Remember Me

"Yes, by all means go in there with your fangs bared to rip out the throats of the people Buffy thinks saved her from the monsters she now believes we are. That will definitely win her over and make her NOT want to stake you on the spot. As if they haven't given her reason enough to want to already," Angel said dryly. He was trying not to let Spike's impetuous reaction get to him. Not that Angel didn't feel much the same way, he did, but he also knew that going in there with 'swords drawn' would only cause more damage to their delicate situation-thanks to Quentin Travers.

"Do you feel anything about. . . anything?"

Angel closed his eyes and prayed for patience. He was tired. Physically, emotionally and mentally tired. He wasn't up to an argument with Spike. All he wanted to do was celebrate the small victory that she had been found and that she was, so far, unharmed. The fact that her mind had been played with was not settling well with Angel at all. Then, he wanted to plan what to do next. He was afraid to give into the temptation of flying off the handle in the exact same way Spike wanted to. If he didn't keep a clear head, they could put Buffy in more danger than she already was.

Rubbing his forehead, Angel stood and started for the door. "I'm not having this discussion with you right now, Spike. You know I'm just as worried and upset as you. Unlike you though, I'm not into acting like a raving lunatic and making things worse."

"That's right. I forget. That's Angelus's job ain't it?"

Angel stopped, clenching his fists.

"So, if we want to get Buffy back and not be pussy's about it, should we find a way to rid you of your soul?"

Angel spun around and stood in front of Spike, in his human face, and sneered at him. "Don't. Push. Me. I don't need a soul to beat the shit out of you Spike."

"No, you just need balls. Something you lack without your soul."

"I'm a bastard without my soul, but you're a bastard either way Spike," Angel told him and walked away from his grandchilde. He slammed the door behind him and did something he didn't often do. He went out looking for something to kill.


"So, what am I meeting this guy for?" Buffy asked for the millionth time since Lindsey had whisked her away from Quentin's home. It irked him that she referred to it as 'home' that very morning over breakfast. Home and Quentin did not seem like words that fit in the same sentence.

Lindsey smiled at her impatience and relentlessness. He'd been a bit vague this morning about why they were meeting with Giles. He'd simply told her they were meeting Giles because he was, so far, one of the best Watchers they'd had and since he was now a newly appointed Watcher to her, he wanted the man he admired to meet them. Help them. Help her. But he didn't tell her that part. She would no doubt fling him into the nearest tree. Buffy did not take kindly to hearing she might be flawed in her abilities. She wanted to be the strongest, fastest and smartest 'Slayer'.

"I told you. He's someone I admire as far was Watchers go and I think he could give us some pointers. Aid us in communicating with each other."

Buffy leaned her head back against the seat and sighed. "Why do I even need a Watcher?" She complained on a half moan. At Lindsey's hurt look, she backtracked. "Not that I don't think you're a great guy Linds, I just don't see why I need one. I'm not a real Slayer. I thought all you Watchers were just waiting to train the ever great and powerful Chosen One."

"In case you didn't know it already? You're great and powerful too."

She looked over at him. He was grinning at her.

"Are you flirting with me, Lindsey?"

Her bluntness threw him for a minute. He smirked as he put the car in park. "We're here. And what if I am?"

She jumped out of the car and walked around the car. He watched her as she moved with feline grace. She stopped at his door and leaned over so that she was inches from his face. "I'd say that would be a big mistake," she told him and laughed to herself as she started for Giles'. Lindsey gritted his teeth and followed her.


Giles for his part had been watching since the young Watcher had parked and the girl, known as the extraordinary Buffy climbed out of the car. He smiled sadly as he watched her make her way to his door. She really was quite beautiful. He could see the attraction for Angel, and he mused she must have a big heart to take on the responsibility of helping her fellow civilians out by doing what was not her duty to do. Yes, she had to be something. He made his way to the door, opening it before Buffy could knock.

"Hello. You must be Buffy. I've heard a lot about you," he told her warmly, standing aside to welcome her in.

She looked at him suspiciously and entered, "thanks." Giles took note how she looked over her shoulder to make sure Lindsey was right behind her. So, he'd managed to gain some of her trust already. Not a small feat, especially with what she believed was done to her. If she only knew. And, Giles hoped, she would know soon.

Lindsey, he noticed, had his full attention on Buffy. He saw some irritation in his eyes, as well as some. . . hunger.

"Hi Giles. We're not interrupting anything are we?" Lindsey asked. Such a gentleman, even if he was a bastard.

"No, not at all. I was just about to put some tea on. Would you like some?"

Buffy was busy checking out his place, and gave him a distracted "sure."

Giles excused himself to the kitchen and observed them. He watched as Lindsey joined her across the room as she looked over Giles's vast collection of magic books.

"Wow," he heard her breathe in amazement.

"He's the best when it comes to magic and research. I'm sure if there was anything you needed help on or questions you needed answered, Giles would be the man to help."

"I thought I was supposed to come to you for that?"

Lindsey smiled at her, "you are. I want you to trust Giles as much as you trust me-"

"Who said I trusted you?" She smirked at him.

Lindsey gave her a look, "you've got an attitude."

"Thanks!" She grinned cheekily and Lindsey growled at her.

"Tea is ready," Giles entered and set down the try of tea and cookies. Buffy took a seat by herself, Lindsey stood next to her and Giles sat on the couch. Giles sat back and took them in. She seemed oblivious to the fact that Lindsey was watching every move she made.

"So, tell me about yourself Buffy," Giles started, sitting back on the couch.

She looked at him oddly, her head cocked to the side, "what does my life history have to do with Slaying?"

"A lot actually. How you fight all rests on what you bring to the table. I understand you're not really a Slayer."

"Nope."

Giles waited for her to continue.

"Buffy, Giles is here to help. You can talk to him," Lindsey encouraged her gently.

"Help me do what exactly? It's not like he can turn back time and make everything the way it was."

Oh, but I can make things right again for you Buffy. "No, you're right, I can't. But, I can help you to Slay properly. I can help you figure out what makes you tick when it comes to Slaying. A Slayer who just goes out there because it's her 'duty' and doesn't care one way or another WHY they are doing it will surely get themselves killed."

Buffy stared at Giles, stone-faced. "Do you know what happened to me?" She asked after a long silence.

"I do."

"Then you know my purpose."

"You slayed in your town before correct?"

"Yes, not that it mattered much to anyone."

"What you do is not done for the glory of it, Buffy."

"Don't I know it. I wasn't much in that town. Everyone knew I was a freak, though they didn't know exactly how. I suppose they'd seen enough to know I was different, enough to get rumors started-hell, some of them were even true. Of course I didn't want to let anyone know. I didn't want to be some circus freak. Seems my silence only incriminated me more. I helped the bastards anyway, all the poor useless civilians who couldn't protect themselves."

"Did you have any help?"

"Help?" She snorted, "what's that? I'm unfamiliar with the concept. It was just me out there. And I'd come home to my mother who would wait for me and worry herself sick until I came through the door to have hot cocoa with her before going to bed. No one bothered us, no one cared."

"What did your mother do?"

"She was a waitress. She worked on the outskirts of town."

"Sounds like you were very lonely."

"Very observant, Columbo. What is this about?"

"I want to know you Buffy. Everyone has a story, a unique story. I see you and I see someone in pain, someone who's lost. I want to help you get on the right track. I want to help you live. The attitude you have now will only serve to get you killed."

"The attitude I have now," she shook her head. "You know what happened to me, you do the math. Why am I so angry Mr. Giles? Could it be because those bastards killed my mother in front of me and I was tortured for days by their hand until someone came to rescue me?"

"Sounds like you're not only angry at the vampires. Sounds to me that you're angry at the world."

"Wouldn't you be?"

"I've been where you are Buffy," Giles told her, leaning in closer, his voice deep. "When you're angry at the world it has a way of responding to that, and its answer is not always pleasant."

"I say bring it on then. It's been my experience that it doesn't really matter how I feel about the world. It's going to shit on me no matter what I do."

"Then why bother to defend the world if you hate it so much?"

Her eyes welled up and Giles could see she was fighting the tears back. "Because it's what my mother would want me to do. Satisfied?" She looked up at Lindsey and stood. "I'm ready to go now."

"Buffy-" Lindsey started.

"If you're not going to take me, then I'll call a cab," she told him firmly, angrily.

Lindsey sighed and shook his head. He looked apologetically at Giles as Buffy took off, without so much as a goodbye or a backward glance to Giles.

"I'm sorry, Giles. She's had a rough time. You see what I mean."

Giles nodded, standing up. He felt sick to his stomach. They'd taken the humanity out of her.

"What is it you want for her Lindsey?" Giles asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Quentin's dream Slayer is one without attachments to this world. One without friends and family. He's always wanted an automaton, a cold-blooded, hardened killer to be the Slayer. It appears that in Buffy, you have exactly that. Why do you want to go against your mentor and change her?"

"Because I know that's not who she is inside. It's what he-they-did to her. I don't want her to be cold and unfeeling. It's not the way for a girl like Buffy to live."

"It's the choice she's making for herself."

"It's not-it's not her choice. Her choice was taken from her and I want to give it back to her."

Giles studied the young man in front of him. Guilt. He saw guilt, pain, sadness, regret, and something else. "What are your feelings for Buffy?"

Lindsey let out a short laugh. "Isn't that obvious, Giles? I'm in love with her."

Giles shook his head, "I hate to say this Lindsey, but being in love with her might just be the biggest mistake of your life."

"You think it is. I don't. I can help her, I'll find a way."

"What do you think will help her?"

Lindsey's face took on a look of earnestness and sadness. "The only thing that will save her is. . . finding herself again."

"Truer words have never been spoken."

Spike was having a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that Buffy, his Buffy, hated him. Even when she was furious with him and telling him that he was an asshole, she still loved him. Never wanted to stake him. She'd never come after him with a stake in her hand intent on using it on him. It cut him to the core to think of his girl having it out for him. Not only that, but learning of what they did to her. They made her believe the worst of them. They made her believe that they were what they had once been. Just the idea of it filled Spike with horror and dread. All those things that he had done before he had a soul, all the things that had been weighing down his soul and his heart, all those things that he never wanted Buffy to know about-she now believed it. She saw it. She believed she lived through the torture he could have at one time inflicted. No doubt she wanted to kill him, he would want to kill himself if he had ever done that to her.
The phone ringing brought him out of his musings. He jumped from his chair in their bedroom-although as of late, Angel had taken to sleeping in the living room or study-and darted into the living room. Angel had muttered to him that morning that Giles would be calling after meeting with Buffy and he'd put the former Watcher on speaker so they could both hear him and talk to him.

"Hello," he heard Giles say cordially, however his voice was a tad strained.

"How'd it go Giles?" Angel prompted, perched on the couch with his hands clasped tightly.

"Am I on speaker?"

"Yes, you are. I thought it would be good for Spike to listen in as well."

"Oh, er, hello Spike. I don't believe we've met."

""Ello. Can we bloody get to it now?"

Angel shot him a dirty look.

"Yes, sorry. She just left a few minutes ago," he let out a weary sigh, "I'm sorry to say, but this does not look good."

"Care to elaborate Watcher?" Spike drawled.

"The perfect Slayer that Quentin has always wanted. One devoid of emotions, of caring, of love and well, LIFE, is what he now has succeeded in creating with Buffy."

"She's. . . she's not bubbly? Full of life? No spark?" Angel sputtered.

"None. She's a cold, hard shell. She barely smiles and when she does, it's full of derision. Her sole purpose is to kill without any care for the humans she is protecting."

"Then why does she do it?" Angel asked, perplexed. Spike understood. Buffy always had felt like an outsider, not having much contact with the outside world, but she still felt she had to protect her community. It was what kept her out there every night. Now, she didn't even care? The girl had heart and they'd taken her heart right.

"She says it's for her mother. Because it's what she would have wanted her to do. Angel, Spike, Quentin completely wiped out her memories of Whistler, of the two of you and replaced them instead of a supportive mother-"

"That's not memory, that's the truth," Spike interjected.

"Let him finish Spike," Angel snapped.

"Some of her memories were replaced. Instead of a successful gallery owner, Joyce was a waitress in the outskirts of town. They were lonely, shunned, they only had each other. No one came looking for them when they were. . ."

Angel cleared his throat, "yeah, I think we got it. So, she believes that no one cared aside from her mother until we came along. Then of course Quentin and his sidekick came along and saved her."

"Right. There is something you should know about this sidekick, and it's not good."

"What is it?" Spike growled.

"Lindsey is. . . he's admitted to me that he's in love with her."

Spike started pacing, an animalistic snarl escaping him, his game face firmly on. "That git better not bloody touch her!"

Angel was hunched over, his head in his hands. "Does she care for him?" He asked quietly.

"She cares for him as her Watcher, and as someone who 'saved' her. She trusts him to an extent for I believe the Buffy of now no longer has trust. Lindsey, I can feel from him, has guilt. I saw it in his face, I heard it in his words."

"So, the wanker feels guilt for brainwashing her does he? Wonder how guilty he'll feel when I rip his bleedin' head off!" Spike shouted.

"Tell me what was said," Angel implored softly.

Giles relayed the outbursts that no one, unless they'd known the situation would have caught or possibly understood, would have caught. It hadn't been lost on Giles however, and it wasn't lost on Angel. Spike was hesitant.

"Do you think he is against Quentin?" Angel asked.

"I think it might be possible. Not anything I'm banking on however. He did help abduct her. His love for Buffy could possibly have had some affect on his orders from Quentin. Again though, not something I'm willing to put on the line by asking him for help. It's something that would have to be felt out."

"Or not," Spike interjected. "I mean this man works under Quentin, he abducted her as you said. He doesn't love Buffy, he couldn't love Buffy and do that to her. And even if he believes that he does what's to say that he won't do anything to keep her with him? A man in his position, with his diabolical mind might just decide think he can have his cake and eat it too. He can keep Buffy and try to inject some humanity in her. Then he'll have the girl who will love him and know only him. He wouldn't have to worry about us as a challenge because she wants us dead." Spike sat down on the floor, and banged his head against the wall, "right now, he's her bloody hero. Even if she doesn't show it. What Quentin did was perfect. Perfect for him and perfect for Lindsey."

Silence fell.

"I'm afraid that Spike is right," Giles finally said quietly.

"I know," Angel muttered. "But that's not going to stop us from going over there and not trying our damndest to get our girl back."

Spike looked up at him and let a ghost of a smile flash across his face, "right on."


Buffy was feeling antsy. She listened to Lindsey drone on and on about hunting, fighting, using instinct and all that other stuff that she already knew. He didn't want her out there just yet. Didn't feel that she was ready.

"Buffy, are you listening to me?"

Her gaze snapped from the window, where she was watching the black night. It was calling to her, she wanted to go out there and just. . . just do it.

"I am. And you know what I've decided?"

"What?"

"I've had enough talking. I want to go out there."

"In time Buffy."

"No. Now."

"Buffy, you can't. You're still healing-"

"Forget that. I'm ready. I want to go out there and just do it Linds. I don't want to talk about something I've done a million times before."

"A million times before. . . "

"Before Spike and Angel used me as their toy? I know. Talking about Slaying is just not quite the same as doing it though now is it?"

"How about we spar then?"

She laughed and stood up, stretching her limbs. "Spar? You're no match for me Linds. Sorry."

Lindsey closed his eyes and Buffy knew that meant he was annoyed. "Buffy-"

"I'm going. You can either come with me or not."

"Whose the Watcher here? You or me?" He asked incredulously.

She laughed, "whose the one that's stronger? Who's the one that can stop you where you stand with the flick of my wrist? Are you coming or do I just have to sneak out later on my own?"

"Why do you push me like this? You can be such an insufferable little bitch you know that?"

She laughed at him as she bounced to the door and headed down the stairs to go out. She could hear Lindsey rushing after her a second later.

He grabbed her arm and she practically sent him flying. "Don't. touch. Me." She warned him.

"Buffy, you have to start trusting me."

"Not when you grab me like that. My instinct is to rip your arm out of its socket. If you want me to trust you, then don't grab me like that."

He stood back, hands up in surrender. "Fine. Fair enough. No grabbing. As your Watcher, you need to trust me to tell you when it's time to Slay. Now is not the time, Buffy. You're too fragile-"

"I am NOT fragile," she snapped bitterly. She spun on heel and started for the gate. "I'll show you."

"I know you're strong, Buffy. I didn't mean to insinuate that you were fragile in body. I meant in mind. You've been through a lot."

"Don't psychoanalyze me!" She shouted, putting her hands over her ears as if she couldn't bear to hear anymore. "I don't need any more of your goddamn counseling!"

"Buffy stop, please. Listen to me," he touched her arm gently. This time, she stopped and let him. She opened her eyes that had been firmly shut and she dropped her hands. She stared at him, breathing heavy. She was horrified by her outrageous behavior. Her bottom lip started to tremble and she fought to start the onslaught of tears she had felt bubbling inside her since Giles had made her remember her mother, their depressing life and how she wanted her depressing life back. It had to be better than being alone.

"Buffy, let me hold you. Let me hold you and help you. Please."

She stepped away from Lindsey and took a deep breath, trying hard to squash the scared little girl inside her that was wailing to get out and take refuge in Lindsey's arms. "I just want to go. Can we go now?"

He sighed heavily and hung his head. "Yes, let's go."

They rode into the city in silence. Buffy stared out the window trying her hardest to block out all thoughts. When she thought too much, she felt. She didn't want to feel. She just wanted to fight. Lindsey pulled his car into a near deserted parking lot and she jumped out, stake in her back pocket, ready to go.

"Buffy, let's make sure to take some discretion while you do this all right? We don't need to alert the world. Remember, Slayers are considered a myth."

She darted her predatory gaze on him, "yeah, I know. Could have saved a lot of trouble if I had known they weren't." She looked around her and finally pointed across the street to a club. "Bet that's a good place to start," and she started off. She barely took note of Lindsey's hand lightly touching the small of her back, guiding her. She didn't even think he was aware of what he was doing. The boy was high strung. She wondered if she made him that way or if he was always like that.

"Now I know you don't have the same senses as a Slayer, but we can work on that. Now is as good a time as any."

She turned to him, "I'm not here to work on my senses Lindsey. I'm here to find vampires and kill them."

"You won't be finding them if you don't learn how to sense them."

"You forget that I've been doing this a long time. I'll find them. Don't worry." And she pushed herself into the throng of people, getting swallowed and leaving Lindsey behind. She could hear him calling for her, but she didn't care. She wasn't here to earn any points with him, she could care less what he thought of her fighting. She was there to make a point to herself. That she could still do it. That she could take the most vicious vampire and destroy him, that she was strong and powerful. Making her way through the crowd, she kept her eyes peeled to the crowd, surveying, observing.

She watched a woman giggle coyly and touch the arm of a tall, pale man who was smiling in a confident, easy manner. He had to be a vampire. She stood far enough away to watch, but not too close to draw attention. Standing against pillar, she watched. And waited.

"Buffy, don't you dare leave me like that again!" Lindsey was there now, shouting at her, his face red. She looked at him briefly before flicking her gaze on the pale man that was now leading the woman down a darkened hallway.

"So fucking obvious. Can't they be original?" She muttered to herself and started for them.

"Buffy!"

She turned to Lindsey. "I found one. If you want to come and watch then shut up and watch. Otherwise stay behind. I don't need you ruining a kill for me."

She moved through the crowd stealthily, keeping her eyes focused on her target. Right now, the darkened hallway. The pulse of the music was almost deafening, but Buffy was intent on her target. Moving to the entrance of the hallway, she quietly strode deeper and deeper inside, the only light a shoddy fluorescent light in the ceiling that kept fluttering.

She waited and then heard it. A scream. She ran down and found the vamp with its demon on, the girl cowering and shivering with fright. The vamp snapped its head toward Buffy.

"Help me," the girl whimpered.

Buffy rolled her eyes, "you'd think you'd want someone to give you a little fight. Thought it made the hunt that much sweeter for you,"she said disdainfully. "Guess there's nothing sweeter than being the big strong man taking the weak little girl." She stood with her arms crossed, her stake now in her hand, hidden.

The vamp snarled at her and started for her.

"Be gentle, it's my first time," and quick as a whip, she kicked the vampire against the wall. It stood there stunned for a moment and before it could gather its bearings, Buffy leaned in. "Ashes to ashes. Dust to-" she plunged the stake. "Dust." She turned to the girl who was whimpering with relief.

"Get out of here and don't talk to strange men. Especially PALE strange men," she told the girl disgustedly and strode off. The night was young. She had work to do.