Life (or Unlife) Goes On

A/N: Hope everybody had a great Christmas and I hope you have a good new year as well. Thankyou to everyone who reads this and especially those who have reveiwed without your support I would have stoped by now.
Reveiws:
Bubbysbub: Yes your enthusiasm is definitely catching. Thankyou for telling me you like my POV bit cos I am aware that not many people did it and at one point with the first couple of chapters before I posted I changed them to third person point of veiw and then at the last minute changed them back (which is why their is a couple of mistakes in the first chaps) so your praise has helped me realise I made the right decision. Thanks
Alianna: Thank you I've very flattered. There is some absolutely fabulous stories out there. One of my all time favs is extremely long but worth it is Tea and Biscuits by WesleysGirl, Bryne and Magpie but Xander isn't part of the couples turned group. For a Xander centered one you can't go past Quantum Xander by Jameschick


Chapter Twenty-Seven

Angel’s POV

I wake up to a body falling over me and then disappearing towards the bathroom. Spike is still asleep so I roll over to face the bathroom and I can hear the sounds of retching. I can’t help feel sorry for him even though it is self-afflicted but at the same time I can’t help but admire his strength, to be through all that he has been through and only in the last year has he become somewhat self destructive, its amazing, many people would of cracked before now. Quietly, so as not to disturb Spike I get up and fetch a bath gown from the wardrobe. Wow, I almost forgot I had this one and then I remember why I don’t wear it anymore. It always reminds me of Doyle and Cordelia as I wore it once when Cordelia stayed at my flat under the old AI office and Doyle thought we were sleeping together. Shaking my head to get rid of the memories, I walk into the bathroom where Xander is throwing his guts up into the toilet. The robe goes over his shoulders and then I sit on the edge of the tub pulling his hair out of his face and rubbing his back while he continues to be sick. After a long while the throwing up seems to stop and after giving him a glass of water to gurgle he sits back against the wall opposite me.

“Thanks,” is almost whispered.

“Was it worth it?”

“It was at the time,” he answers. After a long silence I try to start the conversation again.

“Listen Xander, I miss the easy friendship before, I mean before I screwed everything up.” I’m offered a bitter smile at my words.

“Well you sure screwed me Deadboy, is that what you mean by everything?”

“Xander, please, I can’t change that but yeah what Angelus did …” Immediately he gets this pissed-off look on his face and for once I know what it is I’ve said. “What a part of me did because we both know he is a part of me otherwise he would have never gone after what I had always longed for. What happened was inexcusable, to hurt you like that. I know that so much time has passed since then but I don’t know how you could be prepared to have a relationship with me when I wear the face, the body of your attacker.” Well no one can tell me I need to express myself more after that little speech.

“Is that why you never talked to me after you came back from hell because you thought I couldn’t look at the face of the guy who fucked me and see you instead of him.” I can’t look at him and see the scorn while he rejects me and tells me I am right, that he still can’t look at me without seeing him so I just nod looking at my hands.

“Sure it would of taken me a little while but I would have come round to being able to look at you without feeling the need to run away screaming. It would have been better than how you treated me. When I first saw you coming out of that crypt with the hand thingy we were looking for at the time, I thought you were him and I followed you back to the mansion where you were kissing Buffy. That hurt, that you could come back and be with her again but you couldn’t even say hello or apologise. I tried to convince myself that it was Angelus who was kissing Buffy, that he was playing her so I sent Faith after you. When I couldn’t deny that it was you anymore and you sometimes hanged around, it was obvious, well to me anyway, that you were avoiding me. Even when you knocked Faith off me when she was trying to strangle me you couldn’t wait to get out of there. Were you that ashamed of what happened, that ashamed of me?” I look up at that comment, how could I ever be ashamed of him? “ You were, don’t deny it, it was worse than anything Angelus could ever do. I felt dirty, used because you ignored me.”

******

Xander’s POV

I feel tears building up behind my eye and the useless one twinges in sympathy. I still have the eye patch on, I never take it off if there is a chance of anyone seeing me. No I am not going to cry, I have spent the last year avoiding crying, I am not going to start now. My eye is closed as I fight a losing battle against the tears building up. Suddenly I feel cool arms wrapping around me and a voice whispers in my ear.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I was never ashamed of you just my disgusting behaviour.” I try to pull away, he thinks us together was disgusting. “And before you run away again the way I treated you was disgusting not what we did. I was never able to regret having sex with you no matter how much I knew it was wrong while I was with Buffy. I regret how it happened and what he put you through, you deserved so much better than that but I can’t, could never regret having experienced a night with you.” I bury my head in his shoulder, just taking a moment to feel his arms around me.

“Come on now , Xan, lets go join Spike in bed, I don’t know about you but I could do with some more sleep.” I just nod from my position, I don’t want to let go. He picks me up effortlessly, must be nice to have vampire strength and carries me into the bed where Spike has spread out so that he is taking up as much bed as possible. I always thought that vampires would be corpse-like in sleep, I don’t know about Angel but Spike is definitely not corpse-like, even in sleep he is continually moving. Angel just snorts and pushes him over while sitting me on the bed.

“Go away I’m sleeping,” Spike mumbles.

“Childe move over and then you can sleep,” and he does, moving right over to the other edge. I look at Angel puzzled but he just smiles, a rare genuine smile. “It works every time.” Snuggling into bed sandwiched between the two of them, I can’t believe what has happened since I stepped into the hotel less than forty-eight hours ago.

*******

I am woken up by knocking and I roll over ignoring it hoping it will go away. Turning over I encounter a body which is by now an everyday occurrence. It is a cool body but that’s not unexpected these days either. What is unexpected is that my head feels clearer than it has in a long time upon waking up.

“Angel, can I come in, we can’t find Xander or Spike anywhere,” and then it all comes flooding back in. I am in the Hyperion Hotel LA, in bed with both Angel and Spike and I haven’t taken anything for about twenty-four hours which is why I’m not suffering from a hangover.

“That’s because we’re in here you pillock, now get lost and let me go back to sleep.” Spike calls back and I feel myself pulled half onto him. “Morning pet. Now let’s see how long they will leave us alone.” I feel another body snuggle up behind me.

“You know they won’t leave us alone for long. I can hear Faith running up the stairs towards us,” Angel adds to the conversation. I go to ask how he knows its Faith when I hear talking on the other side of the door and I try to hear what they are saying.

“Andrew, I told you not to disturb them.”

“Them, ha you knew that Spike and Xander were in there as well and you didn’t bother telling me. I was worried sick thinking that something had beamed them out of here like in…”

“Andrew, shut up and move from there.”

“But what about Riley, Angel’s boss so he should know that Riley has a new case. Anyway, they have slept in, its after four.”

“Andrew…” Beside me Angel sighs and sits up in the bed.

“Faith you can come in but not Andrew,” he calls out. For a moment I panic that Faith is going to see me in bed with two vampires which is strange ‘cos I really didn’t give a shit when she saw me sandwiched between two vampires outside the Hyperion. The door opens and opening my eyes I see Faith smiling at me from the bottom of the bed.

“Your lap dog is probably none too happy with you, always talking to half naked men while they are in bed.” Spike really doesn’t like Robin Wood not that I blame him or Robin for their mutual hate.

“Shut up Spike. Look Angel sorry about Andrew but we have everything under control, you guys don’t have to rush down.”

“Why is Riley here has he found out something about Drusilla?”

“Nah, just a different case, something about men dying gruesome deaths out the back of a gay club called Tarus or Terus or something.”

“Do you mean Tartarus?” I ask

“Yeah that’s it. How’d you know?”

“Its where I ended up that first night in LA. I didn’t see anything weird.”

“That name is. Tartarus in Greek mythology is a deep gloomy pit used as a dungeon of torment and suffering. Wonder why they used that for the name of a gay club?” Wow, how did Spike know that?

“Maybe they just liked the sound of it,” Angel comments. Angel pulls me back onto his chest and wraps his strong arms around me, I for once feel safe. “Okay, we had better come down and talk to him. If you know the place Xander you can tell us the layout, that’s if you want to help. You don’t have to.”

“And what am I supposed to do, just sit here. Its not like you even own a television.” I seem to be getting dragged back into helping. I don’t want to but I can’t escape the hotel and if I’m going to be involved with Spike and Angel, well, this is what they do, this is where they belong and I can’t drag them away from that.

“Pity ain’t it but having a television would seriously cut down on his brooding time.” Spike answers as he snuggles up to me.

“Gasp, no, we can’t have that,” I reply in my most melodramatic tone. Faith starts giggling and I can’t help but share a smile with Spike.

“I’m sitting right here,” protests Angel.

“That’s what makes it fun, peaches.”

“Fine, come on we had better get dressed. Faith can you tell Riley we will be down in five?”

“Sure guys, I’ll tell him that you will be down in ten.” As soon as the door closes I find myself turned round and kissed hard.

“Do you know how adorable you look in the morning? How are you feeling? Okay?” Angel is always a worrywart. I just nod because I think he sucked my voice out during that kiss. He starts kissing me again and then Spike is there. We share an awkward open mouthed tongues duelling three-way kiss that is just so hot. I pull away to pant and try to catch my breath. Angel manages to get out of bed from behind me and I appreciate his boxer clad ass as he goes searching for clothes.

“Guess, I’d better go back to my own room for some clean clothes.” I want someone to dispute this as I’d much rather stay exactly where I am and go back to kissing them both.

“ ‘Fraid so mate, come on up we get.” Spike gets up and offers me his hand and I take it even though I’m feeling fine. Unfortunately, as soon as I stand my head starts to spin.

“Wow, head spin.”
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A/N: So what did you think of this Xander/Angel centric chapter?