Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

Spike looked up as Xander slipped in through the back door of the house. Xander looked tired and sad and he found himself making a cup of tea before he even really thought about it.

Part of him hated it. Hated being so bloody domesticated and so fucking…nice. They were just so fucking cozy. Oh, he’d popped down to the docks and made a kill, a good one too. Some human with no neck who weighed as much as a small hippo who thought he’d teach the punk kid a lesson. And he’d had fun; it felt good to let his demon out and play with his food. Between the cuts from the straight razor, his fang marks and what the fish got by the time his corpse floated to the top of the water, no-one would be able to even tell it was a vampire attack.

But then came the sickening part. Instead of going out for a celebratory drink, or playing pool or doing one of a million things, he’d gone back to the house he shared with a human boy not even one fifth his age to wait for him to come home and see if he wanted to do anything together.

But as much as he hated it, he loved it. Loved that even though Xander was tired his face lit up when he saw Spike and that he was greeted with a kiss and a bit of a grope. Xander was getting bolder in their touching and flirting and it felt good to see him grow and become more confident in himself.

“Bad night, pet?”

Xander shrugged and drank from the mug that Spike had set in front of him. “Yes and no. The little gothic vamp wannabes were upset that there weren’t any “Lonely Ones” coming to end their mortal coil. One actually said that, mortal coil. How stupid can you get? I kinda wished you had shown up and killed a couple because if anyone needs a Darwin Award it’s those losers.”

Spike chuckled. His boy wanting him to kill someone? This was new. “Darwin Award, Xan?”

“Yeah, it’s this thing I found on the Internet instead of doing my class work Saturday before the shuffling undead showed up. Darwin Awards are given out to people who killed themselves due to their own stupidity, thereby taking their defective DNA out of the gene pool. I thought it was kind of funny. Then again, I’ve been hanging out with you and Cordy too much. But really, those kids are going to end up dead sooner or later; they might as well be walking around with 'eat me' signs stuck to their backs.”

Spike snorted. “Walking Happy Meals, luv, a vamp's best friend. Come to think of it, I guess vamps do help along evolution, taking out the stupid humans just so the smarter ones can live. Well, before television was invented, of course.”

Xander grinned. “Ah, television, the root of all evil. Civilization as we know it will probably fall during a reunion of the cast of Cheers in thirty years or so.” He took another sip of the tea and sobered. “Anyway, Ford was pissed off. Like, irrational and frothing at the mouth pissed that you didn’t show up.”

“Git. Like I’m his bloody beck and call vamp. Little arsewipe can think again.” Spike growled. He hated being manipulated by anyone, much less some human idiot who thought he knew everything.

“Yeah, well, it turns out he’s got a brain tumor. He’s got like six months to live. Him and Buff fought but by the time we got there to let them out they’d made up and were both crying. It was, I don’t know, sad isn’t enough of a word. I couldn’t imagine Willow having a tumor and finding out she was going to die. They ended up going back to Buffy’s house to talk. I guess Buffy forgave him for trying to lure her into a trap for you.”

Spike just shrugged. “Sounds like a bloody soap opera, if you ask me. Six months to live, teary confessions, all that rot.”

“Oh yeah. Add in the fact that Angel was there and was being majorly jealous? It was kind of fun to watch.”

Spike grinned. “Angelus always was a git about things he considered his. Couldn’t even borrow a bloody shirt without him having hysterics over it. Git. Enough of that, what say we go out and kill something since the Slayer’s tucked up in bed with her little friend?”

Xander’s face lit up yet again and Spike cursed himself for his earlier thoughts. It wasn’t like Xander was trying to change him or make him into a white hat. As his boy went to gather his weapons, Spike admitted to himself that the reason he was feeling…resentful earlier was because he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.

But didn’t it say something about Anthony Harris that absolutely no one, not even his wife or his son, missed him at all?

*****

Xander hesitated before knocking on Giles’ door. The girls, even Cordelia, were saying to give the older man time but Xander didn’t really think that’s what he needed. He could hear Dust in the Wind playing low on Giles’ stereo and knew he was right. He guessed everyone had a Music of Pain.

“Come on, Giles, open the door. Don’t make me pick the lock; you’ll have fits in the morning, knowing I can do that.”

He could hear cursing inside and then the music was turned down and fumbling footsteps sounded before the door swung open. “I suppose I should have known one of you would show up. I must admit, I fully expected Willow with a plate of cookies.”

Xander shrugged and followed Giles into the living room. The older man was in jeans and a tee shirt and he could really see the Ripper of twenty years ago. “Yeah, well, I kind of figured this was either an alcohol or tea kind of conversation and since I’m all American and can’t make a “bloody cup of decent tea” for the life of me, I figured I wouldn’t bother. And if there’s a place that would let me buy good scotch in town I really don’t think I'd want to go there.”

Giles actually chuckled at that. They sat down and he picked up a glass and made a sort of toast. The liquid in it was amber and Xander got the feeling that Giles was doing another “lost weekend” like Buffy had bitched about before. “Thank you, Xander, but I have the scotch covered. I’d offer you some but I do not think I should add corruption of a minor to my list of crimes.”

It was on the tip of his tongue to say that Spike was taking care of his corruption quite well, thank you. Hell, the vampire even offered him a beer every once in a while, he just stayed away from it. There was no way in hell he was going to end up like his father.

He looked Giles over and saw the new lines around his eyes and the pain there. “You know, this isn’t all your fault. The other people that helped summon Eyghon are just as much to blame as you are.”

“Well, they’re all dead now so bully for them.”

Xander sighed. Giles brooding was not good. He was more annoying than Angel, too. “And you’re not. Neither is Ethan so, hey, the good guys won. Of course, I’d consider him more of a good guy if he hadn’t tried to make Buffy the demon’s next victim. Still, it’s not like he pointed Eyghon at Ms. Calendar and make him possess her. It was an accident.”

“Oh, well, and I suppose that makes it all better now, does it? Except it didn’t. Jenny is barely speaking to me.”

Xander bit his lip to hide a smile as Giles downed the rest of his drink. Maybe things weren’t so different between their generations, because Giles just sounded like a kid whining that his girlfriend hadn’t called him back.

He took a deep breath and decided he’d better say what he came to say before Giles got either more drunk or, heaven forbid, more sober. This half-sloshed state was just right for what he was about to do.

“Giles can I, like, be totally honest with you for just a few minutes? Then I’ll go back to being the donut boy who was horrified by your secret identity, I promise.”

Giles made a waving motion with his hand and he took that as his permission to continue. “Okay, you and Jenny make a very cute couple. But, well, you’ve been on what, five dates? There were three football games, clubbing one night in LA and a monster truck rally. You, you are not an American football type person, not a techno music person and you are definitely not a monster truck person. Hell, G-man, I could do better dates with you than that!”

“Oh really? What would you suggest in this godforsaken town? The Bronze and sharing an order of chili-cheese fries? Perhaps you’d let me ride on the front of your bicycle?”

Xander narrowed his eyes. “No need to get all sarcastic, Giles! I’m just telling the truth. There are actually coffee houses with poetry readings near the college, the drama class does Shakespeare every once in a while and the same weekend of the truck rally there was a Santana concert in LA. Now, I know that in theory in the realm of boy/girl dating you have to do something to please the girl, but one of those dates could have been something you agreed on or that you liked, and not all about Jenny.”

Giles’s mouth opened and closed a few times and Xander allowed himself to sit back and look smug. So what if he was just a kid and had a secret love affair with a master vampire? He seemed to be dealing with this better than the girls would have.

Finally he closed his mouth and then got up and went to the kitchen and Xander could hear all sorts of tinkering. By the sound of things, Giles was making tea. Hopefully this was a good thing.

He was really taking a big risk here. Buffy and Willow were all for getting Giles and Jenny back together as quickly as possible. They were plotting and planning tonight during a slumber party, which was why he was here.

He kind of thought that if Ms. Calendar really loved Giles she wouldn’t have freaked out about his past as much as she had. If she really had taken the time and got to know him she would have known there was more than the Watcher and the tweed and the stutter. After all, he’d seen more, and just looking around the man’s living room Xander could see bits and pieces of his personality. A record collection that most people, including Spike most likely, would die for. There were statues and knickknacks from different countries and in-between the mystical books and research materials were authors that he hadn’t read but he at least recognized.

Xander had heard Ms. Calendar call Giles a fuddy duddy before this whole thing with Eyghon got started. And so did the girls, and Xander had gone along simply because he knew that was how Giles wanted to be seen by them. It was his mask, just like being the goofy friend who did nothing but joke around was his.

Giles came back bearing a tray with tea and Jaffa cakes. He tried not to bounce since he wasn’t supposed to know what they were but he’d snuck some of Spike’s before and really liked them.

“Ooh! Goodies! Thanks, Giles!”

“You know, Xander, you quite surprise me. I expected you children to come up with some plot to get Jenny and me back together but here you are suggesting…”

“That you break up with her? Maybe. That’s up to you. I just wanted you to know that your wants are important. Jenny looks right, just like to Buffy Willow looks right for me. But that’s not always the right thing and I think I just talked myself into a circle.” He grinned and grabbed up a cake.

Giles sipped his tea for a moment before setting it down and folding his hands across his chest. “So, tell me, Xander, just who do you think would be…right for me, that is?”

“You really want to know?” Giles nodded and Xander fidgeted. “Okay, umm, Ethan Rayne.”