Lost Memories
folder
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Spike(William)/Willow
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
38
Views:
2,624
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer › Het - Male/Female › Spike(William)/Willow
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
38
Views:
2,624
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, nor do I profit in any way from the writing of this story.
Forgetting
Walk, she just had to keep walking. Well, walking and not looking back, because the looking back? Well, that would definitely not be good. If she looked at him again, she’d go back to him. From the beginning it hadn’t been easy to leave him or allow him leave her, but she’d always comforted herself with thoughts of “next time.” This time though, there would be no tomorrow for them, at least not one that would make walking away this morning worth it. She was trying to remind herself that soon this pain would be gone. That she wouldn’t miss him or love him, but that was just saddening.
By the time she was standing on Buffy’s front porch she was desperate to feel his arms around her again. Frantic to feel the velvety glide of his skin against her own. Her desire to kiss him again, to make love to him again was stronger than it’d ever been. She’d thought the magic withdrawal was painful, but compared to this? Well, just about anything would be better than this.
She closed her door quietly and busied herself setting up for the spell. That itself was a daunting feat considering that she could hardly breathe and was shaking fiercely with the force of her silent sobs. She had to do this quickly, she’d have about an hour afterwards to get every trace of her spell casting put away. Her memories of him would fade one by one over that hour, with the memory of actually casting the spell being the last to go.
The hardest part would be trying not to fight the affects. If she attempted to hold on to any of this it might not work and that was not acceptable. He was in love with her best friend and the love of her life would be here tonight. Yeah, she would just keep telling herself that. Maybe if she repeated a mantra of ‘I love Tara’s’ she could ignore the fact that she’d just left her true love standing in the doorway of his crypt.
She took a few cleansing breaths and lit the contents of the bowl in front of her. She threw a few drops of his blood into the flame and spoke the words that would forever erase her love for him. It was truly anti-climactic, there were no bright lights or thunder claps, only a tiny surge of power and the fire in front of her died.
Immediately that walk home from the magic box started to shift. Slowly he was replaced with nothing but darkness and despair. She rushed to put everything away, trying to concentrate on the task at hand rather than the void that was seeping into her heart.
Once she was satisfied that there was nothing to suggest that she’d just altered her reality, she slipped into a night shirt and returned the trench coat to it’s spot in the back of her closet. She’d left the lingerie with Spike knowing it would confuse her to find it in her draw later.
By the time she crawled under the covers and allowed her tears to fall once again, her memories of last night were starting to fade into visions of her studying and turning in early. She willed herself to release last night from her mind, to allow the fabricated memories to take front and center in her brain. As she started to forget casting a spell that she wasn’t she sure the purpose of, she finally drifted into a fitful sleep.
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Hours later, Willow climbed out of her bed and stretched her aching muscles. Goddess she was tired, why did she even bother with going to bed early? Ever since she’d given up the magic she hadn’t been able to get a good night’s rest. Maybe if Tara were here, maybe if she had someone to hold her and tell her she could do this, maybe if she had someone to love her it would be easier.
Well, hopefully all of that was going to change, Tara had told her yesterday that they needed to talk and she was going to stop by later. Willow was prepared to beg if necessary, anything that would bring her girl home and get them back together like they were supposed to be. The last few weeks had been unbearably lonely. She’d felt recently been feeling like a part of herself was missing and she was sure that winning Tara back over would rectify that.
By the time she was standing on Buffy’s front porch she was desperate to feel his arms around her again. Frantic to feel the velvety glide of his skin against her own. Her desire to kiss him again, to make love to him again was stronger than it’d ever been. She’d thought the magic withdrawal was painful, but compared to this? Well, just about anything would be better than this.
She closed her door quietly and busied herself setting up for the spell. That itself was a daunting feat considering that she could hardly breathe and was shaking fiercely with the force of her silent sobs. She had to do this quickly, she’d have about an hour afterwards to get every trace of her spell casting put away. Her memories of him would fade one by one over that hour, with the memory of actually casting the spell being the last to go.
The hardest part would be trying not to fight the affects. If she attempted to hold on to any of this it might not work and that was not acceptable. He was in love with her best friend and the love of her life would be here tonight. Yeah, she would just keep telling herself that. Maybe if she repeated a mantra of ‘I love Tara’s’ she could ignore the fact that she’d just left her true love standing in the doorway of his crypt.
She took a few cleansing breaths and lit the contents of the bowl in front of her. She threw a few drops of his blood into the flame and spoke the words that would forever erase her love for him. It was truly anti-climactic, there were no bright lights or thunder claps, only a tiny surge of power and the fire in front of her died.
Immediately that walk home from the magic box started to shift. Slowly he was replaced with nothing but darkness and despair. She rushed to put everything away, trying to concentrate on the task at hand rather than the void that was seeping into her heart.
Once she was satisfied that there was nothing to suggest that she’d just altered her reality, she slipped into a night shirt and returned the trench coat to it’s spot in the back of her closet. She’d left the lingerie with Spike knowing it would confuse her to find it in her draw later.
By the time she crawled under the covers and allowed her tears to fall once again, her memories of last night were starting to fade into visions of her studying and turning in early. She willed herself to release last night from her mind, to allow the fabricated memories to take front and center in her brain. As she started to forget casting a spell that she wasn’t she sure the purpose of, she finally drifted into a fitful sleep.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hours later, Willow climbed out of her bed and stretched her aching muscles. Goddess she was tired, why did she even bother with going to bed early? Ever since she’d given up the magic she hadn’t been able to get a good night’s rest. Maybe if Tara were here, maybe if she had someone to hold her and tell her she could do this, maybe if she had someone to love her it would be easier.
Well, hopefully all of that was going to change, Tara had told her yesterday that they needed to talk and she was going to stop by later. Willow was prepared to beg if necessary, anything that would bring her girl home and get them back together like they were supposed to be. The last few weeks had been unbearably lonely. She’d felt recently been feeling like a part of herself was missing and she was sure that winning Tara back over would rectify that.