The Birthday Present

Chapter Twenty-Seven


Spike visibly flinched as he heard the door slam behind Angel when he stormed out of the house. Shortly afterwards, they all heard a car’s engine roar into life and its wheels squealed as Angel sped out of the driveway.


Willow glanced at Oz and nodded her head towards Spike.


“I’ll go and see if Buffy needs any help.”


Oz stared at her for a moment before replying. He glanced at the huddled figure of Spike and knew that she was only leaving the room in the hope that Spike would feel more comfortable with just him there.


“Okay,” he said quietly.


He approached Spike slowly and when he was a couple of feet away from him he squatted down on his haunches, so that he was level with Spike’s face.


“Hey, man,” he said gently. What do I say? “Um…want to talk about it?” God, that’s lame.


Spike raised his head and squinted at Oz. His head felt like it was on fire. “Don’t want to s…stay here. C…can I be w…with y…you?”


“My place isn’t safe. Lindsey or his dad might call round,” replied Oz, noticing Spike’s shudder at the mention of them.


Spike’s blue eyes seemed to bore into his own. “B…but w…want to be w…with you,” said Spike. He swallowed hard, willing the threatening tears not to fall. Bleeding ponce is what I am.


Oh, crap! He wants me to be his owner. “Er…look, Spike. I’m happy to help you in anyway that I can but I can’t be with you. I mean you’re attractive, I can see that, but I’m not into guys, I’m sorry.”


“What?” said Spike, his eyes widening in horror.


He stood up, swaying slightly as his head protested at the sudden movement. Oz also got to his feet and reached out to him. “I’m here for you, but not in that way. I’m not gay.”


Spike took a couple of steps to the side to avoid Oz’s touch. “Nor am I,” he growled. “Don’t want that!”


Oz stared at him. “But…you and Angel…and Lindsey…you loved Lindsey.”


Spike squeezed his eyes shut. “I do, I d…did, but…but…I d…don’t know why.” He opened his eyes and glanced at Oz. “Why did I l…let…Angel…?” He buried his head in his hands and sobbed. “What’s h…happening t…to me?”


He began to slide back down to the floor. Oz hesitated for a second and then stepped forwards to hold Spike up.


“Come on, sit on a chair. More comfortable, yeah?”


Spike tensed as Oz gripped his arm, the coating on his skin making it painful, but allowed Oz to guide him to an armchair. Once Spike was settled, Oz sat on the couch, giving the vampire some space.


“I think that you need to explain what you’re feeling to me. I have no idea what’s going on with you and can’t help you if I don’t understand what is.”


Spike wrapped his arms around his body, scowling when he saw the golden rings in his nipples. He yelped as he tugged on the right one with the fingers of his left hand. “I want these gone.”


“We can do that. But don’t pull them – you’ll hurt yourself,” replied Oz, wincing in sympathy as he remembered what had been done to Spike’s penis.


“Okay,” replied Spike meekly, letting his fingers fall away.


He pulled his feet up on to the chair so that he could huddle up with his arms around his knees, in what appeared to be his favoured position. Oz figured that it must make Spike feel safe. He didn’t realise that it closely resembled the shut down position. The only time that Spike had known peace since being in the program was when he was shut down.


“Do you want to tell me what you remember? I know that your memories from before have been erased. Are they beginning to come back?”


Spike glanced at Oz and then looked down at his knees. “It’s all m...muddled up. I…I don’t k…know what’s r…real.”


“Just take it slowly, Spike. It’ll help to talk.”


Spike shifted in his seat, angling himself so that he was supported by the backrest and arm of the chair. He began to fiddle with his fingers, tracing where the rings in his hands had been.


“It makes m…my head hurt if I th…think too much.” Spike rubbed his temples a couple of times before resuming the twisting of his fingers.


“What? Like when the chip fires?” Oz didn’t want to provoke it in to firing again.


Spike shook his head. “Different but st…still hurts.” He took a deep breath. “I c…can remember what h…happened when they c…caught me.” He shuddered violently. “What h…happened before…c…comes in b…bits and pieces. Doesn’t m…make m…much sense.”


Oz stayed quiet and over the next few minutes Spike recounted all that he knew. Oz was surprised to find that the more he told of what had happened to him, the less that Spike stuttered. His face also hardened and he began to appear more like the glimpse that they’d had when Spike had yelled at Angel.


Spike glanced at the entrance to the kitchen. “I know that I came to Sunnydale to kill the Slayer. Can’t stay here knowing that – not right after her taking me in an’ all.” He caught Oz’s eyes. “That’s why I wanted to stay with you.” He smiled sadly. “Didn’t mean…”


“That’s okay,” said Oz quickly. “But my apartment isn’t safe. I won’t be there for the next couple of nights anyway. You’ll be safe here.”


“Are you going to be staying here?” Spike tried not to sound too eager. For some reason he felt safer around the Oz. Spike remembered how nice he’d been to him when he’d been Lindsey’s boyfriend. Oz had been the only one not to make fun of him.


“Er…no. At Willow’s.”


“Oh,” said Spike, raising an eyebrow and giving a bit of a smirk.


Oz grinned. “No. Not that. I wish. It’s just that I have to be caged up for a couple of nights at certain times and Willow takes care of it.”


Spike’s mouth dropped open. Oz was talking about being caged up and it sure didn’t seem like he minded the thought. Spike glanced at the window. When would he be allowed to go outside again? Was he just as much a prisoner here? He turned his attention back to Oz.


“Why do you go in a cage?”


Oz flushed slightly. It was weird being with people that he could tell the truth to without them freaking out.


“I’m a werewolf, Spike. I’m dangerous for three nights around the full moon.”


Spike’s eyes widened. He suddenly realised why he felt this affinity to Oz. He was similar to him. Not just a human.


“Wow,” he said quietly.


“Yeah,” replied Oz. “It’s not something that I tell just anyone.” He smiled at Spike.


Spike looked down at his bare chest. “Can I get some more clothes?”


“I’ll get some for you when Willow comes back,” said Oz. He didn’t think that Spike should be left alone. He might bolt. “So have you any idea why the chip fired when you were…um…feeding from Angel?”


Spike closed his eyes at the thought of the sex that he and Angel had shared. It had felt good. Too good. But it shouldn’t. The program had screwed him up. Would he ever feel back to normal again?


“I don’t know. I was getting hit by more memories and then it let rip.” Spike rubbed at his temples. Would he ever have a day without pain?


“Maybe you shouldn’t take anymore of his blood then,” said Oz.


“But what if it mends me – makes me back to how I should be?”


“It could kill you if the chip fires again.”


Spike stared deeply into Oz’s eyes. “If I don’t get back to being me – I don’t care if it does.”


“Don’t say that!”


“I can’t stay like this forever, Oz. I need to be strong.” He furiously blinked back tears. Fucking can’t stay like this; bleeding crying like a girl all the time.


He glanced at his groin. Why did the thing betray him with males and yet thinking of the Slayer didn’t make it twitch anymore? He remembered thinking that he would take her before he killed her. Now he was certain that he wouldn’t be able to do either.


“I want to take the blood,” said Spike standing up. “Least the old bastard can do for me is to help to mend me.”


Spike’s progress to the kitchen was halted when Buffy and Willow walked round the corner. He stopped dead. He panted slightly. He was doing something that he hadn’t been told to do – sure to be punished.


“Hey, Spike. How are you doing?” said Willow, trying to put the vampire at ease. “Hungry?”


Spike nodded mutely.


“There’s some in the refrigerator, help yourself. Just yell, if you need help with the heating of it.”


She stepped to the side, but Spike didn’t move.


“He wants to take the blood that Angel left for him,” explained Oz.


Buffy walked closer to him. “But it might make the chip fire. We still don’t know why it fired.”


Spike glanced back at Oz. Now that he remembered more of watching the Slayer fight, it felt weird to hear her concern for his well-being.


“He knows the risks but wants to try it,” said Oz.


Spike nodded his head at him gratefully, and then glanced warily at Buffy.


“If you’re sure?” she asked.


Spike nodded again.


Buffy and Willow exchanged a look before Buffy spoke again. “Okay. Can you drink it in the kitchen, please? If the chip fires it’ll be easier to clear up any spilled blood in there.”


“Buffy!” protested Willow. “Bit harsh, huh?”


Spike surprised them by smiling broadly. “’S okay. Being practical isn’t being harsh.” That seemed a pretty typical Slayer reaction to him.


He walked past them, feeling a little frisson of remembered power as he did exactly what he wanted to do without punishment. He opened the refrigerator and saw several bags of blood, but accurately guessed that the mug full of it on the bottom shelf was what Angel had donated.


Spike took it out and glanced over his shoulder, fully expecting one of the others to be watching him. He felt a little unnerved when he found that he was still alone.


Get a grip.


He decided to sit on the floor in case the chip did fire. He snarled as his hand shook a little as he brought it to his lips. Spike closed his eyes and gulped the blood down in large swallows. He put the mug down on the floor just as the pain hit him.


Oh, shit!


He curled up on his side, with his eyes squeezed tight shut. He soon realised that the pain wasn’t the chip firing but more memories hitting him in waves. He sighed with relief when the pain slowly subsided. He opened his eyes to find wide green ones staring back. She reached out and gently touched his face.


“Are you okay? The firing didn’t last so long this time.”


Spike leaned into her touch. “It didn’t fire. Was just more memories.”


“They hurt you?” she asked quietly.


“Yeah, not as bad as the chip though,” replied Spike weakly. He closed his eyes as he recalled how physically excited he had got when he’d seen her on patrol.


Bollocks. There wasn’t even an inkling of a stirring down below.


He opened his eyes and abruptly got up, forcing his face not to vamp up in his frustration.


“I want some better clothes,” he said harshly.


Buffy blinked at the sudden movement and the firm voice. Was this the real Spike finally showing himself? She wondered if she would still find the more confident Spike appealing, or would he end up just being another vamp?


She almost overbalanced as she stood up and Spike moved swiftly to prevent her from falling. His arms felt strong around her waist. She ended up pressed against his chest. Buffy looked up and saw him staring down, his expression unreadable. Without thinking she gave in to the urge that she’d been fighting ever since he’d first arrived. She licked her lips, stood up on tiptoe and gently kissed his lips.


Spike froze, and then began to kiss her back. He played his tongue against her, feeling her suppress a giggle as the stud in his tongue tickled her.


“Spike, we’ve found you some cl –” Oz’s words cut off as he saw Spike and Buffy kissing.


Spike stopped kissing as soon as he heard Oz. He pushed Buffy away, for some reason feeling guilty about it. He dropped his gaze to his feet and shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot.


“Um…Oz…er…” Buffy stuttered and then fled the room without looking back.


Oz waited patiently for Spike to look at him. Just when he thought that the vampire wasn’t ever going to take his attention from his feet, Spike slowly raised his eyes and glanced at him though his lashes.


“Was that something that you wanted to happen?” asked Oz gently. Am I the only one immune to Spike’s charms? He acknowledged that he felt unusually protective of Spike, so he figured that in a way, he wasn’t immune either.


Spike touched his lips and looked away, once more. “Not really sure about that one, mate,” he whispered. He took a deep breath and turned to properly face Oz. “So you got the clothes then, yeah?”


Oz nodded. “They’re in the lounge room.”


“Thanks.”


Spike walked into the lounge and was pleased to see no sign of Buffy. Willow looked at him curiously.


“Did the blood help you?” she asked.


“More memories. More pain.” He smiled slightly and shrugged. “No surprise there, huh?”


“You’ll soon be free of pain,” replied Willow.


“Unless I try to eat a human,” stated Spike.


“Well, yeah, but it’s better than what you had before,” she said.


Spike’s lip curled as he sneered. “I don’t think so, love. Being free and un-chipped seemed bloody good to me.”


Willow drew herself up and looked him right in the eye. “I meant better than before you escaped.”


Spike dropped his eyes. “Sorry, I know that you did.” He glanced up again. “I am grateful for your help.”


Willow walked to him and gently laid a hand on Spike’s arm. “I know that it’s difficult for you. But you can and will be free and hopefully, you’ll get to learn to like bagged blood.”


Spike didn’t know what to say. He had never really had anyone care for him properly since he’d been turned. “Um…better get changed, yeah?”


“Do you want to have those taken out first?” said Oz gesturing to the nipple rings.


Spike nodded. He needed to rid himself of those badges of his slavery. He moved his tongue in his mouth and decided to keep the tongue stud. He liked the feel of it.


He walked and sat on the couch and let Oz cut through them with some wire cutters that he’d found in the trunk of his car. Spike winced as cutting them tugged on his nipples. He looked at his now unadorned chest, surprised that there was no blood.


“Thanks,” he said gratefully.


Spike stood up, picked up the pile of clothes and walked towards the door to the basement.


“Where are you going?” asked Willow.


Spike stopped short. Shit! Have I been bad? Even as he thought it, he knew that he had no need to think such things anymore. “Um…to the bathroom in the basement to change.” He couldn’t stop himself from adding. “Is that okay?”


“That’s fine, Spike. But are you sure that you’re all right about going down there. You were afraid when you were down there – lots of bad memories,” said Willow.

Spike’s eyes narrowed. “Got more memories to hide the bad ones in, now. I’m not afraid of anything.” He lifted his chin and stared at her defiantly.


“That’s good. I’m glad,” replied Willow calmly. Spike was finally acting more like the usual rescue cases.


“Right then. I’ll go down there.”


Spike clenched his jaw, spun around and walked to the basement. The only thing that Spike was afraid of was the fact that the kissing of Buffy hadn’t touched him emotionally at all. Angel never used to be a ponce – well he always acted like one, but he never actually had been one – but he wanted me so badly. I wanted him back too. Like to think it was only ‘cause I was afraid of not doing what I was told, but not so bleeding sure. They’ve totally fucked me up!


He stalked down the stairs and went past the cage containing Roger.


“How are you going?” asked Roger politely when he saw Spike.


Spike stared at him. “What do you mean?” He moved next to the bars.


Roger resisted the urge to step back. Something had changed with the blond vampire since he’d last seen him.


“Just you look a bit…er…better since…since I last saw you cowering in the corner while your boyfriend stuck up for you!” snarled Roger, stepping right up to the bars, unable to help himself. He was a vampire after all and the pecking order was well defined – the weaker you were the lower you were. He had no intention of being at the bottom ever again.


Spike dropped his gaze as Roger spoke. He could sense the vampire in the cage trying to exert its authority over him. He smiled and slowly looked back up. His left hand whipped through the bars lightening quick, grabbing Roger’s neck. Spike vamped up his face as he grinned toothily at Roger. He could feel a trickle of blood from where his distorted tooth cut him. He licked it from the corner of his mouth.


“I’m feeling better, Roger. Thank you.”


He knew that having crooked fangs was perceived as a sign of weakness and rage surged through him. The Initiative had even screwed up his natural weapon.


Roger struggled ineffectually in Spike’s grasp. Spike lifted the vampire off his feet. His right hand joined his left.


“You, on the other hand, are feeling much worse.”


Roger opened his mouth to speak but before he could say a word, Spike twisted his hands in opposite directions and ripped Roger’s head from his shoulders. He choked slightly on the dust. Spike wiped his hands on the sweatpants that he was wearing. He relaxed his face into human and was whistling softly as he walked into the bathroom. He decided that a shower was in order. Spike turned on the water, waited for it to heat up and then stepped under the stream of hot water.


He wrapped his left hand around his erect cock, and smiled broadly. The Initiative hadn’t screwed everything up. The arousal caused by violence was quite evidently still working. He felt happier than he had in a long time as he leant back against the wall and fisted himself to a climax.