So Damn Domestic

The Same Night. FPOV


I just dropped Will off at his house and I’m my way back to mine. I can’t believe I let it go that far. And he’s only seventeen, I could go to jail if anyone finds out about it. That’s not gonna happen though. He promised not to tell anyone and I know I have to be straight with B about it but she won’t tell anyone. She’ll be pissed as hell and I’ll probably be sleepin on the couch for the next couple of nights but she won’t turn me in. Besides, not much happened. We kissed, no big. Ok, so if my ring hadn’t got caught in his hair we’d be fucking right now but we’re not, and that’s the important thing. I didn’t cheat, I didn’t. I was under the influence of a drug and he is such a great kisser, and his lips are really soft and...ok Faith, stop thinking about it.


I pull into the driveway and shut off the engine and put my hands back on the steering wheel. I look in the living room window. I can see B sittin on the couch with the kids, she’s reading to ‘em and they’re in their pajamas and their hair is still wet from the baths they took. They look so happy, she looks so happy, and I’m gonna go in there and ruin it? No, I can’t. I can’t do something like that.


I watch as she gets up and goes over to the phone and she answers it. She smiles and shakes her head no and then writes something down on a piece of paper. She says goodbye and hangs up. Well, I guess I better get in there. The first thing I need to do is get a shower to wash away the smell of the weed or it’ll start a big fight.


I take my keys out of the ignition and walk into the house. I get some big smiles and hugs from the kids and Mattie asks about the smell and I tell him not to worry about it. B’s lookin at me with this suspicious look on her face. I give her a big smile with plenty of dimple and a quick kiss on the cheek as I rush to the bathroom. Ok, so I’ll confess everything after the kids go to bed. I think it’ll go better once they’re in bed because she won’t yell as loud for the sake of their sleep. So, that’s what I’ll do, I’ll just wait a little while. I get out of the shower after scrubbing myself down very well and washing my hair five times. I take a look at myself in the mirror.


There’s a little hickie on my neck but it’s goin away. It’ll probably be totally gone in about half an hour maybe a little less. All I gotta do is make sure she doesn’t see it before I tell her everything. Alright so I’m not gonna tell her everything. I can’t tell her that I enjoyed it or that if I hadn’t looked at my rings I probably would’ve fucked him but I will tell her the physical stuff. I’ll tell her that we smoked some weed and he kissed me and we made out a little bit, but I stopped him before anything serious happened. Ok, that’s what I’ll do.


I dry my hair a little so it won’t be dripping all over the place and wrap the towel around myself. I toss my clothes into the hamper and go into my bedroom. She’s waiting for me, sittin on the bed with the phone in her hands and she looks a little worried. I can ignore that though. She’s just worried ‘cause I was gone for so long. I should’ve been back two and a half hours ago, it takes twenty minutes to get to Will’s house and twenty to get back. But we drove around and then walked to his little hideaway, and then smoked and made out, and then I dropped him off and came home. I was gone for a little over three hours. No wonder she’s worried.


“You gotta call,” she says and looks down at her hands. I look a little closer and she has the piece of paper under the phone. “He didn’t leave his last name, but Christopher wants you to call him back, whoever he is. He left a number. It’s to a motel in Vegas. I didn’t know you knew anyone named Christopher.” I sigh and pull on a nightshirt. My Nine Inch Nails t-shirt that two sizes too big. Very cool, and very comfortable. She looks at me for a second and I can tell she’s thinkin bad thoughts. “Where were you, Faith? Why were you gone for so long?” She’s insecure about her stomach and probably thinks I went to Vegas and cheated on her with a guy named Christopher.


“I took Will home.” She gives me a suspicious look. “I drove him home and his parents were arguin so we drove around for a while and we stopped over by the woods and walked around for a little bit. He took me to this hidden spot, said he goes there when his parents fight. We sat there for a while and I drove him home.” I will tell her about the kissing, I will. I just need to ease her into it.


“Oh,” she says and looks at my neck. Fuck, I forgot to cover it up. “Then where did you get that?” She’s starin at the hickie. I sit down on the bed next to her and take the phone and piece of paper from her and set ‘em down on the bed and hold onto her hands. I’m probably bein a little over dramatic but whatever. I got macked on by a seventeen year old my head is still kinda loopy.


“Well, when me and Will were at his little hideaway we smoked a joint.” She looks surprised and a little mad. “And he kissed me. We made out for a couple minutes, but then I stopped it. We didn’t go far, B, I swear. I stopped him when he was givin me the hickie.” I look into her eyes and she’s trying not to smile. Dammit Buffy. Well, at least she’s not mad. I should’ve known she was gonna make fun of me about this. She laughs a little and leans her head against my shoulder.


“Just because you’re going to school with them doesn’t mean you have to act like a teenager.” She starts laughing harder and I can’t help but join in. I guess it is kinda funny if you think about it. Well, in B’s mind it’s funny. I lay down on the bed and she falls against me. She’s still laughin pretty loud and gettin louder. I hear a pounding noise on the wall on the other end of the room. On the other side of that wall is Mattie’s bedroom. What the hell is he doin?


“Some of us in this house are trying to sleep!” he yells and B goes quiet. I can’t believe she just got yelled at by a nine year old. I try not to smile and chance a glance at her. She looks...relaxed now that she knows I’m not cheatin on her. I would never do somethin like that. Even though part of me wanted to I’m sure I woulda stopped Will before things went too far. Anyway, enough about him. I pick up the piece of paper and read it. All it says is: ‘Christopher, motel 6, 457-8051 room 115'. I wonder who it is. Probably not important. Can’t possibly be who I think it is.


“So, Saturday we’re goin to PJ’s huh?” PJ’s Diner is possibly they best place to eat at in the whole fuckin world. And it’s only fifteen minutes from our house. Well, a fifteen minute drive, I don’t know how long it would take to walk there. She nods her head yeah and snuggles into me. I gently push her off me and sit up and rub my stomach. I haven’t had any dinner. Me and Will were too busy studying so we passed on the food that B made. “I’m fuckin starvin. Were there any leftovers or did you give ‘em all to Tucker?” She rolls her eyes a little. She thinks I don’t know that she’s been spoiling him, but I know. He’s gettin old and she’s sympathetic.


“Well maybe if you didn’t smoke that pot you wouldn’t have the munchies.” I so do not have the munchies. I know what that’s like, and if I had that there’d be no food left in this house right now. “You do realize I’m going to make fun of you about that for probably the rest of your life?” Yeah, I shoulda guessed that. I give her a small smile and eye her up and down. She’s wearin a little yellow sundress with tiny pink flowers. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail and I don’t think she’s wearin a bra.


“I know what I got the munchies for,” I say and lean down and kiss her. She moans and kisses me back. I reach down and pull up the skirt of her dress. She’s wearin some white cotton bikini style panties. Hmm, when did she start wearin these? She usually wears thongs ‘cause she hates panty lines. But whatever. I leave some little kisses on her stomach as I pull off her underwear. She lifts her hips up to help me. Once they’re off I don’t wait before I dive right in. I spread her lips with my fingers and stick my tongue up her pussy.


“Oh God,” she moans and wiggles around. I slowly pull my tongue out and press it flat against her clit and slowly drag it upwards before sticking it back inside her. She’s moanin pretty loud. She’s gonna have to quiet down a little. But strangely that’s not my priority right now. I press my tongue against her clit again and slowly pull it upwards. She bucks her hips and moans a little louder. I take her hard clit between my lips and gently suck on it, like a baby with a binkie. She’s startin to lose control a little. “Oh God Faith, a little harder, please. Uhhhh, uhhhhh, uhhhhhh.” SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! I jump back and land on my ass when I hear the pounding on the wall.


“Mom I’m trying to go to sleep!” I look up at B and she looks embarrassed. She smoothes out her dress and gets up and changes into her pajamas. Then she lays down in the bed and curls up on her side, she’s clutchin the extra pillow she bought ‘cause the doctor said it would make sleepin a little easier if she’s wrapped around a pillow. Guess I’m not gonna be gettin any sex tonight.


BPOV


I can’t believe Faith made out with Will. And I can’t believe she got high. She’s thirty-two for God sakes. So much for kissing her youth goodbye, she still has a firm grasp on it. I knew that Will has a crush on Faith. The whole time they were studying he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. That’s why I kept going out there and distracting them. My jealousy and hormones got the better of me. But it’s fine. I’m a little mad that she did it but she stopped him before things got out of control. And besides I still haven’t told her it was Holly who sucked on my neck so I can’t really get mad because she was honest about it.


So who called her? I really wanna know who it was. He had a really rough voice, like he is getting over a bad cough or maybe he’s smoked for a really long time or something. I know smoking can ruin your voice. And he said his name is Christopher, who does she know named Christopher? She never told me she knew someone named that. Did she meet him recently or something? And why would she give him our number? So many questions and I don’t want to ask her because then I’ll just seem like a jealous wife. Even though I kinda am.


I’m still all turned on from last night. I love it when she does that with her tongue. Too bad Matthew interrupted when he did, I was about to come. And knowing he was awake and heard me while Faith was going down on me really killed the mood. But I woke up really horny and Faith woke up a little late so she didn’t have time for a ‘pre-school quickie’. But it’s Friday so we can stay up really late until both the kids are asleep and we can take turns going down on each other. Yep, I’m sure she’ll like that.


I really wanna know why we’re still so horny for each other. I mean, isn’t marriage supposed to kill your sex drive? But we’re almost as bad as we were when we started having sex with each other. God, that was so long ago. I try not to think about it because it makes me feel really old. I mean, I’m thirty-four years old. I wasn’t even supposed to live this long. But Willow changed all of that. I helped, a little. It was my idea. But I can’t take all the credit for it.


I love the fact that there are so many slayers out there that my kids never have to do it. They never have to slay, and fight demons and go patrolling. They can live normal lives. If they want to, that is. I’m not going to tell them no if they really want to slay but they’ll have to be really safe about it. I doubt I’m going to let them patrol when they’re fifteen or anything like that. I’m too overprotective I guess. I know they’re going to argue back with ‘but when you were our age you patrolled’ and I did, but that was different. I was the only slayer back then, I had to do it. Ok, enough about future arguments with my kids that may never happen, it’s starting to give me a headache.


I look towards the hallway when I hear Addison walking down it. Matthew’s out playing with his friends and Faith is at school so it’s just me and Addison here right now. Anyway, she’s walking towards the living room but then she stops and she blinks a few times and rubs her eye...her right eye and she shakes her head a little bit. Well that’s really weird. I wonder what’s wrong.


“Addison, what’s wrong baby?” She looks up at me and she looks a little...scared. I get up off the couch and walk up to her. I kneel down next to her and she rubs her eye again. If she doesn’t stop it’s going to turn red and get swollen. I hold onto her wrists and gently hold them at her sides. “What’s wrong, sweetie?” She blinks a couple more times and looks into my eyes.


“My eye got fuzzy.” She probably means her vision. “And then it went black.” Well that can’t be good. I take a closer look......I don’t see anything in her eye and it doesn’t look swollen or red or anything. I lean forward and give her a little kiss on her forehead.


“It’s ok. Is it better now?” She nods her head yes and sighs a little sigh. “I’ll call the doctor and see about getting you in, ok?” She nods her head yes and walks into the living room. She likes going to the doctor because of the free suckers. She can usually manipulate him into giving her two. I pick up the phone and press the speed dial button and then press seven. Yeah, I have the pediatrician on the speed dial, so what? You never know when you’re going to need to make an appointment and this way I don’t have to look the number up in the phone book. I schedule a doctor’s appointment for this coming Wednesday and put the phone back in its cradle and sit down on the couch next to Addison.


“Mommy what’s for lunch?” I look over at the clock, it’s only eleven. We usually don’t have lunch until Faith gets home. I tell her ‘I don’t know’ and she accepts that answer, surprisingly. She’ll usually bother me until I tell her something that sounds believable. She sighs and leans against me. She’s been a little more tired then normal. Her naps have been at least half an hour longer and she’s been waking up a little later then she normally does. Maybe it’s because of the stress? I haven’t been the nicest person to be around because of the pregnancy hormones, maybe this is just a little too much for her to handle?


“Hey Mom,” Matthew says as he walks in the door. His shirt looks a little dirty and his hair is ruffled. They must’ve been playing baseball at Tommy’s house or something. I look out the living room window and I can see his little gang of friends standing outside waiting for him. “Can I stay at Marc’s house tonight?” he asks as he walks off to the bathroom. I hate it when he does that. He’ll ask a question as he walks out of the room. Faith does that sometimes too. When he finishes in the bathroom he walks back out here and looks at me with this ‘well?’ type of look.


“I guess, did you already ask Marc’s mom if you can stay over there?” He nods his head yes and starts heading for the door when Addison jumps off the couch and runs towards the front door. I can’t help but smile. She wants to do everything her big brother does. She idolizes him so much. Sometimes I have to make her back off a little because everyone needs their space and I understand the feeling of wanting to just hang out with your friends but your little sister barges into the room and suddenly you can’t act like you normally would. Yep, I totally get that.


“Brother, I wanna go with you,” she says and stands next to him. He pretty much towers over her. He’s pretty tall for his age especially this summer. He’s grown at least three inches. If he does get really tall I don’t know where he would get his height from because everyone on my side of the family is short. Well, Dawn’s pretty tall but she takes more after our dad, but he’s not like a giant or anything. So if Matthew ends up being six foot or any taller then that it’ll have to be from someone in Faith’s family. I hear him say something about asking me and she turns around. “Mom, can I go with Brother?” I have to think about it for a few seconds, mostly just to annoy her.


“I guess.” They go to leave but I stop them. “Matthew,” he closes the door and turns around. “Keep an eye on her ok?” He nods his head yes but I need to make him understand a little better then that. “Matthew,” I got the warning tone going. “Her eye has been bothering her so if she starts rubbing it and if she gets dizzy bring her home ok?” He looks over at her and she just smiles up at him. When it comes to him she’s such a little suck up.


“Ok, I will. Bye Mom, love you,” he says and she says the same and before I can respond the door is slammed shut and they’re running out to join his friends. Well, that was rude. But whatever. I watch them through the window. Matthew’s holding onto Addison’s hand so she can keep up with him as they run down to his friends. A few of them look a little…disappointed that she’s there but that’s typical for kids their age. Then I see that little punk David and his friends walk up to them. They just live three blocks over and sometimes they play together. Faith thinks it’s kind of funny whenever they play baseball against each other, it reminds her of that movie ‘The Sandlot’.


Anyway, I watch as the two groups seem to square off. Matthew’s out in front of his friends and David’s out in front of his since they’re the two ‘leaders’. What do they think they are, gang leaders? But this is just how it is. Anyway, Addison is standing next to Matthew, she’s still holding onto his hand and David says something to her and then laughs. She looks a little…mad but she doesn’t do anything. It’s Matthew that speaks up. I don’t know what he said but now David looks really pissed and really serious. Should I get out there or just let them resolve this themselves?


Then David says something to Matthew and Addison jumps forward and kicks him right in the shin. All of Matthew’s friends laugh and a couple of David’s. The boy looks like his pride has been wounded, especially when Addison starts giggling. There’s nothing I can do because there’s no way I can get out there in time, as this kid pulls his hand back and slaps my baby girl across the face. I think my heart just stopped, that’s how pissed off I am. Addison falls down and holds her hand up to her cheek and starts to cry. Matthew pushes David to the ground and jumps on top of him and starts beating the hell out of him. Remember that scene in ‘A Christmas Story’ when Ralphie beats the hell outta that bully? Well, this is a perfect reenactment.


I run outside and some of the other moms have come outside now to try and help out. I guess they were all watching the little show too. Well, it was a show until that little bastard touched my baby. As I get closer I can hear the words spewing out of Matthew’s mouth and one word comes to mind: ‘Faith’. I know that’s where he heard all of the words he’s saying right now. And his hostility towards this kid reminds me of Faith that first night we patrolled together.


“You mother fucking son of a bitch! You don’t touch my sister you fucking asshole!” he yells and his him again. I can see the blood on Matthew’s knuckles. I really hope this kid isn’t too hurt because Matthew’s a slayer and the chances of him losing control are very high. But at the same time I hope this little ass gets at least a broken nose. I run over and grab onto my boy. The other mothers have grabbed their kids and pulled them away from the fight and Kim is holding Addison and blocking her view of the scene, which I’m grateful for. I grab onto Matthew’s arm but he struggles against me. I wonder if he even knows it’s me.


“Matthew! Matthew, stop.” I pull him away and he swings one more time with his left hand and hits the kid across the jaw. David’s face is already starting to swell and his nose is bleeding really bad and both of his eyes are already black. Matthew’s breathing is really labored and his face is really red. He’s just so pissed off. I’ve never seen him like this before. “Come on, let’s go home.” He just nods his head and stomps back to the house. I walk up to Kim and take Addison from her. My little baby’s crying but I think she’s just scared. “Thanks Kim. See you on Sunday?” she nods her head yes. Sundays all the moms of the neighborhood get together for a little ‘grown up time’. I only asked her about it because I don’t know what else to say.


I take Addison into the house and sit her down on the couch. David didn’t even leave a mark, but it’s the principle of the thing. You don’t hit a little girl, even if she did kick you. She’s not even three, David is nine maybe ten and he slapped her really hard. If Addison weren’t a slayer she’d have a large mark on her face right now. She’s still crying a little bit but she’s calmed down a lot. Now I need to go talk to Matthew. I have no idea what I’m going to say. He needs some type of punishment, but I just can’t. He was protecting his sister, but still that was just a mean little boy, it’s not like David is a demon or anything. And Matthew really unleashed the slayer strength. I think I’ll just wait for Faith to come home. She’ll be able to help me decide.


FPOV


So last night after B got all embarrassed ‘cause Mattie overheard us ‘being intimate’ I went on the computer and looked up that phone number. It is a motel 6 like the guy told B, in Las Vegas on Boulder Highway. Last night I wrote down the address and shut off the computer and went to bed. And this morning when I was getting ready for school I told B I was gonna run some errands so I took my car. But I called in sick from my cell phone and here I am, sitting in my car, parked across the street of the motel, staring at the door of room 115.


I don’t even know why I’m here anymore. I haven’t seen anyone walk out or go into that room except for the housekeeping. But I just…I need to make sure. I don’t know why but I need to. It wasn’t his fault, he didn’t do anything wrong and now after all these years he’s callin me up lookin for me? Has he been away all this time? I know shit happens in jail that can get you sentenced for longer, things you can’t really control. Is that what happened? I start my car and let the engine run for a few minutes. Five minutes, I’ll give him five more minutes and then I’ll leave. Yep, just five more minutes.


I look down at my watch…it’s been fifteen minutes and I’m still sitting here. Ok, I have to go. I really do have other things that I need to get done. The present I wanna buy Addy for her birthday is on sale so I’m gonna go ahead and buy it and just hide it in my bedroom closet until her birthday, which isn’t until November, it’s only August. I have all day though ‘cause the store is open twenty-four hours. But I have to get home to my family. I can’t just sit here all damn day waiting for him especially when I’m not a hundred percent sure it’s him in the first place.


But I don’t move. I shut off the car and just sit here. I haven’t seen him in like…twenty-two years. Will I recognize him? How much has he changed? Does he have any tats? Why is he looking me up now? He couldn’t have been in jail all this time. Twenty-two years for a domestic dispute? Come on, get real. That’d never happen. So why now? Why when things are finally getting to be perfect? I just don’t understand it. I want to know why. I guess that’s why I’m here. For the answers, to ask him the questions I’ve always wanted to ask. To tell him how bad it got when he went away. Not to make him feel guilty to thank him for not letting it happen while he was around.


Why here? Why didn’t he try to get in touch with me when I was in California? Was he still locked up? And why was he locked up for so damn long? He didn’t do anything wrong. He could have handled it a little differently, yeah, but he wasn’t thinkin straight at the time. None of us was, so why was he gone for so long? Was it me? Was he tired of protecting me? Was he tired of the fights and the yelling and taking the punches that were meant for me? Did he stop loving me?


Don’t be stupid Faith, of course he does. He wouldn’t have put up with all that shit if he didn’t. But he was gone for so long. Twenty-two years. So much has happened in twenty-two years. Will he even recognize me? I’ve changed so many times. Going from the little thing he used to protect, to an angry hateful teenager, to a killer, to a remorseful soul looking for redemption, to a worrier in a huge battle, to a girlfriend with some issues but still loving and able to deal. To a mother and finally a wife. How do I explain everything to him? Will he still love me after he finds out what I’ve done? Will he still want to be around me? Or will he disappear again?


I remember the night he went away. She had too much to drink, like always but that night was different. There was this…tension, this energy in the air that wasn’t there before. Disaster was going to happen, we could all feel it we just didn’t know how or when it was going to happen. Then it did, and it was real bad. I was cleaning off the table after dinner, like I always did because it was one of my chores. I was only ten, just a little naïve thing. And I was taking a plate over to the sink and I thought I saw somethin starin at me through the kitchen window and it scared me and I dropped the plate.


She started screaming at me. Calling me a clumsy bitch and I stayed quiet because when she drinks she says stuff she doesn’t mean. And even though it hurt I stayed quiet. I started to clean up the glass off the floor and I cut myself. I wanted to go to the bathroom to get a band-aid but she stopped me, said I had to finish cleaning up my mess because if she had to do it I’d get the ass whoppin of a lifetime. That’s when he came in and told her to back off.


She started yelling at him. Calling him a worthless son of a bitch, that he’s the reason she drinks. And he ignores her and helps me clean up the glass. Then she starts goin on and on about how he loves me more then her. And he tells her it isn’t true but there’s no reasoning with her when she’s like this. It was almost like she was talking to herself. Then she lunged at me, tried to hit me, screaming how she was going to punish me for being a selfish whore. And he pushed her back. She knocked something over, I can’t remember what, but it made a loud crashing sound and he started screaming at her, threatening her, telling her if she ever laid a hand on me he’d kill her. That’s when the cops showed up and they took him away.


I remember crying harder then I’d ever cried before. I remember hiding in my bedroom so she wouldn’t hear me. I wasn’t afraid that she was going to hurt me, but I didn’t want her to see me like that, it was more of a pride thing. But I was afraid, a little. Of what would happen in the future. With him gone there was no one to protect me. No one to keep her at bay. And it turns out my fear wasn’t all made up because it wasn’t more then two weeks later that she started beating me with the belt, another three months and I had a broken arm.


I was never mad at him. I hated the cops though. It’s their job to protect and serve but they left me there. Left me there to rot. The one that took him away looked me dead in the eyes, he saw my fear, my pleading look not to take him and he didn’t even stop to see if I was ok. Didn’t ask if there was something more going on. They just assumed that the empty liquor bottles were his and the fighting was a result of his actions. I hated them so much. I hated her even more. If she weren’t a drunk then he wouldn’t have gotten taken away.


And everyone thought that it was the typical situation: mommy with a habit, daddy ran off, but it wasn’t. That’s when I started getting into trouble in school. The fights were me defending my dad because he wasn’t a dead beat. He got locked up because he tried to protect me. He had two jobs to support me and her habit. He didn’t want to leave her. He couldn’t just leave his wife and let her be consumed, what kind of a husband would he have been? So we stayed. I like to think that if he could do it all over again he’d take me out of there. Get me as far away from her as possible, just pack up our shit and go.


But he didn’t and now I’m here, waiting, trying to find out if the man who called really is the one who I’ve wanted back for so long. It’s wicked obvious that I have daddy issues. My relationship with the Mayor was very father-daughter. Around that time I felt abandoned. My mom was an abusive drunk, then my watcher found me and then my mom died, leaving me alone, except for my watcher. Then she died, leaving me here all alone. I hung around Boston for a while, hoping he would get out and we could be a family again, but it didn’t happen. And then everything with Kakistos went down and I had to get my ass to Sunnydale.


Over the years I guess I thought if he got out somehow he’d find me. But he didn’t, and then the murder happened and I had to turn somewhere. The Mayor was my best choice because he treated me like my dad used to. Like a princess. But then everything went to hell in a handbasket. And here I am, sitting here, trying not to think about all that shit. But it’s all swirling around and I can’t make it stop. I can’t stop thinking about what happened that night back in South Boston, the night I went to the Mayor for help, the day I became a mother.


B thinks I treated Mattie so well, thinks I rushed around like a chicken with its head cut off because I was trying to make up for what my mother did to me. But that’s not why. I was trying to be as good as my dad. Every time I was faced with a problem I was always ask myself ‘what would my dad do?’ and sometimes I could come up with a solution. But I haven’t seen him in so damn long. I don’t know what he’s like anymore. It would be stupid to think that he’s still the same as he was back then. I’m completely different. I’m not the little princess who idolized him.


Can we have a relationship? Can we look passed everything that’s happened in the last twenty-two years and just be father-daughter again? Will he want that after I tell him everything I’ve done? Will he accept me for who I am? Not just the fact that I’ve killed a man with my hands, that I tried to kill others, but the fact that I’m in love with another woman? I was so little when before he went away the issue never came up. Will he hate me? Will he be able to accept the face that I’m head over heels in love with Buffy and we have this whole life together including kids? Will he think they’re evil because their parents are gay?


Will he be able to except me as a slayer? Will he think I’m crazy? Will he run the other way when I take him to a cemetery and show him that vampires and demons really do exist? Because if I’m going to get a fresh start with my dad then I want him to know everything. I don’t want to hide anything. I need him to be able to love me for me and not judge or criticize what I’ve become. Unconditional love, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s what I want from him. Am I going to get it, or will this just be another disappointment?


I watch as a car pulls into the parking lot of the motel and a man with dark brown hair, about six foot three inches tall, wearing a leather jacket dark jeans steps out of a beat up car that looks like it shoulda been demolished years ago. He pulls a key out of his pocket and goes into room 115. I sigh and start the engine of my car. I feel the steering wheel vibrate as it comes to life and waits for me to make my move.


I press down on the clutch and shift the gear to drive. Should I go over there and confront him or should I just go home and wait to see if he calls again? I tap my thumbs against the black leather of the wheel as I try to decide. It’s now or never, stay or go, hit or miss. The ball is in my court, what am I going to do with it? I ease my car forward until the front is on the edge of the road. I can either go straight and park in the motel parking lot and go find out if that’s really my dad or I can turn left and go back to Lincoln and wait for him to make his move.


But he already made his move, he called me, gave B the phone number of the place he’s staying. It’s all up to me now whether I like it or not. If I go home now he might give up. He might think I don’t want to talk to him, like I hate him or something. Like I think he abandoned me. But I don’t feel like that. I guess now I have to do what he did, I have to make a move, make a choice. I’ve never had the best decision making skills, you know it, I know it, everybody knows it. I chew on my bottom lip as I look both ways down the street and ease my car out onto the asphalt. With my mind made up I pull into the motel 6 parking lot praying not to be disappointed yet again.


BPOV


I look up at the clock like I did three seconds ago, and the three seconds before that, and the three seconds before that. Faith’s been gone all damn day. She said she had a couple errands to run after her classes but she said she would be back before dark. It’s ten o’ clock, the sun went down forty-five minutes ago. And I’m just sitting here, staring at the clock on the wall thinking about all of the horrible things that could have happened to her.


Car accident, that’s possible. She drives like a mental patient in that damn Camaro. Demon attack, there are plenty of demons around here that could have taken her out, and Faith would put her life on the line to save an innocent. She’s like that now, it’s kind of annoying. Her car could’ve gotten a flat and she could’ve been changing the tire and some lunatic could have come up behind her and killed her, or kidnaped her and now she’s tied up in some dark, smelly basement while he goes over his plants on a dirty wooden table. I think I’ve seen one too many horror movies.


Yeah, I’ve been a little insecure lately because of the hormones, but I know Faith wouldn’t cheat on me. Not in my right mind at least. But the hormones aren’t taking over my brain, so I know she isn’t out getting fucked while I’m sitting here with my thumb figuratively shoved up my ass. I’ve called her cell phone a few times but there’s been no answer all fifteen times. And she hasn’t called back yet. I pick up the phone that’s been sitting next to me for the last hour and I dial her number again. It rings ten times and goes to her voicemail.


‘Thank you for calling the CDC we’re up to our asses in diseases so please leave your name, number and list of symptoms and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible’. Why does she always have to be such a smart ass? What’s wrong with just saying: ‘You’ve reached Faith, I can’t come to the phone right now so leave a message and I’ll call back as soon as I can’? There’s nothing wrong with it, that’s what. I leave another message and hang up the phone. Where is she? What is she doing? She’s too far out of range for my slayer senses to reach her, which means she isn’t in Lincoln anymore. This town isn’t very big, a little smaller then Sunnydale was, so we can feel each other whenever we are. But I can’t feel her, so she’s either dead or she’s out of the city limits.


I look down at the mass of brown hair in my lap and then over at the other mass of brown hair on the couch. The kids refused to go to bed. They said they weren’t going to bed until their mama was here to tuck them in. Addison fell asleep in my lap about half an hour ago, and Matthew’s staring at the ceiling. They’re both in their pajamas and they’ve both had their baths. I couldn’t put everything on hold just because Faith was a little late. Because when dinner rolled around and the after dinner baths she was only a little late, and she said she would be. But she’s not just a little late anymore. She’s really late and I’m starting to get really freaked out.


“Here,” I say and hand the phone to Matthew. I carefully pick Addison up and hold her against me. “Come get me if she calls, ok?” He nods his head yes and I take my little girl to her bedroom. I pull back the covers and gently lay her down. She moves around a little and mumbles something about kittens on her birthday but then she quiets down. I cover her up and leave a little kiss on her forehead. “Sweet dreams, angel girl.” I give her another kiss on the forehead and go back out to the living room.


“Where did she say she was goin?” Matthew asks as I sit down on the couch next to him. He’s sitting up now, when I left he was lying down and staring up at the ceiling. I rest my head against the back of the couch and close my eyes. I’m getting a really bad headache. I’ve never been good at the worrying thing. It always gives me a headache.


“School, and then she was going to buy something for Addison’s birthday because it’s on sale. She said she had some other errands to run but she didn’t tell me what.” I asked but she said that she just had some other stuff to take care of and she might be home a little late, but she’d be back before dark. But she’s not and I can’t help but worry. I can’t just sit here and do nothing. I have to do something, anything. I need to find her. I need to make sure she’s ok. She could be lying in a ditch with a bleeding head wound and I’m just sitting here doing nothing. I get up and pick my cell phone up off the side table and stuff it in my pocket. “Matthew, watch your sister, have Mama call me if she gets back before me ok?” He jumps off the couch and stands in front of the door.


“You can’t leave. Mama said you cant patrol anymore, that it could hurt the baby. You can’t go.” He looks so determined and normally I would be proud because he’s doing the right thing. But he’s standing in my way and he needs to move.


“Get out of my way, Matthew.” I’m using my stern voice. The one he always listens to. Up until now that is. He isn’t moving, he’s just staring at me, his dark eyes are as hard as rocks. I walk up to him and look down at him. I try to make myself seem taller, more intimidating but it’s not working. He’s not afraid of me, when did that happen? He’s always listened to me before. Usually. “Matthew James Lehane, you get out of my way right now.” My voice is as hard as steel and as cold as ice but he doesn’t even blink.


“No,” he says, his voice just as hard as mine. “Mama said you can’t leave after dark and you said ok. You can’t just take that back. The baby could get hurt, you could get hurt. You can’t leave.” Why does everyone think I’m a fucking china doll just because I have a baby growing inside me? This is getting ridiculous. He’s not allowed to talk to me this way. He’s the kid, I’m the parent, he’s supposed to listen to me. I’m about to use physical force to make him move but thank God the front door opens and Faith’s standing on the other side of it. She looks a little surprised and confused seeing me and Matthew standing here.


“Thank God,” I say and walk passed Matthew and wrap my arms around her. She hugs me back and I can’t help but cry a little bit. The hormones are starting to get the better of me. “Where were you? You said you’d be home before dark.” I bury my face in her neck and some tears leak out. I leave a couple of kisses on her soft skin but she doesn’t respond to them. That’s weird. Her neck has always been very sensitive and a good place to get a reaction.


“Sorry about that. I sorta lost track of time.” I just noticed something. She smells like alcohol. Like cheap beer. I pull back from the hug and look into her eyes. She sighs and looks down at Matthew. She kneels down and wraps her arms around him and pulls him into a big hug. She pulls back and gives him a kiss on his forehead. This is all a little weird. “Go to bed, alright?” He nods his head and walks off to his bedroom. She stands up and closes the door and walks into the living room without saying another word. What the hell? I walk into the living room and she’s sitting on the couch, her head is leaning against the back of the couch, and she’s rubbing her forehead with the fingers on her right hand. I can’t tell if her eyes are closed or not.


“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” I ask and sit down at the other end of the couch. I don’t mean to sound suspicious but insecurities and pregnancy hormones don’t mix too well. “Who were you with tonight, Faith?” She sighs covers her face up with her hands and takes in a deep breath and holds it. “Did you...I mean, that guy who called last night...did you go see him?” I’ve been trying to ignore the thought of her having an affair with the mystery man but with the hormones and the insecurities it’s hard not to.


“Yeah, I did.” Oh my God. I can’t look at her anymore. I just...can’t. I look down at my lap instead. I see a tear fall from my eyes and land on my jeans forming a little dark spot. She lets out a little laugh. Oh I’m glad she thinks adultery is funny, at least one of us isn’t all broken up about it, that was sarcastic. “It’s my dad, B. Don’t be thinkin I’m cheating on you, ‘cause I’m not. That’s just your hormones messin with you. I’d never do somethin like that.” Thank God. I feel like a weights been lifted off of me and I can breathe again. Wait...did she say her ‘dad’?


“What? You’re dad? But I thought....” What did I think? She’s never talked about her dad, ever. I got her to open up about her mom but the one time I asked about her dad she didn’t talk to me for three days and I never asked her about it since. I just assumed he died or something. Or maybe he took off. “I mean, you never talked about him...I thought maybe he was dead.” She lets out another laugh and lays down on the couch, her head in my lap.


“Nah, it’s not like that baby,” she says, her voice is a little slurred and she sounds tired. “He got locked up when I was little and by the time he got out I was in Sunnydale and he couldn’t find me. He tried finding me, hired a private eye and everything but he couldn’t afford it so he had to stop. He was gonna come see me in prison when he found out I was locked up but he got there too late, I was already on the lamb and helping you and the scoobs fight the first.” She leans up and tilts her head back and softly kisses my stomach. Then she puts her head back on my thighs and looks up at me.


“Wanna know how he found me?” I nod my head yes. “‘Member when I saved that little girl a couple weeks ago? Ya know, from that big dog demon thing?” Again I nod. “Well, I guess my name got put in the papers for it, an article about me bein’ a hero or somethin and he Googled my name and saw the article. He used all the money he saved up over the years to fly out from Boston just to find me. I almost didn’t go. I sat across the street from the motel for two hours and I almost chickened out. That woulda sucked.” She giggles a little and then hiccups.


“He’s gonna meet us at PJ’s tomorrow for lunch, so we can’t be late.” Her eyelids are getting heavy and her voice is getting quiet and her words are being dragged out. I hate it when she drinks. Couldn’t they have just gone out for a meal or something and have a nice cold soda? “Said he was sorry for everything, said he was gonna make it up to me. Said he’s gonna move here if I want him to.” Wow. My dad never did anything like that for me. I still haven’t talked to him and it’s been how many years?


“Said he wants to meet you and our babies. Said he wants to be a good grandpa.” She’s almost asleep now. I help her stand up and she leans on me as I lead her to the bedroom. I help her change into some pajamas and by the time I shut out the lights she’s asleep. Out of all the thoughts that were running wild through my mind, this scenario never made it through. I just hope I make a good first impression. This seems really important to Faith and I don’t want to screw it up. But if the man has been looking for her for all these years and used all of his savings to fly out here I don’t think he’s gonna let little ol’ me stand in his way of having a relationship with her. At least it doesn’t sound like it. I sigh and close my eyes. I just hope the kids are on their best behavior.