Recombination

Author's Notes:
I don't own any part of btvs, only contribution of mine is Annemarie. This story's been on Hiatus for a while, now it's coming out of the closet.


“Don’t take it to heart pet, this thing’s tougher then anything I’ve ever seen before. Maybe even more then that bitch Glory.”

Spike’s words were quiet as he surveyed Buffy’s battered form. He couldn’t remember a time he’d even seen the Slayer so defeated, not only in body but also in mind. As she rigidly ignored him and continued wiping the bloodied cuts and gashes, Spike moved closer. The Vampire could see Buffy was pulling away from them all; in her attempts to be ‘the Slayer’, their leader and the strongest, she was alienating herself from her friends. Therein lay the danger. Spike could recount every evil and danger he’d faced down with the Scoobies, including some of the dangers he’d visited against them; the blond knew Buffy’s strength lay not so much in the power of being a slayer, but in the power of being a friend and having friends that supported her. Xander, Willow and Giles- they were her lifeline, her rocks, and she was slowly cutting herself off from each and every one.

Spike had seen it in her actions; she’d pushed Giles away, making the Watcher feel useless and though she didn’t need him anymore. Buffy had pushed Dawn away and gathered the potentials closer, focussing only on them and the task at hand-destroying the First and its minions. She’d even ignored both Willow and Xander, not rudely so but given them tasks to do and barely spoken two words save clipped commands. Spike knew why she did it, the burden she felt and the pressure at now facing something so momentous overwhelmed her; but he also knew she had to let her friends’ back in, her soul, heart and mind. Buffy needed them, without them she’d become something none would want to follow.

Spike ran his fingers through his hair, clenching them when he recalled what the Turok-han had done to him; he knew first hand how frustrating it was to feel so powerless although, he did reason to himself that he hadn’t been given a fair shot at the creature, being tied up when it beat him. He could understand the Slayer’s embarrassment and anger at being beaten down so easily,

“They won’t let you lead them if you keep pushing them away, an if you push far enough you might not get them back.” Spike noticed Buffy’s body clench more in response and continued, glad to be getting some kind of reaction. “You’re a good one Slayer, but you know what puts you above all the others including the brat’s-to-be upstairs?” He paused as she turned towards him, hostility shining from her eyes,

“What, what puts me so far above them?” Buffy’s voice was mocking now as she crossed her arms over her chest, repressing a wince as her sore ribs grated.

Spike’s eyes were honest as he spoke, “Your pals. Red, the Watcher an Xan; they put you above the others. They help you stay on track and focus, no matter what you do they’re always there for you. Getting in the way maybe but they’ve stopped enough bad uns getting through this place; granted you were in charge pet but you have to admit…could you have done it without them? Glory, Adam, the master and now the First-“

He was interrupted by a weary laugh from Buffy, “Don’t you think I know that Spike? Don’t you think I look at them all, Dawn and Anya too and count myself lucky?” She laughed again, except this time it was slightly bitter, “I look at them and I thank everything I can that I still have them with me, that nothing’s killed them off yet. And every day I wait for each one to be the next one I lose.”

An incredulous expression on his face, Spike shook his head; she was drowning herself in self-pity, letting her calling overwhelm her as her own personality slipped away. “They’re human, for the most part anyway. Sure the witch and Xan have had their share of Sunny Hell experiences but given that they were born here they’re damn lucky they weren’t set upon before you got here; maybe its just sheer dumb luck that’s kept them alive all these years and maybe you took over when you came. But maybe it’s not. They chose to be with you, an Giles has been training for it all his life. Truth is, it’s all a game of chance; by chance you became the slayer and came to the Hellmouth, by chance Giles was your watcher and you met the kids. By chance the nibblet’s your sister. But there’s things that aren’t by chance too Buffy,”

Spike adopted his normal untouchable pose, slightly defensive in case Buffy decided fighting was easier then talking. As she kept her distance and kept silent, a divided expression on her face, he continued, “It wasn’t Fate that made Willow and Xan stay as your team, or made you all such great mates. It wasn’t chance that kept you all close an had you able to call on each other. Fate didn’t chose you to die for Dawn either, or be brought back. You and your mates chose that and you need to remember it. They could all be dead or they could all be alive given other choices. It’s a game of Fate or destiny, whatever bollocky thing you want to name it, that brought you together but they chose to stay so don’t go pushing them away now. ”

Buffy was obviously torn now; torn between believing Spike and wanting to kick his as firm, pale butt. Spike could see she wanted to believe him but her own uncertainties were weighing her down. It wasn’t that she was worried about just letting her mates down or herself, she was worried about letting the whole world down with one mistake. What was looming was a War and Buffy was only used to battles, used to fighting those she could get her hands on.

“Sometimes I just wish I could run away,” Buffy’s voice was faint but Spike’s enhanced hearing picked it up, “Not be the Slayer or have to deal with this.” She sighed, “I know it sounds selfish but I’m tired of fighting Spike, tired of being the one and only. But I’m also tired of loosing people, if I thought I could make them leave I’d have you all out of here.”

Spike wasn’t surprised, there was only so much leading someone could do without letting it go to his or her head. Having a holier then thou attitude, not just with being the only Slayer, that wasn’t Buffy. The Slayer, much as he often faulted her, was fallible to one thing – her humanity. The decisions to be made overwhelmed her, made her feel like she had command over people’s life and death; he could see the power both overwhelmed and reviled her. Bitterly addictive as the power she had over them was, if she pushed away further, she’d become a danger to herself and them all; it would make her reckless and lose her judgement.

“Bollocks,” The Vampire smirked at her start of surprise and the irritated look that spread over her face; it was an extremely familiar look, one he hadn’t seen for weeks, one that gave him hope that he was breaking through the sombre shell she’d created around herself.

“You think you’re the only one who thinks like that? If I had my way I’d have Xander and the half-pint out of here faster then anyone could see but I know my boy’d be miserable if I did that. Would resent me for not wanting him at my side. So they stay here with me, my family an a part of yours Slayer. Your mate’s won’t leave, they won’t even back away so I’d start accepting that now an get used to it. No matter what you do, you can’t shake them lose. Don’t give me that psycho babble crap about being a leader and standing alone, cos your mates won’t let you stand alone. An by pushing them away, not letting them know, they’re going in blind. So make a choice, they are there with you all the way or as shade of what they are.” His voice was cutting, almost taunting as he tried to break through her ‘me slayer, me alone’ shield.

Spike fully expected Buffy to start using him as a punching bag there and then but instead she sagged against the wall, musing unhappily over his words. “I just don’t know if I can lose anyone else Spike, it’s too hard. I thought if I pushed them away-“ She broke off but her use of ‘thought’ instead of think gave Spike hope that he was getting through to her.

Taking a chance in a million, he decided to confess to her something that could potentially sway her one way or the other. It could be the worst idea at the worst time, but he had to try it, “When the First took me and the half-pint, it used a lot of your forms.” Her eyes flicked to his and he saw the beginnings of a frown cross her face, “Your form Buffy, Drusilla’s, the Masters, even that wanker Warren’s…” Spike paused, hesitant at letting such a big truth out, “But not one of them affected me as much as it’s favourite. Buffy, it used Xander’s face. His form.”

Puzzlement was quickly replaced with horrified understanding and as Buffy opened her mouth to speak, Spike cut her off, “My lover, my mate; standing in front of me, taunting me, trying it on!” He clenched his fists trying to suppress the rage he felt, his eyes shone golden as he struggled to keep his face from changing. Though he felt no pain now his fangs had been pulled and re-grown, he hated to let his emotions visibly betray him.

”That poncey git took Xander’s form an to this day I don’t know how. I know the witch and nibblet know it can look like him but they haven’t said anything to him either. When he’s ready to tell, I know Xan will tell. “ Spike laughed shakily, “still don’t stop me worrying though, makin me wonder where an when it happened. Making me worry even more, that its happened once an can happen again."

“I didn’t know, oh god, I didn’t even guess,” Buffy was near tears now, beyond horror at the thought of her friend dying and being revived but not once letting them know the trauma he’d been through.

Spike felt her hand on his arm, squeezing to reassuring him now and the Vampire forced himself to get back on track. He looped an arm around Buffy holding her close as she fought tears. There was nothing sexual in the holding and nothing that screamed wrong to him, even though he could inwardly laugh over the image of a Vampire comforting a Slayer.

“No one did, Xan’s kept it hidden an you’ve got to keep stum until he decides to tell us, right luv?” Spike looked down at her as she nodded before finally let go of all the tension and fear she’d been holding in. The tears made him a little uncomfortable, usually when someone cried he knocked them unconscious or shagged them cheery again but he held her as she collapsed in on herself, letting the tears flow.

Spike could sense her withdrawing from the rigid, almost regimental persona she’d developed and he went for the final kill. The last words he’d shed on the subject before she made up her mind. “You can beat the First, slayer, but without them that’s all you are-a Slayer. It’s them that make you, an you know that. So how’s about we stop pissing about; start working like you do best with your slayerettes, get the brats as trained as possible and kick this things arse?” He raised an eyebrow at her, noting the wavering expression that flooded her face as the tears slowed,

“How bout it Buffy? Fancy getting ready for the best dance of your life?”

Spike felt a need to pat himself on the back as she pulled away from him, wiping the tears away; a new look of determination was on her face as glanced up to the stairs leading from the basement. When she spoke, her words were low but held a new kind of confidence,

“It’s time to fight back, time I stopped running from my friends. We fight as a family. We’re at War now, the Hellmouth can choke if it tries to swallow us whole.”


***

Xander heard the growl seconds before the shriek and the white-faced Potential raced from the kitchen. He hid a smile as he set down his carpentry tools intent on admonishing the guilty party, he knew exactly who was to blame though he doubted he’d be able to chastise her. As he walked in the kitchen, he watched as the glowering golden eyes instantly moved to him and faded quickly to dark brown; an expression of innocence swept over Annemarie’s face as she regarded the man she considered a father and she offered up an even more innocent smile as her tiny fangs retracted.

Xander bit back a smile as the toddler waved at him from her perch atop Buffy’s kitchen counter, an unhappy looking Andrew stood in front of her holding a large cooking bowl which he was neglecting to stir. When Andrew noticed Annemarie’s wave and Xander’s appearance, the ex-Troika forced a smile on his face that came out more nervous then happy,

“Hi Xander, are you finished in the living room? Everything mended, all the tools put away?” Andrew babbled trying to cover his uneasy, he didn’t notice Annemarie had lost her smile and was frowning up at him as he continued, “We’re just cooking, me and Ari. We’re like the cooking team, Gordon Ramsey eat your heart out,” Andrew giggled nervously, “So what brings you here?”

“Oh I don’t know, just the not so usual girlie shriek of a potential,” Xander remarked dryly as he walked into the room, resting his crossed arms on the counter, “And perhaps the delightful growls of the littlest Scooby who is, as you know, both know,” he amended including both of them in his stern gaze, “Not meant to be showing her demon heritage at all. Luckily Connor isn’t here, but that’s no excuse.”

So far they’d managed to keep the truth from Connor since he was spending a lot of time training with Buffy or speaking with Dawn; unfortunately it was getting harder to convince the potentials to keep quiet when Annemarie had flashed fang at them several times already. Still Xander had to admit he found it amusing, as well as disturbing; Spike put it down to Buffy, despite a Slayer, being family-the Potentials on the other hand were not. Annemarie had evidently accepted Buffy even though she could sense the Slayer in her but the Potentials were another matter.

Oddly enough Andrew and the toddler seemed to have formed an almost sibling-like relationship; whilst none of the Scoobies were overly happy with it, none of them liked to interfere. Xander didn’t trust Andrew at all but he had to admit the young man was starting to turn his opinion around; Andrew possessed a sweet, shy innocence that completely surprised them all. The first sign they’d given that they trusted him was releasing him from his bonds; the second was letting him indulge in his two favourite pastimes, cooking and watching the sci-fi channel, both of which he eagerly shared with Annemarie and surprisingly enough, Dawn. Xander had found himself developing a soft spot for Andrew especially after bonding over Babylon Five debates, though he’d never told anyone that’s what they spoke about; he knew Spike tolerated him, as did Buffy but even Willow and Giles were being worn down. Giles by the copious amounts of cookies being baked and Willow by Andrew’s constant apologies and timid observations.


Xander tried hard to keep a straight expression on his face as he observed the two,

“So who’s going to tell me what happened this time?”

As if he couldn’t guess. The potentials, or at least a small group of them, had heard Andrew’s history with the rest of them and evidently decided to keep reminding him about it. Xander had caught tail ends of scathing comments as had Willow and Buffy, whilst not actively horrible, the potentials kept up the animosity which wore the fragile young man down; even Andrew’s safe haven of the kitchen wasn’t that safe anymore.

Annemarie pouted opting to answer first given Andrew’s unease, “Bad snank, hurts Drew.” She nodded with finality as she managed to get her mouth around the words. The toddler was nowhere near the level of intelligence and mental age she had been before the First had taken her, but at least now she was on level with a normal toddler. She made her words known and her demands answered.

Xander groaned inwardly resolving to not let Annemarie listen to Spike’s ‘Potential’ rants, now she was learning like a normal toddler she was picking things up fast. It wouldn’t go down to well if someone heard her shouting the word ‘skank’ at her. However true it might be.

“They upsetting you again buddy?” Xander raised his eyes to Andrew who flushed miserably confirming Annemarie's words before he spoke.

“Just one, she wasn’t happy that I wouldn’t let her raid the fridge. She said I…” He tore his gaze from Xander’s and started checking the oven, “Well it doesn’t really matter what she said, it just wasn’t nice.” Placing the baking tray in the centre of the oven, Andrew shut the door and carefully set the timer before turning back to Xander. “It wasn’t Ari’s fault, she was just defending me.” The fact Andrew felt defended by a toddler obviously added to his misery and he’d settled for letting the toddler, who was impatiently pulling on his sleeves, climb into his arms.

Xander couldn’t find it funny; not even the image of Andrew hugging Annemarie, or Ari as he’d dubbed her (which had stuck quickly), for comfort. He remembered feeling as Andrew had so many times before at High School; bullied and too embarrassed or weak to do anything. Smiling slightly in commiseration, Xander spoke, “I can’t flash a little fang at them but if you point them out I’ll ask Buffy and Spike to go extra tough during training, and,” He looked at Andrew, completely serious, “Try to ignore them. Don’t worry about the fang thing with Ari, she’s not in trouble any more then you are; she just likes you.”

His words were the right ones to use, the smile that hesitantly moved across Andrew’s face confirmed it. “She likes me? Really likes me?” Andrew asked looking down at the child who giggled up at him, “I just thought she didn’t like the Potentials.”

Xander grinned, Andrew’s smile was infectious. “She likes you and as you can see, she’s very picky. She doesn’t like the potentials no, although she is starting to thaw to Kennedy. She’s not sure about Connor but I think that’s….different.” Xander covered quickly, not wanting to go there. Everyone knew not to mention Annemarie being a demon but they thought Connor was more demon-phobic then anything else, only the Scoobies knew the truth.

Andrew’s eyes lit up, “This is so cool; this is like that episode of Battlestar Galactica, when Apollo gets Starbuck-“ He stopped suddenly as the basement door swung open and Buffy strode in shortly followed by Spike.

Xander frowned as his lover moved to stand next to him, Buffy seemed different somehow. More vibrant and in control then he’d seen her since the First reared it’s ugly, changeable head; as she moved passed him and Andrew, she actually offered Andrew a nod and tickled Annemarie gently. Buffy also stopped, though just for a few seconds to awkwardly hug Xander around his middle, it was then that Xander noticed she’d been crying. For anyone else, any of the Potentials or Andrew it wouldn’t have been obvious but Xander knew Buffy inside and out. He felt relief rush through him at the lack of distance between them, the Buffster was back and ready to fight by the looks of things.

“Missed you,”

Xander almost missed Buffy’s soft words but he returned her hug adding his own, quiet, “Missed you too Buff.”

It was then Buffy stood up straight, every inch a fighter, not just a Slayer but something more. Looking towards Spike, she asked, “Fetch the Potentials, get everyone in here.” She looked over at Andrew, “You as well, bring Ari too.” Her eyes also added a silent ‘hurt her, you pay’ message to the young man.

Xander couldn’t disapprove too much when she was being protective over what he considered was his own child, so he merely offered Andrew a slight apologetic look.

Buffy looked up at Xander, her focus completely on him “I’m going to get Willow and Giles. It’s time we started fighting properly, as a family.”