Never Come Back

A/N :- I'm so sorry it has taken a while to update but real life has been dealing me a bum hand of late. But, I'm back and ready to pick up where I left off, so, on with the show! Enjoy!! Thanks for all the kind reviews!



Chapter 23


Buffy ran to Giles' apartment, aware of every noise and movement in the dark.Every branch that swayed in the breeze made her flinch.Right now Buffy felt even less of slayer than she had at the hands of Angelus. Her heart raced and pounded within her temple , her body was slick with a cold sweat and she ached from her injuries and the tension that balled her muscles against the stress. Finally the wooden door loomed and Buffy fell against it, panting , she knocked.

The door swung open and Giles stood the other side with a shocked expression.He had expected Buffy to stay with Spike, as her sire he would be the one to help her through this difficult time.

"Buffy, what ever is the matter?"

Giles groaned inwardly.What a stupid thing to say to the girl you idiot, he chided himself.

"Come in"

Buffy eased into the apartment and stood with her head hung, looking away from Giles.

"I need a place to stay where I'm not alone Giles, can I stay with you?"

"Of course but shouldn't you be with Spike? As his mate and as your sire, he should be the one you stay with Buffy"

"I can't"

Giles didn't push her .He could see that there was an obvious reason, but at that moment Buffy hardly seemed to be up for conversing as to why she felt that she couldn't stay with Spike. Giles stepped towards Buffy and halted as she took the same steps back from his advance.He gestured towards the couch and Buffy sat on the edge ,seeming uncomfortable under his close scrutiny.

"Maybe a cup of tea? Some blood ? When did you eat last Buffy?"

He walked into his kitchen and watched through the breakfast bar.The mention of blood bought a flashback of her feeding from Spike in her rage before she woke.Buffy swallowed hard and wiped the fresh tears away.

"Not hungry but some tea would be good"

Worry marred his face as he set about making the tea.Once the kettle had boiled, Giles set up the tray and then returned to the lounge area.He held her cup at arms length and then sat in his usual chair. Buffy watched him intently.Her eyes flitted around the room as she sat awkwardly. Without provocation ,Buffy started talking.

"I nearly killed him.I wanted to, for a second while I had my fangs in his throat,I wanted to drain him.I thought he was 'him' and I could of killed Spike."

"Is he alright Buffy? "

Buffy flinched at the sound of his cup being placed on the table, a sign that he was about to rise and come to comfort her.Buffy instinctively moved further up the couch.Upon seeing Buffys reaction,Giles sat back down and picked up his cup once again.

"Physically? Yes ,Spikes fine, although it will take a while for his neck to heal,emotionally , I can feel him.He's so confused,and I can feel how much he loves me and wants to help me but he can't.The slayer wants revenge Giles, I can't be around him when I feel like this."

"Do you blame him for not protecting you?"

"No, no. God no."

"Tell me how you feel, if you want to that is?"

Buffy smirked " Are you trying to psycho-analyze me, cos I have to say,with everything that's happened lately, it could take all night"

Giles smiled "Would it help if I did?"

Her smile faded "No, this is something only I can sort out for myself."

They sat in silence for a long time before Buffy spoke again,although she hesitated.

" Have you heard from Cordy or Wesley?"

Giles polished his glasses as he contemplated telling her that he had. He decided that it was probably best not to lie to her.

"Yes, yes I have,Buffy"

"How is he?"

"Still in a bad way , his guilt is causing him to behave erratically.He has been confined to his room and locked in.He has begun to self harm and constantly repeats names and dates, they believe they are names of victims and the date of their death at his hands."

"Buffy sniffed and wiped her face again. "My dominance claim on him can't be making it any easier on him"

"You couldn't know that for sure.Angelus did a lot of harm in his life "

"This is such a mess Giles." Buffy looked up at her watcher "How can I make it better? How do I stop from feeling like this?"

"By taking it one day at a time . By letting all those that love you, help you"

"You mean Spike?"
"Not necessarily but maybe ,yes"

" I'm not sure I can trust myself to be around him right now.Would you be there to stop me from hurting him?"

"Of course Buffy, you know I would.Now, how about we get some sleep now?"

Buffy nodded and stood.

"Take my room for tonight Buffy and we'll sort out alternative arrangements tomorrow"

Buffy nodded again and then headed up to Giles' bedroom.Once the door was shut ,Giles settled himself on the too small and uncomfortable couch. He pulled the throw over himself and stared at the staircase until sleep claimed him.

Back in his crypt,Spike was having trouble sleeping .He got up and ran his hand through his disheveled hair.He picked up his t shirt and pulled it on before picking up his coat and heading upstairs. He walked out into the night, throwing his duster on and without thought ,walked in the direction of the watchers apartment.

He could feel her, her grief , her pain and her uncertainty . Buffy invaded his senses so much now that Spike didn't know where he ended and she began. All he knew was that he couldn't be without her for even one night, his body wouldn't let him apparently. As he neared the complex , he slowed and put into practice the 126 years of stealth. He climbed the trellis work and sat on the cill outside the bedroom window. He watched as she tossed in her sleep, whimpering as her dreams made her replay the rape at Angels hands.

Spike tried the window and found that it opened.As he climbed in, Buffy thrashed in the bed. Tears flooded her cheeks as the dream continued. Without thought,Spike climbed onto the bed and took her in his arms.Instantly Buffy stilled and woke , finding the scent of her sire and mate calmed her and had chased the dream from subconscious. She held him so tight that a mortal would have been crushed.Spike stroked the damp hair from her face and kissed the top of her head as he whispered words of love to her.

Buffy pulled back and wiped the remaining tears away. Spike, not knowing if she would be happy that he was there, now that she was fully awake, drew back to the edge of the bed. The space between them seemed cavernous to them both now and they sat in silence.

"I'm glad your here, Spike.I need you more than I realized. I don't think I can't sleep without you holding me"

"Always be there for you kitten" he pulled Buffy back into his arms , feeling her rigid posture soften as he embraced her. "Was going out of my mind without you there to hold"

"I'll still need time Spike, I don't know if I'll ever be the same. But I still love you , I want you to know that "

"I know baby , I can feel you, can feel it here" he pointed to his head and then his unbeating heart " and here." Spike laid her back and pulled the covers over her , he slipped his coat off and hung it over a chair that sat across the room. He returned and laid above the covers. He kissed her cheek "Sleep now , I'll stay and we can talk more in the morning"

Buffy nodded and turned onto her side, her back to Spike. Her arm reached behind her and pulled his hand around her waist."I need to feel you there"
He kissed her shoulder and pulled her back against his front.That is how they fell asleep and that is how Giles found them in the morning.

Giles opened the door carefully and peered around the door.He hadn't heard much coming from the room and thought it was a good sign.Giles noticed the window ajar and went in to close it and saw the white blond hair. Pleased that at least Buffy had let Spike close again, he smiled and left the room and the lovers to sleep on.

Spike raised his head as the door clicked shut and smiled, grateful that the watcher hadn't kicked up a fuss at his being there . He tightened his hold on Buffy as she murmured in her sleep and nuzzled his mark before falling asleep again.

It was now early evening and Giles had spent the past four hours going through his notes. Wesley had sent a copy of his notes and had included a diary of Angels progress. It seemed that the elder vampire was struggling with his guilt, more so than before. Giles feared that Angel would never truly recover this time. Angel was straddling a fine line between good and evil, with barely there sanity. What would happen if he lost it completely. Giles sighed and whipped off his glasses and sat deep in thought. His mind going over and over everything but never really forming one coherent thought. His head ached and tension within his body needed release. Giles stood abruptly and went to his weapons chest.He picked up his favorite crossbow and the baseball bat stake and headed out into the last of the night.He intended to vent out his frustrations on the undead in true Ripper style.

Buffy could feel his hands all over her skin, could feel his coolness of his tongue gliding over her .His scent was filling her senses but try as she might, she couldn't scream.His hands held her firm and his lips kept her silent. His cold dead shaft filled her with pain she never thought she would ever know.Not by him, not by her Angel. His whispered threats echoed through her mind as he forced himself back inside her.

"Always knew that you were holding out on me, that deep inside you somewhere ,was the slut that liked it this way"

He slammed back inside her again, not caring that she was dry and split from his forceful thrusts . Angel laughed as tears leaked from her eyes, not that he cared ,not that it stopped him. He would snake his tongue up her cheeks capturing them as they fell.

"Who would have thought it would be so easy to reduce the slayer to this. I never thought I would be the one to break you Buff" he laughed, enjoying the pain that showed in her eyes and on her face "Gee, if I had known ,I'd have done this years ago.I never did get to thank you for sending me to hell"

He twisted her body and re-entered her with renewed force "Tell me Buff, how will Willy like you now? Think he'll thank me for breaking you in . Let's face it, that boy has never had it in him to be a real man. Now that you've finally had one, think you can go back?"

Buffy tossed and turned in the bed, whimpering and fighting off the phantom that invaded her mind.Her struggles woke Spike, who immediately tried to calm her. Buffy fought him as he tried to gather her in his arms. Spike felt the sting off his tears as they cascaded down his cheeks. He did the only thing he could do.

Spike ceased her shoulders and pulled her towards him sharply, his fangs burying into his mark and he drank.

Buffys eyes shot open and she took in a deep breath, one that she had needed since the dream had begun. Her nails embedded themselves into his shoulders as reality seeped through the haze of her nightmare. Slowly she returned to him, holding onto him for fear off losing him, off losing her grip on this reality. Her head fell to his shoulder and she cried. Spike let his fangs recede and held the girl he loved, as she shattered in his arms. He just hoped that he could pick up the pieces and put her back together.