Lost Memories
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Spike(William)/Willow
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
38
Views:
2,629
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Spike(William)/Willow
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
38
Views:
2,629
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor do I profit in any way from the writing of this story.
Driving
They were driving away. Away from Sunnydale, away from the only home she’d ever known, away from their lives, away from the hell mouth that no longer existed, thanks to Spike. Spike. He truly was a champion, a hero, a world saving, soul having vampire. But not anymore. Now he was a pile of ash amidst the rubble that used to be a school and a town, but was now just a crater.
Standing on the edge of that abyss she had felt something. Something deep and dark, it had threatened to consume her again - grief, heartache, misery. All of it for Spike. Why? She wasn’t sure yet, but she thought it might have something to do with them. Spike and herself. She’d felt something between them since he returned with his soul so many months ago.
She’d catch him looking at her when he thought she wasn’t paying attention. The few times she’d been stealthy enough to get a glimpse of his expression, it had taken her breath away. So much……… something. Pain? Despair? Longing? Love? She didn’t know, but it was something and that little niggling in her brain that had been telling her it was important was growing now.
As she’d first looked into the hole that was Sunnydale and learned that Spike was never coming out she’d felt as if her heart had been ripped out and had died right along with him. She’d wanted to scream and cry. She’d wanted to demand that he be returned. She’d wanted to wreak havoc and destroy anything or anyone that stood between them, death included. The pull had been immeasurably worse than when she’d lost Tara.
Luckily her Goddess had been standing watch and provided the anchor she needed to control her wrath. Even now hours after performing the spell that released power to all potential slayers she could still feel her Goddess’ force flowing through her veins, calming her, protecting her, soothing her. Something had changed when that spell had been cast. She felt different, more powerful and more in control at the same time. It was an extremely liberating feeling, but her thoughts of Spike wouldn’t allow her to fully enjoy it.
She slept a little while ago and had been assaulted by a montage of images that she couldn’t quite remember now. The only thing she knew for sure was that Spike had been there, in every vision that flashed before her closed eyelids - ivory skin, bright blue eyes, shining almost white hair. She was almost certain she had been there with him. It hadn’t felt like a dream, but more like a recollection of past events.
She had never had the kind of relationship with Spike that would have allowed her the opportunity to see as much of him as she was sure she’d seen in her dreams. But still, it had felt real, as if he’d been close enough not only to touch, but to taste, to feel. But, just like a dim star in the night, if she focused too hard on the details, it only became more hazy.
He had been an ally, a friend, so it was only natural that it would hurt to lose him, right? Right. But still, it hurt too much. She couldn’t imagine never hearing his laugh again, never looking into those eyes again, never being able to trace those cheekbones again…….. Wait, touch him? Had she ever touched him? Yes, that night in her dorm room. The night that she had pretty much invited him to drain her, turn her. She’d touched him then, but not like that, not like a lover. But her fingers itched to feel his skin, and for some reason she could almost feel him. His skin would be hard, but soft and silky as well, he’d moan if she trailed her fingers slowly down his throat and she’d be able to feel the vibrations in his chest.
Whoa, that was new. Startled, she glanced around to see if anyone had noticed that she had slipped into a very vivid daydream about Spike. How would she know what he felt like? How would she know that he loved for her to rake her fingernails gently down the column of his neck? She had no clue how or why she knew those things, but she did. She knew exactly what his skin felt like against hers, and she knew exactly how he liked to be touched.
The hell mouth was gone, so she couldn’t blame this on it, that could only mean one thing. She had screwed up. She’d done something at some point in time to cause this. The question was what? A spell of course, it had to be. A spell that had somehow affected her memories and apparently did not extend beyond his death. She was always such a silly little girl. She’d always fallen back on her magic to solve her problems. If she could forget it, or change it, then she did. ‘Why not?’ had always been her motto. Oh Goddess, what had she done and had she hurt him in the process?
Standing on the edge of that abyss she had felt something. Something deep and dark, it had threatened to consume her again - grief, heartache, misery. All of it for Spike. Why? She wasn’t sure yet, but she thought it might have something to do with them. Spike and herself. She’d felt something between them since he returned with his soul so many months ago.
She’d catch him looking at her when he thought she wasn’t paying attention. The few times she’d been stealthy enough to get a glimpse of his expression, it had taken her breath away. So much……… something. Pain? Despair? Longing? Love? She didn’t know, but it was something and that little niggling in her brain that had been telling her it was important was growing now.
As she’d first looked into the hole that was Sunnydale and learned that Spike was never coming out she’d felt as if her heart had been ripped out and had died right along with him. She’d wanted to scream and cry. She’d wanted to demand that he be returned. She’d wanted to wreak havoc and destroy anything or anyone that stood between them, death included. The pull had been immeasurably worse than when she’d lost Tara.
Luckily her Goddess had been standing watch and provided the anchor she needed to control her wrath. Even now hours after performing the spell that released power to all potential slayers she could still feel her Goddess’ force flowing through her veins, calming her, protecting her, soothing her. Something had changed when that spell had been cast. She felt different, more powerful and more in control at the same time. It was an extremely liberating feeling, but her thoughts of Spike wouldn’t allow her to fully enjoy it.
She slept a little while ago and had been assaulted by a montage of images that she couldn’t quite remember now. The only thing she knew for sure was that Spike had been there, in every vision that flashed before her closed eyelids - ivory skin, bright blue eyes, shining almost white hair. She was almost certain she had been there with him. It hadn’t felt like a dream, but more like a recollection of past events.
She had never had the kind of relationship with Spike that would have allowed her the opportunity to see as much of him as she was sure she’d seen in her dreams. But still, it had felt real, as if he’d been close enough not only to touch, but to taste, to feel. But, just like a dim star in the night, if she focused too hard on the details, it only became more hazy.
He had been an ally, a friend, so it was only natural that it would hurt to lose him, right? Right. But still, it hurt too much. She couldn’t imagine never hearing his laugh again, never looking into those eyes again, never being able to trace those cheekbones again…….. Wait, touch him? Had she ever touched him? Yes, that night in her dorm room. The night that she had pretty much invited him to drain her, turn her. She’d touched him then, but not like that, not like a lover. But her fingers itched to feel his skin, and for some reason she could almost feel him. His skin would be hard, but soft and silky as well, he’d moan if she trailed her fingers slowly down his throat and she’d be able to feel the vibrations in his chest.
Whoa, that was new. Startled, she glanced around to see if anyone had noticed that she had slipped into a very vivid daydream about Spike. How would she know what he felt like? How would she know that he loved for her to rake her fingernails gently down the column of his neck? She had no clue how or why she knew those things, but she did. She knew exactly what his skin felt like against hers, and she knew exactly how he liked to be touched.
The hell mouth was gone, so she couldn’t blame this on it, that could only mean one thing. She had screwed up. She’d done something at some point in time to cause this. The question was what? A spell of course, it had to be. A spell that had somehow affected her memories and apparently did not extend beyond his death. She was always such a silly little girl. She’d always fallen back on her magic to solve her problems. If she could forget it, or change it, then she did. ‘Why not?’ had always been her motto. Oh Goddess, what had she done and had she hurt him in the process?