Choices

Chapter Twenty-One

Bufouldouldn't sleep. She lay on her back on Willow's huge bed just staring up at the ceiling. Her body was tired, but her mind wouldn't shut off. Rolling off the bed, she grabbed her cell phone and went into the bathroom for privacy.

"Ello?" Came a sleep-induced voice.

"Hi, it's me."

"Buffy?"

She smiled. \."
."

"Hey, luv. How are you?"

"I can't sleep."

"That's because I'm not there to hold you."

"That might be it."

"I miss you."

"I haven't even been gone a whole night."

"Don't care, still miss you."

"I love you, you know that right?"

"I know that kitten and I love you too."

"Don't ever forget that, okay?"

"What's going on Buffy? You're starting to scare me."

"I just needed you to know that."

"Can I see you?"

"What, like now?"

"Yes, now. I want you in my arms when I tell you I love you."

Her eyes welled up in tears, "oh God, Spike. Don't do this."

"What? What did I do?"

"When you say things like that you make me all weepy."

"Weepy in a good way or bad way?"

"In a good way," she replied, thinking 'both'.

"Then that's all right. So, can I see you?"

"We can't Spike. Willow will worry."

"Leave her a note."

"And Angel is home and he'll know something's up--"

"Not here."

"What?"

"He never came home."

"He never came home? Spike, do you know where he went? Something could have happened to him--"

"Relax, kitten. He called; he's fine. He went to some bar with some client.\
"
"What time did he call? It's almost two." It had to be at least three hours since she'd seen him.

"He called about four hours ago. Last call and all that rot, he's probably on his way home now."

She was worried now. "Yeah, you're right. You guys always worry about me, I think I'm allowed to worry about you two." And I am most definitely freaking that Angel still isn't home.

"You're not going to meet me, are you?"

"Sorry."

He sighed, "Maybe I'll have a wank before I go back to sleep."

"Spike!"

He laughed, "love to get you going."

She smiled and shook her head. "Good night, Spike. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too, kitten. Night."

Snapping her phone shut, she chewed on her bottom lip before making the decision. She opened it again and said "Angel."

"Hello?"

"Oh thank God."

"Buffy?"

"Where are you? What are you doing? Why aren't you home?"

"How did you know I wasn't home yet?"

"I called and Spike said you weren't there."

"Oh. Did you call to talk to me?"

"Um, no, but when he said that you weren't there I worried."

"Well, I'm fine."

"Are you with Wesley and Faith?"

"Not anymore. I saw them off about an hour or so ago."

"Are you on your way home?"

"Not exactly."

"Why not? You're not patrolling are you?"

"We're a little mother hen right now aren't we?"

"Turnabout is fair play. You always do it to me."

He chuckled, "that's true."

"So, what are you doing?"

"Come outside and see."

"What?" Her heart started to thump inside her chest rapidly.

"Come outside and see."

Walking as if in a trance, Buffy went to the front door and opened it. She was met with dark.

"Are you tricking me?"

"No," and then she saw him come from behind a tree, smiling at her.

She stayed where she was and he stood rooted where he was.

"What are you doing?" She asked into the phone.

"Stalking you."

She laughed. "Are you drunk?"

"No, I wish I were though."

"Why?"

"Because then I'd have the guts to tell you what I nto tto tell you."

Her stomach did flip-flops. "What?" She whispered, clutching the phone in her hand tightly.

"I love you, Buffy."

She closed her eyes, the words rolling through her body like a warm wave. "I know," she said softly.

"Do you? Do you really? Because I don't mean it like a brother loves a sister Buffy. I mean it like a man loves a woman."

"I know."

"I'd do anything for you, you know that by now. I just don't think you realize what you've done to me. You've ruined me for anyone else--forever. Considering I'm a vampire, all I have is forever." He started to walk slowly towards her, his voice almost a whisper. "I see you everyday, every night. All I want to do is touch you, hold you and tell you how much I love you. You wormed your way inside my heart that first night Buffy. You have the biggest heart of anyone I have ever come across and all I've ever wanted to do was protect you so that you were never hurt and your heart would never be broken. I love you so much that sometimes I can't see straight. So when I act a little nuts, like now, it's because you are my entire world and I'd be lost without you." He stood in front of her now and clicked his cell phone closed.

She stared up at him, the moonlight behind him illuminating him. She could still see the same tender look he always regarded her with and she wondered for the thousandth time how she had ever been so blind to not know how he felt. Angel wore his heart on his sleeve, he always had, and yet somehow she had missed it. He reached out and took the phone from her hand, closing it and pocketing it.

"Buffy, I'm not asking you to tell me you love me. I'm not asking for anything right now. The fact that you at least heard me out makes me feel that maybe I have at least some hope. I promise you this: Even if you could never love me back, I will still never leave you. You're too much a part of me to ever let you go like that. No matter what happens, I'm here with you, always."

"Do you mean that?"

"I do. When have I ever broke a promise to you?"

"Never. It's one of the things I love most about you."

"So then you don't have--what did you just say?"

"I said it's one of the thing I love most about you."

He blinked. "Buffy, when you say that do you mean it the way--"

She stopped him by pressing her finger against his mouth. Taking matters into her own hands, Buffy wrapped her arms around him and lightly played with the hairs on the nape of his neck. They stared at each other, Angel trying to make sense of what was happening and Buffy for once not wanting to think and just wanting to feel. She had learned that from Spike: Shoot first, apologize later. All she wanted to do was lose herself in the man she realized she loved and adored. She wanted to sink herself in the man that had saved her time and again, that loved her unconditionally and had just poured his heart out to her. She couldn't leave him like that, she didn't have it in her to do it.

She feather lightly smoothed a hand down his face, feeling the softness and coolness of his face. He was so handsome, so sexy. Tall, muscular, strong and just pure man. She leaned in closer.

"I love you too Angel. I love you the way a woman loves a man." And she kissed him, tentatively at first, waiting for him to recover from the shock of her words, waiting for him to realize what she said and what she meant.

She knew the minute he did understand because his strong hands wrapped around her, pulling her flush against him, molding her small body against his much larger one. He kissed her desperately, hungrily as if he were afraid that she would disappear at any minute. Her feet were lifted off the ground and it took her a minute to realize that she really wasn't floating, that Angel was picking her up. Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist and felt very much the evidence of his desire. Accustomed to it from Spike, it didn?t phase her all that much but rather thrilled her that she had the same affect on Angel as she had with Spike. Suddenly she felt a sense of urgency. If everything was going to blow up in her face as it most certainly would then she wanted it all. She found the buttons of Angel's shirt and started to undo them when he broke their kiss and clamped a hand on her wrist.

"No, Buffy," he told her hoarsely, his voice rough from lust.

Buffy froze. Her eyes popped open and she gazed at Angel.

"I want to, God, I want to, but we can't. Not here, not like this. It's your first time, it has to be special, not outside like this." He told her as she slipped down his body. He let out a moan as she did and she moved away from him, straightening her clothes.

Her senses slowly coming back to her, she suddenly felt like the vapid ho she didn't want Angel near.

"Come home with me," he grabbed her hand and brought her closer to him. He leaned in and kissed her quickly. "Please?"

"I--I can't. Spike." This was rapidly sounding all too familiar and Buffy hoped that she was dreaming again. If she wasn't she was in for trouble.

Angel sobered and nodded. "We'll have to tell him, but you're right. Now's not the time."

Buffy wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh bitterly or cry. 'If this is a dream, please let me wake up soon!'

He tilted her head up and gazed at her lovingly. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered.

He smiled and kissed her languidly before pulling away. "Am I dreaming?"

"It doesn't appear so," she murmured.

One of their phone's started to ring and Buffy immediately reached into his coat pocket to grab her phone.

"It's mine," he told her and flipped it open. "It's Spike. Hello? Yeah, I'm fine...yeah, she called already...no, no patrolling, coming home. Okay, bye."

"You better go, Angel." She told him, guilt flooding her. She started to step away.

He grabbed her wrist and brought her in closer. He kissed her languidly. Pulling apart, leaving her breathless, he rested his forehead against hers. "When are you coming home tomorrow?"

"I, um, I'm not sure."

"I can't convince you to come home with me now?"

She shook her head, "too risky." This was like guilt in stereo.

He nodded in understanding and agreement. "Okay, to bed with you. Come home as soon as possible, all right?"

She nodded. And so the lies and deceiving begins. Stupid, stupid Buffy.

He kissed her quickly. "Go, before I can't stop."

She nodded and walked back inside Willow's in a daze. She was greeted by Willow sitting on the couch, looking up at her expectantly.

"I woke up and you weren't there. I heard voices outside and lo and behold, there you are, liplocking with Angel. Buffy....what are you doing?"

"Playing with fire."

TBC.....review please! :)