Remember Me

Needless to say, Lindsey was amazed by her. Although, he wasn't sure what he was amazed more by. Her strength and ability or how incredibly cold and calculating she was. Not that she had to warm up to any of the retched creatures, but her bedside manner to the intended victims left a lot to be desired. Even the way she hunted. She was all stealth, grace and calculated in her moves. The only way to describe her was like Catwoman. Not the Halle Barry Catwoman, the Michele Pfiefer Catwoman. Dress her up all in leather and she was good to go. The thought almost made him chuckle and groan at the same time. It'd be incredibly funny to see her that way, on the other hand, incredibly sexy.

Today he was going to speak to Quentin. He was bracing himself for the wrath he was surely going to incur from the man for letting Buffy patrol so soon. Taking a deep breath, Lindsey let himself in to Quentin's office.

"Hello," he greeted him cordially.

Quentin looked up, sat back and smiled broadly. He put his fingertips together and watched Lindsey take a seat. "How's our girl?"

My girl, Lindsey wanted to shout. "She's fine," he took a deep breath, "she wanted to patrol last night."

"Did you let her?"

Lindsey looked down, "I had no choice Quentin, she isn't one for listening to instructions-"

Quentin cut him off with a laugh. "Why do you sound so apologetic, son?"

Lindsey wanted to blanch at that endearment. "Because it's too soon for her," he said matter-of-factly.

Quentin waved his hand at him, disregarding the thought. "Who's to say when it's too early or too late for her? It's her decision and I'm pleased to find she wanted to do it. How'd she do?"

Lindsey sat there, stunned. He figured Quentin would think it was too early for Buffy to go out there, that he'd want her to train some, hone her magic, agility and limberness. He was mistaken in thinking that Quentin would want Buffy at her absolute strongest. That's what Lindsey wanted anyway. He didn't want to send the girl out there without making sure she was ready in every single aspect. One of those aspect also being mentally able. After the non-ordeal she was forced to think happened, Lindsey wanted some spark back in the girl; the spark that had been in her when he first met her and she had defended her vampires. He felt that without the life back in her, she'd fail out there. She'd eventually crumble and allow herself to die. That eventually, she'd have the death wish that most Slayers acquired, she'd grow tired of slaying and just allow herself to die. He couldn't let that happen to her, WOULDN'T let that happen to her. He'd die first.

"She, uh, she was startling. She was right on with all her moves, it was as if she'd never missed a day. As if. . ."

Quentin laughed, "as if she'd never been abducted and tormented by those disgusting creatures?"

Lindsey nodded, feeling that both of them were very much the disgusting creatures he spoke of instead of Spike and Angel.

"Well, my boy, she's giving you problems then? Has issues with authority does she?" Quentin chuckled, "she's a chip off the old block isn't she? Doesn't always want to play by the rules. She realizes that to get anywhere, you have to sometimes take matters into your own hands." He smiled at Lindsey affectionately, "that is until you find someone you can put all your trust into. Someone who has the same goals and beliefs. You are that someone for me Lindsey, and I trust that in time you will be that person for Buffy. She needs a firm hand, she needs to know that you will not be bullied by her strength. She'll come around. Why don't you show her some of your own magic? I think that would be a grand way of connecting with her."

Lindsey sat, floored. He was stuck on that one part of Quentin's long winded and incredibly sick speech. 'Chip off the old block'? BUFFY was a CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK? He could not possibly mean off Quentin's block. Christ, he was going to try and turn her into some kind of twisted daughter figure.

A knock on the door was a pleasant distraction from the urge Lindsey had to reach across the desk and rip Quentin's head off.

"Yes? Come in."

Buffy bounced in the room, smiling. "Hey." She looked down at Lindsey and smirked. "Telling the boss man how I defied orders last night?"

Lindsey opened his mouth to speak, but Quentin cut him off. "Buffy. I know that for a long time you were without a Watcher or proper training. And while I think it's absolutely astounding the way you've managed without them, I think it's wise if you listen to Lindsey now. He's been properly trained in the art of doing everything in his power to keep you safe. Instinct can only take you so far before you have to rely on cold, hard facts. That's where Lindsey comes in. I think you'll find that Lindsey is not just a wonderful Watcher, but a friend as well. Family, even."

Buffy nodded and turned to Lindsey. "I'm sorry Lindsey." Her words were heartfelt, but her eyes betrayed her. She felt nothing.

"It's time for observation Buffy. Why don't you see yourself down to the lab?"

With a nod, Buffy left.

"See? Firm hand," Quentin told the young man.

"Observation? Lab?"

"She starts observation today Lindsey. You remember. Blood, DNA, genes, et cetera. Today we start the process of helping future Slayers through the wonder that is Buffy."

Lindsey stood on shaky legs. He'd forgotten about it, how could he have forgotten about it? It was part of the reason why she'd been abducted in the first place. To help the future order of Slayers, for Quentin to control everything he could. To punish Buffy for refusing him. Well, maybe he couldn't stop him, but he could make sure she was all right. With that purpose in mind, Lindsey followed after Buffy to the lab.


Lindsey watched from the window later on as Buffy made her way to the Garden. He smiled to himself, at least she still enjoyed something other than death. Her reception of him at the lab had been mixed. Icy at first, and then after a while, warmer. She watched him like a hawk, observed every move he made. He supposed it was part of her nature as well as her training to do so. He tried to make her smile, make her laugh, and a few times it even worked. As if his feet had a will of their own, he followed her to the Garden.

She sat at the fountain as she always did and stared into it, her legs drawn up under her chin.

"Have you made a wish yet?" He asked breaking the silence.

She didn't jump but merely grinned. "It's a good thing I could hear you coming. And hey, you didn't grab me this time."

"Telling someone you could rip their arms out of socket kind of drills it in their head not to grab a person."

Buffy chuckled.

"I like the sound of that."

"Of what?"

"Your chuckling, laughing, giggling. All of it sounds good to me."

She shrugged. "You're always around Lindsey. Aren't you tired of me yet?"

"I'm your Watcher," he said as if that explained everything.

"And Watchers don't have lives? You're a handsome guy, you must have a girlfriend."

He stared at her, "you think I'm handsome?"

She smiled, "yes. Don't let it go to your head."

He smiled back and she looked back down into the fountain. Watching her, Lindsey had an idea. Quentin wanted him to show her his magic, well magic he'd show her. Concentrating on a silver coin in the fountain, Lindsey said a quick chant in his head and soon the coin was lifting from the water and sprang up with a 'pop' from the water. Buffy jumped back and up, turning around in a complete circle as if anticipating an attack.

"Buffy, I did that," Lindsey told her quickly, standing and grabbing the coin from mid air.

She stopped and stared at him. "Where'd it go?"

He opened his palm and showed her. "Do it again," she demanded.

He did and it sprang up between them, hovering in the air. She stared at it for the longest time before reaching out and grabbing it in her hand. She studied it as if it held the secret. She looked up at him, "show me more. Teach me."

"Happily." Maybe Quentin was actually right about one thing.


Time passed and each day that did was worse for Angel and Spike. Especially when trying to reach your beloved. Time moves slowly and nothing seems to go quick enough. As the plane ascended the sky, Spike felt his dead heart jump. Soon. Soon they'd be with Buffy. He felt sorry leaving Willow behind, she was in such a state when she'd heard what happened to her friend. She'd wanted to go, wanted to help, but both vampires felt that would have been too dangerous. The past few days as they prepared to make the trip, making sure all was as accommodating as possible for two vampires, they had gotten along. Getting along for these two lately meant barely speaking to each other and not arguing over every little thing. It meant they were focused on one thing and one thing only and that was Buffy. It meant they actually agreed on how to save her.

"She always wanted to see London with us," Angel finally spoke.

Spike nodded, "And Ireland. She wanted to know where we grew up."

"I was wanting to take her after classes were over. Thought it might complete her whole British literature experience."

Spike chuckled, "she would have loved it. She was always asking me about the places they talked about in her books. If they existed, if they were as they wrote them."

Silence fell, then, "Spike. I want to put all the crap of the past month or so behind us. We've both said a lot of things, done a lot of things. . ."

"Water under the bridge."

"Because we have to work together on getting Buffy back. It won't help her if we're at each other's throats."

"Right."

"So, we're good then?"

"All forgiven."

"Good. Same here."

Silence again. Was it really going to be all that easy?


Giles was pacing as he waited for Angel and Spike to arrive. It wasn't morning quite yet, but if the flight made it on time, they could beat the sun.

Giles was a nervous wreck. What if the Quentin found out? What if Lindsey made a surprise visit? What if anyone from the Council did and happened to know Spike and Angel? His mind was a whirlwind. Coupled with that was the concern over Buffy. What more did Quentin have planned? What would happen if she did succeed in killing Spike and Angel? What if that happened and then she regained her memory? How were they going to reverse whatever Quentin had done to her? Would they do it before she managed to do them in?

Reaching into his pocket, Giles patted the stone that would work in their favor.

"Giles?"

Giles stopped pacing and looked up to see Angel coming toward him a faint smile on his face. Spike, he assumed, was the tall and lean, dyed blond man behind him. He looked grim.

Walking up with relief, for part of the battle was over, Giles grabbed the man in a hug, surprising them both.

"Good to see you," Giles breathed with relief. Releasing Angel he turned to Spike. "You must be Spike."

Spike nodded abruptly and extended his hand. "Hi."

"Tense?"

Spike nodded again, "quite."

"I understand. I am as well. Come on then, shall we? Let's begin our adventure."

"Begin it? I think you missed the memo Rupert. The adventure began the minute Buffy disappeared," Spike snorted.

"Ah yes, but now we get to the real nitty gritty don't we?"

"We'll have to come up with a plan first of course," Angel started.

"I want to see her," Spike spoke up. "Is there any way we can see her without her knowing about it?"

"That was kind of part of the plan I wanted to form," Angel told him, his tone almost weary.

"Oh. Well. Good start then."

"How about first we plan to make it to my flat before the sun is up and you become toast?" Giles interrupted.

Now set in motion, off they went.


"Let me get this straight, this stone you hold here can stop Buffy's magic from affecting us at all?" Spike asked as he held the simple stone in his hand. It looked, well, it looked like a flat rock to him.

"Correct. It's a lodestone and its property is to dull magic from having an affect on the target. So, if Buffy tries to conjure up a ball of sun and aim it at you, she will be unsuccessful as long as you have this stone on you. I have more on order. Should be here by tomorrow."

"All right. I say we go out tonight and look for her. Slayers slay and she's considered a Slayer now," Spike said conspiratorially rubbing his hands together.

"We can't just go out there, Spike. She could see us. She sees us and we're dust."

"We hide, you wanker."

"It's not that easy to just 'hide', Spike," Angel told him getting agitated.

"Then why don't we do one of those spell thingies that Wesley did? You know, hide ourselves from her and such."

"That's not a bad idea," Angel admitted grudgingly.

"You're right. In fact, it's perfect." Giles practically ran to his magic books, flipped through and apparently found what he was looking for, as was evident by the pointing and proud smile on his face. "Invisible spell. Perfect. Just what we need. Shall we begin?"

Chapter Sixteen

Sitting in Lindsey's car, watching the scenery pass by and not really seeing it, she leaned over and flicked on the radio, searching for something, anything to relate to. She remembered a time when she used to hole herself up in her room and listen to her CD's over and over. She never got tired of listening to her music in fact she found it quite cathartic. At times she would get stuck on one song and play it over and over again until her mother would tell her to find another song already. She imagined that she was up on stage, belting out her favorite songs and that everyone loved and adored her. She was famous, loved by millions and never alone or at a loss for friends. She had it all in her fantasies. Her fantasies were her escape from the reality of her lonely life, amplified even more now by her mother's death. No, not just 'death'. Her MURDER.

She hit scan until she heard a slow song start with a faint rock vibe to it. It sounded angst-ridden and she paused. It spoke of loneliness, loss and the feeling of knowing that someone is out there to take it all away and make it all better, but not knowing who that person was. She listened intently and noted the artist. She'd have to get a copy of that song. It was her song.

I'm standing on a bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but there's no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damp cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
'Cause nothing's going right
And everythings a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damp cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind
Yea yea yea

It's a damp cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand
Take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are
But I... I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you...

"How you doing?" Lindsey asked after the song was over.

She snapped out of her reverie, "huh? Oh. I'm okay."

"You've gotten quiet."

She shrugged, "just thinking."

"About what?"

Life. Love-does it exist? "Nothing in particular."

"Must be something to have such a pensive look on your face."

"Nope."

"Buffy, you don't have to slay tonight. We could just practice, meditate maybe."

"No, I want to slay." I have to.

She heard Lindsey sigh, but ignored it. She knew he worried about her. She knew he cared for her, and she cared for him too. Although probably not as deeply as he did. She wasn't stupid; she saw the looks he gave her. Especially when he didn't think she was paying attention. She was always paying attention these days. She supposed it was rude of her to find his deep affection so funny, but she couldn't help it. He had feelings for her? HER? She was a mess. A perfect chaotic mess. Her thought patterns were broken and full of violence, sorrow and misery. Her heart ached so much it felt as if her whole body ached from it. She felt like the Grinch before his heart grew. Her heart was shriveled inside her. Aside from the constant ache, she felt nothing. There was no ROOM to feel anything but that. It caused her to blot out everything else. She couldn't stop. She couldn't allow herself to let go of the pain and crumble. If she did. . . she'd never come out of it. She'd lose herself and she couldn't allow that. She had to fight, had to keep her chin up as best she could. She had to keep going and going and going until she had done right by her mother. When would that be? When she finally managed to kill Spike and Angel as brutally as they killed her mother and tortured her? No, even that wouldn't be enough. It would never be enough.

She really did feel bad for Lindsey though. He'd been so good to her and really; he was the only one that gave her a genuine sense of security. In a way she resented him for that because with him she found herself calmer. He had a way of wanting her to bring the demons in her mind forward and she hated and loved him for it. She didn't want a therapy session, she didn't want to talk about her feelings. She just wanted to fight, kill, maim and slay them out of her system until she one day collapsed. It was sadistic as well as masochistic. But, she deserved to be masochistic didn't she? She hadn't been able to save her mother from those monsters. She deserved the pain she was in now. She was, in a word, a freak.

Entering the club silently with Lindsey by her side, she scanned and observed. Being aware of all times of her surroundings was a hard lesson learned. She had to assess each person, each situation, had to make sure she was in control no matter how out of control she felt.

"Would you like something to drink?" Lindsey offered.

"Drinking and Slaying? Uh, no. I need to be on top of my game here Linds."

"You could have a Coke."

"Oh. Well, yeah."

"Stay here. Don't disappear on me."

"It's not really up to me Lindsey. If a blood- sucking fiend is out for a snack, I can't wait for you to get back with a beverage. I need to go."

He didn't respond, just nodded quickly and took off for the bar. Buffy sat back on the long, frumpy couch and watched the people closer. She studied everything about them, looking for any subtle clues that any of them could be part of the undead.

Lindsey came back and sat down with her, handing her a Coke. "Anything?"

"Nope, not yet."

He sat back and looked around. "Do you miss Newport, Buffy?"

The question caught her off guard. "I-I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"I try not to think about it."

He nodded, "I can understand that, but it is your home."

She shook her head, "not really. Home is wherever my mom and I are together. She'd dead now so. . ."

Lindsey put his hand under her chin and made her look at him. "You're not going to die, Buffy. I won't let you."

Him touching her so forcefully and his words sent shivers through her. As calm and collected Lindsey appeared, there was some passion in him. She took his wrist and moved his hand away. "Relax, Lindsey."

"I don't like it when you talk like that. You don't have any idea do you? Do you even have any idea what you mean to me?"

She never heard the rest of what he was saying, the tingling in her body had her tuning everything out around her. She felt funny, to be precise her neck and her-breast? Yes, her neck and her breast felt funny. Well, more like the bottom of her breast. Those two spots were like hot zones on her at the moment. They were tingling, warm-almost hot-and aching. Her eyes darted around the room and she stood up, scanning the crowd. Was someone here making her feel like that? Was there someone practicing magic on her? What in the hell was going on?

"Buffy, what's wrong?" Lindsey asked and stood in front of her.

Frustrated, she pushed him back down on the couch. "I don't know what's wrong! Just shut up for a minute!" She barked at him and marched toward the bathroom. She stopped halfway there, the aching and heat becoming more intense with each step. She looked up to the second floor of the club where she could see people dancing, mingling. No one seemed to be looking at her, they were all in their own world. Feeling the sudden urge to join them, she climbed the stairway to the second floor. Slowly she walked, taking in the crowd around her. She was rubbing her neck, almost furiously and itched to take her shirt off to find out just what in the hell had crawled into her bra and burrowed under her breast. She was about to barrel down the steps when she saw a vampire leading an unsuspecting victim into a dark corner. Rolling her eyes, she marched up and tapped the vampire on the shoulder.

It spun around and flashed his fang face at her, causing its victim to cry. She shook her head and laughed maniacally, "that supposed to scare me?"

The vampire lunged and she held up her stake so that it was aimed at its heart. It exploded into dust and the girl's eyes went wide and she started whimpering.

"Oh get over it already," Buffy muttered to her, nearly shoving off the grateful girl when she tried to take her hand to thank her. "Learn how to take care of yourself or you're going to have to rely on others to do it for you for the rest of your life," she bit out and made for the stairs.

Lindsey met her and blocked her way down.

"Get out of my way, Linds," she told him warningly.

"You going to cast me aside like you did to that poor girl?"

"That poor girl? She should know better than to go skulking off into dark corners with strangers."

"She was trying to show you her gratitude."

"She can show me gratitude by telling all her friends about the grave mistake she almost made tonight. They in turn can thank me by learning from her mistake."

"Buffy, Slaying does not mean you have to harden your heart-"

"Christ, if I wanted a counseling session I'd go back to see your buddy Giles. Back off, Linds," and she managed to jog down the stairs and make it in the bathroom.

Once inside she peered into the mirror. Her scars. Of course. How could she have forgotten about those? Well, she tried. She had one on each side of her neck from Spike and Angelus. She didn't need to look under her breast to know that she had been bitten there too. One under each from the same vampires. They'd taken great pleasure in biting her there, watching her scream and writhe against her restraints, watching the blood flow and soak her. She shuddered. She barely even looked in the mirror any longer and tried to wear turtlenecks as often as possible to hide them. As well as long sleeve shirts since she had various bite marks all along the inside of her forearms. It seemed they bit anywhere they could find a vein. There was one thing that did not make sense though.

Why was it only those two marks that were suddenly bothering her?

Suddenly feeling suffocated, Buffy decided it was time to collect the disgruntled Lindsey and find some slaying somewhere else. Ironically, somewhere safer.


"She felt us, did you see that? She felt us," Spike jumped up from his seat in a shot, ready to follow Buffy as she made her way down the stairs. A hand on his arm stopped him. Angel, of course. "What the bloody hell is your problem? We've found our girl. She's here, she felt us. Didn't you see her rubbing at her neck that way? Didn't you see her make a beeline up here? If she can feel us, chances are she'll remember if she sees us."

"Or, not."

"We'll never know if we don't bloody go see her!" Spike shouted, causing people to turn and stare. He didn't care. Seeing Buffy, seeing her ALIVE after so many nights of worrying, seeing her and having her only be within arms reach after so many nights of aching for her, Spike did not care about the consequences at this point of being able to touch her, hold her, love her. He just needed to touch the girl, his girl, to make it sink in that she was alive and (somewhat) safe. Now, Angel wanted to stop him?

"You can't go 'bloody' go see her, idiot! If you go storming off after her, she'll stake you. Did you happen to miss the slaying action over there? She's not the same Buffy, Spike. She won't be as accepting of our presence as you want her to be. We learned some valuable information tonight-"

Spike threw up his hands in frustration, "listen to yourself! 'Valuable information'? You make it sound as if Buffy is a mystery we have to solve, not our Buffy. Buffy the one who loves us, the one who-"

"Has no clue of her past with us, of her love for us or ours for her. She IS a mystery we have to solve, Spike. What Quentin did to her, how to undo it, how to make it so she won't stake us-that IS our mystery. And the VALUABLE INFORMATION I learned here tonight? This Buffy is cold, calculating, tempermental-"

"In all fairness, she's always been tempermental."

"AND deadly. She's deadly and she's angry. Couldn't you feel it rolling off her in waves?"

Spike looked down, "and sad. She's sad too." His head popped up, "because she doesn't know it yet, but she misses us! She NEEDS us."

"She DOES need us, and I'd like to believe that somewhere deep in her mind, she does miss us. But consciously, she has no friggen clue. Her sadness and her anger is all born out of her hatred for what Quentin made her believe we did."

Spike plopped down, dejected, back into the sofa. He put his head in his hands. "I know, all right? I know all that. It's just. . . seeing her. . ."

Angel sat down next to him and patted his back, "I know Spike, I know."

Spike looked up at him, desperation written all over his face. "Didn't you feel it?"

Angel nodded and looked down, "I did. Seeing her right in front of us. . . not being able to touch her and go to her. . . it kills me too, Spike."

"Her eyes lost their light," Spike murmured, "she looks so dead inside. She's hurting inside and all I want to do is help her. I don't know how to help her," Spike said mournfully, burying his head in his hands.

"She's still got spunk though. You see how she treated Lindsey? She never did take orders well, now did she?" Angel tried brightly.

Spike looked up at him and shook his head slowly, "it concerns me when we speak of her in the past tense. It's like we lost her."

Angel sighed and nodded, "unfortunately, we kind of have lost her. We just need to figure out how to help her find her way back. If we don't, I don't want to know what will happen to her like this. This isn't Buffy. She's not heartless, living like this. . . it'll kill her."

"If Quentin doesn't do it first. Heaven help her if she ever dares defy that bastard. You not only need to worry about Buffy staking you, you need to see the big picture here. You tangle with Buffy, you're tangling with him as well. He has a vested interest in her; he'll see you dead-as will the whole Council-before you can even get your hands on her." Giles spoke up finally, the two vampires had almost forgotten he was there.

"Any ideas?" Angel asked his old friend.

"That is indeed the mystery."