving, her eyes already beginning to glow darkly.
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Faith raced into the bathroom and found Buffy huddled in the corner of the large tub. She was curled up into a fetal ball, crying. The sadness, the guilt surrounding her was so thick that Faith almost felt like she was pushing her way through it. She climbed into the tub, knelt down, and picked Buffy up in her arms, cradling her like a delicate piece of china. She whispered soothing words to her as she carried her out of the bathroom, stopping only long enough to grab a towel to wrap around her lover.

Buffy burrowed deeper into Faith's arms, she wrapped her own arms around Faith's neck, and buried her head there, crying softly. She was releasing everything that had built up inside of her over the last forty-eight hours. All the guilt over what had happened to Tara, had happened to Giles. For the dead Knight's who were only doing what they thought was right when theied ied to kill Dawn, but still didn't deserve to die that way. For what had happened and was happening to her sister, who was now at the mercy of a lunatic exiled-god.

Willow entered the bedroom just as Faith exited the bathroom holding Buffy. Faith stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Willow standing there, her eyes completely black, with an unholy light in them. Willow turned her gaze on Faith, and Faith backed up a step a little afraid of the redheaded witch, not sure if Willow even recognized her.

"Red?" Faith whispered.

Buffy lifted her head from Faith's shoulder and looked at Willow. "Will?" Willow turned her gaze on Buffy and Buffy felt a shiver go down her spine when she looked into Willow's now black eyes. "Willow," she said again a little more firmly.

Willow closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, they were back to their normal shade of emerald green. She saw the Chosen Two staring at her with concern and... was that a little bit of fear she saw too? "I ah... I... when you took off like that, I thought maybe Glory was here... so I followed... I was worried something had happened to Buffy... so I was getting ready with a spell to help, you know... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to ah... intrude... "

Both the Slayers' smiled at her; this was the Willow they had come to know and love, the babbler, the best friend who would face any enemy to protect her frs.
s.

"It's okay Red... I shouldn't of run off like that. I didn't mean to scare you. It's just I felt B calling out to me. I guess I panicked a little myself." Faith smiled at her again, but she couldn't erase the image of Willow staring at her with those black eyes. Red and her were going to have a little talk after all this Glory business was put to rest. That was for sure, 'cause Faith knew those black eyes and that unholy light, had nothing to do with white magic. She knew from her own experience coulcould not straddle the fence between darkness and light, not just dabble with the dark side, it had a way of sucking you in, even if you didn't want to go there. She was going to make sure that Willow learned it too, make sure she learned it the easy way, not the hard way like Faith had to.

"Are you all right Buffy?"

"Yeah Wills, I just had a little pity party for myself in the shower is all. I'm okay now." Buffy smiled genuinely at Willow to let her know she really was okay. "Why don't you go get some sleep? You have to be tired."
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Faith moved over to the bed and gently placed Buffy on it, Buffy reluctantly let her go. She propped Buffy up against the pillows, pulling the sheet and comforter up and over her. She placed a soft kiss on Buffy's forehead. "You better now?" Faith asked her quietly, a little awkwardly.

"I am now. I just needed to let it out, you know? So much has happened over the last two days. I guess I'm on overload. Well not guess, pretty much was on overload. Probably why I did that whole lets make like a Buffy-mannequin thing. I guess I'm just feeling a little needy right now."

Faith looked into Buffy's tired, sad eyes; there was strength, determination there, and need. With a shock, she realized that the need was for her. Buffy needed her, was looking to and turning to her for what it was that she needed. Not Willow, Giles, or Xander, it was to her, Faith that Buffy was turning to, she who had never had anyone ever need anything from her before, not anything that counted anyway. The only thing anyone ever wanted or needed from her was sex, taking it from her if she didn't give it willingly. Was that what Buffy wanted from her? But she couldn't believe that was it, she knew on some deep level that it wasn't what Buffy needed or wanted from her right now. There was more to them then just that, she knew that. Still she was confused.

If just never occurred to her that Buffy would ever need her, not in any real way, not in any way that counted. It scared her a little. Did she even know how to do this? What if she disappointed her, didn't give Buffy what it was she needed? What if she failed? What could she possible have to offer Buffy that Buffy couldn't or didn't already get from someone else?

Buffy watched Faith as the emotions flitted across her face, as she felt them in the echoes that had become increasingly stronger between them over the last two days. She watched as the realization came to Faith that it was her she needed, not someone else. As a little fear seeped in, fear that she wouldn't be able to give her what she needed. Confusion as to what she should do, how to handle the whole thing. It came to Buffy that no one had ever needed Faith before, not in any real way. Then she got the echo of the only thing that anyone had ever wanted, needed or taken from Faith was sex. It saddened her to think that Faith had been taught the only thing of value she had to offer anyone was that.

Faith felt Buffy's eyes upon her, and raised her gaze up to her. In an instant, she knew that Buffy was getting all of this in an echo. As she stared into those eyes, she realizhat hat she had more value to Buffy then just how good she was in bed. She felt a little ridiculous even thinking after all that had happened between them that, that was all there was between them. She believed, knew Buffy loved her, but old habits, old insecurities just didn't die overnight because you wanted them to. They managed to rear their ugly heads when you were the most vulnerable.

Buffy smiled encouragingly at Faith, letting her know she understood what was going through the Dark Slayer's mind, and giving her time to figure it out on her own. She wasn't being mean or trying to put Faith on the spot, she just wanted Faith to realize her own self worth. To realize what it was that she meant to Buffy and truly believe it.

That smile was enough, Faith wasn't sure exactly what Buffy needed from her, but she knew it wasn't just sex. She believed she meant more to Buffy then just that, and she learned a little bit more in that instant what love really was, is. Standing there dripping on the carpet in her wet clothes, shivering a little in the chilly morning air, she gathered her courage around her and just spoke from her heart, "I never had anyone ever need me before. The only thing anyone ever needed from me or wanted from me was sex and I know that's not what you need from me right now. So I'm not really sure what needneed from me or what it is I have to offer, you know? I just know that whatever it is, if you tell me I will do everything within my power to give it to you..."

"Whether you realize it or not Faith you already have been giving me what I need. Have been before this. Coming up stairs, lifting me from the tub, holding me while I cried. Putting me in bed. Just being here. It's not anything you can buy or go get from downstairs. It's just you I need. You've been there for me, even when you weren't actually with me. I could feel you inside, in those echoes we share. All I need is you... Just you..."

"You've already got me..." It finally became clear to the Dark Slayer. It was to her Buffy now looked to, to be comforted, for a strong shoulder to cry or lean on., to share her happiness, her sorrow, her joy, her pain. And it wasn't until now that Faith realized that Buffy needed her just as much as she needed Buffy. They were partners, equals, lovers, all of that and sharing, helping each other, was all part of it. A little bit more of the fear, the insecurities she had grown up believing started to fall away.

"And you've got me... now come to bed, we both need to get some sleep..."

"'K... just gotta get changed... my clothes got kinda a little, well a lot wet..."

"Just take them off... I want to feel the warmth of you... just you, next to me..."

Faith took off her wet sweats and t-shirt and aiming for the bathroom, tossed them across the room. She crawled into bed next to Buffy and lay on her back. She pulled Buffy over on top of her, folding her into her arms. One hand came up gently to stroke her hair, the other to rest lightly against Buffy's waist.

Buffy buried her head once again in Faith's neck and shoulder, her hand came up to soothingly stroke along her neck and collarbone.

"I missed you B. Missed you more then I ever missed anyone or anything ever in my life."

"I missed you too, b" B" Buffy snuggled in closer to Faith, feeling safe fhe fhe first time in two days, and knowing that together they would get through this, see to it that everyone came through it safe and sound. She let out a small sigh, lightly kissed the Dark Slayer on the neck and drifted off to sleep.

Faith listened to Buffy's even, steady breathing, she kissed the top of her head, then drifted off joining her in sleep.
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"Welcome, Child."

The Slayer looked up, seeing the old woman, blinking in surprise. Only a second ago she had been snuggled in bed with her lover, sleeping deeply for the first time in two days. She should be cranky, but she wasn't, instead what she felt was fear. Fear because she knew she didn't come here on her own, rather the Fates had called her here, which could only mean one thing.

"The time has come, hasn't it?" Her voice trembled a little. The Slayer looked into Atropos' eyes and saw that they were a little sad. Atropos just nodded at her.

"Come over here Child," Lachesis beckoned her.

The Slayer walked over to the Fate known as the Mother who was weaving away on the Tapestry of Life. She had known whatever it was that she needed to learn lay within the Tapestry. Atropos followed the Slayer as well as Clotho who put down her distaff and joined them. They stood around the Tapestry, but the Slayer stubbornly refused to look down at it.

"What good is any of this? 'Cause if I'm not mistaken I don't remember any of it when I'm awake, do I?" The Slayer smiled at the startled expressions of the Fates. She guessed she wasn't supposed to remember that either, they had underestimated her again. "Didn't think I knew that, did you? So what's the point?"

Of course it was Atropos who spoke for the Fates, "Well, actually no. Neither here nor during your waking hours are you supposed to remember that. Then again, we should have expected that, as the time drew nearer, the veil of magic making you forget would grow thinner." Atropos smiled at the Slayer when she gave her a, and-your-point-is look. "Yes well... It is not that we don't want you to remember, it is more that we were trying to protect you in a way. There were things that needed to take their natural course without our interference, without the knowledge you will gain from us here. By doing it this way, when the time comes for you to make your choice in the coming battle, it will not be influenced by us in any way. We are only here to show you what those choices are, we will not show you the consequences of your choice however. Once you understand your choices, you will know the consequence of each one of them. So look upon the Tapestry of Life and learn the last of it. When the time is right, you will remember all of it. And you will remember us forever after that... should you choose to."

The Slayer looked down at the Tapestry of Life with a heavy heart and watched as it came to life, showing her what she needed to know, showing the choices, all of which would, could forever change her life.
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Faith woke just before noon. She felt incredibly rested, 'Slayer metabolism,' she thought, 'gotta love it.' Just like their accelerated healing their bodies required less sleep to rejuvenate. She knew one of the reasons she had slept so well was because Buffy had slept beside her. She had always slept so much before out of simple boredom. There hadn't been a whole hell of a lot in her life that made her have any desire to get out of bed. Her dreams for the most part were more welcome than the reality of her everyday life before now.

All that had changed over the last few weeks, and months. Thanks to a certain vampire with a soul who refused to give up on her, who had offered her a hand in friendship, in understanding, not once but three times. And to a certain blond-haired Slayer who gave her another chance, became her friend, her lover, the keeper of her heart and soul. And because of Buffy's, no, THEIR friends that were more then just that, they were their family. Now she couldn't wait to wake in the morning and see what the new day brought to her. Wake up to spend time with her family, her lover, just enjoy the simplicity of living life.

Now there was some skanky-bad-haired-bitch threatening Dawn, Buffy's sister. Dawn, who was for all intent and purposes, Faith's sister, if not by actual blood, most definitely by reasons of the heart and not just threatening Dawn but of of reality. An exiled god who had sucked Tara's brain and who knew how many others. An exiled-god who was threatening to take all of that away, not just from her, but from all of them. Faith pushed down the rage, calming herself, it would get her nowhere, except to wake Buffy, which she didn't want to do. She had been exhausted that morning, the last two days taking more of an emotional and physical toll on her then they had on Faith. She knew Buffy wouldn't sleep much longer, but whatever little bit extra she could get, Faith didn't want to cut short.

Faith gently untangled herself from Buffy, and smiled like she did every time as Buffy grumbled a protest in her sleep. She gently brushed Buffy's hair off her face before she went downstairs. She quietly made her way to the kitchen not wanting to wake the witches whom she was sure needed more sleep then they did. She put on a large pot of coffee, and gathered the makings for breakfast out of the refrigerator. She tried to keep her mind focused on the simple task of making breakfast. She didn't want to think about the fear that was twisting her insides into knots. Not fear for herself, but fear for Dawn, for Buffy, for everyone. As much as she tried not to think about it, she knew the odds were against all of them surviving this night. Faith knew she would without the slightest hesitation sacrifice her own life to save any one of them. She silently thanked whoever it was for giving her this second chance. For giving her the opportunity to know what it felt like to feel, to be whole. What it was like to be needed just because it was her and not because someone was looking to get something from her. But most of all for giving her a family and to know what it was like to love and to be loved in return.

She finished making the pancakes and jumped up on the counter; glad no one was around to see her do it. B or Dawn always yelled at her for putting her bare feet up on the counter instead of pulling over a chair and using that to reach the top shelves. But hell it was just easier this way. She grabbed the hot coffee carafe and the snack tables down from the shelf.

She filled the carafe with the fresh coffee, and the creamer with half-and-half. She went through a mental checklist as she put everything on the snack tray. Carafe of coffee, creamer, sugar, platter of pancakes, syrup, powdered sugar, butter, plates, napkins, coffee cups, silverware, and two large glasses of orange juice. Faith looked at the overloaded tray and laughed. There was no way she was getting up the stairs without an accident,way way in hell. But Faith being who she was didn't do the logical or practical thing and make two trips, that would be out of character for her. Instead, she carefully lifted the tray and made her way from the kitchen to her, no, their bedroom upstairs. She mumbled to herself the whole way, talking to the items on the tray and asking them nicely not to fall off.

Buffy was sitting up in bed, four pillows propped up behind her. She was giggling when Faith entered the room, and Faith turned beet red knowing that Buffy had probably heard her talking to the food nicely, and then threatening it when the platter of pancakes almost took a header off the tray.

Faith paused right inside the doorway and just watched that beautiful smiling face. Heard the lightness in Buffy's giggles, making her feel young herself. She gave Buffy a lopsided grin and for just a second it was as if everything was right with the world. For just a second they were two ordinary people in love; vampires, demons, and lunatic exiled-gods were just the stuff that fairy tales were made of.

For just a second... and then that second was gone. But what a beautiful second it was.
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Buffy watched Faith as she stood in the doorway, all shy and blushing, and thought she looked adorable. No matter how insane it was to be having these thoughts when the whole world could become one big demon playground tonight she still had them. After all these years of being a Slayer she had learned a few important lessons. She had learned to live within the moment. Had learned, to take the happiness when it came even if it was surrounded with sorrow, or fear, because she might never get the chance again, especially since she woke up every morning wondering if today was the day she was going to die. It did not make her forget her responsibility as the Slayer, or that a lunatic exiled-god had her sister. If anything, it was moments like these that made her remember those things even more acutely. Pointed out to her glaringly, harshly, that her sister wasn't here. That Dawn wouldn't be enjoying Faith's famous strawberry pancakes with them. It didn't stop the laughter from falling from her lips, it was just laughter that was wrapped in sadness.

"Ah baby, you don't know how cute you look standing there talking to our breakfast." Buffy giggled again as Faith turned even redder, she half expected Faith to start shuffling her feet on the ground and going Ah shucks, B. But if that really happened Buffy would have been demanding to know who the impostor standing in their doorway was, because she knew that wouldn't be her Faith, and Faith didn't disappoint her.

"Yeah B, just fucking adorable. That's me all right. Fucking A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E!" Faith grumbled but was secretly pleased that Buffy thought she was cute. She set the tray down on one of the nightstands and went about removing everything. As she set up the snack tray, and made a plate of food, and a cup of coffee for Buffy and then for herself, her thoughts traveled down almost the same exact path as Buffy's had only moments earlier. The only difference between them was that Faith had started to learn to appreciate and seize the moments of happiness when she could way before she had been called. She had started learning that lesson two days after her father had left her mother when she was only six-years-old.

Faith made herself comfortable on the bed with Buffy. After about five minutes, even though she didn't want to bring it up, she asked Buffy anyway. "You want to tell me what happened yesterday when you left Xander's and Anya's?"

Buffy had been watching Faith while she ate, lost in thought. She had noticed how the Dark Slayer wolfed down her food like she expected someone to take it from her, or that if she didn't eat it fast enough she wouldn't be able to get enough or seconds. She had never asked or said anything to Faith about it. She couldn't help but wonder how many times Faith had gone hungry, either because the food had been taken from her, or there just simply wasn't any or enough.

"B?"

"Huh?" Buffy pulled herself away from her thoughts and realized Faith had asked her a question. "What?"

"Wanna tell me what happened after you left the apartment yesterday morning?"

"Well... after I told you our plan to run away..." Buffy began...
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Buffy wasn't in the least bit surprised that Faith was on feetfeet pacing around doing one of her little Faith-tirades by the time she was finished telling her the events of the day before. Buffy was so busy watching Faith after she finished talking and thinking how cute, endearing, downright sexy Faith was when she did this, that she was only catching pieces of what Faith was saying to her.

"Piece by piece..."

"...drag her by that bad-hair..."

"...no... too good.... kick her butt from here to fucking Jersey and back again..." Faith did a spinning roundhouse kick and almost took out the floor lamp to illustrate, then she went on pacing again, mumbling some more.

"... stomp on her... do a tap dance on her face..." Faith spun around caught up in her own little world and she stopped at the end of the bed, throwing her hands around growling as she continued. Buffy kept right on watching her, grinning at Faith like an idiot, as Faith started pacing again.

"...DawnDawn, she's got another fucking thing coming. Nobody.... touches Dawn. I love Dawn like she was my own sister, she is my sister, and if that bitch thinks she can hurt her she's wrong. Nobody will hurt Dawn not only cause she's like my sister but because it would hurt you too." As she continued to rant her voice got lower, huskier, she was almost growling.

Buffy passionately watched Faith as she paced and ranted. Loving how protective and possessive Faith was when she was like this. Then Faith's voice lowered, growing huskier, raspier. She was practically growling. The sound sent a shudder down Buffy's spine that had absolutely nothing to do with fear. She watched as Faith's stride lengthened, as she moved with feline grace, sensual, almost predatory, reminding Buffy again of a panther. Her voice and the way Faith was moving sent Buffy drifting off into her own little sensual mind trip, she barely registered what Faith was actuasayisaying.

"...And nobody will hurt you, not without coming through me first. No way, no how, not some skanky-ass-bad-hair-ugly-scum-fucking-dumbass-god or not! No fucking way, not any god, not anybody, not ever, even if I wasn't in love with you B, I still wouldn't let anybody hurt you or Dawn. The only way would be over my dead body and I don't pla..." Faith froze realizing what she had just said. She had just told Buffy that she was in love with her, in a half ass way, but still she had said it.

Faith stood stiff, tense, waiting with her back to Buffy, afraid to turn around and face her. Waiting for Buffy to say something, anything, laugh, just do something. Waiting for the inevitable rejection she had been conditioned for years to expect and as she waited she began to pray. Pray fervently that what she felt in the echoes from Buffy was real, not just her imagination. Pray that what she believed with all of her heart and soul that Buffy felt for her was not just wishful thinking.

Faith's head lowered, dropping to her chest, her shoulders slumped in defeat, rejection, as her memories rose up. As the voices from her past came screeching out of the deep dark place she had kept them locked up inside of herself since forever. They drowned out the voice that was Faith, who tried to shout above the din that she knew better. The voices screamed at her, and reminded her of the words she had grown up hearing and believing, reminded her of what Buffy herself had said to her not too long ago. In mere seconds, they had thrown her into the nightmare world of her past, holding her securely there, helpless like she was when she was just a child.

**
"I love you Mommy." The six-year-old told her Mom, and then waited for her Mom to tell her she loved her back like she always did, or at least she had when her Daddy used to live with them. "Mommy...... Mommy?"

"WHAT? What the fuck do you want now Faith? What?"

"I l-l-l-ove y-you Mommy... Don't you love me?"

"Do I love you? If it weren't for you, your Dad would still be here. He leaves and sticks me with a fucking, whiney, little, ugly brat. Come're I'll show ya just how much I love you." The six-year-old walked slowly over to her Mother. She was afraid of her when she had that smell on her breath. A smell she didn't find out until she was older was whiskey. Her Mother reached out and grabbed her cruelly by the arm, squeezing until the she cried out in pain, her other had lashed out and viscously backhanded Faith across the face, splitting her lip.

"Love you? There ain't a fucking thing to love about you. Now leave me the fuck alone unless you want me to show you again."
**

Still Faith stood and waited, a helpless prisoner of her own memories, her body beginning to shake as they tore through her mind at the speed of light.

**
"Come over here and let 'daddy' show you how much he loves you."

"NO! You're not my daddy. You're not! Not daddy! You're NOT! NOT......" She ran away from him as fast as her seven-year-old legs could carry her.

But he was bigger and faster, he caught her by her hair, and dragged her back to the couch throwing her on it. He sat down next to her, grabbed her hand and forced it down onto his lap. "See how much 'daddy' loves you. Now tell 'daddy' you love him too Faithy. Come on you little bitch. Tell 'daddy' that you love him." He yelled as his own large hands descended upon the seven-year-old hurting her until she screamed in pain and told him what he wanted to hear.
**

Still she stood in fear, in defeat, in rejection, for what felt like an eternity but had only been mere seconds, the tears falling silently down her face.

**
"Did you honestly think that I could ever love someone like you? Spike would have a better chance. What? Did you forget who... what you are? What you've always been? How could anyone ever love that?"
**
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It was only a second or two before Buffy realized Faith had stopped moving and talking. She took in Faith's stiff, trembling, body, her hanging head and slumped shoulders, the whole air of rejection radiating around her. 'What the f....' she started to think before it crashed into her brain what Faith had said.

Buffy jumped out from under the sheet, not caring that she sent the trays, food, plates, coffee, flying all over the place. Faith had said she was in love with her and she had done nothing. Knowing that love had been used to hurt her, to trick her. Knowing that Faith was afraid to tell her for fear Buffy would throw it back in her face again. She started running across the bed, and was slammed by what Faith was feeling in one of the strongest echoes ever, and it almost brought her to her knees. She could practically hear her own voice from the past screaming in her head. She didn't miss as Faith flinched as the plates broke on the ground, waiting, as if expecting a blow or a dish to come flying at her.

Buffy was silently cursing herself, and whoever else was responsible for making Faith react this way. She forced down the rage she was feeling when she felt an answering response of fear coming from Faith. All of it screamed through her head as she ran across the bed, and not since she had sent Angel to hell had she felt the kind of hatred for herself that she did at this moment.

She ran off the edge of the bed her feet tangled in the sheets, sending her flying, her hands coming out in front of her barely in time to stop her face from smashing into the floor. She hissed in pain as her left wrist snapped back painfully, and her elbow smashed hard into the hardwood floor.

The sound of Buffy falling and her gasped cry of pain broke Faith of her paralysis. She whirled around and was by Buffy's side in the blin an an eye. She lifted her from the floor, cradling Buffy in her arms, holding her unbearably tight, the tears still streaming down her face. She gently deposited Buffy on the bed, running light, tender hands down Buffy's arms to make sure nothing was broken. It didn't matter to her that what she had believed was between them wasn't. Didn't matter that she had been rejected again. All that mattered to her was that Buffy had cried out in pain. She ignored the voice in her head that was telling her the voices of her past were wrong. She had believed that voice once, but she wasn't willing, was afraid to believe it again.

Buffy looked up into that beautiful, defeated, pain-filled face, into those haunted eyes, and her heart broke. She had added to that pain, added to that haunted look, added to it all............ again. Even in the midst of this, thinking that Buffy was rejecting her, even as she was being tormented by her memories Faith's first concern was for her. Buffy had waited to tell Faith she was in love with her, knowing that Faith needed to do it first. Now she had and Buffy had fucked up. She couldn't even think of words harsh enough for the hatred she felt for herself for causing this unnecessary pain.

From the time that Faith had said she was in love with Buffy to the time that she had picked her up from the floor to deposit her carefully back on the bed, had been not even a single minute of time.

A minute that might have destroyed what was between them.

A minute that might have destroyed the fragile trust that Faith had given to her that Buffy knew she had never given completely to anyone else before.

A minute that felt like the blink of an eye and an eternity at the same time for both Slayers.
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Buffy reached out and pulled Faith down into her arms. She held the struggling, trembling raven-haired Slayer tight, not giving her the chance to get away.

"Oh god, I'm sorry. I love you Faith. I'm in love with you. I wasn't listening. I was daydreaming. I fucked up. I'm sorry. God when did I become such a fuck up?" Buffy's tears joined Faith's. Faith continued to struggle to get away from her; she knew Faith wasn't hearing her. "Faith I love you. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. Please..."

Faith broke free of Buffy's embrace and was off the bed moving towards the door fast. But Buffy was quicker, she scrambled off the bed mumbling, berating herself under her breath, "Stupid, fucking ass you are Summers. Dirt Summers, you're dirt." Buffy got in front of Faith, whose sthad had slowed slightly when she heard what Buffy was mumbling to herself as she came after her.

Faith stopped, looking down at Buffy's feet. "Get out of my way."

"No. You'll have to move me if you want to get by." Buffy snapped her mouth shut, realizing how harsh that sounded. She fucked up, she knew that, but she wasn't going to let Faith run away from her. She loved her, now she needed Faith to believe that. 'How the hell did I get to be such a fuck up?' she wondered again. "Faith," she said quietly and waited for her to look up, and waited. "Faith, please look at me."

Faith was being stubborn, she wouldn't look up. Her old insecurities and those fucking voices in her head were keeping her eyes firmly glued to the floor. Buffy needed, wanted Faith to look at her, convinced if she could just get her to look at her, she would see the truth in her eyes. She opened herself fully to Faith, letting everything she felt reach out to her and did the only thing she could think of. She reached out grabbing Faith lightly by the waist, cringing inside when she felt Faith flinch from her touch, but she didn't let go.

Holding onto Faith by her waist, Elizabeth Anne Summers fell to her knees and looked up at the woman who owned her heart and soul.

"Faith I love you. I'm in love with you. More then I could ever hope to show... to tell you. I'm sorry. I know you've been hurt. I hurt you before and now I've hurt you again. I was too busy fantasizing, daydreaming about you that I didn't hear what you said at first." Buffy paused catching her breath staring up into those eyes that she knew wanted to believe her. She continued softly, "I love you, am in love with you more then I've ever been with anyone. More then I ever dreamed possible... Nothing I've ever felt before can even come close to what I feel for you. I love your laughter, your smiles, the little Faith–tirades you go into, the way you're so good with Dawn, your passion, the wild child in you, the gentleness of you. There is nothing I don't love about you, no part of you that I don't love. Everyday it grows brighter. Every second I spend with you, I fall deeper in love with you. I would be lost without you... I can't lose you... "

Now it was Buffy's turn to wait as Faith stared down at her with eyes for the first time she couldn't read. Nor did she know what Faith was feeling, there were so many conflicting echoes coming at her fast and furiously that she couldn't separate them. So she waited and prayed, not even conscious of the tears that rained down her face.

Faith couldn't believe it when Buffy fell to her knees in front of her. She stared down into Buffy's eyes, wanting to fall into them, wanting to believe her as the words started to fall from her lips. Believe in something, in someone more then she ever had in her life. With each word Buffy said, the voices from her past got quieter. With each word, the fear started to leave her. With each word, she started to believe. With each word, she started to melt. With each word, the voice in her head that was her, urged her to believe with her mind, what her heart, her soul already knew was true.

She continued to stare down at Buffy, seeing the tears roll down her face. A part of her still held out, unbelieving, still afraid. Afraid because of her past to give anyone that kind of power over her again, afraid because of her insecurities, doubting her own self-worth again because of the voices from her past. The doubting of Buffy, the self-doubt, the not believing, was swirling around in her head. Her voice whispered to her, asking her if she was going to forever let the past, let the fear rule her? When was she going to learn to trust herself, what she knew, what she felt, again?

Buffy continued to stare up at her lover. Angry at herself for letting this happen. Hating herself even more then she did when she sent Angel to hell. This time when the rage hit that was Hurricane Buffy it was directed at herself. She sat back on her calves, bending over at the waist, hiding her face in her hands and cried harder. Cried in rage, in fear, in self-loathing, but most of all over Faith, over the pain she had caused, and who she thought she had lost.
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Rage, fear, loathing, pain and loss. All of them thundered through Faith, all of them coming at her from Buffy in one large pain filled echo, as Buffy collapsed to the floor in front of her. All the echoes Faith thought at first were directed at her, all of which made her want to run away as far and as fast as possible. From them. From Buffy. Until she heard Buffy's soft anguished sobs. For the briefest second Faith closed her eyes, closed her mind off, found her center and listened, really listened to the echoes, with her heart, with her soul.

When she listened, she felt the echoes from Buffy weren't directed at her but directed at Buffy herself. The rage, fear, self-loathing, pain and loss were because Buffy thought she had lost her... Faith.

Faith... the Dark Slayer, the Rogue Slayer, the Evil Slayer, the Second Slayer, the insecure, cocky, brash, shy, immature, too mature, abused child, one time psycho-murderer, the wild child, the want, take, have, get some, get gone girl, one of the Chosen Two. It stunned, awed and humbled Faith, and she believed. Believed with all of herself, every part of her being and she knew nothing, no one, not the voices of her past, not even herself, would ever make her doubt the love that Buffy felt for her again.
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Faith fell down to her knees in front of Buffy, pulling her up, into her arms.

y fey fell into her embrace, bringing her arms around Faith in return, hugging her so tight, she forced the breath out of her. She sobbed into Faith's shoulder "I'm sorry," over and over again.

Faith reached up, she placed her hands on Buffy's shoulders and moved Buffy so that she could see her face. This time it was Buffy whose eyes were lowered.

"B?" Faith waited for Buffy to look at her, and waited. Softly she asked her, "B... Please look at me."

Buffy raised her eyes up to Faith's, and her heart leapt. She prayed she wasn't imagining what she saw in Faith's eyes. "Faith... I'm sorry. I..."

Faith stopped her by placing her fingers gently against her mouth. "I'm sorry too..." She took a shuddering breath, this was hard for her, "I... let my past, my fears control me. Let it make me believe that... that... you didn't love me. Make me believe it before you even got a chance to say anything. Make me disbelieve what I already knew was true in my heart, in my soul. I heard what I always expected to hear, what I always heard. But... I don't want it to own me anymore. I won't let it own me anymore." Faith paused again and gathered her courage. "I love, am in love with you B... Buffy... Elizabeth Anne Summers... More then I can ever show you or tell you... From now until the end of time, corny as that is. I think I loved you before I ever even met you. I think I was born loving you."

For a second Faith felt the familiar flash of fear go through her, but squasquashed it down with a vengeance that Anya would have been proud of.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to hear you say that. How long I've wanted to tell you that I love you. I think I was born loving you too, Faith...ah..." Buffy trailed off wracking her brain, she knew Faith's last name didn't she? How could she not remember her last name?

"I never told you," Faith told Buffy before she could ask. "I don't remember my real father's last name. I was too young to remember when he left. And... Joh... he adopted me and I won't use his name anymore. Haven't used it since I got away from him. So I don't have one."

"You can if you want Faith."

"What do you mean?"

"You can have mine."

Faith didn't answer her, instead she leaned down and kissed her. The rest of the world fell away as they kissed. Sharing each other's breath, this kiss more intimate then any touch, any caress before. They opened themselves fully to each other, sharing the echoes of emotions between them. Surrounding themselves in what they felt for each other. Words could never hope to describe what it was they were both feeling. Something inside of Faith recognized something inside of Buffy that it had been searching for, and something inside of Buffy found the same thing inside of Faith. They flowed together in that kiss, merging, bathing in each other's souls.
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Willow walked up to the Slayers' open bedroom door with Tara in hand. Tara grew silent, the part of her that was still Tara quieting her befuddled mind, understanding what she was seeing.

She watched with Willow in silent awe, before they quietly left the Slayers alone, as the Chosen Two lost themselves in that intimate kiss. Watched as the essence or the souls of the Chosen Two seemed to merge. Each still distinct, separate, still whole in their own right, but somehow just simply more together. The light that shone from them, their aura, souls, surrounded, joined, entwined, balanced, complimented, and interwove with each other like a finely spun silk thread.
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all of my life i've had a longing for knowledge ~ and all which lets my thoughts be free ~ duties for which i'm destined seem to haunt me ~ confusing all i really want to need ~ and i see you again and i know its true ~ my dreams that have left me call out once again ~ together we'll find the strengths to make love real ~ because i wanted to do what i know is true ~ my thoughts lead me on i only see one way ~ the way to what lies beyond ~ i will follow my heart – Sarah McLachlan
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Continued in Chapter XXII – Even With My Eyes Closed