The Silent Urge Series

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Part C - Revelations

Chapter 23 - Surprise


~ Spike ~
I look down on my forearm. Bite marks. Human bite marks. What the bloody hell did Harris think? I clench my jaws together so hard my teeth hurt. I can't believe he bit me. Doesn't he know that. No, of course he doesn't know. But… fuck it. Damn it. Bloody fucking hell. Have tt tht them off of me. Have to get rid ofm. Hm. Have to…

I cock my head to the side when a loud sobbing sound comes from inside the bathroom.
Xanny is crying. Poor, poor Xanny. Fucking deserves it. He bit me. ME! So why the hell is *he* crying? Huh? Huh?!

I stand up and go over to the kitchen isle. The water is cold as it runs over the underside of my arm, washing away the blood, spiralling pinkish down the drain. Little Xanny str strong teeth, strong jaws. The wound is deep and neat. I can sodding count his teeth! This will take some time to heal. Human bites are nasty buggers on vampire skin.


~ Xander ~
I can't help it. I am crying. Damn, I fucked up big time. What have I done? Why the hell did I bite Spike? Like some animal I clamped down my teeth and … fuck it felt good.

I can still taste the blood. Oh fuck.

I lift my arm and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, stare down at the red smear of Spike's blood on my skin. Have to get it off. Have to clean it away.
God. What is wrong with me? Why do I always fuck up the good things in my life? I sob louder while I clean away the blood with my tongue. I don't care if he hears me crying. Don't care if he thinks I am a baby. I feel like crying. Long and hard. Like the swipes of my tongue that make the ruby liquid disappear. Spike tastes good.
Oh fuck!

Thought I was free of the hyena. Thought it was gone. But something changed and I have to tell Spike. Hah. As if he doesn't know. But I have to talk to him. Have to… explain what I can't understand myself.
This is fucking blood I am licking. Spike's blood now. Some random blood down at the bar and … oh god. What is wrong with me?


~ Spike ~
I lick at the wound while I get out blood from the fridge. Bless who ever, at least it's human again. Any more pig's and I’d get sick from the smell alone.

Damn, what the bloody hell made Xander bite me?
I relive the evening in my mind.
I brought him to the bar, he worked, I came back to dust that vamp that spilled blood over Xan.
Fuck.

Xan licked blood from his arm down at the bar.
We danced, we went upstairs, Treckle was there. Xanny 'snapped', kind of, when he stared at… or when Treck stared at Xan. Bloody hell. Oh bloody friggin' hell.

It was Treckle's influence. I thought he was harmless, only got part of the gift. Only reading, not influencing people as his mother could. Hell. What will I do with him? He is too weak to control that much of…
I suppress the urge to spin around when the bathroom door opens. I am still angry. Even if it was not Xan's fault.


~ Xander ~
I am afraid but I am not a coward. I have to apologize to Spike. I can't hide here forever. If I could, I would. Staying in the bathroom means staying in the apartment, staying here. I don't want to leave. I know I have to. Spike won't put up with that much crap from me. Fuck. I want to stay. Want to stay here. Want to stay with Spike. Want to see him laugh and wake up with him and dance with him and… OVER. Nobody to blame but myself. Should have told Spike about this craving the first time I felt it or the second time – not days later – not when it's too late. Please Spike? Please… please what? I stuff my fist in my mouth so as not to sob out loud again.

I open the bathroom door carefully, just a slit, and look for S. He. He is at the kitchen isle. His back is rigid with coiled anger. Wonder if he is angry enough that he vamped out.
He slams the microwave shut so hard I jump. Oh fuck oh fuck ohfuckohfuck.

I feel so bad, I don't dare to get on my feet, so I slowly crawl over to Spike on all fours. He does nothing to acknowledge my careful approach but I know he knows I am there.

I reach him and press my cheek against his thigh just when the microwave beeps.
Spike gets the mug out and makes a step to the side – away from me – turns around and leans against the counter. Out of the corner of my eye I see him raising the mug to his lips and drinking the blood.

I don't dare to really look up, don't dare to meet his eyes. I don't know what to say or to do so I just close the physical distance between us, and again, lean my cheek against his thigh. The muscles in his leg twitch and tighten but he doesn't move away, doesn't say or do anything at alher her then slowly sipping his blood from the mug.


~ Spike ~
I hardly hide the surprise when he doesn't stand up. I see his reflen inn in a pan, see him crawling forward, head down, wary but determined to.. I sniff.. submit? Fuck. Why does the boy know this but not the most obvious rule. You just don't bite a vampire, it's like someone with a death wish, a fledge taunting a Master. I grit my teeth, try to ignore how hard his show of submission makes me, his degradation to moremalimalistic ways of communication.

He reaches me and I ignore him, ignore his warm face pressing against my thigh. My cock twitches and I don't want him to see, I turn away, the beeping of the microwave gives me an excuse to step away from him but it doesn't matter: the scent of rejection and hopelessness fills the air. Right, let him suffer, as if he hasn't suffered enough already in his short life. Pffft. I am such a ponce.

The next time he presses against me, I don't move away. His warmth feels good against me and, for a second, I allow myself to daydream, imagine him nuzzle in my crotch, sniffing and then licking and sucking through the fabric till I give him permission to take me out, take me in that pouty mouth of his. I don't think he would even deny it me now, he is so desperate to stay.

I look down at the body – not to the boy, he is beautiful like this, kneeling at my feet, silently begging for approval.
Xan Xander ~
Through my cast-down lashes, I look up. His face is contradicted with anger and pleasure. He ignores me for long minutes. When he finally acknowledges my presence with a sad look of gleaming golden eyes, I have to look down again, ashamed.

He puts the glass on the counter forcefully, nearly slams it down and from the dregs in there, the last quarter of the glass, tiny splatters of blood rush up like a fountain.

"It's not your fault." He tells me. In my mind I snort am. Em. Everything is my fault. I am always the one to blame and I deserve it. It's just my nature to fuck things up. Anyway, I stay silent and don't move.

"If I had known that Treckle has the ability to manipulate the feelings…" He trails off as I shake my head vigorously.

"It wasn't him." It's my fault and I take full responsibility – doesn't matter how much I dislike Treckle. I fuck things up – I take the consequences.

"Xander, these things are tricky. The power of manipulation lies in the ability to do it without the other noticing that he is actually being manipulated."

"Right. But I *know* it wasn't him."

"What do you mean?"

I'm not sure how to say this. All I know is that I have to tell Spike. If anything, he can help me. But I am a coward.

"I just know."

"How do you explain yourself then?"


~ Spike ~
He chokes back a sob and doesn't answer. I am not known for my patience and this boy has grated on my last nerve.

"Xander, you *bit* me!" I thunder. I can't let up now, I have to know what is going on, maybe I’ll have to make decisions, take precautions.

The boy starts trembling, I so want to take him in my arms and make it go away, but after he bit me, after he…
"I know." He says so low I don't really hear it, only feel the movement of his jaw against my thigh.

Fuck this. I need answers, I need him to see why I am so angry with him, so I explode:

"Why the hell did youthatthat? You are the first human I ever *trusted* and you start a fight and bite me, even though you know I have the bloody chip in my head can can't defend myself!"


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