Nocturnal Bravura Book Two: The Healing

Forgiveness


Lizzie and William sat in her crypt in silence, both processing the nights events.
The end of another potential Master of the Hellmouth. The confessions. The promise William made.

Lizzie didn’t know what to say. The world seemed to be spinning all around her.

She expected William to be angry. She had expected him to kill her, but he hadn’t.

He sat quietly beside her, accepting her as he always did.

“You should hate me.” she said softly.

William shook his head. “I could never hate you Lizzie.” He reached out and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

She hopped down from the stone sarcophagus and went over to look out the open door, her expression pensive.

“You still feel him don’t you?” William asked.

“Always.” Lizzie whispered, bowing her head and turning back to him. “William, I loved him more than anything in the world.” The words spilled from her lips in a rush. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she was unable to lie to him.

“I know, pet.” William replied, crossing his arms. A teasing smile lit his eyes. “The two of you were so in love it was practically bleeding from your eyeballs.”

Lizzie bit her bottom lip, smiling. “That’s a really gross analogy, Will.”

“But fitting?” He grinned. The smile left his face and it became thoughtful. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “I used to be so jealous. The way you looked at him. The way you adored him. I used to wonder what that felt like. To have you the way he did.” William said closing his eyes.

“I never let myself see how you felt. It hurt me too much; knowing that we hurt you. I knew though, somewhere inside. I told myself you would find someone that was worthy of you, but I also knew that there was a part of me that would secretly hate her.” Lizzie confessed.

William laughed. “Wouldn’t never happened Lizzie. After Spike died after, I lost you. That part of me died. Besides I’m The Slayer.”

“So was Spike.” Lizzie argued.

“That was different.” William responded with a shrug.

“Why?”

“Because he had you.” William said quietly.

“Yeah, and look! That turned out so well, didn’t it?” She rolled her eyes.

“Lizzie, you need to stop doing that. You can’t keep blaming yourself for everything that happened.” William said.

“Why not? You do.” She argued. She walked back over and sat down beside him.

“You never talk about him. I mean, about how you felt about him.”

William rubbed his tired face with both hands. “I don’t even know where to begin, luv.”

“You told me the beginning is a good place.” Lizzie coaxed, taking his hand in hers.

“He..he was my brother. My twin. When he died there was no time to think about it. I was called. There was you and Da and Dawnie to worry about. I didn’t know how I felt. Then he came back and I was so angry.” William said, beginning to shake.

“Go on.” Lizzie encouraged.

“I was angry because I felt so guilty. I was alive and he wasn’t. I was The Slayer and a better one at that; Da and The Council never let me forget it. Then he came back and all that guilt…I felt that I meant nothing to him. All he cared about was what he wanted. To be fair to him though, he didn‘t have a soul. I did and I never let him forget it.” William explained.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about that Will. He was different. You were different.”

“Most of all I felt guilty about you.” he said softly.

Lizzie looked at him confused. Then it dawned on her. “Because we were here and Spike wasn’t between us anymore.”

He nodded. “God, I used to think I was a monster. I love you so much. I never wanted you to be in pain. For a few months though, I was at peace. For the first time, I didn’t have to feel guilty about loving my brother’s girlfriend.”

“This may sound crazy even coming from me. But what I feel for you is separate from anything I ever felt for Spike. It wasn’t less, just different.” She said. “But I belonged to him, Will. I always have, even before we claimed each other.” She unconsciously brushed her fingers over her neck, caressing the bite marks that were embedded there.

William nodded. “I know. From the moment you guys met. Trust me I had the front row seat.” He tried not to sound bitter.

Lizzie got to her feet and moved to stand between his legs.

“What I feel for you...Will, you are my anchor. You always kept me safe. With you, I never doubted that I would be okay. I do love you William.” She said softly.

He touched her face, his fingers moving gently as he traced her features. “Lizzie, I need you to know something. I need you to know Spike wouldn’t have hated you. He would have understood. Just like me.”

William knew this was his opportunity to finally have the woman he loved, but he couldn’t do it. Not like this; when she was so afraid and felt so vulnerable. It wouldn’t be right, he knew that. And because he loved her, it would be wrong.

Lizzie looked down. “Are you sure William?”

“I’m positive, pet.” He assured her. “You need to forgive yourself.”

“So do you. And you need to forgive Spike.”

“I did a long time ago.” William said quickly. He blinked hard realizing what he said.

“He was my brother, Lizzie. Rash and impulsive he may have been, he was still my twin. That…the night you guys....you know he saved my life? Angelus had me by the scruff of my neck and out of nowhere there Spike was on top of him. Saving me like he had when we were kids. It was surreal. That’s when I knew I forgave him. Regardless of what he said, we were still brothers and he knew it.” William said, his voice filled with emotions.

“He loved you Will. He never said it, but I knew he did.” Lizzie replied.

“I knew too.” William smiled.

She took an unnecessary breath and closed her eyes. “So, what happens now?”

“I dunno. We fight the good fight. Shoulder to shoulder.” William said.

“No. Will. With us. I know you don‘t believe me, but you‘re not a substitute for Spike to me. I meant what I said. What I feel for you is different, but not any less. When I am with you, I‘m with you.” Lizzie said, finally finding the courage to talk about their relationship.

William wrapped Lizzie in his arms. “I don’t know what happens now, Lizzie. All I know is that I love you.” He said, closing his eyes as he breathed in her scent.

“I’m a vampire, Will. You’re the slayer. It could never work.” Lizzie said.

“It’s already working, Lizzie, we just haven’t realized it. It sounds strange doesn’t it? A Slayer and a Vampire? But if you think about it, it really kind of makes sense. Who else is going to understand me better than you?” William said with a hint of a smile.

Lizzie chuckled. “No one else would put up with you.”

William sobered, stroking her cheek once more. “Lizzie, I don’t want to hurt you. If we are going to put it out there, we might as well go for the gold. I’m a Slayer. I don’t get the privilege of dreaming of white picket fences and kids. I know you don’t either. Someday, I’ll stop feeling guilty and ashamed for my role in that. Hopefully, you can be patient. But one day, Lizzie, another will be called and I will be gone. I need to know you are going to be all right. That you’ll be strong.”

Lizzie held him tight. She trembled in his arms. “Maybe one day I will but for now. Will you just hold me?”

William pulled her up into his arms and held her tightly.