The Courtship of Buffy Summers

Buffy chews on her bottom lip while she waits for Faith to answer her phone. Ever since she had her talk with Willow she’s made up her mind about a few things. One of them is that she is ready to give herself to her girlfriend, the other one is she wants it to happen soon. ‘Willow was right, Faith does love me even if she can’t say it.’


“Hello?” comes the sleepy voice on the other end of the line. Buffy pulls the phone away from her ear and looks at it with a strange look on her face. Then she puts it back to her ear and hears what sounds like a person yawning. “B, are you there?” ‘Why does she sound so tired?’


“Are you still in bed?” she asks and looks over at the clock. “It’s almost noon. How come you’re not up?” She doesn’t want to sound like she’s accusing Faith of anything. She trusts the brunette girl with everything she is. She just can’t believe that Faith’s foster mom would let her sleep in this late.


“Yeah, the parentals are grocery shopping and they let me stay home. You can come over if you want,” the brunette says and Buffy can tell by the sound of her voice that she’s smiling that sexy, mischievous smile. “You’ve only been to my house once, and you didn’t even come inside. I want to give you the tour.” Buffy laughs a little bit and thinks about all the different ways the tour could end.


“When will your parents be back?” she asks and chews on her bottom lip again. ‘Ok, I think this is moving a little too fast. I mean, I just had the talk with Willow yesterday, and even if I feel ready this might be going a little too fast. We’ve only been dating for three months, three weeks, and six days. If I sleep with her now will everyone think I’m a slut? Wait, since when do I care what people think about me?’


“In about twenty minutes. I think you should meet them. They’ve been on my back about it for a while, and I think it’s a good idea. I mean, I’ve met your family, and we’re not blood related but Bill and Judy are like my family, ya know?” Buffy’s smile lights up at the thought of finally being introduced to Faith’s family. She’s asked the brunette about it before, but she’s been very reluctant.


“Well, I called because I wanted to talk to you about something important, how much privacy will we have at your place?” She hears Faith laugh and Buffy doesn’t take that as a good sign. ‘She mentioned that there are a lot of other kids living there, and they love to bug her especially when she has company. We won’t be able to talk about this over there.’


“None at all. Lauren and Tanner will bug the hell out of us and they don’t listen to their parents. And I share a room with Natalia so technically I can’t kick her out if she wants to hang out with us. Why? What’s the problem?” she asks going from playful to serious in less then sixty seconds. ‘Great, now she’s worried. I really don’t want to have this talk over the phone, but if it’s the only way I guess we’ll have to.’


“Nothing’s wrong, I swear. It’s just I’ve been thinking about some things and I want to talk to you about them.” She’s being vague on purpose, hoping that maybe Faith will pick up on it by the tone of her voice. “I really don’t want to talk about it over the phone though. Is there anyway you can come over here, or maybe we can meet somewhere?” She looks over at her bedroom door with some suspicion. ‘Dawn could be on the other side of it listening in.’


“No I can’t. When they get back I have to help them unload the car, and Sunday is the one day of the week when no one is allowed to leave. We can have people over we just can’t leave unless it’s as a family. We can always talk at school tomorrow. Or maybe you can ask your mom if we can hang out after school.” ‘That would make sense but I really want to have this conversation now.’


“No, it’s ok. We can talk now. If I wait then I’ll lose the nerve to have this talk and I really need to say this because it’s important.” She stops and takes a breath and she can hear Faith chuckling on the other end. ‘I did say that really fast, so I’ll let her slide this time for laughing at me.’ “We’ve been dating now for almost four months, and that’s a long time for both of us. I love you, I’ve told you that before, and I don’t know if you love me or not, I really hope that you do, but no pressure or anything.” She takes another breath to say more but Faith interrupts her.


“I do,” she says so quietly that Buffy isn’t sure what she just heard. “And I’m not saying it now because we’re on the phone and no one else is around. I’m saying it because I feel it now. I don’t want to say the words to you until we’re in person but I will.” ‘Oh my God, she loves me. This just makes things so much better, and a lot less complicating. If we love each other then having sex together won’t be wrong or slutty.’


“Ok, that’s really, really good,” the blonde says and lets out a big sigh. She lays down on her bed and looks up at the ceiling with a little smile on her face. “I called you to tell you that I’m ready to take our relationship to the next step, or whatever it’s called. I want to give myself to you. And before you ask, I am sure. I want to do this, I hope you want to do it too.” Buffy listens very carefully but Faith doesn’t respond right away.


“Um...wow,” is all the brunette says at first. “Gotta be honest, I wasn’t expecting this at all. We’ve never talked about it before. Well, sort of. You said you’d never lose your virginity in a truck or any other type of transportation vehicle.” Hearing Faith mimic her words makes the blonde smile. “And you’re really sure you want to do this? If you think I need it then you’re wrong. Yeah I get worked up, but it’s not reason for you to give up your virginity.” ‘Oh my God, she is the sweetest thing ever. I really wish I was there so I could kiss her.’


“Baby I’m so sure. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I want you to be my first. I’m still not exactly sure when or where but we can figure that out together.” She hears Faith sigh and she waits for a response. ‘I thought she would be happy about this. Why isn’t she happy? I want to have sex with her and she’s all sighs and quietness. What the hell?’


“Yeah, we can figure it out. You have to be absolutely sure that this is what you want. I’ll feel like shit if I find out I pushed you into it. You know how I can get when we make out.” That makes the blonde smile and laugh a little bit. Now that she’s gotten out everything she wanted to say she’s a lot more relaxed.


“I’m sure. Don’t worry, you won’t push me into anything. I’m ready, and if something unplanned does happen then it won’t be a mistake. I just want to be with you, even if it isn’t in the most romantic thing in the world. As long as it’s with you I’ll be happy.” ‘Why does it seem like I’m talking her into this?’ Maybe because you are.


“But you deserve romantic. You deserve flowers, and soft music and soft lighting, and all of the other romantic first time things.” By the time she finishes talking she doesn’t sound too sure of herself. She didn’t have any of that stuff for her first time, and now she isn’t sure what’s really supposed to happen on a person’s first time. Other then losing your virginity. ‘Wow, she doesn’t know me at all, does she? Well, that’s not true she does know me. We’ve just haven’t talked about it before so she doesn’t know where I stand on the cliches.’


“I don’t want that. I kind of know what I want. I mean, it won’t work because we’re both broke and you share a room and if my mom catches us here we’re both dead. I thought it would be nice if one night we went out to a nice restaurant with the cliche candle lit dinner. And afterwards we can go someplace and just take things slow.” She waits and listens carefully for the brunette’s response.


“That sounds perfect. We’ll have to wait a while ‘cause like you said I’m broke, and I don’t want you to have to pay for anything. I want that night to be all about you. I want to make it special for you. If my baby wants a romantic meal, and then taking things slow afterwards then that’s what my baby’s gonna get.” ‘I love it when she says stuff like that,’ she thinks as she giggles a little. Then she hears a knock on her bedroom door and a shiver runs down her spine.


“I gotta go, someone’s at the door. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She’s too busy being paranoid to wait for Faith to answer her before she hangs up. She regrets it right after she does it, but then shrugs it off. ‘Can’t take it back now.’ “Who is it?” Her door opens and she sees her sister standing in her doorway looking a little annoyed.


“Mom wants to see you downstairs,” she says and sighs. She folds her arms across her chest and she does not look happy.


“What does she want, did she say?” ‘Oh my God, if she overheard me talking to Faith I’m dead. Why did I have to talk to her over the phone? I’m so stupid.’ Not arguing with you there. ‘Would you just stay out of it. You’re supposed to be a narrator, narrator’s don’t get involved with the characters. Now shut up and do your job.’ I so don’t have to take this.


“No she didn’t. She just said she wants to see you downstairs, and I’m supposed to stay upstairs. I was watching a documentary on animal planet, but now I have to miss it because you did something.” ‘She can be so melodramatic sometimes.’ The blonde gets up and tries to swallow her heart because it keeps beating up to her throat. She walks passed her sister and ignores the very angry glare the younger girl is giving her.


With every step she takes downstairs she feels like she’s stepping that much closer to her death. She thinks about all of the things she’ll never get to do after today. She’ll never get to hang out with Willow at the mall again. She won’t get to see the look on Cordelia’s face when she shows up at senior prom looking better then her. And she won’t get to make love with Faith. She walks into the living room and sees her mother sitting on the couch, drinking a cup of tea. ‘Oh shit, this is bad. She only drinks tea when she’s trying not to have a break down.’


“Hey Mom, Dawn said you wanted to talk to me?” she asks and steps further into the room. Her mom doesn’t look up, she only nods her head. Then she leans forward and puts her cup down on the saucer that’s on the coffee table. ‘Ok I am not liking this whole silence thing. Why won’t she tell me what’s going on?’ “What did you want to talk about? Is it that D I got on my history quiz? Because it’s only a quiz, it doesn’t affect my grade that much.”


“It’s not about your grades, sweetheart. Sit down please,” she says and motions for the spot next to her. Buffy inches forward and sits down next to her mother. She watches as her mother thinks about the way she’s going to word whatever it is she’s going to say. Then finally the older woman sighs and slowly rubs her hands together. “I picked up the phone in the kitchen to make a phone call and accidentally overheard some of your conversation with Faith.” ‘Oh God, oh God. These are so not the type of oh Gods that I like.’


“What did you hear?” she asks and prays for the best. ‘If she overheard all that stuff about me being ready and stuff then I’ll never leave the house again.’ She watches her mother sigh, and continue to rub her hands together. Buffy holds her breath and her entire body is tense while she waits for her mother to speak.


“I heard you tell Faith that you love her. You’re in love with Faith?” she asks and Buffy’s eyes widen. ‘Oh thank God she only heard that part. At least I hope she only heard that part. If she kept listening then this conversation is going to go to a very bad place very quickly.’


“Yes I do, and she loves me too. She wouldn’t say the words because she wants to tell me in person because she’s never said them before. But yes, we love each other.” She watches as her mom gets a look in her eyes, a look that Buffy’s never seen before. She doesn’t really know how to describe it, but I would say it’s a look of a mother realizing her little girl isn’t so little anymore.


“Ok,” she says and nods her head a couple of times. “Look, this is going to be very awkward but we need to talk about this.” ‘Oh God no, not a sex talk.’ “I don’t know exactly how it is two woman would be intimate but I think we need to have a talk about it.” The younger blonde tries not to sigh or do anything that could make her mother angry. “Being intimate with someone for the first time can be a very...joyful, scary and sometimes overwhelming experience.” ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe we’re talking about this.’


“Now don’t look at me like that. This is important.” Buffy sighs and leans against the back of the couch. ‘If we’re going to have this conversation I might as well be comfortable,’ she thinks as she looks at her mother and waits for her to continue. “You two have only been dating for four months, and you’re only sixteen, and as your mother I’ll always think that you’re too young to be having sex.” ‘Jeez, did she have to use the word?’


“I know better then anyone that when two people want to be together they will be no matter what anybody says.” ‘Um, ok?’ “This is a big decision, one you won’t be able to take back. I don’t want to see you get hurt, and this isn’t the kind of thing that should be regretted. If you give yourself away and you’re not ready then you’ll regret it. You should save yourself until you’re absolutely sure.”


‘Ok, so she’s saying I can have sex with Faith as long as I’m sure I’m ready? Is there something in the water or something?’ As the younger blonde thinks about what her mother told her she finds herself doubting herself and her notion that maybe she is ready. Now she’s in a near panic state. ‘I can’t believe I’m going to ask my mother this. My mother.’


“Well, how will I know when I’m really ready?” she fights against the blush that wants to creep up to her face. She never thought she’d actually participate in a talk like this with her mother, but she has to face the facts: her mother is older and more experienced, and even though the thought of her mom having sex puts a very sickening feeling in her stomach, she needs to ask her for advice. ‘Talking to Willow helped but she couldn’t really give me any words of wisdom like my mom can.’


“I know you don’t want to hear about this, but when my first time happened.” ‘She’s right I don’t want to hear about this.’ “It wasn’t planned, or even that romantic. I remember I looked into his eyes and I just knew. I was so nervous and a little afraid, but I didn’t let it control me.” ‘Wait, so she just knew? So I could be making out with Faith tomorrow and then look into her eyes and want to have sex with her, or in a month, six months, a year? This crazy, I need a better answer then that.’


“I know it’s awkward and embarrassing because I’m your mother but if you have anymore questions, please don’t be afraid to ask, ok?” the older woman says and gently puts her hand on her daughter’s knee. Buffy smiles and nods her head, but on the inside she’s totally confused. ‘So how will I know when I’m ready?’ “I need to get dinner started. You can run back upstairs if you want to, and tell Dawnie she can finish watching her show.”


They both stand up and leave the living room. Buffy passes Dawn on the stairs and ignores the fact that her sister had been listening in on that very personal conversation. Instead she goes straight to her bedroom and lays down on her bed. She buries her face in her pillow and lets out a little scream. ‘This is so confusing! And I already talked to Faith about it, which makes things so much worst. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Why does everything have to be so complicated?’