Losing It

Faith’s POV

I slowly open my eyes as the light of the morning shines in through the blinds, warming my face and alerting my senses to another day.

Another day with the woman I love by my side…for the rest of our lives.

The thought makes me smile and I reach over to pull her into me…only to be met with the coldness of an empty bed.

I sit up and let out a yawn as I call out to her.

“Buffy…baby? Where ya at?”

When I don’t get an answer, I pull myself out of bed and sleepily walk over to the bathroom, but she’s not there.

I somehow manage to stumble into some clothes and groggily make my way down stairs, but still know sign of my B.

The sweet aroma of eggs and bacon fills my senses and I smile as I race into the kitchen, expecting to see my girl cooking the best breat knt known to man, only to be met with another empty room.

The light refracts from the glass of apple juice sitting on the counter and it catches my eye. I slowly walk over and see a plate of food sitting in front of the glass…and an envelope propped up beside the glass.

I reach out and touch the eggs, finding them stone cold.

I bypass the plate, for once, and grab the envelope.

I slowly pull out the letter from inside and fall back into the nearest chair as I start to read the words in my head…

“Faith,

I know that by now, you have probably figured out that I’m not there. I’m sorry that you had to wake up like that. You don’t know how much I wanted to wake up in your arms…”

I take a deep breath and keep reading…

“…but I knew that would only have made this even harder. If you can imagine that. I also know by now that you’ve probably figured out what this is…”

Oh God…please…no.

“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that it has to be this way. I can’t tell you how badly I wish I could have just married you, lived our lives of loving…living for each other…happily ever after. I wanted that so much…”

I feel the tears welling up behind my eyes.

“…but I couldn’t. I can’t tell you why. I wish I could…it breaks my heart to know I can’t. I love you, Faith. I love you so much…it makes my heart ache and scream with joy all at once. You were my night in shinning armor when I needed you to be…you were my protector, my lover, my friend. You were and forever will be…my heart.”

You’re mine too B…and I feel you breaking.

“I’m sorry Faith. I’m sorry for the pain that I know this will cause you. I’m sorry for the nights that you’ll lay there…wondering what you did wrong…what you could have done…but the truth is, nothing. On both counts. Please…pleaslievlieve me when I say…this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ll always love you Faith. Until my dying day…and beyond. Please don’t hate me.”

I watch as a tear slowly falls from my eye and lands on the paper, slightly smudging the letters.

“I’ll miss you forever, and I’ll cry for you every night. But please, don’t wait for me…we both know it will be for nothing. Please…be happy. Love. Live. Good bye Baby. You’re in my heart…always.”

I trail my eyes down to the closing.

“Yours forever,
Buffy”

Beside her name is a heart with a stake piercing through it. Just like the one I drew on the window when we were juniors…on the first night I told her I loved her.

Only this time…the heart is breaking in the middle where the stake is protruding out and the irony is not lost on me at all.

I lift the envelope up and the engagement ring that I gave Buffy slowly rolls out and lands in my hand.

I just sit there for the next few moments, gripping the letter in my hand and staring down at the ring in the other.

Soon, the agony and realization of the moment set in…and I lose it

I suddenly bolt up with a rage I’ve never felt. My fists come down on the counter, smashing it in two…the food and broken glass going everywhere.

My fists are bleeding, but I just keep pounding the broken debris…tears burning my eyes…her words burning my heart.

I eventually stop and just collapse into a fit of deep, shaking sobs. I fall back against the broken and busted counter, the pain overwhelming.

I grip the letter tightly to my heart as I sit there in my kitchen, crying and broken.

I raise my palm to my eyes and see that the ring has embedded itself in my hand. With a painful wince and howl, I pull it from my flesh and throw it across the room.

I sit there, staring at it as the light refracts from the diamond, nearly blinding my tear filled eyes.

I clutch the now blood soaked letter tightly to my chest as I try to calm down.

When I finally do…I can’t move. I can only sit here and stare off into the nothingness that is now my life.

Broken…and alone.


THE END ...for now.

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Thanks again, and you can look for the sequel...coming real soon. ;)