Impact

The sun was beginning to set as the group struggled on in their journey. In order for the ritual to work, they needed to find the amulet Spike had been wearing. Buffy was fairly certain where the Hellmouth was located, as was Giles. They figured to be there in about 2 hours on foot. Normally it would have taken less than five minutes, but with the rough terrain travel was slow and rigorous.

Angel and Giles led the troupe, with Harmony gripped tightly between them. They didn’t know what to make of her yet, but it was decided that keeping her captive was the best option for now. She wouldn’t be needed for the ritual, since Angel’s presence would fulfill the ritual’s vampire requirement, but it was better to know where she was at, and what she was up to. They didn’t really consider staking her. For a vampire, she was pretty harmless.

Wesley and Willow filled the middle of the line, while Xander, Dawn, and Buffy took up the rear. Buffy was very quiet, and contemplative. Dawn and Xander kept up a running commentary, but Buffy didn’t join in even when prompted. Xander was beginning to be concerned. He knew she must be thinking of Spike, and what they were to do. He was worried about her, and being the joker of the gang, he tried to make her laugh at lame jokes. But even with all that she stayed mum, just grunting or nodding occasionally. Finally he thought of something that might bring her out of it. He stopped and lifted up his eye patch, pouring some water over the dry and itchy socket. “Gads, the smoke is killing me.”

Buffy stopped and waited with him, holding the bottle of water and assisting him as needed. She motioned for Dawn to keep walking. “Thanks.” He smiled at her. “I should have stayed in the van instead of letting Dawn beat me at poker earlier out in the smoke.”

“Yea, you could have played inside.” Buffy answered, but she wasn’t really paying too much attention.

“Yes, well, I figured the G man and you needed some alone time, and all things considered it’s a good thing the van is out of commission, because I don’t know where we’d get a sign for it out here that says, ‘If this van is rockin’, don’t come a knockin!’”

That got Buffy’s attention. She blushed clear from her roots to her toes, and she looked up towards Giles, thankful that he was out of earshot. He would have been even more mortified than her. “Xander!” She grimaced, and lightly punched him in the shoulder. He laughed and winked lewdly at her.

Then Buffy frowned even more. “God, what must Dawn think?”

But Xander chuckled. “She’s hoping to be an aunt, I think.”

Buffy sighed and looked wistfully at Xander. “Well, I hate to disappoint her, but that won’t be happening.”

They resumed their trek, picking up the pace a bit to catch up with the rest of the group that had started to pull ahead of them. “What do you mean? Does G man not want kids? Because I know you’ve longed for them before.”

Buffy smiled at Xander, turned to look at him and said. “You know, he hates it when you call him that.”

“I know.” They both laughed.

“It’s not that Giles doesn’t want kids, it’s that he can’t have them.”

“Oh, that’s too bad. Why?” Xander blanched suddenly and grabbed himself. “Ugh, he didn’t get clipped did he?”

Buffy giggled at Xander’s expression. “No, nothing like that. He had the mumps when he was younger, and that left him sterile.”

Xander relaxed, and let go of himself, shrugging visibly. “Well, that’s of the good. I mean, not good about being sterile, but…you know.”

“Yes, I know.” Buffy still chuckled at Xander’s discomfort.

“On the plus side,” she continued, “We don’t have to worry about birth control.”

“Yes, makes the nookie available anywhere doesn’t it? Including our van!”

Buffy blushed again, and smacked him solidly in the arm. This time he cried out in a bit of pain, and the group turned around to look at them. He waved them on, “Nothing to see here. Move on!” Giles rolled his eyes at the young man before proceeding.

“So Buff, are you okay with that? I mean, I know you love him and everything, but no kids?”

“We can always adopt. But you know, with the way our lives our, it’s probably for the best. I’m okay with it. And yes, I love him. With everything in me. He is all I need. Our love is enough.”

Xander reached over and took her hand in his, squeezing it gently with affection. “I know he loves you too. And I’m happy for you both.” She grinned at him, grateful for his friendship. They walked the rest of way,way, hand in hand.

An hour or so later they approached the Hellmouth. The cavern was deeper here than at any other point in the entire vicinity. Angel crawled down to search for the amulet. The rest of the gang sat amongst the boulders resting and snacking on the food that Angel and Willow and Wes had stuffed into their pockets earlier from the fallen van. Wesley and Willow were watching over Harmony, but she was curled next to a stump sleeping after complaining endlessly about her aching feet. They were all grateful for the silence! Xander had grabbed the deck of cards, and he and Dawn were attempting a rousing game of black jack. Dawn was winning again, much to Xander’s dismay.

Buffy sat between Giles’ legs, her back resting against his firm chest, cradled in his arms. Their hands were clasped in her lap.

“Are you okay Buffy?” Giles asked. She had been awful quiet since leaving the cave. “Are you worried about Dawn? Because she seems fine. No ill effects.”

She sighed and turned slightly in his arms so she could see his face. “I know Dawn is fine, thankfully. I’m just thinking.”

“About what, luv?” He was surprised at her answer. “I was thinking about when I was dead.” She said. He wasn’t expecting that. He held her tighter. “Go on.” He prompted.

“I was happy where I was, Giles. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade what you and I have now for anything, and I know that if Willow hadn’t brought me back, we would have missed out on us, on loving each other.”

“But?”

She smiled. “I know, I have ‘BUT’ face don’t I?!”

He smiled at her expression. “Yes, you do.” He softly kissed the tip of her nose. “Are you wondering about where Spike is?”

She nodded, looking into his eyes. “Yes Giles. If he is in a heavenly dimension, and I think he probably is, then perhaps he doesn’t want to come back. He’ll be happy now.”

Giles looked over her shoulder across the vast terrain, his eyes troubled. “And why do you think he would be in a heavenly dimension versus a hellish one?”

Buffy placed her fingers under his chin, tipping his face back to her’s so she could see into his eyes. “I don’t believe he is Spike wherever he is. I believe he is William, a man with a soul. Spike, with his soul, was not the demon that did all those cruel things. William was a man with a good soul, before the demon took him. When Spike died, he had that soul back, and he was doing good….he died for us all. His soul is what has moved on, and I believe he may not want to come back here.”

Giles swallowed, and couldn’t help himself from asking her, “Not even for you?”

Her eyes held his, and she tried to put all of her love in that look. He saw the desire in them, and when she softly kissed his lips, he pulled her even closer to him, opening his mouth and surrendering to her probing tongue. When they were both spent from the kiss, only then did she pull back and speak again. “I’m yours, Giles. Always.”

They held each other for a bit longer, Buffy tucked herself into his neck, his chin resting on the crown of her head.

After awhile, he spoke again. “There might be a way we can find out where he is.” Buffy pulled herself out from under his chin so she could look at him expectantly.

“There’s a spell, kind of like the one Willow used to go into your mind that time Glory took Dawn. I can’t guarantee it would work, but we could try it.”

“We could find out where he is? See if he really wants to come back or not? Find out if he’s happy?”

“I’m not sure it would work, but yes, we could try it.”

“Is it dangerous?”

Giles shrugged. “All spells have an element of danger.”

Buffy glanced over at Willow. She was resting against a boulder, Wesley also asleep at her side. She was tired from the spell she cast against Drusilla. “I don’t think Willow is strong enough right now for another spell.”

“No, she most likely is not. But I could perform it.”

She looked at him for a moment before she spoke. “You’d do that?”

He smiled softly. “Buffy, I’d do anything for you, including traveling through hell. Finding Spike, especially if he is not in hell as you firmly believe, wouldn’t be that terrible.”

“Do you not agree with me about where he is then?”

Now Giles was quiet for a moment, thinking before he answered. “Actually, I think you might be right. The soul is what moves on, if what theology speaks of is true. And that seems to meet your experience as well. Your idea has merit.”

“But you said it could be dangerous. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He smiled at the concern on her face.

“I’ll be fine. Everyone here will anchor me, and your love for me will bring me back, no matter what. Now that the threat of Drusilla is gone, we don’t need to fear of her bringing him back, and turning him into a vampire again. I think you are right, and we should perform the spell.”

They kissed again. “Okay then, when Angel gets back, we’ll do it. And Giles, have I told you lately?”

He smiled, knowing what she was doing. He quirked his eyebrow at her? “Told me what?”

She smiled, and pulled him close whispering in his ear. “I love you.”

TBC