All I Need...

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Part 25

‘Never love Ours the way IT does?’ the hyena growled, slamming itself hard against the walls of the skull it inhabited, ‘Ours is Ours! We love Ours more than… us…’

‘Yessss…’ Xander answered, finally admitting it to his animal and himself, his eyes narrowing even more as he glared heatedly at the big brooding bastard behind the desk. ‘Don’t need to tell IT, though…’

He pulled his thoughts together, still glaring as he leaned forward, clenched fists vibrating against the top of the surface before him. “What are you trying to say, Angel?” he growled, the green shimmer rippling over his eyes growing brighter as his own fury rose to meet the vampire’s.

“Because if you’re saying what I think you are, you’re right… and I SO want to kick your ass right now but that might upset my… Spike,” he announced. “I promised he could sell tickets for that. So.”

Fingers uncurled, fastening roughly on the edge of the desk as Xander leaned forward more, suddenly wishing his Primal-spirit had come with a game face.

“Here’s the thing… Angel”, he went on, slowly and clearly, his anger raw and rough in his voice. “I’ll never belittle him. I’ll never try to humiliate him. I’ll never fuck him hard and dry just because I can… not unless he asks me to.” He growled again. “I’ll never try to make him be something he’s not. I’ll never abandon him and leave him to look after some stupid bitch I drove crazy for kicks!”

His fingers dug hard into the surface of the desk and he stared harder into swiftly saddening eyes before continuing.

“I’ll never treat him like a burden, never try to make him ashamed of who he is, never try to kill him because he reminds me of who I used to be! And I’ll never resent him, never try to send him away, never tell him that he’s not my equal, not my match, not my… not my…”

Xander frowned, unsure of exactly what Spike was to him but knowing it was something he needed.

“I will never… ever let him think he’s not the most important thing in the whole fucking world to me!” he finished quickly, eyes still spearing the gold-flecked brown in front of him.

Angel’s mouth was hanging open, regret screaming through him at the litany of his and Angelus’ sins as the demon grumped and nearly pouted in the back of his mind. “I… it’s not… I didn’t mean…” he began, only to be cut off entirely.

“You’re right, Angel,” Xander interrupted with a disdainful sneer. “I’ll never ‘love him’ the way you do. And I hope to God that I never love anyone that way. Especially not Spike.”

He glared, still furious, as the sudden and intensely uncomfortable silence echoed mightily around them.

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He’d been ready to strip off and walk into the shower to make himself need to have his Xan’s scent put on him—in him—again when he’d decided to check ESPN for the latest football scores.

His eyes had widened, then widened more when he’d seen the interior of his Sire’s office instead.

He’d almost turned the TV off because he figured whatever his Xan thought he needed to know, the bloke would tell him, but then he’d heard Angel asking the question he himself so desperately wanted to know the answer to.

‘Do you love him…?’

He’d found himself frozen, not wanting to spy but definitely wanting to hear what Xander said. If he knew… then maybe he’d know whether it was safe to tell the bloke the truth about his own feelings.

And bloody hell, how sad was it that he was even wanting to tell the man he loved him? And why did he want to? Wasn’t like loving anyone had ever worked out for him before, was it?

And then… and then he heard his Xander’s reply, and…

That was how he found himself stalking down the hallway to the stairs, then rushing up them and down another hall to the great prat’s office.

He burst through the doors so fast the large slabs of wood crashed back against the frosted glass to either side of them, not sure of whether he wanted to snarl at Angel or grab his bloke and shag him into the next week.

For his part, Xander had no idea of what was going on, but obviously something had happened to cause the frantic and furious look on the face of the so recently departed vampire. “Spike?” he frowned, moving closer without even a thought, one hand rising to grip lightly—worriedly—at a tense bicep. “Baby, what’s…?”

The blond merely shook his head although he leaned into the touch, blue eyes glaring angrily at the oddly and irritatingly apologetic looking Angel. Snarling, it was, then. Shagging would come later.

“Ya shouldn’t have done that, mate… much as I want ta know th’ answer ta that question myself, it wasn’t your place ta ask—demand!—ta know! Especially knowin’ how I feel about my Xan, yah?” He let a small portion of the disgust and betrayal he felt color his voice. “Don’t like what I’m thinkin’ here, Sire… don’t want ta believe ya’d try breakin’ us up but I can’t figure any other reason ta keep goin’ at th’ bloke when he told ya that was between us!”

Okay, and somehow Spike knew what had been said in the office, though Xander hadn’t thought vampires—even one as remarkable as Spike—could hear that far. And then he saw the guilt in Angel’s eyes and found himself growling as he pulled Spike closer, the foot or so between them suddenly too much of a distance for his liking. “What did you do, Deadboy?” he snarled.

Spike growled as well. “Gave me a bloody live show on th’ telly, luv… hopin’ ta show me that ya don’t care for me or somethin’, I’m guessin’.”

“I… shit,” Angel started. How had things gone so wrong so quickly? He’d only had his boy’s best interests at heart, hadn’t he? He’d just wanted to protect him from the pain he’d known Xander was going to cause, and… and he’d ended up hurting the boy himself. “Look, I… okay,” he tried again, “I guess I didn’t… understand.” He frowned, looking at the two men and silently admitting that they looked good together to which Angelus snorted a silent ‘duh’.

“Bloody fuckin’ right ya don’t understand, ya git! What’d ya think? We were playin’? Just fuckin’ about ta chap your ass? Told ya before, prat. Luv him! An’ I don’t need ta hear him say it ta me, do I? I’m a bloody grown vamp, Angel! Know what it feels like when someone luvs me because it’s so bloody different from th’ way it feels when someone doesn’t! An’ I think ya of all people know I’m bleedin’ familiar with that feelin’!”

Another deep, heavy sigh left the older vampire’s lips. “I was wrong. I don’t know what else I can say, Childe, but I was wrong. I thought…” Angel frowned. “I didn’t think Harris could forget about what you are, Spike. That he could… care so much about you, okay? I mean, he never even liked me and I have a soul too. But he did forget and he does care and I… shit. I guess I’m trying to say I’m sorry, okay?” He ignored the demon inside him trying to find a way to get their hands on the once human man.

“Y… you love me, baby?” Xander said with a blink, turning the blond and staring down the inch or so into suddenly shocked blue eyes. “I mean, you… really? Me?” He vaguely heard Deadboy’s voice rambling on and on, but he couldn’t honestly make himself listen. He was too… amazed… that Spike’s declaration hadn’t created the sense of panic he’d been expecting. He’d known, of course, but… somehow hearing it out loud made it seem more… real.

‘Oursss…’, the hyena rumbled smugly. ‘Ours loves usssss… said sssso…’ it nearly purred, and ‘Want Ourssss…’.

“I… yah,” Spike allowed with a slightly sheepish shrug. “Wasn’t really th’ place I meant ta tell ya, but there ya have it, right? Luv ya, Xan. Can’t help it. Won’t say it again if it makes ya…”

“Smile?” Xander murmured, doing just that. “Thrilled? Excited… all kinds of excited, by the way,” he winked quickly, fingers sliding up over cotton to rest on the back of his… love’s neck, barely brushing the short and soft blond hairs there. “Fuck, baby. I… say it again. Whenever you want, okay?”

“Luv ya, pet… luv ya, Xan… luv ya, want ta claim ya… would have already if I could… keep ya forever, mate… luv ya til th’ end of th’ world. Th’ real end of th’ world, yah?” The words were a bare whisper, spoken directly against heated red lips as the vampire pressed closer, tighter to his bloke, his Primal, his… Xander.

Green-tinged brown eyes closed slowly as another smile widened the brushed lips, this one more of a satisfied smirk. “Good, baby,” he whispered back, “because that Morah demon I fought in the Trials…? Well, let’s just say you’re probably gonna be stuck with me for about that long.” And with that he stopped any further words between himself and his vampire by diving swiftly, sweetly, strongly into that slick, cool mouth, tongue tangling and wrapping wantonly with Spike’s.

Angel groaned loudly, admitting yet again that his Childe had somehow chosen well… and that apparently Xander Harris had, too. “God… could you two please not do that in front of me? This is a place of business! Show some respect!”

He’d have to figure out how it was even possible that Harris had defeated a Morah demon in the Trials when he’d still been human… and he was sure there was a story in there somewhere that would account for the amount of blood that would have to have been absorbed by the then-human to make him… basically immortal, but that would have to wait.

For now, he needed to find out what rituals were involved with accepting a non-vampire and non-human into the Order of Aurelius. He was fairly sure it had never been done before, but… then again, he was the Master; he could change the rules if he wanted to and oddly enough, he did want to. Maybe Illyria would know something from her early days… he’d have to remember to ask her although he was fairly sure she’d wonder at him wanting to bring Harris in, considering the things he’d said about the Scooby in the past.

No, he’d never cared for Xander Harris. Hell, he still didn’t. But he for damned sure respected him and that was a good start. Even Angelus respected what the boy they’d once known had become, and that was saying a lot.

Of course, Angelus also wanted to fuck the man, but… that was another story entirely and frankly, Angel didn’t see that ever happening. Not with the possessiveness his Childe was displaying, anyway.

And that was the crux of the matter, Angel realized. He had a choice. He could accept Harris and hope for the best or he could lose his Childe. And he’d already lost enough of his own, hadn’t he? Far better to add one more person to the Order than to lose Spike… again. And who knew? Maybe Harris wouldn’t be as annoying as he expected him to be, what with that sleek, slick Primal-sensuality and that smart-ass mouth and… and the hands that were even then…

He growled suddenly, the sound finally halting the swift motions of fingers under shirts before things could get any more embarrassing… for him. “Spike,” he snapped, “Don’t make me call security. Take your… Harris to your rooms. Get him settled in. Someone will bring your luggage… later.”

The younger vampire pouted as he pulled away from his love. “Jealous git. Just want us out of th’ way so ya can have yourself a toss, ‘ey?” He winked at his Xan then took his hand and pulled him towards the still-open doors. “Later, Peaches… much later.”

A wicked grin spread across Xander’s lips and he glanced back at the brooding prick behind the desk. “Maybe tomorrow… Gramps,” he said with a smirk. “You know… late. Some time after Spike washes my scent off and I put back again.”

“You really think he’s jealous?” Xander added, his voice trailing in from the hall, fading as he and Spike moved away. “I thought you two didn’t…?”

The vampire snorted. “Never said he was jealous over me, luv…”

A sniggering laugh. “As if! And for the record, baby? Deadboy…? Gah!”

Angel groaned, his head dropping to the surface of his desk as the voices were finally cut off by the sound of elevator doors closing. “God… why didn’t I encourage Spike to patch things up with Harmony again? At least she’s still afraid of me…”

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(A/N: Many, many thanks to TheShadowCat, Selene, chibifae & E for the reviews... sorry it wasn't an actual physical smackdown for Deadboy, but I'm not so good with the fighting-writing. LOL Besides, always much more fun to abuse Broody emotionally. :P More soon, and sorry for the wait on this part! Um, and for those who care... smut coming. LOL)