Life (or Unlife) Goes On

Rating: NC17
Warning: M/M if you don't like then this isn't the story for you. Mild Language and graphic sex
A/N: Merry Christmas, I will try to keep reguarly updating this during the Christams/New Year period.
Someone asked if they could be emailed when this is updated which I'm happy to do so if you want to do this let me know. Thankyou to all who read especially those who reveiw
Reviews:
Sisse: Your obviously a Xander fan and so this is a Xandercentric chapter, hope you enjoy
Desartratt: Glad you like, hopefully you get my email. I'm glad that this story is interesting even if your not reading the slash
RedRayne717: Yeah I'm glad I'm attracting new readers, I was worried it was so long that anyone who hadn't already been reading this wouldn't be bothered because of the length. I'm glad its intrigued you and I hope you continue to enjoy it
Disclaimer: Song is Don't Beleive Anymore by Icehouse, I don't own it
Reminder: / = remembered conversation

Chapter Twenty-Three

Xander’s POV

I sigh what was Buffy thinking bringing me here. I’ve turned into a burden again just like I was back in Sunnydale High. I thought I meant more to her as a friend. I have always been there for her, always watching her back, the thing with Angelus happened because I was watching her back in the hospital. Now I’m disposable garbage and I just don’t see the point anymore. A haunting saxophone comes over the radio as I lean against the wall staring out into the LA sky scrape. Who would have guessed in high school that this is where I was going to end up, missing an eye. A voice joins the saxophone on the radio.


I never counted on this
'cause that's the way that it goes, yeah
You used to be someone I knew,
somebody I could understand but,
now I don't know what to do
and I don't know who you are now
All the things I hear you say
You talk that way
You're a stranger
and I


/You’re a disgrace Xander, Anya would be ashamed to know you now./

/Why aren’t you happy? We won/

/You have turned into nothing but a waste of space. Just get over it already./


I don't know where to be begin
don't want to hear it again
I don't believe anymore
This is all I know
I know I've heard it before
I don't believe anymore


I can’t distinguish between good and evil anymore. That’s the crux of this mess. It used to be so easy, vampires and demons don’t have souls, they look different, kill them, they are evil. Sure part of me knew it was more complicated than that, look at my parents. Well you can’t now, they’re dead. They never made it off the hellmouth and I didn’t go to check on them before the final battle which wasn’t so final.


And I remember your voice
before this happened to us
but I could see
and I was sure
and everything was young and new but,

We lost it too many times
and that's the way that it is
Lovers come and lovers go
when you think you know,
it just isn't true, oh


But then we grew up, Willow, Buffy and I. Sure partners came and went but I thought that we would always be the same, always together but somewhere along the line that changed too and now I don’t know anything.


I don't know where to be begin
don't want to hear it again
I don't believe anymore
This is all I know
I know I've heard it before
I don't believe anymore

Don't believe anymore


I can’t deal with this anymore I need to block it all out, but I don’t have anything, they took it all and I can’t leave. My eye sweeps across the room looking for a way to forget for a while. Ah there. My toys. Through sex and that peaceful moment at the end I can stop thinking and forget. Unfortunately, I can’t leave the hotel to find a one night stand and the people in the hotel all feel sorry for me so that will never work. Looks like its just me and the sock puppet of love, however, I have learnt a few tricks and have acquired a few toys since those days. I set up the television with one of my favourite porn videos and set out everything I’ll need on the bed. When everything is organised I take off my shirt, unbutton my pants and sit back against the headboard. Turning the television on I skip over the five seconds of plot to where two dominant guys have got a third submissive one between them. Reminds me of last night being sandwiched between the two vamps. I wonder what it would have been like to be their pet like they offered. My hand strays to a bite on my neck that was hidden earlier. I know the bite marks I have scattered all over my body were why Spike wanted me to take my shirt off but luckily I managed to divert the conversation. Rubbing over the mark sends a shock straight to my cock making it start to harden. I kick my pants off and get comfortable again. On the television the brown headed sub is sucking off the skinny but muscular blond while the other dark haired male with big shoulders is starting to prepare him. Oh to have been there pet, it would have been great, I would have had all the sex along with the pain and degradation that I need and I wouldn’t have had to worry about anything anymore. The only thing I would need to have concentrated on is making sure I pleased my masters. Oh I would have had a master, that thought has me grabbing hold of my nipple rings and pulling the pain mixed with the pleasure sends my head back into the wall and I choke on a groan. Can’t let anyone hear me.

I watch the screen as the Sub is entered, oh how I wish it was me. I torture my nipples watching how he is being used from both ends. There is nothing better than having a cock in your ass and a cock in your mouth, knowing that they are using you, knowing that you are really there. I arch onto my back feeling so empty and knowing that I need to fill myself up. Now. Panting heavily one hand leaves my hard, aching nipples to search blindly for the lube. My cock lays hard and heavy begging for attention which I refuse to give instead I start fondling the bite mark on my inner thigh. I begged for so long for him to bite me right there and it felt so good when he finally did. I open my legs and dribble lube all over them and my hand. I can hear those on screen moaning and saying things that you would never hear outside a porno but right now I don’t care. I’m too far gone. I put my feet flat on the bed and circle my hole imagining its someone, anyone else.

Again I find myself wondering what Jessie would do, we never got to this part. Would he play with my nipple rings while I panted and moaned for him, they are so sensitive, just circling them, never touching has them peaking, begging to be touched. Would he suck on them or would he bite? Would his fingers tease my opening or would he force one in quickly hardly being able to wait to enter me? Would he find my prostate quickly and just keep nailing it? Or would he keep teasing me by deliberately avoiding it? I add a second finger inside and quickly find my prostrate. Oh yes, god yes. The hand that was playing with my nipples leaves them to grab hold of my aching hard cock. Swipe a finger over the head then press a nail into my slit while my other hand moves within me. So good. I loosely hold it and move my hand back and forth, I don’t want to cum just yet. I take my fingers out of my ass and automatically groan at the feeling of being empty. Quickly, my hand blindly searches the bed. Ah yes got it. The big vibrating dildo. I slowly insert it feeling myself being stretched wide. Inch by inch to again tease out this session. Yes so good, it hits my prostrate and I restrain from yelling out loud. I switch it on feeling it hit my prostrate sending sparks all through my body I’m so far gone, its so good.

“SHIT,” What? I look up to find Spike in the middle of the room.

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Spike’s POV

I knock on the door to the whelp’s room and open it without thinking because I am busy thinking about Dru. My dark princess may be dead tonight at the hands of her Sire and I’m cooling my heels in the hotel. I don’t want to be here, but if I was there I don’t know which one I would end up helping. Drusilla or Angel? Whoops. I strode into the middle of the whelp’s room without thinking, now where is he?

“SHIT,” Oh fuck. One look at the banquet laid out before me and I’m hard. Xander looks at me startled but still panting and shaking. He is spread out on the bed. His one good eye almost black with lust, mouth partly open, totally naked so I can see the vampire bites on his neck, one is just above his left nipple. Speaking of the lovely cherries, they are hard and it seems Xander has gold rings through them both. Pretty. My gaze goes down his prominent ribs and concave stomach. Ah he has an inny, I follow the snail trail down to such a delectable prize. He is totally open to my gaze. Feet firmly planted on the bed, legs spread wide. His cock, cut like most American’s but a substantial size, peeking out of his fist and oh! I cock my head to one side to get a better look, my tongue quickly swiping my upper lip. Such a pretty sight. A lovely black dildo, stretching his hole wide. Vibrating. Obviously the reason why he is still shaking, while he gazes up at me. I take a step towards him. Shit. What am I doing. I can’t. Why not a stubborn part of me asks, he is spread out there, he hasn’t moved, why can’t I take what he obviously wants to give? Its wrong. What about Angel? What about the poof, we are over and its none of his business besides he has already tasted the boy, why can’t I? It is an addiction for him like the bites and the rest of it. Oh bollocks, why do I have to be right. I tear my eyes away from the sight in front of me. He was right, he is a nummy treat. I turn to leave.

“Spike.” Its almost a whisper but so full of longing and desire calling me back. I turn to look at him spread out like that and one of his hands has left his body, reaching for me. “Please” Something in his voice shoots straight to my already hard cock making it twitch against my zipper. Oh bloody hell, how can I resist such a needy person, someone who I have had the odd erotic fantasy about before. I pull off my t-shirt and then kneel on the bed prowling up it until I’m completely over him. His legs opened wide so that I’m between them. I stare down into his eye.

“You sure pet?” His response is to arch into me, his hard cock against my restrained one.

“Please,” he pants moving and moaning. He must have a lot of restraint as this is the first moan I’ve heard and the dildo has been hitting his prostrate since before I entered the room. I lower my head and claim his lips in a searing kiss. Knowing that I had better get a move on as I don’t think either of us are going to last long. Every one of his needy moans and hitches in the voice are making my arousal soar even higher and by the smell, Xander has been like this for a while. Oh his kisses, perfect and his mouth searing hot. I plunge my tongue in, taking control which he surrenders to me so sweetly. I manoeuvre a hand between us to lightly run my finger over a nipple ring. He moans and arches in response. “Yes, please.” He is so sensitive. His lips rip away from mine and he stares at me. “Can I undo your pants please, I need, I need you, now, Spike, please.”

“Go for it pet,, whatever you want, can I…?” Before I finish he replies, he answers.

“No its whatever you want, please, anything you want.” And I get it, he needs to be told, perhaps he has always been looking to be able to give the controls to someone else, to stop being in control, to stop being the rational, always a shoulder to lean on never needing to lean himself.
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