The Silent Urge Series

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~ Xander ~

Oh god! I didn't think about that. Damn. The chip. If I hadn't realized…

"Spike, I am sorry. Please…"

"No Xander. Not if you won't tell me why. I am a fucking *Master Vampire*. Nobody except my Sire is allowed to bite me. Not without my permission. Why the fucking hell did *you* bite me?" Spike yells, outrage in every cell in his body. Now I am sobbing for real. Loud and wet, tears are falling to the floor. And Spike is not moving at all.

"I am not sure… It must be a spell… or something… I just have this totally crazy…" I trail off. How do I phrase this? How do I tell him I want to…

"Xander, get a grip. Just tell me so I can help you." His tone is a bit softer, concerned now. Is it the mentioning of magic or my tears that make him less angry at me?
I shake my head. He'll throw me out if I cause this many problems.

"I won't throw you out and there is no problem that cannot be solved." Spike says and I stare up. Does he read my mind now? No, I must have said it out loud.

~ Spike ~

My anger dissolves a bit when I smell his tears. Hearing him sobbing through the bathroom door isn't as touching as seeing him here, on his knees his whole body begging me to not hurt him anymore but nevertheless he waits for the kick. Poor, poor pet. I remember a time with Angelus when I was this needy for his approval but never got… and I so don't want to dwel thi this kind of memory now.

When I hear him say out loud what he, for sure, only uttered out loud by mistake, I have it confirmed. I wouldn't throw him out, not just because of these little problems. If he refrains from bloody biting me though! I have to make some rules clearer, didn't know I needed them, didn't know it would come to this. Spell, he says? Treckle, I guess.

He looks up at me and I take in his big watery puppy eyes, the tear streaked face. Oh bloody buggering hell. I kneel before him and pull him in my arms. He goes willingly and buries his face against my shoulder. Mind the teeth, pet! I restrain from growling. I still want him to feel safe with me.

"So Xanny, tell me please." I ask again, croon to him like I used to do to Drusilla after she broke down sobbing on the floor, crying out for Daddy or the stars or what the hell ever, to not hurt her anymore. His tears are flowing freely all the time and he wets my shirt with them, I can feel the salty liquid soak through the fabric and caress my skin. Tears are all the same, mine, Dru's or his. Always cold.

"Why did you bite me, luv?" I question him again, not wanting to pressure but needing answers eventually.

"Blant." He mumbles against my neck. Who the hell is Blant?


~ Xander ~

"Who is Blant?" Spike asks, puzzled.

I shake my head. "Blood." I say, a bit more understandably.

"You bit me because of blood?"

I nod. Simplest thing in the world. Biting ls wls wanting blood.

"Because I dusted your customer when he spilled blood over your arm?" I am getting a little frustrated here.

"No. I wanted your blood." I swear if he starts to laugh, I’ll kill myself.

"My blood?"

I nod and he tenses up. Maybe he doesn't think this is funny at all.

"It must be Treck. It has to be him. He manipulates you to…" He starts talking, finding explanations that are better than the most obvious one.

"No, Spike, I felt it before, all the time actually since we started this." I sigh. He just has to get it now.

"All the time you wanted my blood, wanted to see me dead?" I swear Spike kinda squeaked the last part.

"Fuck no, Spike." I say quickly.

"So you crave to see blood."

I shake my head and suppress groaning in frustration. Yeah, okay, so I could tell him straight out but.. God, he'll think I am totally out of my mind! How can I…

"To see me bleed?"

Head-shake. He so sucks at this.


~ Spike ~

"Damn it. Just tell me the rest. I'm not in the mood for twenty quons!ons!" And I am not good at it either. I see how the boy tries to find another excuse, tries to find something to tell me to distract me, so I do the only logical thing: I growl.

"Wanna drink it" He whispers then, very lowly.

"No, thanks not now, don't get off topic." Idiot kid. First we find out what is wrong with him and maybe later I’ll have a little sip on his blood. And I can't believe I just turned dow down.


~ Xander ~

I groan inwardly. Where is intelligent!Spike when I need him?

"*I* want to drink *your* blood." I say suddenly, loud and clear and blushing five shades of red while I stare at the floor.

Seconds go by in silence, baited breath, then:

"*You*… *you* want to *drink*… *my blood*???"

God yes! Involuntarily I whimper longingly and I feel Spike tense up. He is alarmed, muscles coiled and ready for a fight or flight.

"Since when?" He growls.

"Since mom told us, well me… to move out."

"Just my blood or…" I look up at Spike, his eyes are concerned and a little dilated. Must be from all the blood talk.

"Blood in general, can smell it. It's so strong. I try to withstand but when you're near it's so hard…" Looks like I babble to confess as well as I babble to distract.

"So if you had the choice between mine and other bl you you'd take mine."

I nod, tongue flicking out to lick dry lips.

"Describe the feeling." Fuck no.

"What, why?" Are you my psychotherapist? Describe the pain, then draw it, burn the painting and it'll be gone. Not gone? Well, sing the pain…

"'Cause we have to get information to figure out what's going on."

Damn.

"It's hard, Spike. To talk about this and not…"

"Not get some?" I nod and stare at Spike who obviously considers whether to give me blood or nohen:hen: "I can't let you have blood before we know what effects it could have. Understand?"

I don't care about effects. Just a bit, k? I nod for Spike since that is what he expects me to do.


~ Spike ~

"So it's hunger then." I ask and know the answer already.

"Kinda. I'm not hungry like wanting food. It's like I am missing something. It's like going into withdrawal but that's impossible. I only had blood as a hyena and I don’t feel possessed. And why your blood? It must be a spell or…"

Hyena? Spell? Withdrawal? Oh fuck.

He trails off when I stand up abruptly. Fuck.

~ Xander ~

"Spike? Where are you going?" Don't leave me. Please don't leave me.

"I have an idea what this is about. Just have to make a call."

"You’re phoning Buffy?"

"No. Why the hell should I..?" Then he nods in understanding. "Xander, this is not a reason I'd call Buffy to collect you, like parents would a bad kid. Something is wrong with you, this craving of blood isn't normal for a human, you agree there, right. And we have to solve this. Buffy is the last person I want sniffing around here and …" near you.

"And?"

"I told you, it was your choice, my world or your old world. You made your choice, you chose my world, now you are here, you stay here, whether you want to or not, is that clear?"

Voice like steel and all I can do is nod. Not gonna get kicked out. Not gonna get kicked out.


~ Spike ~

"Alright. Just wait a sec. Back soon." I say, and grab the cell from a shelf. I am nearly out of the door when he calls out to me.

"Spike? Could you take the glass away?"

What? Bloody hell. That bad? I stare at him, disbelief must be showing on my face but the revelation of how much he craves blood is shocking me. I messed up big time.

"Why don't you go, grab a shower, pet?" I tell him and nod in direction of the door. After long seconds he unfocuses from the glass and pulls himself together.

"Yeah, shower would be good." While he stands up and leaves the room I start dialing.


~ Xander ~

I c I close the door I hear Spike speak.

"Sire? It's me, Will."

Who is he phoning? Dru? Does Dru know how to work a cell? She is nuts. He wouldn't, would he… Or Angel? He'd not seriously tell Deadboy I want to drink blood???


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