Two vamps, a girl, and a prophecy

Summary: What happens to Spike (and Angel) after ‘Not Fade Away.’
Rating: NC-17 Explicit sexual descriptions (later on), some language.
Pairings: Dawn/Spike, with a small side of Buffy/Xander.
Feedback: Yes, please. This is my first time posting a fic, so be gentle!
Archive? : Ask me first.
Beta: I need one!
Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘em. I’m just borrowing them for a while since Joss isn’t using them anymore.
Chapter 24

“Andrew?!” Dawn groaned. “What the hell is he doing here?” She mumbled to no one in particular.

“Bloody idiot has been helping us research mystical comas. As well as being a rather large pain in my ass.” Spike answered, glaring at the younger man, who stood in the hallway, continuing to smile delightedly despite their exchange.

“Dawnie! You’re awake!” Andrew beamed, moving closer, arms wide in an attempt to hug her. Dawn thanked her lucky stars for Spike, who easily held the over eager Watcher at bay.

“I noticed,” Dawn snapped.

Andrew blinked. “Why are you mad at me?” He asked after a moment or two.

“Oh, I don’t know…maybe because you didn’t bother to tell me that the guy you knew I am in love with wasn’t dead anymore? You didn’t tell me he was here! In my own apartment! You jackass!” Dawn was seething, and Andrew wisely flinched away from her, ducking behind Spike, who stepped out of the way with an evil grin; leaving her free to attack if she chose to do so. Dawn rolled her eyes and grabbed Spike’s arm, jerking him toward the living room. “Get out of here, Andrew. Idiot…”

“He told me not to tell anyone he was alive! He said he wanted Buffy to be able to move on! And then, when he came here looking for her, he didn’t want her to know she had missed him.” Andrew called after them as they walked down the hall toward the living room.

Dawn froze, turning her icy gaze on Spike.

Spike flinched, and turned to glare at Andrew. “You stupid, ignorant ponce…”

“Sorry, Spike!” Wincing, Andrew opened a nearby door and darted through it, apparently deciding an evening spent in the linen closet was preferable to facing their combined wrath.

“Spike?” Dawn struggled to keep her voice from shaking. “You were here looking for Buffy?” She vaguely remembered him telling her he had been in Rome, and that Andrew had let him into the apartment, but she couldn’t remember what reason he gave for being there.

“Dawn, you know I’m over her now…” Spike grabbed her hands and squeezed them reassuringly.

“But that was only a couple of weeks before you were attacked…you were looking for her…you were still in love with her…” Dawn struggled to breath around a sudden tightness in her chest, and leaned against him unconsciously as the room began to spin slightly. He had been in Rome because he was still in love with Buffy. He had come looking for her, to tell her he loved her. Just a few weeks ago…

“Dawn!” His voice jerking her back to the present, Spike squeezed her hands again and smiled apologetically. “It had more to do with beating Angel than it did with Buffy. I tried to tell you before…remember? Angel and I had a bit of a power struggle the last year. He was coming here to pick up some demon’s head and I just couldn’t let him show up here without trying to explain what happened to Buffy myself…” Dawn stared at him skeptically and he shrugged sheepishly. “You know Angel and I are complete fucking morons when we both want something.”

Dawn snorted scornfully. “If she had been here, would you have tried to hook up with her?”

“No,” Spike shook his head emphatically. “I just wanted to tell her in my own words why I didn’t tell anyone I was back. I knew if Peaches explained it, I’d come off like a total jackass.”

“Hmm,” Dawn nodded. “Imagine that.”

“Dawn, I wasn’t going to try anything with her. If I was going to do that, I would have done it last year, in Sunnyhell. I just didn’t want her to think I didn’t care enough to tell her I was back!” Faith suddenly stuck her head into the hall, looking at them curiously, and Spike lowered his voice and grabbed Dawn’s arm, leading her back toward her room. He gave the closet door a vicious kick on the way by.

“You didn’t.” Dawn murmured as he pushed her gently into her room.

“What?” Spike closed the bedroom door, but didn’t turn to face her. Dawn could see the tension in his shoulders, the corded muscles there clearly visible. She wondered inanely where his t-shirt had ended up earlier, then spotted it on her bed.

“You didn’t care enough to tell any of us that you were back!” She yelled, snapping up the shirt and flinging it at his back. “You weren’t going to ever tell us, were you?!”

“I came here to tell you!” Spike spun around and caught the shirt absent-mindedly, the majority of his attention focused on Dawn.

“You came here to tell Buffy!” Dawn glared at him accusingly. “Just like you came here to get Buffy to help you after the dragon…I can’t believe I was so stupid!”

“What?! Dawn…no…it’s not like that!” Spike’s face fell, and he rushed toward her, grabbing her hands again. “You think that I’m only with you because I can’t have your sister? You really think that? You know I’m not the type to settle for anyone less than the one I really want…”

“One word for you…Harmony,” Dawn spat out the name in disgust.

“Oh pleeease!” Spike snorted scornfully. “That was completely meaningless. It was just sex!”

Dawn stared at him, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head. “That’s supposed to help your case…how?”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Dawnie…I never cared about Harmony,” He shuddered slightly, “…and I never so much as pretended I cared about Harmony. I wasn’t with Dru then, I was drunk off my ass, and she was a good distraction from the suck-fest my life had become. I didn’t have my soul then…I didn’t even have the chip! I left her for good when I realized I was in love with Buffy. I can’t be with someone when I have feelings for someone else. I’d rather be alone than pretend to feel something I don’t feel, or ignore feelings I do have.”

Dawn narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “So you don’t have feelings for Buffy anymore?”

“I do, but not the ones I used to have,” He shrugged. “She’s a good friend. And I’m glad I fell in love with her, because I know I wouldn’t have been able to turn my life around if I hadn’t.”

“When did you fall out of love with her?” Dawn sneered at him, but her heart began to beat faster when he smiled warmly at her.

“I’m not sure,” He admitted honestly. “I don’t know how long it dragged on just because I didn’t want to let go and let Angel win.” He shrugged meekly.

“You have serious Sire issues,” Dawn rolled her eyes, and he chuckled sheepishly.

“That I do, pet,” He grinned. Growing more serious, he reached up to brush her hair away from her eyes. “You know me, luv. You know that I always cared about you, right?” Dawn rolled her eyes again, but nodded reluctantly. “You know people’s feelings can change over time, right?”

“Yeah?” Dawn sighed, reluctantly letting him pull her a little closer.

“I can’t say that I came here thinking that even if Buffy jumped on me, I would never give her another chance. But I wasn’t going to do the jumping, you can count on that. And when I opened that door and saw you…I swear, Dawn…I knew I was over Buffy for good when I realized that you had grown up on me in the last year or so.”

Dawn frowned at him, slightly confused. “So…you suddenly fell in love with me just because of how I look now?” She gestured scornfully at her body. “Somehow that doesn’t give me any warm fuzzies. I can’t believe I didn’t think about this earlier…” She stepped back slightly, glaring at him.

“Dawn, no!” Spike grasped his head in his hands, tugging on his hair and stomping his foot frustratedly. “Dammit, how the fuck do I explain this to you so you’ll believe me?”

“I don’t think you can…” Dawn began.

“Yes, I can!” He interrupted her. “Sit down!” He pointed at the bed. When she just raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief, he pointed again. “Sit!”

“Fine,” Dawn obeyed him reluctantly, rolling her eyes.

“Okay…here’s the deal….I met Buffy when you were, what, eleven?” Spike asked, pacing back and forth in front of her.

“I don’t know…something like that…” Dawn shrugged.

“Whatever…doesn’t matter. You were just a kid. And I would have ripped your throat out if she had ever given me the chance…” Spike smiled apologetically. “It’s true.”

“If I had even actually been here then…” Dawn rolled her eyes again and waved for him to continue.

“When I first got the chip in my head, I was still a right bastard. Trying to get the damn thing out, or find some way to get around it and kill you lot. Not much potential for romantic relationships there…”

“Is there a point to this?” Dawn sighed.

“Yes,” Spike nodded, a brief flash of uncertainty in his eyes. He stared at the ceiling, his lips moving silently for a moment, before he nodded again. “I may have started a bit too far back.”

“Lucky me,”

“Dawn,” He frowned. “I fell in love with Buffy when you were 14. That’s the same time you and I started to become friends, right?”

“Yeah, so?”

“You were bloody fourteen! I may be a vampire, but I still have principles. I knew you were going to be a gorgeous woman some day, and I really, really loved how I could be myself with you. You never judged me, or held my past against me…although you probably should have. You were sweet, and smart, and funny…if you had been a grown woman at that time, you can damn well bet that I would never have given Buffy a second thought. But you were still a kid, and I did fall for Buffy. I still don’t know why. All she’s ever done is give me a hard time. I think I needed someone to challenge me, then. I was on the edge of realizing that I could be more than just a stupid vampire who got put on a leash. Not being able to hunt anymore let me really think about my choices, and she helped me decide I wanted to be a better man. But a small part of me wanted to be a better man for you, too. So I could deserve to have you look up to me like you did.”

“Okaaaay,” Dawn bit her lip. “What’s that have to do with…us…now?” She waved her hand back and forth between them.

“I changed, when I got my soul. I got it for her, so I could be with her, but once I had it, I saw that she and I didn’t really work,” Spike shrugged. “There were a lot of times, that last year, when I could have tried to get back together with her. I didn’t, because I knew that it wasn’t right. But, I will freely admit that I held onto my feelings for her for far too long. She was my safety net. I got the soul for her, so I had to hold on to her…because otherwise the…the pain…I wasn’t sure it was really worth it. That whole year was just a complete nightmare, Dawn.”

Dawn sighed sadly. “I know. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time.”

“I’m not. I deserved it, after what I almost did.” Dawn winced and Spike smiled sadly. “It’s why I got my soul. Because, even with the chip, I wasn’t sure I could keep the demon from doing something like that again. And I would rather die than put any of you in danger.”

“You talk about the demon as if it was something else living inside you…just like Angel does…” Dawn snorted.

“It’s kind of like…I think vampires do keep part of their soul when they’re turned, but the demon is so much stronger that that more rational, human way of thinking gets suppressed. The chip, and Angel’s soul, they let us stop and step back and think about the things we did. After a while it was like the demon was just this crazy little voice in the back of my mind. It became a lot more pronounced after I got my soul back…that division…” Spike shook his head suddenly, waving his hand in front of his face distractedly. “That’s all beside the point. That last year, I was clinging to my feelings for Buffy with everything I had, but not because of Buffy herself. I was just too scared to try to get on with my life on my own, and I was too miserable to really invest any interest in anything else going on around me. I was on autopilot. That’s how I let things get to the point where I was willing to die rather than try to pick myself up.”

“You knew the amulet would kill you,” Dawn gasped.

“I did,” Spike nodded. “I figured if Evil Lawyers R Us gave that amulet to Peaches, it couldn’t do anything too pleasant to the vamp meant to wear it. I just wanted all of you to be safe. I really didn’t care about me. I was horrified when I thought Buffy might actually stay in that hole with me, at the end. I really didn’t think she cared…that anyone did…”

“Spike…”

“It’s okay, Dawn,” Spike smiled reassuringly at her, sitting down beside her. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, he continued, “I think dying was the wake up call I needed to get on with my life. When I realized I was back, but that I might get sucked into Hell anyway, it gave me the kick in the ass I needed to finally try to take control again. First, I had to fight to hang on to my second chance…”

“Third, wasn’t it?” Dawn giggled.

“Shut up,” Spike grinned, poking her in the ribs. “When I finally got my body back, even before that, I found great pleasure in an old pastime…trying to drive Angel batshit. I wanted to tell you all that I was back, but I was afraid that having me back in your lives would go over like a snowstorm on the beach in August. I put off telling you the ‘good news’ because I didn’t want to admit to myself that you all might reject me. And I was having fun in LA. It was good to be part of a team again, hanging out with Angel…” He looked at her sharply, “If you ever tell him I said that, I’ll cut out your tongue, pet.”

“Of course,” Dawn grinned wickedly, then patted him on the thigh. “I won’t, don’t worry…wouldn’t want his head to get any bigger.”

Spike snorted. “Anyway…I found I wasn’t really thinking that much about Buffy, until Angel and I started fighting all the time. He was always putting me down, acting all holier than thou. Because of the prophecy…we both wanted…”

“What prophecy?” Dawn interrupted him.

“There’s some ridiculous prophecy about a vampire with a soul becoming human again. Angel’s been panting over it for years. Thinks it’s about him. It probably is. I just couldn’t resist giving him a hard time about it, at first. But then, he was so bloody arrogant about it, I really got into trying to beat him. The whole thing with coming here…it had much more to do with all the head-butting between Angel and I than anything else…”

“One of you could become human again?” Dawn cut him off again. “Really?”

“Nah. Angel signed away his rights to it, and the whole race to get the cup of perpetual torment was a total farce…” Seeing her confused expression, he added. “It was just Mountain Dew.”

“Huh?!”

“Never mind,” Spike chuckled. “Not important. The point is, me being me, I was obsessed with beating Angel…no matter what the prize.”

“And a few weeks ago, the prize was Buffy…”

“Exactly,” Spike smiled wearily. “Like I told you the night I got here, I gained a bit of perspective when Wolfram and Hart tried to kill us all. Seeing good people die those last few months…especially that last day…it doesn’t matter who’s the best vampire with a soul. It doesn’t matter if Angel gets some stupid girl we fought over before we figured out there are more important things in this world to fight for…”

“Hey, that ‘stupid girl’ is my sister,” Dawn grumbled, shooting him a playful glare.

“Sorry, luv,” Spike grinned, obviously anything but apologetic. “After the attack, I realized how stupid I was to waste so much energy fighting with the only family I really have. We were so close before he got cursed…and now we’re both back on the same side again. I should have just been happy to get my Sire back, rather than worrying about who’s carrying the bigger stick, so to speak. When we got here, I was focused on getting him someplace safe before I…”

“Died,” Dawn mumbled, giving in to the urge to wrap her arm around his waist and lean on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Spike whispered. Squeezing her gently, he murmured, “I wasn’t expecting you. Blew my bloody mind when I opened that door, expecting to see my sweet little Nibblet, and realized you’d gone and turned into that perfect, gorgeous, intelligent woman I always knew you would be. I thought I was on ‘Candid Camera’ for a minute there. I was almost afraid to talk to you. But then, you…you hugged me. And we talked, and you were still you…still my best friend. Except you’re an adult now. I’m not sure if I would have been able to flip that switch in my mind from ‘love you like a little sister’ to just plain ‘love you’ if I had spent the last year with you, but the point is… it’s flipped, and it’s not going back. I love you, and all that other stupid bullshit I’ve done in the past has got nothing to do with us now.”

Dawn stared at him, blinking back tears. “Wow.”

“Did that make sense? Do you understand now?” Spike asked, biting his lip.

“Yeah. That…wow,” Dawn mumbled, shaking her head dazedly.

“Does that mean we’re okay now?” Spike grinned hopefully.

“Wow…” Dawn nodded, smiling somewhat dreamily. “You really love me…”

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Sorry, this was kind of a long one, but I didn't want to break up Spike's rambling.

Edited a bit for continuity 1/21/06