Life (or Unlife) Goes On

Rating: R
A/N: Thankyou for everybody for reads and especially those who reveiw. I'm not to happy with this chapter, I don't know why but let me know what you think
Reveiws:
Alterian: I'm glad you like my story. Can I convince you that Angel/Spike is hot?
Bradon: Thanks for reveiwing and encouraging without it I would have given up by now so thanks
Bubbysbub: Isn't it annoying when you are really into a story and then it just stops without an ending? Don't worry I'll keep writing this til its finished but it might take me a while. Just hang in there and keep reading. I'm glad you like both the plot and smut its sometimes hard to find a balance and as this is my first fic let alone my first attempt at smut I'm glad that I don't seem to be failing. Thanks for the reveiw, hope you like this chap


Chapter Twenty-Five

Angel’s POV

“You were going to apologise but I thought that after you found out what almost happened with Buffy I was lucky to not be dust.” I look up at him his eyes are staring at me intently.

“Well, that was my first reaction, but it seems that you didn’t give me the full story and while, what you did was wrong, you know that. Shit Spike, you went and got your soul because of that, because you wanted to be a better man and what you did was wrong. How many vampires outside of this room would have felt guilty or even stopped but it doesn’t matter now, its history as are we because I’m an idiot. I still want you to stay here, as an associate nothing more but I do want to say that I am proud of you.”

“You are?” I can hear the insecurity in his voice even though he tries to hide it, I hate that I put that there.

“I am, now I am going to leave you and your lover alone, I’m sorry about everything I’ve done to either of you.” Score a point for me being the gracious loser, problem is I’m not sure who I have lost too.

“Angel, please wait, stay.” Xander calls, I turn back to them but I don’t think I can stay here with them, I need to get out.

“Look, Spike walked in, just like you did and caught me in a compromising situation. Stuff happened but I knew it would only be a once off thing no matter what I actually want. So you two, make up you should be together.” Xander is letting Spike go so that he can be with me? Okay, I have definitely ended up in some sort of Bizarro World. I wonder what Xander wants? Anyway it depends on what Spike wants whether I have a shot with him or not.

“ Looks like I get to choose, is that it?” He laughs but it is a dry bordering on bitter laugh. “So I get to choose, which one of you I am with, its my choice.” He is up and pacing, I don’t think he has had this type of choice before. “Its whatever I want, yeah but what I want is impossible, more impossible than being back with my Sire or more impossible than finally getting past the hostility so that I can be with you like I have wanted to since I was tied up in your basement, pet.” The hope I harboured that he would choose me is dashed, it is obvious that he is going to go with Xander. “What I want is both of you, but I can’t have it so I can’t choose one of you over the other, I’m sorry.”

“You want both of us, so there would be three of us?” Xander asks, I just sit there stunned, I don’t know what to say, Spike wants exactly what I want but its never going to happen. Xander is either going to freak and yell at the both of us or he is going to say he wants to be with us but only because he is trying to forget everything like he did with those vampires he was with last night.

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Xander’s POV

I can feel my heart speed up, Spike wants me and Angel. I have always been attracted to both of them. The first time I saw Angel when he walked into the Bronze I wanted him, I was always jealous of Buffy after that. After he found me wandering around the hellmouth late on Jessie’s birthday, we struck up an unlikely friendship, as long as the others weren’t around we were civil to each other. The other’s can be blind to what goes on around them sometimes. Nobody questioned how I knew where Angel lived when Buffy fought the Master and drowned. Nor did they question how my hate for him intensified when he came back from hell. It even took them years to realise I had deliberately not told Buffy that Willow was attempting the restoration spell, again. I hated him but at the same time, I craved him and still do. A part of me wants to run for even thinking about sex with him again but another part wants to know what it would be like with Angel holding the reins. As for Spike, seriously, who doesn’t want him? From the moment Angel offered me to him on Parent-Teacher night I have wanted him. It was a struggle when he was tied up in my basement. What am I doing thinking and analysing all of this, I left thinking a long way back. I stand up and walk over to Spike who is closest, smoking another cigarette. I pull it out of his mouth and then kiss him passionately. I caught him by surprise, he opens his mouth and I claim it, chasing his tongue. I let him go and turn around to Angel, He is standing be the door, arms crossed. As I turn to him, I see the expression on his face, one of pain and maybe even longing but it is gone in an instant replaced by his normal neutral expression. I saunter up to him and he seems to try to move back into the wall. I grab the back of his neck and pull him in for an equally passionate kiss as the one I just gave Spike. I feel him respond and I lick his lips encouraging him to open up. Oh God, I’m kissing Angel, I’m finally kissing Angel and I initiated it. All those meaningless encounters I’ve had in the past year were replacements for the two men in this room. These two vampires are the only men I have ever wanted to be with since Jessie. Angel suddenly takes control of the kiss thrusting his tongue into my mouth and I moan. Suddenly he stops and then a split second later he pushes me away.

“No, I won’t be your tool to forgetting. Do you know how much I want you, have always wanted you? Its because I want you so damm much that I’m not going to be your tool to forgetting, no matter how much I want the three of us to be together.” He thinks I just want this to forget, doesn’t he know the reason I was so nasty to him in his last year in Sunnydale was that I was scared I’d give in to temptation and kiss him. Wait a minute, he wants me? I always thought it was only Angelus who wanted me, that he (Angel) hated and despised me. Wow head rush, my vision starts getting blurry and the room starts spinning. I blindly try to grab onto something solid, next thing I know is that two strong arms are around me and I’m being carried to my bed.

“Easy pet, just try to breathe through it.” Spike’s voice seems to be coming from a long way away.

“I’ve got you, Xan, its okay, I’ve got you.” That voice sounds much closer, its Angel’s arms around me, holding me, keeping me safe. I lean back into him, just savouring the moment while the world slowly stops spinning.

“You didn’t each much of the soup did you, whelp? No wonder you almost fainted, after our earlier exhersion, your body needs substance.” I open my eye and the world is no longer black. I feel Angel try to move out from behind me and I grab onto his wrist.

“Xander, I want to go and make everyone a cooked breakfast and then I am going to sit there and make sure you at least eat some toast and to do that you are going to have to let go of my wrist.”

“That sounds good but first I need to tell the two of you something, Spike can you come here, please.” He moves over to us and sits on the bed in front of me, Angel is still behind me. “Angel, I don’t want to use you, that’s not what I’m doing. Since, I finally came to terms with my sexuality I’ve been sleeping around, yes, especially with vampires but that’s because I couldn’t have who I wanted. I have wanted both of you since I’ve met you. I’ve only felt this strongly about one other person.” I take a deep breath and it chokes in my throat as I think of Anya.

“What is it pet?” Spike grabs one of my hands in his and with the other lifts my chin so that I am looking into his eyes.

“I didn’t even feel like this about Anya, its why I left her at the altar, I couldn’t marry her and continue using her but I hurt her so much, she di…” I sigh, “She died loving me and I never felt that for her. When I saw the two of you at the Magic Box, I realised how much I wanted you, which is why I tried to take an axe to your head. I wanted to get rid of those feelings, I thought they were wrong, that’s why I said all that stuff about you being a thing, I wanted to convince myself.”

“I’m sorry Harris, that was a dark time for all of us. Why don’t we start with a blank slate, yeah?”

“I think that’s a good idea Spike. I’ve hurt both of you so much, I don’t want to do that again. Why don’t we start out slow, with me cooking us breakfast. I think you both need some time before we rush into bed.” As he talks Angel’s arms wrap around me and squeeze before letting go. I see Spike nod so I turn my head to look at Angel.

“Sounds good to me as long as I can kiss you now.” He moves his head forward and claims my lips silencing my moan. Angel uses his tongue to map out my mouth, memorising it, claiming it completely. I can feel Spike move forward until out chests are touching and he starts nuzzling my neck. When I finally break away from Angel to drag some air into my protesting lungs, Angel grabs the back of Spike’s neck and pulls him in for a passion filled kiss. They are so hot with their lips locked together. As I watch them kiss, I can feel Angel’s interest grow. I push back onto it and am rewarded by a groan. They break apart and my lips are claimed again this time by Spike. I eagerly suck on his tongue wanting more as my lust is again soaring. Angel licks at my exposed neck before spoiling the party.

“Okay, you two, its time to stop because sitting on a bed that smells of sex watching the two of you kiss is really testing my resolve.” We break apart and our foreheads rest together as I pant.

“One day I am going to kiss you for hours until your lips are swollen and your body is so aroused that one touch and you will explode.” Angel whispers in my ear sending a shiver down my body. He leans back and as he stand up, he talks to the both of us. “Xander, you need to get dressed, then come down stairs, I’m going to start cooking breakfast. What do you want me to tell the others?”

“Why don’t we play that one by ear, okay mate. I don’t know if your son and your ex could deal with you being with both of us. Speaking of ex you have broken up with her, haven’t you?”
“Yes Spike, when I went to rescue her she could smell you on me, as we hadn’t had time to grab a shower beforehand. We were on a break before we took on the black thorn.”
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Please reveiew and the next chapter should be up Christmas Eve