Be A Man

After watching Buffy with Dawn and her mother, Spike slipped away into the shadows, making his way back to his penthouse alone after a frustratingly fruitless patrol of the graveyards. Throwing open the front door he was greeted by nothing but a cold reminder of his unlife.

He was a vampire, he wasn’t meant to walk around in the daytime, he wasn’t supposed to be lusting after the Slayer or taking care of said Slayer’s baby sister or even helping out in general. The demon inside of him was screaming out for bloody vengeance on anyone who helped push him to where he was today.

Sinking onto his bed he growled, the bagged blood he’d drunk having done nothing but increase his hunger for a fresh, warm meal. This wasn’t a life. This was a mockery of everything he couldn’t have.

He couldn’t be a vampire, couldn’t be human either. He was stuck halfway in between. A battle between William and the demon raged internally, neither willing to let the other have complete control and finish his strange transition between good and evil.

Waking up early the next morning, Buffy made the effort to get up early and cook breakfast for Dawn and herself. Piling the waffles onto Dawn’s plate she smiled across the table. After listening to her little sister the night before, Buffy had understood her yearning to be part of her life. Realising that after spending all that time with Spike there was no way she could pretend that Dawn didn’t understand anything about monsters, she began to talk about some of the more humorous patrols she could recall.

By the time breakfast was finished and washed up, Spike had arrived to whisk Dawn off as usual. Stamping on the niggly voice in the back of her head that demanded she see the penthouse he had and the changes he'd made she made her way out the door behind the strange duo. Hurrying to keep her date with Riley she watched forlornly as Spike and Dawn headed off to the hospital.

“Hey Buffy” Willow greeted, not looking up from her laptop as the Slayer strolled past into the training room. Waving hello to her Watcher and boyfriend, Buffy began to limber up, skipping the meditation part of her training as she knew she would never be able to clear the worry over her mom from her mind.

Launching into a rhythm against the punch bag, each blow that she delivered was getting harder and harder as thoughts swam around her mind.

Stilling the wildly swinging bag, Buffy crashed to the floor. Rushing to her aid, Riley helped his sobbing girlfriend to the bench seat and wrapped his arms around her small form.

“Are you OK?” He asked softly. Nodding as she fought to compose herself, Buffy pulled away from Riley’s embrace.

“I’ll be fine.” She told him. Although her voice lacked its usual certainty, Riley allowed her to pull away, his heart wrenching as she scrambled to get away. Seeing her desire to be further away, Riley stood to leave, pressing a kiss to Buffy’s lips as he stood.

Watching the soldier leave, Giles turned back to his former charge. It was understandable that she would be emotional and vulnerable at a time like this, he understood that perfectly. What he didn’t understand was why she was pushing everyone away from her. Locking herself inside her grief while the world went on without her.