On the Other Side

Chapter 23


Xander awoke, blinking drowsily and yawning. He rolled over to stretch and…fell off the bed, landing on his elbow and yelping in shock.

Spike sat up, glancing to either side several times before noticing the boy on the floor next to the bed.

“What are you doing down there?”

“Ow.” Xander’s bottom lip jutted out as he awkwardly tried to examine his injury, bending it upwards towards his face, then straightening his arm and twisting it when he couldn’t get a good look. He yelped again at the pain the movement caused.

Spike sighed, rolling his eyes good naturedly at his little brother. He patted the mattress next to him. “Come back up here and let me have a look.”

Still pouting, Xander crawled back into the bed, sitting back against the headboard and arranging the blankets around himself before holding his elbow out for inspection. Spike looked over the injury carefully, ‘hmmming’ and ‘ahhhing’ appropriately. Hoping he’d satisfied the boy, he carefully placed the arm in Xander’s lap.

“I think you’ll live.” He winked at the brown-eyed boy, scooting back against the headboard and stealing half the blanket. They sat like that, shoulders propped against one another, for about ten minutes before either of them spoke.

“Why are you here?”

Spike looked over at his brother. The smile the younger boy wore was infectious, breaking out on Spike’s face as well. Trying to hide the mischievous glint in his eye, Spike casually reached out and grabbed the pillow, smacking the younger boy with it before he could blink.

“Hey!”

“Toldya last night, ya git. Wesley’s pissed as a rat – he’s sleeping it off in my room. His dad’s not too…lenient with Wesley drinking.”

The grin fell from Xander’s face, and he leaned into Spike, resting his head on his brother’s shoulder, Spike’s arm curling around him. “Yeah. I know.”

They sat in silence a few moments more.

“I’ve missed you.”

Spike looked down at the head on his shoulder, puzzled. “Missed me? What are you on about? I haven’t gone anywhere.”

The boy in his arms was quiet for a moment before answering. “Yes you have. You’ve been…distant, wrapped up in school and Wesley, and you never tell me things any more, except what time you’ll pick me up or to pass the ketchup or something like that, and I just wondered…I thought…that maybe we weren’t friends any more.” Xander turned his head and tried to pull away, but Spike was too quick, wrapping both arms around the younger boy and pulling him close.

“Xander.” He sighed into the dark hair. “I-I…of course we’re friends, you git.” His throat constricted around the words; he took a moment to calm the overwhelming grief that had risen in his stomach at Xander’s words. “’s just that I…I….” Sighing, he leaned into the brunet. “You’re right, I’ve not been a very good brother lately, have I?”

Xander sat up quickly, his head colliding with Spike’s chin. “No! I mean, Yes! I mean…could you rephrase the question?” Brown eyes focused on the hand Spike was rubbing against his chin and reflexively moved one of his to rub the corresponding bump on his own head. “Ow.” He removed the hand, checking it thoroughly for blood, before returning his attention to Spike. “I’m sorry. Did I hurt you?”

“Nah, lucky I didn’t lose some teeth, though. Think your skull must be made of granite.” They both smiled at that.

Still smiling, Xander reached over to the nightstand and retrieved a comic book, flopping over on his stomach to read. His feet hung over the edge, bouncing with energy and vibrating the entire bed. Spike let the vibrations lull him into a trance, and the questions from the night before began to circulate in his head once more.

“I kissed Wesley.” He’d blurted out the words before he’d even thought about it. Covering his face with his hands, he missed the look of shock and hurt on his brother’s face.

“Wesley?”

Rubbing his face, then dropping his hands to his lap, Spike answered. “Yeah. An-And this bloke, at the party last night…I think he wanted to kiss me, too…. I think I might’ve let him if Wesley hadn’t shown up.” He sat for a moment, unseeing and unhearing. “I think I might be gay.”

“Gay?”

For the first time since blurting out his secret, Spike risked a look at the boy, whose face was still a mixture of disbelief and horror. He’d screwed up; he quickly tried to backpedal. “Or I could be bi. I mean, there was this girl there too, real pretty, like.”

Xander’s mind had almost finished processing the first statement. “So…you think you might be gay…”

“Or bi.”

“…or bi.”

Spike fixed a hope-filled gaze on the younger boy, willing him to say something. Xander was the only real family he had left – he needed his brother to accept his discovery…accept him. Xander had to understand.

He watched, unblinking, as Xander swallowed and moistened his lips. “Ok.”

Incredulous, his shoulders dropped as his eyebrows rose. “Ok? That’s it? Just...ok?” He chewed his lip, looking around for…anything…something. “I mean…Xander? Is this all right? Are you sure you’re ok with this?”

Xander became uncharacteristically still, staring right through his comic book as if he were reading his answer off the back cover. “I think…that it really doesn’t matter. I mean, you like who you like, and you…love…who you love.” Xander’s voice trailed off, and Spike was just beginning to feel concerned for the unusually quiet boy when he began to speak again. “And…some people may not like that, may not think it’s right, but sometimes, they just don’t understand, you know? Sometimes they just don’t see.” Xander blushed, ducking his head and hiding behind a curtain of brunet hair. “And that’s me, babbling on about something I know nothing about, and feel free to ignore any of that…but yeah, I’m ok if you’re gay, or even bi, ‘cause you’re my big brother, my Will, and…well…” The boy shrugged and buried his blushing face in the blankets.

The unrest in his stomach settled and Spike sighed with relief. “Xander?”

“Yeah?”

Spike reached down to brush away the hair from the face that had poked out from the bed sheets, a soft smile stretched across his face. “Thanks.”