The Winning Hand

Chapter 22 - On the Run

Buffy let the tears fall now. She was safely on her way out of town,
her small car racing down the highway and out of Will's life. She had
meant what she'd said to him. She didn't want to get in his way. She
wasn't going to keep chasing after him, not when she knew how little
he must care for her.

She thought back to their first meeting. What a fool she must have
looked! Fainting before they'd even said hello. She blushed
remembering how she'd awoken, in nothing but a shirt and panties.
Knowing that he'd been the one to undress her, and she hadn't even
known his name yet!

As she thought back through the days they'd spent together her heart
lurched and broke just a bit more. How naïve and stupid he must
have thought she was. Had it all been an act? Had he cared nothing
for her at all? No, she couldn't believe that. He hadn't wanted to
sleep with her. He'd told her before hand that he couldn't love her
and he hadn't wanted to lead her on. It was her own fault that she
hadn't believed him. He'd cared enough to not want to hurt her. Was
it really his fault that he had?

She swiped at the tears on her face, blinking her eyes to clear them
enough to drive safely. Suddenly a car swerved around her, sending
up a spray of dust and grime from the road. It sped past her and then
quickly turned stopping in the middle of the road. Buffy slammed on
her brakes jamming her wheel to the right, her heart trip-hammering
in her chest at the near collision. Her breathing began to even out as
she found herself safely on the side of the road.

The fear that had been slowly ebbing kicked up a notch when she
realized that the car she'd nearly hit was reversing and pulling in to
the area just in front of her. Once the dust from the car's latest move
had settled, Buffy gasped when she found Will standing in the beam
of her headlights, anger evident on his face.

Spike was breathing hard, his eyes cold and mouth thinned in an
angry line. Once the shock of her absence had worn off Spike had
taken action. He wasn't going to let her get away. He'd torn through
the hotel jumped in his car and raced down the highway. There was
only one highway she could have taken to his grandda's and Spike
intended to catch her. He'd probably broken several laws and was
surprised that he'd escaped being pulled over.

Now that he stood here, watching her through the windshield his
anger flared. She'd been running away. She wasn't even going to
give him a chance to explain. She'd left without even a goodbye. He
let the anger surge through him, replacing the crushing despair he'd
felt earlier.

Buffy stepped out of the car, her own anger rising. "Are you crazy?
Are you trying to get me killed? What are you doing here?" The
questions shot out of her mouth in rapid-fire succession.

Spike's jaw clenched as he tried to control his anger, or was it fear
that had him so rigid? Fear that he'd really lost his chance? "I told
you we needed to talk. To straighten things out." He took a step
forward, reaching toward her.

"So you try to kill me?" She asked, exasperated, she stepped away
from him. "I told you, there's nothing left to talk about."

"Buffy, please, you don't understand." Spike tried to reach for her
again, but she cringed away from his touch taking several steps
backward.

"See? That's the problem right there. You don't think I understand
anything! You think I'm an idiot that doesn't know anything about the
'ways of the world'." She added air quotes to the last of her rant.

"I don't think you're an idiot." Unable to help himself, Spike smiled.
He loved the way Buffy looked when she was in full battle mode. Her
eyes were sparkling, her cheeks were flushed, and he could see the
warm puff of her breath in the desert's cold night air.

"You're definition of naïve, seems to be the same as my definition for
idiot!" She responded scowling at him. "But I'm smart enough to
know when I’m not wanted. Smart enough to realize that you got tired
of me and wanted to brush me off in the quickest way possible." Her
voice had gotten quieter and quieter.

"Tired of you?" Spike repeated in amazement. How could he ever
get tired of her? She was a constant source of amazement to him.
"Buffy, no - " His hand snaked through his hair in frustration.
"Bollocks! Let me explain."

"No need." She turned away. "You don't want me. I get it. Don't
worry, I'm not going to drive off a cliff over it. I'm young, I’m rich, and
you're not the only man in the world."

"Just hold the bloody hell on!" Spike demanded.

"No." She turned back to face him, their gazes locking. "You were
the first. That doesn't mean you have to be the last."

Spike flattened his palms against his trousers, his jaw clenched. The
thought of Buffy with anyone other than him had rage coursing
through his body and clouding his mind. Ridiculous when that had
been one of the reasons he'd repeatedly told himself to let her go.
She needed more experience. How could she know whether she
loved him, when he was the only man she'd ever been with? But now
that he was faced with the prospect it incensed him, terrified him, and
nearly broke him. It was no longer an option he was willing to allow
her.

"Watch your step, Buffy."

"I'm done watching my step. I'm going to stop looking before I leap.
It's my decision. So far I've been landing on my feet. If one day I end
up falling, it'll be my problem and no one else's."

Fear made it's way up Spike's spine and he shivered. She was
determined; he could see that. He was fast becoming afraid that he
would have no ability to stop her.

"You know damn well you're in love with me." He said that only thing
he could think of.

"Why because I slept with you? Please." Buffy tried for a derisive
snort, but didn't think she quite pulled it off.

He stepped up to her once again, this time not allowing her retreat.
He grasped her around the wrist and pulled her close. "I know you.
You wouldn't have slept with me otherwise." Their faces were only
inches apart. She could feel the hot rush of his breath on her lips. "If
I tasted you now, put my mouth on yours, you'd tell me without having
to say the words."

Defeated her gaze fell to the ground around their feet. Her heart
cracked and crumbled in her chest. "You knew." She whispered.
"You knew and you used it." She chewed at her bottom lip,
determined to not let the tears fall.

"Maybe I did. It's one of the things I've had to work out with myself.
I've made a lot of mistakes, hurt you, because I couldn't get past it."
Spike tried to explain.

"Are you feeling guilty or angry Will?" She sighed wearily. "You
broke my heart Will. I laid myself out for you, would have given you
my heart on a platter. It wasn't even enough for you not to want it.
You ignored it, and then you shoved it away. Shoved me away." The
tears spilled hotly down her cheeks now. She wiped at them in angry
haste.

"I told myself I was doing it for you." His words sounded like a plea.

"Oh." She sniffled. "How very considerate of you."

He reached for her again, but she cringed away. He felt as if a knife
was twisting its way through his guts. "Buffy, please look at me. I
won't touch you," he swallowed hard, "just look at me, luv."

She turned to face him, her cheeks glistening, and her nose red.
"What do you want from me Will? You want me to tell you it's okay?
That I don't hold it against you?" She clenched her fists by her side
as she spoke, her voice getting louder. "Well, it's not okay! I'm
*trying* not to hold it against you, but I don't understand. You didn't
have to love me back," her voice broke just a little. "But you could
have been kind."

"Oh, Buffy, luv," Spike's own heart ached at the sound of despair in
her voice. "If I'd trusted myself, my own feelings, we wouldn't even be
having this conversation."

Buffy tried to hold back the sob, but it broke loose and she gasped in
air.

"Luv, -"

"Stop calling me that!" Buffy couldn't take much more. Why couldn't
he just leave her alone? She wanted to wail. She wanted to run.
She just wanted this to be over.

"Buffy, 'm sorry. Let's not do this here." He pulled her toward him,
this time without any resistance. Pushing her toward the passenger
side of her car, he buckled her in before pulling out his cell phone.
"Yeah, it's me. We're on our way."

"Who did you call?" Buffy asked, perplexed.

"You're realtor, lu -, pet." He answered as he buckled himself in.

"What? Why? It's almost 1 in the morning."

"I want to see your house."

"Now?" She asked, incredulous.

"Yes. Now."

Buffy stared at his profile for a moment, studying his features, his
quiet look of determination. She didn't understand what was
happening, what he wanted from her. But she had a strange feeling
that one way or another it would all be over soon. So she sat back,
closed her eyes, and let Will take her for another leap.