Remember Me

Buffy knew she was going to have hell to pay when she returned to Lindsey. She took her time walking home, trying to rationale out what she was going to tell Lindsey about why she had to see Giles so urgently and without him. The fact of the matter was, she didn't want to tell him. She didn't then, she didn't now and she didn't feel she had to. He'd just think she was cracking up. Then he'd run and tell Quentin and god knows what Quentin would subject her to. No, this was something she had to do on her own-especially if Spike and Angelus had in fact claimed her. This was HER fight. She had enlisted Lindsey's help at one time to help her bring them down, but now she knew she didn't want his help. She wanted this fight; she NEEDED this fight.

However, would Lindsey tell Quentin that she was keeping something from him? That would just be a mess. Oh for crying out loud. Why did she have to go and punch him? That was a bit extreme, probably not the best thing to do. But she'd felt so frantic that she hadn't been thinking at all. All Lindsey wanted to do was help her. He would probably be thrilled if she shared with him. Well, she'd share with him then.


Lindsey had woken a long time before Buffy returned. He alternated between pacing and sitting in the big, airy and locked room. He mulled over how his life had gotten to this point. Had he asked for it? Yes. He wanted to be a Watcher. He wanted the glory of helping the helpless, fighting evil and being the do- gooder his parents had wanted him to be. He had always been straight-laced and smart. Nothing exciting ever happened to Lindsey McDonald. Not until he entered the world of demons. Then he found his straight-laced, smart, do gooder days went out the window he became the apple of Quentin's eye. Lindsey's hard-working, fast-learning and ability to charm the pants off anyone had caught Quentin's eye. He soon learned that Quentin was underhanded, devious and power-hungry. He was callous, cold, dictating, and a liar. He'd been able to overlook all that, biding his time until he could make a clean break from the man and be assigned his own Slayer, preferably far, far away from Quentin and the rest of the Council.

He'd gotten caught up in the whirlwind that he privately dubbed the Buffy Fiasco. They'd heard of her together, he'd been there when Quentin had sent Faith and Wesley to investigate. He'd also been there when Wesley claimed there was nothing extraordinary about her. He also remembered Faith coming to them much later that day, when Wesley was visiting his mentor Giles, and told them all that Wesley had failed to about Buffy. He remembered the rage in Quentin's eyes when he learned that it was possible that Wesley had lied to him. However, born with at least SOME sense, Quentin had decided not to act TOO rashly concerning Wesley. Instead, he took matters into his own hands, claiming that 'if you want something done, you have to do it yourself'. So, off they went to see Buffy for themselves. Their first introduction to her had been the night Quentin approached her in the cemetery. He'd basically been chomping at the bit when he saw the power she encased in her small body. He'd seen the wheels turning and knew that this was the beginning of trouble.

The way Buffy had stood up to Quentin had been exhilarating and enjoyable to watch. It was also the biggest mistake she made. That had been the beginning of the end for him as well.

When Quentin had come up with the convoluted idea to snatch her, Lindsey's inner self had riled against it. That wasn't the way to handle things in his book. He couldn't tell Quentin that of course. He just had to do what he was told and then he'd help Buffy the best he could from there. He never expected to fall in love with her. He never expected this whole thing to be so goddamned hard.

If he was completely honest with himself, he was not only afraid for Buffy and what she'd become, but he was also afraid of her memories returning-and not just because of what it would do to her, but because he was afraid he would lose her. That dark side, the side that Quentin embraced and Lindsey didn't think he had in him, was there. He wanted Buffy happy, healthy and free. And yet, that dark side of him wanted Buffy happy, healthy and free-with HIM. He tried his best to squash it, but she brought out this primal side of him. And the more she pushed at him, the more she denied him, the stronger the growing desire to possess her became. He was at war with himself constantly. Like at that moment. He was torn between wanting to make sure she knew where her place was-with him-and trying to understand her. Whatever had happened to her in her meditation had caused her to throw up and become desperate. Desperate enough to hit him. Oh, he wasn't always THIS rational. When he'd first woken up, he was ready to show her exactly who was boss. Time had a way assuaging his anger though. Especially when he also knew that Buffy would not hesitate to a) kick his ass if he fell out of line and b) run for the hills and far away from them. She'd make sure they could never find her. Neither option suited him.

He heard the door crack open and he looked over at it and watched Buffy slowly enter. He stared at her as she came into view. She almost looked nervous and sorry. That was a different look for her.

"Hi," she said softly.

He gave her a quick nod. Just because he wasn't AS angry, didn't mean he wasn't angry at all. He was going to make her feel sorry for this and milk it for all it was worth.

"I'm sorry," she told him, standing by the door she had now closed. She made no attempt to move closer to him. Maybe she had read his mind as to what he had wanted to do to her for her insolence.

"Why'd you do it Buffy?"

"You weren't listening to me."

"All I've asked of you is to talk to me, to trust me. Something obviously made you very upset and you hit me when all I want to do is help."

"You love me."

"Yes. That's not the point right now."

"It's very much the point. It IS the point."

"What?" He asked, baffled.

"Your feelings for me cloud your Watcher duties."

He looked away from her. He was pouting like a child, but he didn't care. "No they don't."

"Yes, they do. Whether you realize it or admit it. I didn't tell you because I was afraid you'd react to me as a man in love with me, not a Watcher. I didn't want a counseling session, Lindsey. I needed facts."

"I still say I could have given them to you."

"It's too late now. I'm sorry. I was. . . feeling a tad frantic."

"Yes, it felt a tad frantic," he said dryly.

"I was reacting to something that disturbed me. It was fight or flight."

"I rather think you exhibited both."

"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry before you believe me?"

"When you say it like you mean it. When you tell me what you needed Giles for."

She sighed heavily and walked over to him, cautiously. He watched her and waited to see what she'd do. He didn't expect her to hug him, but she did. Wrapped her arms right around him so that he could feel her soft and yet firm breasts, feel the hardness of her muscles, and the scent of raspberries in her hair. He held onto her tightly, inhaling her scent, reveling in the feel of her wrapped around him.

"I truly am sorry, Lindsey," she told him and this time, he believed her.

Without releasing her, he questioned her. "What happened? Tell me Buffy."

"Do you promise not to tell Quentin?"

I'll never tell that bastard anything. I won't let him hurt you anymore Buffy. I love you. "I promise."

Still holding him, she took a deep breath and began. "When I was in the meditation, I ended up somewhere, it was a meadow. . . "

Lindsey listened with rapt attention, his chin resting on her shoulder as described this meadow to him. "Buffy, have you ever meditated before?" He wondered if this was something pre Spike and Angel or post. If it were post, there would be concerns.

"Nope."

"All right then. Continue."

"Spike and Angelus showed up."

He tightened his hold on her and he held his breath. "What happened?"

"They were. . . "

"It's okay, you can tell me."

"They were taunting me, telling me they were coming for me, that they were going to kill me just like they did to my mother."

Lindsey pulled back, making her look at him. "That's what you couldn't tell me? Buffy-"

"I thought maybe they'd found a way inside my head. I was afraid if I told you that, you'd get all freaky on me and involve Quentin."

He shook his head, "Buffy, I wouldn't tell Quentin anything if you didn't want me to."

"But you answer to him."

"I do in some ways, yes, but when it comes to you and what you can tell me-Buffy, you have to know right now, I won't tell Quentin anything you don't want him to know. It's just us Buffy. Just you and me. Together. Okay?" He shucked her under the chin and she nodded. He regarded her for a while, "is there anything else?"

"What do you think of it?"

"Do you know about claiming, Buffy?"

"Giles told me."

He was hurt by that. He never got the chance to teach her about that. He knew that Angelus and Spike probably did claim her. She had the bite marks to prove it. However, with Quentin's glamour spell, Buffy thought she was practically pox marked with bites. If they were bothering her, well then Buffy's own personal honing device could lend a hand in figuring out if Spike and Angelus had found her.

"Has any of the bite marks been bothering you?" He asked, studying her.

"No. I just thought there had to be a reason for why they were there like that. They looked so real Linds. It scared me. I acted irrationally, I know. It was just seeing them. . . having fun and excited about the prospect of killing me. . . It made me crazy." Her eyes welled up in tears and she flung herself in Lindsey's arms. Lindsey didn't know what to do, so he just held her. Held her and let her cry against him. Finally. Finally she had come to him.

"It's okay, Buffy. I won't let them hurt you. I promise, okay? I saved you once, I'll save you again. Do you believe me?"

She nodded.

"How about something to eat, maybe a nice warm bath and no Slaying tonight. We'll just rest, how does that sound?"

She pulled away and gave him a watery smile, "that sounds good, Linds."

He brushed some hair away from her face and kissed her forehead. "Let's go."


Buffy allowed herself to be babied and treated like a queen. She almost felt guilty for lying to him, but she knew she had to do it. She didn't want to tell Lindsey of the specific bite marks that were bothering her, giving her every reason to believe that she had indeed been claimed. She also sure as hell didn't want to tell him about what she really saw during her meditation. He would tell Quentin and the entire Council and get them on the hunt, or, he'd try to take them on himself. She couldn't let that happen. For one, she didn't want to see Lindsey killed, but also-and she realized with even more guilt-this was HER fight. She wanted them all to herself to fight. No one else.

She let Lindsey tuck her in to bed like a child and kiss her forehead. He gazed down at her with a mixture of lust, love and happiness. She knew he was happy that she had 'shared'. And she had been right when she had decided to use his love for her to make her do what she wanted: Keep quiet. Letting him think that she was opening up to him worked wonders. It led him into a false sense of security that she was actually going to be a good little girl and go to bed like he requested. She almost did a victory dance when the door closed behind him.

Now, it was time to hunt.


Spike stood in the doorway of his spare room and listened to Giles and Angel make plans. He wasn't even hearing the words anymore. His gaze shifted to the dark night peering through the windows. Buffy was no doubt hunting tonight. If he knew Buffy, he knew she had to be. What they needed to do was get out there, not make more plans. Sitting around making plans was getting them nowhere. Now was the time for action. Especially considering Buffy was now expecting them. Walking into the living room, he discreetly pocketed the lodestone Giles had left on his desk.

"I'm going to bed," he announced.

Angel turned, his eyebrows raised. "Now?"

"I'm bloody zonked. Haven't slept much, seeing Buffy. . . need a clear head and all that rot. Isn't that what you always tell me?"

"It is," Angel sounded weary. "I think you're right, I think I should get some sleep too. I can't think straight anymore.

Spike bit his lip against the smart ass remark that was threatening to spill out.

"Sounds good, you're both quite right." Giles stood and stretched. "Until tomorrow," and he gave them a quick nod before he was climbing up to his loft.

"Night," and Spike made off to bed. He laid down on the bed in the dark, staring at the ceiling as he listened for Angel to settle into the bed next door. He waited an excruciating hour to make sure he was asleep, and scooted himself out his window. He had to see about a girl.


Angel heard the window open and he crept to the sill to watch Spike run across the lawn.

"I knew it," he muttered. "Little bastard."

Grabbing his lodestone, Angel followed suit and jumped out his own window. Spike was going to get himself killed. And, Angel knew that if Buffy were the one to eradicate him, she'd never forgive Angel for not protecting him.

Buffy wasn't just Slaying tonight. She was hunting. Hunting
for the monsters that stole her mother, stole her heart and stole her
life--however unwonderful it was. She kept looking over her shoulder
now and then, half expecting Lindsey to be coming after her. She
could admit that she felt guilt for how she used his feelings for
her. She tricked him and she knew it. First she clocked him one, kept
him locked up in a drafty room and then lied to him and used his love
for her to play him. What the hell had happened to her? She wasn't
calculating and decietful. She wasn't any of the things she had
become since. . . well, it was just another thing to blame Spike and
Angelus for wasn't it?
Coming upon a vamp that was actually minding his own
business, Buffy had him pinned against a brick wall in a dank alley
way in no time flat. The shock and the fear was clear on the vamp's
face and Buffy smiled evilly.
"You're the Angel of Death," the vamp said fearfully.
"I have a nickname now?" She asked, straightening with pride
at this information. She'd made a name for herself. That was
something.
"Y--yes. You've killed some of my brothers."
"Brothers huh? Do you mean that in the we were once related
way or brothers in that we're both vamps way?"
"Both."
"Oh. How does that make you feel? Are you scared?"
"I am."
"Are you more scared now than when you were turned?"
He closed his eyes tightly. "More scared now. This is the
end."
She pressed the stake she had in her hand into his back, just
to make sure he felt the prick of it. "Maybe," she told him huskily.
"That is unless you can tell me what I need to know."
"I'll do anything," the vampire begged.
"Spike and Angelus. Know them?"
The vamps eyes widened, "yes, of course. They're legends."
"Isn't that beautiful," she sneered at him, pressing the
stake harder. "I'm looking for them. Have you seen them?"
"No!" He cried out in pain. "The last I heard they had nested
in The States with some girl."
"Nested?"
"Yeah, you know shacked up--"
"Shut up. I know what you mean."
That's when she felt it on her neck and her breast. The
marks. Her breath was coming shorter and shorter, the anticipation
making her heart jump erratically, making her pulse race and pump
what she felt was ice through her veins. Her mouth went dry and she
shivered. She knew now it was time.
She turned and there he was. Spike. Her tormenter. Her
mother's murderer. She clenched her jaw and gripped her stake so
tightly she felt the wood start to give way. She stopped when she
noticed the vamp trying to escape out of the corner of her eye.
Without turning, she reached out and staked him before he could inch
further away. Dust particles billowed around them, but neither seemed
to notice.
Buffy stood rooted as she faced the monster that haunted her
for so many nights. Images of his cruelty flooded her and she felt
her body shake in response. She willed herself to stop. Show no fear,
she kept telling herself. She imagined this moment a hundred times.
She envisioned the moves she would use, the way she would torture him
and Angelus before staking them, and in all those fantasies she had
never thought she would feel fear. However, how could she not? They'd
managed to over come her once after all. The way he was staring at
her was unnerving. It was tender and gentle. The way he looked in her
vision during her meditation. She shook that out of her mind.
"Where's your sidekick?" She finally asked.
"He's around. Buffy, I don't want to hurt you. WE don't want
to hurt you."
She started to laugh and Spike winced. "Are you fucking
kidding me? You ALREADY hurt me, you bastard. You killed my mother."
"No, we didn't. Buffy, listen to me--" Spike started for her
and she charged, stake poised. She didn't know how it happened, but
the next thing she knew she was on her ass on the ground. She looked
up to see Angelus standing next to Spike. He was looking at her
sadly.
"I'm sorry Buffy. I couldn't let you do it. You'd never
forgive yourself."
She jumped up. "Oh, I think I'd manage. Finally decided to
join the party, huh Angelus."
"Angel, Buffy. It's me, Angel."
"Yeah, thanks. I'm aware of who you are." She started for
them again.
"Buffy, we don't want to fight you. Please, Buffy. Just
listen--" Spike was saying but she barely heard him. She sent a
roundhouse kick towards Angelus and he flew back a few feet before
regaining his balance. He righted himself and she started for him
again, giving Spike a mighty shove on the way. He started backwards a
bit and as when he started after her, she waited until just the right
minute before sending a backwards kick to him and sending a fist
flying at Angelus. Angelus blocked her and she smirked at him before
pressing his cold hand with her fist and kicking him in the gut at
the same time. He slammed against the wall and she poised her stake,
ready to strike. Spike, she could sense, was coming closer and she
knew she had to stake Angelus quick. No time for torture. Just as the
stake was about to pierce his flesh, arms pinned her own at her sides
and she heard the clatter of her stake as it fell to the ground. She
stomped on Spike's foot as hard as she could and then elbowed his
stomach. She heard an 'oof'. He anticipated her next move however,
and grabbed the fist that was coming up to meet his face. She spun
and sent a round house kick to Angelus who was starting for her. She
sent a fist to Spike and then started for her stake as both vampires
righted themselves.
She never got that far.
Before she could reach the stake, in mid bend to grab it, she
was hauled up against Spike. His arms wrapped around her, effectively
pinning her own at her sides. She was trying to right herself and
stand erect when she heard him whisper, "forgive me luv."
With a shout of "NO!" from Angel, Buffy then understood what
they both meant as Spike's fangs descended into her neck. Her eyes
widened and her body stiffened under the attack. She saw stars,
bursts of color. She felt his love for her, felt his worry and
sadness. Saw him loving her, her loving him. Her mind raced with so
many images she wasn't sure which was real and which was fake. Her
mind was reeling, her blood rushing and reaching, it was too much to
take all in and she felt her body start to weaken.
"Just kill me," she whimpered before collapsing.