Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

Xander resisted the urge to chew on his nails or do one of a million other nervous gestures that would give away the fact that he was scared as hell. He tried to take comfort from the fact that Giles was somewhere in the library, putting up books and generally trying to act like he wasn’t there.

Things with Willow were getting better. His biggest problem communicating with her right now was the fact that he’d gotten used to being around Cordy and Spike. He was used to saying whatever remark popped in his head, even if it wasn’t nice or polite. He’d been on the receiving end of one too many Willow-glares in the past three days, and had been scolded twice for not being “nice”.

He wasn’t sure if he was out of step from hanging around with the evil dead, or if Willow was too naive. He had a feeling it was somewhere in between and after the latest round of scolding had promised himself that he’d watch his mouth, around Wills, at least.

That promise was going to be tested now. It was after school and he had finally agreed to meet with Buffy to figure out just what bug had crawled up her ass and died. He didn’t really want to but was at loose ends and had given in to Willow’s pout. Cordelia had a date and Spike was off doing some sort of business deal.

He really didn’t think he wanted to know what kind of business, either.

He could hear the heels of Buffy’s shoes clack in the hall and come to a stop for a moment before she opened the door. This was so not going to be fun. Buffy was wearing pants and a tank top with a heavy, long sleeved shirt over the top. He figured she wanted extra security; gods knew he could use a security blanket.

“Hey, Buff.”

“Hi.”

They just stood there, looking at each other. He wondered what she saw. It was true that he’d changed in the past few months, but wouldn’t he have done that anyway? He was already as tall as Spike, and at the beginning of the summer he’d been slightly shorter. And he’d filled out a bit, from training and fighting.

But when he looked at Buffy she was still mostly the same. Oh, her hair was different, but she still seemed to be operating on the same brain wave. It was weird because in a lot of ways Willow was the same; it was like he was in the fast lane and they were going too slow.

He sighed and figured he’d probably better say something before they started collecting dust. “So, slayed anything interesting lately?”

He couldn’t help but wince at that. God, that was lame.

Buffy, however, jumped at the chance. “Yeah, someone vamped Mr. Rupe, the guy who ran the movie house. It was weird because he’s obviously watched one too many Hammer Films. When I was dusting him he was wearing a tuxedo and an opera cape. How boneheaded is that?”

The laugh Xander gave was genuine. “Please tell me he didn’t give the “I vant to suck your blood!” line. That's too terrible! God, fledges are retarded.” He’d have to make sure Spike heard about that; he’d find it too funny.

“He tried, but I dusted him first. I got tired of hearing the whole virgin blood routine. You’d think he would have given up on that once he couldn’t turn into a bat or something.”

They laughed together and Buffy set her bag down on the table. “So…Willow said it’s the real deal. You doing the whole Friend of Dorothy thing.”

“Yeah, it’s real. I mean, even if I like to check out girls once in a while doesn’t take away from the fact that I like guys better. Besides, as a wise man once told me, I’m worrying more about the person and less about the package it’s wrapped up in.” He grinned as he heard Giles cough quietly in the background. He was probably doing his reserved British version of pride and embarrassment.

“I guess I just don’t get it. You’d be so good with Willow and I know you love her. And you chased me from the moment I showed up last year. What made you change your mind?”

It would be so easy to say it was a sexy, British, undead fiend of the night but he didn’t think Buffy would appreciate that. And while Giles knew about Will, not even Willow knew he was dating yet. He was going to have to break it to Buffy and Willow gently, and then hope like hell they didn’t want to meet him right away.

“I do love Wills, she’s my family. But I don’t love, love her, you know? I can barely stand to think of some other guy kissing her, much less me. God, that’s wiggy! And chasing you, well, I think part of it had to do with me missing Jesse a lot. That and I didn’t really want Angel to have you. I can’t help it; I don’t like him and don’t trust him.”

She flinched at that and her face seemed to close down. “That’s what he said it was, that you were just trying to get my attention away from him. You’re really going to have to stop being jealous of him. Angel has a soul and he loves me. He needs me.”

Xander bit his cheek before saying what he wanted. She didn’t need to know that even vampires without souls could love right now. “Listen, Angel and I are never going to see eye to eye. To me he’s a selfish bastard who looks out for himself first and foremost. For fuck’s sake, Buffy! If I hadn’t come and forced him he wouldn’t even have been there for you when the Master drowned you! But if you love him, I’ll try to shut up, for now at least. I reserve the right to bust his chops if he does any more stupid stuff from here on out.”

“You don’t understand, he thought that there was no way around that prophecy and he couldn’t stand to see me die. He loves me, really.”

Xander sighed. It was like Buffy was wearing blinders where Angel was concerned. He only hoped he wasn’t that dense about Spike but he suspected he was. He wondered why there weren't that many love songs extolling the idiocy of lovers. “If you say so, Buffy, and if he makes you happy, well, that’s good.” He held up a finger and grinned. “But! I reserve the same consideration for the first guy I bring home to you, okay?”

She gave a weak smile and nodded. “Okay, Xan.”

“So are we going to be okay?”

“Yeah, it’ll just take me a while to get used to the idea, you know? I mean, even though I lived in LA I never was around the gay groups that much. You’re, like, my first gay friend.”

“So glad I can be a pioneer!” He said it with a smile and went to give her a hug but she picked up her bag before he had the chance.

“Listen, I gotta go. I promised Angel I’d go by his apartment right after school and I don’t want to make him wait. Tell Giles I’ll come by later before I patrol, okay?”

Without waiting for his answer, she was out the door in a rush. Xander stuck his hands in his pockets and went to go find Giles from whatever stack of books he was hiding behind. He couldn’t help but worry that Buffy wasn’t okay with him still; she had been in a rush to leave. He’d talk to Giles about it and maybe he could back her up on patrol later on.

Still, he had the strange feeling he’d have to keep an eye on Buffy, that she wasn’t saying everything. Xander figured if he was patient enough he’d figure it out, though. It just sucked having to wait.

*****

Spike stepped back from the mess the lump of meat strapped down on the rack was making. He figured maybe Xander was adopted. There was no way his strong, brave boy came from this piece of shit.

Tony Harris had begged constantly for the first day. He’d promised Spike money the vampire knew he didn’t have, women the human could never get, booze and even his wife and child. He wasn’t even awake for fifteen minutes before the scent of his piss and shit filled the warehouse. On the second day the meat’s voice had grown hoarse and, since Spike couldn’t really hear the screams that well any more, he had cut the bastard’s tongue out at the root.

He hadn’t even had time to try out all of his new toys on the meat. He was weak and unable to stand long sessions. Spike admitted to himself that he was getting bored with it all; after ten of fifteen minutes of consciousness the meat would sink into himself again and he just wasn’t any fun.

He looked at the masterpiece of pain that he’d created. While he hadn’t been able to do everything as he’d planned, the meat was a total wreck. He’d started off with the tazers; shocking someone was painful but didn’t lead to blood loss. Instead he’d tried to cook the meat as if he were in a microwave.

Next had come burning. Small, second degree burns that would hurt like hell but not do a lot of damage. The meat had passed out for hours when Spike had held a cigarette to the end of his dick.

The past day and a half it had been floggings. He hadn’t started with the meat’s back but with his legs, in nearly the same places that Xander had scars from his switchings. Dalton had even found a bastinado to use on the meat’s feet and hands and they were now raw and had the consistency of hamburger.

By the time he’d worked his way up to whipping the meat’s back the man was unconscious for most of the time. Spike nodded to himself. It was time.

He walked over to the table and picked up the bucket that had been left there for him. It was a mixture of cold water, salt and rubbing alcohol. He threw it on the mess hanging from the rack and moved to stand in front of it while he waited for the meat to stop sputtering.

“Bet you’ve been wondering why you’re here, mate. Well, it only seems fair to tell you right before you die. Few months ago I met this lad, and despite the fact that he knew what I was he took care of me for a bit. We got to be friends and now, well, now he's my world, just like my Dark Princess used to be. I’d do anything for my boy. Fuck, I’ve already stopped hunting in some of my favorite spots for fear that I’ll eat one of his friends. I’d die for him.”

Spike moved closer and grinned. By this time he was in his true face and he could smell the stink of fear and piss and sweat filling the warehouse. “And I’m killing for him. Xander deserves so much more than you ever gave him, and I intend to be the one to give the world to him.”

With that he raised his arm and the straight razor he held quickly cut through the tendons and arteries in the meat’s neck. Spike jumped back to get out of the quick spray of blood. Normally he’d revel in the hot stickiness of it but the man had been so foul he wasn’t even tempted to taste.

Instead he just stood back, and enjoyed watching as the meat’s heart stopped and the blood stopped gurgling.