Who, What, Why, Where, When?

CHAPTER 22

Xander and Giles walked among the used cars, commenting occasionally on the merits of a particular l.
l.

A salesman noticed their attention settling on an old blue Volkswagen and walked over to test the waters. “Can I help you sirs?” he asked, looking between the two men.

“Dad says that this is a really reliable model but I was looking for something a little less geek-y for my first set of wheels” Xander looked pleadingly at the salesman who gave him a knowing grin then turned his attention to Giles.

“This is quite a reliable model but perhaps I could show you something a little less European?” he suggested in a derisory tone and iatedated a car further down the row.

“What exactly is wrong with a European car?” Giles asked in his best stuffy British tones. Xander hid his grin behind his sleeve and decided to let Giles deal with this in his own, inimitable fashion. He moved off to gaze longingly at the shiny red sports car in the row behind them. Giles decided to enjoy himself at the salesman’s expense. “I happen to think European cars are very well made and much more reliable than most American models”

The salesman was frantically trying to back peddle and cursing his luck under his breath. “Of course sir” he spluttered. “What I meant to say to the young man was that the German cars are usually a little lacking in design for our taste today”

Giles secretly admired the quick save and the spur of the moment slur on German models but he wasn’t going to let him off that easily. “Perhaps you could show me something that actually runs well and I’ll decide whether the design is suitable” he drawled and looked down his nose in a particularly offensive manner, remembering how he used to hate it when his Ancient History tutor had done the same to him at Oxford.

“Of course sir” the salesman smiled nervously and led Giles to several reasonably priced models.

“Alexander!” Giles called out over his shoulder. “Don’t dawdle, come over here.” The look of absolute amazement on Xander’s face was priceless and Giles nearly spoiled the charade by laughing out loud. He bickered with the salesman for half an hour and finally agreed to come back later that day to undertake some test drives.


Xander sat sulkily in the front seat of Giles’ car until they were several blocks away from the car lot. Giles pulled up outside the café they had agreed on as their rendezvous with Buffy and Willow and turned to look at the young man as he switched the engine off. “Method acting is all very well but you have to know when to stop” he suggested lightly but Xander just sighed and exited the car without saying anything.

“Xander” Giles said anxiously as he shut his own door and caught up with him. “What’s the matter with you, are you unwell?”

“No, I’m fine” Xander shook his head and made his way to the booth where Buffy and Willow were already nursing mugs of coffee.

Giles signalled to the waitress for two more mugs and slid into the booth beside Willow. The girls were both looking at Xander as he sunk down in his seat then Buffy turned to Giles. “What happened, did something go wrong?” she asked anxiously.

“Not that I know of” Giles began and shrugged his shoulders. “Our target will accompany me on a test drive later this afternoon as we planned”

Willow reached across and touched Xander’s hand. “Xan are you feeling OK?” she asked quietly.

“I’m fine” he murmured and looked up at her. “I just need to use the rest room, I’ll be back in a minute” he said sadly and moved to the back of the room.

“What did you do to him?” Willow asked as she glared at Giles.

“I swear, everything went as planned” he protested.

“Tell me everything that happened” Buffy suggested and looked over her shouldercheccheck the young man was out of earshot. Giles ran over the events of the afternoon and smiled as he remembered the look of shock on the boy’s face when he had called him over to him.

Willow and Buffy both groaned at the same time and Buffy covered her eyes with her hands. “What on earth is the matter?” he demanded and looked towards Willow who was looking sadly at him.

“It’s not really your fault” she began and put her hand over his. “The only person to use his full is is Xander’s father when he is really drunk and wants someone to take it out on” she ended sadly and looked towards Buffy.


Buffy nodded. “You weren’t to know” she suggested and shook her head. “He doesn’t talk about it any more and we never mention it either”

Giles shook his head and looked angrily at both of them. “You mean I was pretending to be his father and ended up getting too close for comfort” he grimaced. “I’ll be back in a minute” he said and stood abruptly to head for the rest rooms.

“Giles, don’t” Willow began but he ignored her and she looked helplessly at Buffy. “I hope he doesn’t make it worse” she said in a concerned tone of voice.

Buffy shook her head and looked sadly into her coffee. “I don’t think anything could make Xander’s home life worse than it already is Will”

Giles was opening the door of the rest room when he heard a muffled sniff from the corridor to his right. Gently he closed the door and headed around the corner to find Xander sitting on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and wiping his eyes on his sleeve. Xander glared up at him. “I’ll be out in a minute OK” he said angrily and the colour rose in his cheeks.

Giles shook his head and hunkered down next to him. “I’m very sorry I upset you Xander, I didn’t realise that I was opening some old wounds” he said quietly and laid his hand on the young man’s arm. “I got a little carried away and I would give anything to take back my remarks”

Xander shook his head and sniffed again. “It wasn’t your fault Giles you just kind of took me by surprise that was all” He smiled a little shakily at the man sitting beside him and took a deep breath. “Why are we sitting in the corridor when there are two beautiful women out there waiting for us?” he asked, trying to regain his usual bantering tone but his heart wasn’t really in it.

Giles shook his head and rested his head against the wall. “You need to take some time to work through this and I’m staying with you until you feel well enough to go back out there” he looked across at the young man. “Besides you know that Buffy and Willow will wait for us”

Xander rested his head against his knees and took several deep, calming breaths. A couple of minutes later he lifted his head and wiped his sleeve across his cheeks. “I think I’m ready to go back out” he said quietly and Giles opened his eyes and looked across at him.


“Perhaps you should wash your face first?” he asked gently and smiled as Xander gave him a hand up from the floor. “Xander” he said quietly as he moved past the rest room door. “You know that if you ever need to get away for a few days, my sofa is always available”

Xander looked at him for a few seconds and smiled gently “Thank you” he said quietly. Giles noticed a familiar look return to the young man’s eyes as he held the restroom door open. “Willow would be upstairs in bed right?” he suggested and waggled his eyebrows.

Willow and Buffy looked up to see Giles returning, shaking his head ruefully but with a grin on his face. He saw their worried looks and slid into the seat next to Willow. “He’s going to be OK, just freshening up” they both looked relieved. “However” he continued, putting his arm around Willow and pulling her closer to him. “If he asks you what you wear in bed remind him of the ancient tradition of chastity belts” he suggested and kissed the top of her head.

“Giles!” Buffy and Willow both exclaimed at the same time.

“Still upsetting the ladies G-Man?” Xander asked jovially as he slid into his seat next to Buffy.

Giles returned to the car lot an hour later and settled on the first car for the test drive. He made a great show of checking under the bonnet, although he made sure that he looked as if he didn’t have much of a clue what he was looking at. The salesman noticed his uncertainty and decided that he wasn’t having such a bad day after all. Giles drove the car out of the parking lot and slowly around various streets. “Would you mind if I took it for a bit of a spin?” he finally asked and the salesman, thinking he had the situation under control, readily agreed. Giles headed to the pre arranged country road and settled down at a speed just under the limit. After all, he reasoned to himself, he was supposed to be an uptight Englishman and he had to play the part to the full.

As he crested the rise he could see his car up ahead with Buffy sitting morosely on the bonnet. He slowed down and looked at the salesman nervously. “Should we offer our assistance?” he asked and waited until the salesman, hungrily noticing Buffy’s extremely short skirt and crop top, grinned at him before bringing the car to a stop beside his own.

“Need any help there m’am” the salesman asked in his best smarmy tone as he slid from the car.


Buffied ied to pretend that she was a lost, lonely, useless woman with a broken down car just waiting for this particular prince charming to come to her rescue. Giles grinned at the act as he exited the car and lifted his eyebrows at her over the salesman’s head. She studiously ignored Giles and sashayed towards the man in the shiny suit. “Thank heavens you showed up” she said in quite the worst Southern Belle accent Giles had ever heard. “I didn’t know what I was going to do stuck out here all on my own” she added and stopped in front of the salesman as his jaw dropped and scraped in the dirt.

“You’re safe now and I’ll have your car working in a jiffy” he smiled at her and moved quickly to pop the hood.

“Scarlett O’Hara?” Giles whispered in her ear as he made to follow the salesman.

“Professor Higgins?” Buffy smiled sweetly at him in reply and moved to the other side of the car.

Buffy hit the saln onn once with a right hook and he collapsed into Giles’ arms. “Could you have found a shorter skirt?” Giles asked as he hefted the man onto his shoulder and headed for the small group of trees on the other side of the road.

“He needed to be distracted didn’t he?” Buffy asked as she put the hood of the car back down and followed Giles.

“He was certainly distracted but perhaps you could try a little more clothing next time?” Giles replied and looked sternly at her legs and midriff.

“Now you’re sounding liy fay father” Buffy said huffily and walked ahead of him.

“Oh for heaven’s sake” Giles muttered as he hefted the dead weight on his shoulder.

“What did you do this time?” Willow laughed as he laid the unconscious form on a fallen tree in front of her.

“Apparently I’m channelling everyone’s father today” he said helplessly and walked back towards the two cars.

Xander and Giles moved both cars out of view behind a rock formation further down the road then walked back to where Buffy and Willow were finishing tying up the awakening captive. “What the hell?” he started to splutter as Willow rolled up his sleeve and injected a syringe full of clear fluid into a vein on his arm.


He continued to yell and Buffy hit him again. “Buffy” Giles said quietly as he moved the unconscious form back onto the tree. “You didn’t need to hit him quite so hard” he suggested.

“He is one of the blue robes we watched that night and I’m getting a le fee fed up with all of this tip toeing around that we’re doing” she glared at Giles as she flexed her hand.

He sighed and moved to check her knuckles. “We want him conscious for the pentathol to ” he” he said quietly as he massaged the muscles in her hand. “I know you’re frustrated but we need to keep him awake so he can tell us what he knows of the ritual”

She looked up into his worried eyes and then sheepishly at her hand. “I’m sorry” she mumbled. “I’ll try to be good”.

He smiled at her and dropped her hand. “Next time try it with your left hand and give this one a rest” he suggested.

“Guys” Willow said and everyone’s attention returned to her. “I think he’s waking up again”

Xander and Giles moved out of his line of sight and Buffy stood behind him, ready to intervene if necessary. Willow leaned over him and slapped his face gently to rouse him. “What is your name” she asked quietly.

He shook his head a little to try and clear some of the fuzziness from his brain and then looked curiously into her eyes. “Brian Hamilton” he answered then looked completely confused.

Willow smiled down at him. “You will find that you have to answer all of my questions truthfully and, if you do, I will let you go without any further harm”. He looked at her as if she was speaking a foreign language but she knew he understood everything she was saying.

After half an hour had passed they had the names of all of the participants at the ceremony they had witnessed and a date and location for the next meeting. Willow looked up at Buffy and nodded as his last sentence seemed to drift off and she hit him with her left hand, knocking him unconscious again.


Giles and Xander quickly moved back to his side and began untying him while Willow and Buffy gathered the syringe and medication and returned it to Fraser’s backup medical bag. Giles slung the body over his shoulder again and carried him back to the area where they had originally stopped. Xander drove his car up to park it next to the body as Giles went back for the test drive car.

By the time the salesman came round his head was resting on Buffy’s lap and she was gently rubbing his forehead. Giles was leaning over him looking worried and taking his pulse. “What happened” he asked groggily and tried to sit up.

“Stay right where you are” Buffy commanded and pulled him back down onto her lap. “You have had a nasty bump to the head and shouldn’t do anything too strenuous for a while” she grinned down at him and he seemed to relax and smiled back at her.

“How did I bump my head” he finally asked as he stared dreamily into her eyes.

Giles coughed and dropped the man’s wrist. “The hood came down on you while you were examining the young lady’s car” he held out a hand to help him up from his prone position. “We were worried about you and I was just about to head back into town for a doctor when you started to come round” Giles played out his part.

The man gingerly touched his jaw where the bruises were already showing. “It feels like somebody hit me” he suggested, looking between Buffy and Giles.

Buffy took his hand in hers and led him back to his own car. “You hit your chin on the engine when the hood came crashing down on you” she said and contrived to sound even more like a distressed lady of the South. “I was so worried, you must give me your address so I can check up on you when I return to town” she smiled at him and he fumbled in his pocket for a business card, hastily writing his home address on the back.

Giles moved back to the driver’s side and started the engine. “I should get you back to the hospital for a check up” he suggested and manoeuvred the car to face back towards town.

“What about her car” the salesman asked anxiously as he looked over his shoulder at her diminishing form. “We can’t leave her out here all night”

Giles turned to him and smiled gently. “You had fixed her automotive problem before your accident” he s “It “It was a loose wire and you were giving everything a final check over when it happened”


The salesman seemed mollified by this explanation and glanced at his watch, surprised to find that almost forty minutes had passed since he had last checked. He was about to ask Giles about this when he suddenly felt very sleepy and decided to rest before tackling any more questions.

Giles handed the still sleeping form over to Fraser at the hospital and returned the car to the car lot, explaining the circumstances to a worried owner. He promised to think about his purchase and return the following day with his son to finalise the deal.

Xander and the girls picked Giles up ten minutes later as he walked towards the café they had previously used. He slid out of the driver’s seat and let Giles guide them back across town towards his apartment.

Buffy laid out some sandwiches and coffee for everyone as Willow finalised the entry of the information they had collated into an e-mail for Wesley and Angel. “I think we’re finally getting somewhere” she suggested as she leaned over Willow’s shoulder to read the message.

“Mmm” Willow agreed as she sent the message. “It’s a nice feeling to be one step ahead for a change”

Giles stretched and stood up. “If I’m correct then the next ritual should be the one we want to interrupt” he stated as he offered the sandwiches to Xander. “Once Wesley has confirmed our thinking on this we can begin to plan the final assault.”

Xander nodded and finished chewing his sandwich. “At least we know that there are only two doors in and out of that warehouse and we’ve scouted the layout before”

Giles looked at each one of them, sensing the rising confidence as they could finally see an end in sight to their current demon problem. “We don’t want to get our hopes up” he cautioned. “Even if we have got the correct information it still leaves us with an awful lot to do”

Buffy grinned at him. “Now you’re sounding like the old Giles” she laughed. “I think the Rex Harrison outing earlier has caused you to regress to your stuffy old British ways”

Giles grinned back at her. “This from the mint julip girl” he laughed and ducked under the cushion aimed at his head.

“Hey” Willow interrupted as Giles picked up another cushion. “Don’t you dare mess this place up, it took me an hour to get it tidy this morning”


Xander and Buffy laughed in the same instant, breaking the sudden silence, as Giles looked at her in amazement. “What” she asked as he continued to stare at her.

“You sounded just like my mother” he suggested and grinned at her.

Willow suddenly realised what she had said and grinned back at him. “Any more cheek from you and it will be straight to bed with no supper” keptkept eye contact as she moved closer to him.

“Oh good grief” Buffy laughed. “Mom and Dad are at it again” she sighed and rolled her eyebrows at Xander.

He shook his head and tapped Giles on the shoulder. “Giles call us at Buffy’s if Angel comes up with anything” he suggested and headed for the door. Giles acknowledged the contact and the suggestion by waving his hand at the departing figures without breaking eye contact with Willow.

She had reached the sofa and was slowly crawling onto his lap when Buffy finally closed the door. “I didn’t realise how much I had missed you wearing a suit” she murmured as she settled on his lap. “Although you might at least have considered the tweed one I suggested this morning” she pouted as she slowly loosened his tie and unbuttoned his collar.

“If I had tried to get dressed in a tweed suit this morning we wouldn’t have made it downstairs, never mind to the car lot” he smiled and removed his glasses as he kissed her. They were still kissing on the sofa ten minutes later when the laptop beeped to signal an incoming message. Willow pulled away and tried to stand up but he kept hold of her hips and pulled her back onto his lap. “Wesley can wait for five minutes” he murmured as he captured her lips and turned them so that he was lying partially on top of her.

“Rupert” Willow giggled through his kisses and tried to push him off the sofa. “It might be important, we can do this any time” she sighed as he finally relented and stood up. “Don’t pout” she smiled at him as she sat down at the table. “It’s not very dignified”. He headed upstairs mumbling under his breath and she heard the shower start a couple of minutes later. Shaking her head she settled down to reread the message from Wesley.


After ten minutes Giles returned, still drying his hair, and read the message over her shoulder. Willow stood up to make him some tea as he moved to the phone to call Buffy and Xander. “No” he said and shook his head at Willow as she handed him a mug. “We are going to spend the next couple of hours researching the information from Wesley but you and Xander can come over about nine” he shook his head and handed the phone to Willow in exasperation. “Will you please convince them that we are working this evening and not up to anything else”

Willow took the phone from him and moved to the kitchen. He could hear her mumbling down the phone and occasional giggles but tried to block them from his mind as he looked out the books Angel had left them during his last visit. “OK” Willow finally emerged from the kitchen. “We’ll see you guys about ten o’clock” She moved to sit across from him at the table and pulled one of the books nearer to her. She glanced up from the book and caught him staring pointedly at her. “It’s not my fault” she murmured and returned to the book.

“This is exactly what I was worried about before the accident” he sighed. “Our relationship is interfering with the work that we need to do”

Willow closed the book and crossed her arms over the top of it. “What do you suggest we do” she sighed and rested her chin on her arms. “Stop being a couple, go back to just being research buddies with me going home every night?”

He stood and walked to the fireplace “You know that most definitely isn’t what I want” he said as he turned to face her. “I want everything to be like it was before, but with you as my girlfriend” he cocked his head slightly to the side as he gazed at her, a smile just lifting the corners of his mouth.

Willow sat back in her chair. “Good answer” she smiled at him. “But you know that we can’t go back to before the accident, too much has happened since then” he was about to interrupt her but she shook her head. “Buffy and Xander are just finding it a little difficult to adjust fully to us being together but they will get there eventually”

He nodded. “I know they will darling, I just feel that I’m the one causing all of the upset and I can’t think what to do to make the situation any better”

Willow stood and walked towards him. “Oh it is all your fault” she nodded and grinned at him. “But we’re all just making do with the new, improved you and will soon entirely forget the old, non lemon-scented Giles”

They hugged for a few seconds and he kissed the top of her head. “Why did they change the time to ten?” he asked as he walked back towards the table.


“Xander wanted to swing by the Bronze to see if there had been any further sightings of Harmony recently” Willow replied, settling down to the book she had chosen earlier. “There was also some mention of giving us plenty of time but I explained that an extra hour wasn’t enough time for anything good and Buffy said she had to go and throw up” she grinned at him.

A myriad of emotions chased each other across his face and he started a couple of sentences before spluttering to a halt. Eventually he sat down and opened a book in front of him. “I guess I should be flattered?” he smiled and raised his eyebrow.

She smiled at him and sighed. “What have I told you about the sexy eyebrow, quirky smile thing?” she asked. “Hit those books mister and no more talking unless it’s about demons or the end of the world”