It's An Adventure

"What? Why are you pulling over? We're almost home!" Xander demanded.

"My blow job." Spike told him, pulling over to the side of the road and parking.

"I am *not* blowing you on the side of the road, Spike."

"Watcher's drive way work better for you, pet?" Spike checked the rearview mirror before turning off the car. He left the radio on and moved the steering wheel up.

"I'm not blowing you at all! You cheated!"

"I did not cheat!" Spike unbuttoned his jeans.

"Yes you did!"

"Oi! I did not. Fine!" Spike unzipped his jeans with a grin before reaching over to press the release button on Xander's seatbelt. "I cheated. I cheat all the bloody time, Xander. I lie, I steal, I tell bright eyed, chubby-cheeked little urchins that the Santa they just sat on is really some ole perv that will be tossin' off thinking about them later on that night. I kick puppies and I drown kittens." Spike wiggled in his seat, pulling his jeans down a bit. "I spend countless hours dreamin' of killin' people you care about." He pulled his hardening cock out and gave it a fond squeeze. "Now be a good lad, and suck my dick, humm?"

Xander gave into his laughter and didn't stop until Spike reached out and grabbed Xander by the back of his neck and pulled him over and down. Xander's open mouth settled nicely over Spike's cock.

"Mummff."

Spike arched up, pushing his cock deeper into Xander's mouth. "Watch the teeth, pet."

Xander bit him.

Spike snickered, pulling lightly at Xander's hair. "Pet! That's lovely. You know what I like. Speed it up a touch, though, would ya, pet? Traffic an' all." Spike closed his eyes, leaning his head back as Xander's mouth moved over him, urgent and hot. His eyes opened wide when Xander licked at his tightly drawn sac. "Not *too* fast, then, eh?"

*************************************************

Spike was whistling as he pulled the car into Giles' driveway. "Home, pet! An' all in one piece too. Not a bad time we had, huh?"

"So says the vampire that got head on the side of the road. Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you *really* kick puppies?"

"Course not! I *love* puppies!"

"Drown kittens?"

Spike gave the horn two sharp blasts. "Only the ones that scratch me." He grinned at Xander before popping the trunk. "Come on, Xander. Let's go save the slayer." He opened the door and climbed out as Giles' door opened, spilling forth the gang.

"Finally. I was beginning to worry." Giles said, looking at his car. Not at Spike or Xander. "It seems fine, doesn't it? Not a scratch on it." Just a touch of disappointment colored his comment.

"Of course it's fine! I took good care-." Spike paused mid-step and mid-sentence, on his way to the trunk. "What? Not a *scratch*?" Spike turned and made his way to the front of the car. "Well." He gave the front of the car a good look. Not a scratch, not a chip. Not even a wood chip from the Welcome sign. Spike grinned, slapping Giles on his shoulder. "This is a fine motor, Watcher. Give her a chance!"

"Um."

"So you have it?" Buffy asked, Riley trailing behind her.

"Oh! Yes. It's safe, then?" Giles asked.

Spike snickered. "Safe as yer car, Watcher." He cocked his head towards the trunk of the car. "It's in the boot." He walked back to the open trunk that Xander was going through.

"Watch yerself, pet! Don't touch the bleeding bowl!"

"What *is* all that stuff?" Riley asked.

"Presents! For every one but *you*, boy." He looked Riley up and down, before stating, "I don't like you."

"And I'm all broken up about that, Hostile 17."

"Name's Spike, boy."

"Is it?"

"Yes it *is* you-"

"Where's Willow?" Xander asked, moving between Riley and Spike.

"Here I am!" Willow rushed to give Xander a hug. "You're okay?"

Xander hugged her back, smiling at Tara over her shoulder. "I'm fine. Why? Were you worried about me?"

Willow nodded her head in the affirmative motion and said: "Of course I wasn't." She grinned, linking her arm with Tara's. "I knew you could do it." She grinned. "What, *exactly*, did you do?"

Xander puffed up a bit. "I-"

"He threatened people. He shot people. He stole stuff. He rescued me an' the pouf. He-"

"He's lying. He's drunk. Don't listen to him." Xander began. "Hey! We have, along with our exclusive line of slayer saving magic bowls, *presents* for witches!"

"Presents? That's so nice!" Tara said; ignoring the silence the other's had created. She looked around at the others. "What?"

"You *shot* people, Xander?" Riley asked.

Xander shrugged. "No. I shot vampires."

Riley looked at Spike. "Cool."

Spike snickered. "Didn't shoot *me*, Doughboy."

Riley took a step forward. "Well, maybe he should-"

"Maybe we should bring in the item we need and perform the ritual, yes?" Giles cut in, looking at Spike. "Oh, and. . .the, uh, *other* things you mentioned? You do have those, don't you?"

"Yes, Watcher. I've got *your* presents, too."

Giles smiled. "Well. Let's go in, shall we?"

Spike grabbed the bowl and ordered the others to bring in the rest of his stuff. "An' be careful with it, mind you!"

***********************************

Spike placed his burden carelessly on the kitchen counter and headed to the refrigerator. "Got blood, Watcher?" He asked, opening the door and looking inside. "Yes! I'll kill you *quick* once I get the chance, Rupert, old boy." He snatched a pack of blood out and tossed it into the microwave. "My thanks for keeping a well stocked fridge."

Riley came in and dropped a bag. "Hey! Careful with that, ya dolt! That's got presents for the witches!"

Willow giggled. "Did you *really* get presents for us, Spike?"

Spike took his heated bag of blood out and dumped it into one of Giles' favorite coffee mugs and took a sip, before giving Willow a grin. "I did. Books of Spells. *Good* ones." He rifled through the bag and pulled out the leather bound books, handing them to Willow and Tara. "Play nice, ladies. Just keep me out o' them."

"I'd like to take a look at those, before you, um, *do* anything with them." Giles intoned.

"Of course." Willow murmured, flipping through the pages, Giles forgotten before the words left her mouth.

"And more for my favorite Watcher." Spike pulled out more books, pilling them on the kitchen table. "Am I a sweet chipped-vampire, or am I?"

"Spike, you are-." Giles stopped, picking up a book his eyes going wide with wonder. He ran his hand reverently over the cover. "Yes. Spike. This is. . .this is wonderf-."

"Hey!" Buffy demanded, coming into the kitchen with the rest of the bags. "What *is* all this crap?"

"Let me help you with that, Buffster." Xander said, feeling for and finding the bag of wigs. "Just put that stuff down. It's nothing. Well, it's stuff for you're mom, and more for Giles, Willow and Tara. Nothing you need to worry about." He dropped the wig-bag behind him and kicked it into a corner. "I'm just going to go in and. . .um. . . I'm going to go with Willow and Tara."

"Nothing?" Spike yelled at Xander's back. "It's presents! Present's for everyone!"

Buffy gave Spike a skeptical look. "You got me a present, Spike?"

"I got the bloody damn thing that'll save your worthless hide! That not *enough* for you, bint?"

Buffy shrugged, holding back a grin. "I suppose that's as good a present as presents go." She paused. "If that's what you're looking for." She cocked an eyebrow. "Giles?"

Giles looked up from his book. "Yes? What?"

"What's a 'bint'?"

Giles gave her a blank stare. "Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"Bring the bowl into the other room, won't you?"

"Certainly." He picked up the Je'dellian bowl and carried it into the other room, smirking at Buffy and Riley on the way. He gave it a toss, for show.

"Let's get this *done* with, shall we?" Giles muttered, still flipping through the pages of the book Spike had given him.

"Hey!"

Giles glanced up at Buffy's shout. He smiled. "So we may ensure the safety and longevity of our slayer."

Buffy grinned, crossing her arms over her chest and nodding her head. "Better."

"Right then. Places, everyone. Circle." He smiled. "I believe we all, ah, know the drill. Spike, place the bowl in the center, if you will."

"If I must."

"Just do it, Spike." Everyone in unison.

Spike placed the Je'dellian bowl into the center of the prepared circle and the others took their places.

Giles performed the brief ceremony.

There was complete anti-climax.

"That's it then? No thunder? No lightening? No Buffy bursting into flames for even a bleeding second? No orgasm?" Spike spoke up.

Riley stood up, grinning. "All good 'no' things for me!" He pulled Buffy up and hugged her. "I'm thirsty, though. Need a Pepsi. Guys? I got a twelve pack in Giles' fridge. Join me?" He looked around at the others.

"Job well, done." Giles said. "Um, Pepsi for everyone."

Riley smiled, heading for the kitchen. "Be right back."

"So that's it? Really?" Buffy asked. "I'm all safe and sound?" She rolled her eyes at Giles. "As safe as I'll ever be?"

"Yes. Not complicated, but necessary." He smiled. "We are finished. With *this* battle."

"Good! We can go home!" Willow said, picking up her spell books.

"You can't go home with those, Willow."

"And just why not? Spike gave them to *me*!" She smiled at Spike. "Didn't you?"

"I did, pet." Spike stood and grabbed Xander by the arm, pulling him up. "And speaking of going, Xander and I have to be."

"Spike!" Giles said, quickly. "You can stay here."

"No!" Xander said.

"Nope." Spike told the watcher, leading Xander towards the door. "Gotta stay with my little Xander."

"No, but-."

"Hey, what's this?" Riley asked, coming into the room with a tray ofsis sis and the bag of wigs.

Xander stopped. "That's just garbage, Ri. Toss it."

"It's *not*. That's *Buffy's* present!"

"No. It's not."

Riley handed the bag to Buffy. She shook it. She squeezed it. She handed it back to Riley. "Open it, honey."

"No!" Xander began. "Just toss it out! It's-"

"Let's go, luv." Spike opened the door and pulled Xander out. "I'll just be taking Xander home and keeping him."

Riley looked at the door as it closed. He handed the bag back to Buffy. He smiled at her. "*You're* the slayer. *You* open it."

*************************

"Spike, you could have just let sleeping wigs-" Xander began.

"Ewee!!!!!" Buffy yelled, loud enough for Spike and Xander to hear as they walked away from Giles place.

"Tell you what, pet. I enjoyed the slayer's 'eww' so much, I'll give *you* a blow job. How's that?"

Xander tossed his arm across Spike's shoulders. "That's good. I can deal with that."

*****************

"What *are* those?" Buffy demanded.

"Wigs?" Tara replied her tone meek. She perked up a bit and she smiled at the slayer. "Blonde ones. At least he got your color right."

~end~