Memory Redux

A/N #1: Thanks to everyone that took the time to vote for my stories in the Spuffy Awards. I know December is a very busy time so I really appreciate your support.

A/N#2: I have had many questions about the sequal to Future Written in Blood. I have started writing it, and Isis is going to write it with me. The plot is so great, and we are both very excited. You’re going to love it.

Chapter 20: Hard Choice

‘Damn it all the way to the hottest of hells!’ Spike mentally cursed up at the Powers That Be. Now he was torn. If he took Beth back to his flat, the male victim would surely be killed. If he went after the vampires, he ran the most serious all risks that something would happen to trigger the rest of Beth’s memories. The inner debate raged until three more crossed to the cemetery, one in front and two dragging a woman between them. He let up on the brake and started moving again, but his mind knew all too well what was going on to the victims in the darkness of the cemetery. ‘I know. I use to live in a bleedin’ graveyard. Hell, I just to do it.’

Inner battle one to zero with saving the innocents’ lives having won. While Beth looked at him, confused by what was going on, he heard Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s voice in his head, ‘Get your dead ass out of the car already and go make some dust.’

“Beth, listen to me. When I leave, you are going to drive my car to the parking lot and wait for me in my flat. I’ll be there before you can put on something naughty.” She started sputtering as he climbed out of the car. Not giving her time to protest, he pleaded. “Beth, please. Get out of here.”

She watched as he turned and ran into the dark cemetery. No way was she staying in the nice, safe, cozy but not-able-to-help-William car. If he was going, she would follow.

Spike caught up with the fang party some ways into the cemetery. The vampires were spread in ain an open area designated for visitors of the cemetery to reflect in peace. Peace? Yeah, right. In the center of the clearing was a tall vamp, obviously the leader, giving orders. His second-in-command was standing close to the pair holding the male victim, who was on his knees. Wanting to keep the element of surprise on his side, Spike crept far enough around the perimeter to avoid detection and made his way toward the three vampires with the man. The plan? Get as many as he can while the imbeciles would still be in shock. When the second-in-command leaned in for a taste, Spike took a running start and made a flying leap on the small group.

As Beth was getting close to the clearing, she could see to her right one man in the center of the clearing and two holding a girl. To the left, she watched Spike moving around in position on the opposite side of the clearing where three men were holding a fourth, who was kneeling down. One of the three was standing a few feet away. She didn’t know what they were intending to do but didn’t care. William thought these guys were dangerous to the man and woman, and that was enough for her. When the third man stepped closer to the male hostage, Beth watched Spike leap on all three men holding the young man. Then her instincts kicked in, slayer instincts. Breaking off a branch off a nearby tree while keeping an eye on the other three vampires, she first targeted the man standing by himself. This tall one took a couple of steps toward Spike, who was busy fighting his own three. Add a fourth? Not going to happen, she thought as she ran up behind the party crasher. She could have taken the time to fight him fair, but why take the chance that Lurch would beet her and Spike might get injuredo sho she quickly staked him in the back, and not waiting for the dust to settle, she was on to the next. The smaller of the two guys holding the woman was proving to be a good fighter.

Moments before, Spike flowed with the momentum of his leap, rolled to his feat, and grabbed the first vamp’s neck before the vampire could do anything other than lay on the ground. Hold. Snap. Dust. The second made it to his feet before Spike attacked. Spin kick, and the vampire was back on the ground and then was staked. The second-in-command had time to recover and made his attack right into the tree branch Spike had just acquired. Three down and three to go. He quickly surveyed the clearing, deciding which vampire posed the greatest threat to the humans. The leader was gone, but instead of being held by the last two vampires, the woman was now huddled with her boyfriend off to the side of the area and both were watching Beth fight the smaller of the last two vampires. The other vamp was making a get away. Spike caught up with him fast, and after taking him out, he raced back to the clearing. Spike told the girl and guy to get the hell out of the area, and then he watched Beth finish off her opponent.

When she was done and turned to him, Spike wondered who he was going to be talking to. Beth or Buffy? If it was Beth, judging her fighting ability and use of the stake in her hand, she was now ninety-five perceuffyuffy. No matter which, she still scared him witless by joining the fight. At the time, he had no idea how well she could fight.

“What the bloody hell do you think you were doing? I told you to take the soddin’ car home.”

“You shouldn’t have left me behind. Those six…” Her eyes got large, and she paced a little before stopping several feet away from him. “Those…guys. They were…freaks. Why didn’t I notice that before now?” Her voice was high and her speech fast from adrenaline.

Even though he had not reverted to hise fae face as the others, Spike winced at her reference of vampires as freaks. Well, they are, but her saying it still pierced his heart.

“And they must have been related because they all had those wrinkly ridgey faces. And when they exploded…” Her voice started to lower in volume and pitch. “…they exploded into a cloud of dust that is now…on my clothes…and…” She looked up at Spike and then down at the ground at the dust of her last victim. “…men don’t do that, do they? They shouldn’t end up as a home for earth worms, should they?”

Spike didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t make the situation worse, dig the hole even deeper. He stayed silent, hoping that the question was rhetorical, and that the subject would drop.

But if that question was bad enough, the next one kept the Indiana Jones sized ball rolling. Beth looked him square in the eyes asked, “Your problem with sunlight isn’t an allergy, is it?”

Definitely not rhetorical this time, but he gave her an indecisive answer. “Sorta.”

She raised an eyebrow and gave him an “I am not putting up with any shit right now” look.

“Well, it sorta is an allergy, but instead of severe sunburns as a result, I…uh…well, I go up in flames like a bloody torch.”

The image of William dying in such a fashion made her sick to her stomach, causing her to take several steadying breaths before she could continue, but continue she did. “Those wrinkly guys we just fought were vampires?”

“Yes.” Spike ran his hand through his hair. Their run as a couple had hit a short final act. The only thing left was to see the drama through.

Beth had so wanted him to have said that she was crazy, that there were no such thing as vampires. The movement of his hand caught her eye. Stepping closer she grasped his hand for several moments before placing her other hand on his chest. “Your hand…You’re cold to the touch. I always believed that it had to do with poor circulation. But it’s not poor circulation; it’s no circulation. Your heart doesn’t beat, does it?”

“No.”

“God, how did I miss that?” Letting go of him, Beth stepped back and looked beseechingly up at the heavens as if asking for help. “No heart beat. That would mean you are dead?” This question was tentative and soft, wanting to get a no for an answer, wanting another explanation. She glanced back at him.

“Yes.”

The pause was long, anr vor voice even softer than before. “You’re a vampire?”

He didn’t want to answer because he thought that it would open up the flood gates of her memories wide open. Water had already been escaping, but he instinctually knew that the water would be free. Buffy’s memories would be free. Nonetheless, he wouldn’t lie to her. He wouldn’t lie to Beth, and he wouldn’t lie to Buffy. So the only thing left was to confirm her accusation. One word. “Yes”

Beth started pacing, gathering steam with every step. “So you drink blood?”

“Yes.”

“Where?”

“I store it in a hidden refrigerator in the library.”

She paced some more before stopping, leaving a good distance between them. “Refrigeration. Now I get it. How convenient for a vampire to live above a funeral home, or do you feed, kill, and then drop the bodies off at the funeral home before heading upstairs?”

“Kill? You know this. I haven’t killed a human in four years.” From what she was asking and saying, Spike was surprised that she still didn’t remember everything. She still didn’t remember him. How can that be? She was easily talking about vampires now. Bloody hell, he was a vampire that had even been intimate with her, and she didn’t remember him?

“But you use to kill…eat people. A lot of people.”

He noticed that she was no longer asking. She no longer needed confirmations. So here it was. Now she was solely delving into her own mind for answers to her questions. Now she was remembering a specific vampire, him. “Yes, I killed for over a hundred years.”

“How old are you?”

“I’m one hundred twenty-five. I was turned in 1880.”

Beth paused. Spike could see her eyes darting around unseeing, just thinking, until they focused back on him. “And the name William, you don’t go by William. That’s your 1880 name…You go by…” She tilted her head. “…Spike. And that Angel guy called you Spike, but at the time, I didn’t know what he meant. That night I thought of a spike as a pointy piece of metal, not a name.”

Spike made no comment. He just let her continue, but he did feel a little satisfaction that she still didn’t remember Angel.

“And me. I don’t go by Beth. It’s…Buffy. My nickname for Elizabeth is Buffy.” Slowly shaking her head, she looked at him. “But not you, you usually called me ‘Slayer.’…because…That’s what I was…am. I’m a vampire slayer.”

She wrapped her arms around her body while tears started streaming down her face. “Spike, why didn’t you tell me? I always depended on you for the truth whether I wanted to hear it or not. Why?”

He wanted to hold her, wanted to wrap his arms her and hold her until all was better. To talk until all was right again. But no. No way would Buffy want to be held right now. And yes, Buffy instead of Beth. Spike could tell Beth was gone. “I made a promise to the Powers That Be to do nothing to jeopardize your future.”

“So you let me believe that I didn’t know you? You might as well have lied to me.”

“I had to had had no choice. The choice was yours. Know that I’m sorry, luv.”

“Love? Love? You took advantage of my memory loss to get close to me.”

Unable to take anymore, she turned, intending to run but stumbled. He caught and steadied her. Not unexpectedly, Buffy violently jerked away. “No, get away from me.”

Her fist connected with his chin as she slung her arm around, dislodging his hand. He took it, and he took the sight of her running away. He took the sounds of her sobs as they grew fainter with distance. Numb to the core of his being, Spike walked to his car. He thought about all the times over the years he had seen her running away as he climbed into the driver’s seat and stared sightlessly out of the window. He consciously chose to sit in har oar over driving back to his flat and chancing seeing Buffy drive away, seeing her run away from him a second time in one night.

Spike took an unnecessary breath and slowly blew it out. As far as worst case scenarios go, this definitely was the bleedin’ worst. All Buffy’s memories returned to her. She had lost her wish thanks to him. She blamed him. Any trust from before the fight with the First Evil was gone. The most painful of her words was that he had taken advantage of her, the one thing he had tried hardest not to do.

All was lost, and all he had to do now was wait for his punishment. A crushing punishment he knew he deserved. Until the sentence was carried out, he knew he would again keep his memories of Buffy and now Beth close to his heart, reliving every moment until they will surely be yanked away from his arms when Whistler paid him another call.


*****

Buffy got into her car. Well, what she hoped was her car because she couldn’t see through her tears enough to see the steering wheel, which was only an inch in front of her face.

“Going for a drive?”

Buffy jerked around to see Whistler sitting in her passenger seat, smirking. “Yeah. Anywhere away from here.”

“You seem a little…ah…angry.” Whistler’s smirk grew.

Buffy’s tears stopped, and her voice was as sarcastic as his had been calm. “Ya think?” Buffy rolled her eyes. “It’s Spike. No shock there.”

Sitting quietly, Whistler waited for her to continue. The wait wasn’t long.

“He ruined everything. My whole life. I finally had my normal life. I loved my normal life, and he shot it all to hell.”

“Ok. You loved your life as Beth, right?”

“Duh.” Buffy started up the car and drove to nowhere in particular.

Whistler flinched when she almost hit a mailbox. “Watch it. Geez. Ok, back to the subject. And as a part of this life, Beth loved William, right?”

Buffy frowned over the question. “Uh…yeah.”

“And William was and is Spike?”

“You know he is.” Now her temper was back.

“And you, not the slayer but the woman, are Beth.” He didn’t give her the chance to argue that point. “Did you love him over the last months?”

“As Beth, you know I did.” Buffy gripped the steering wheel so tight that she could hear a warning crack, and she let up so she would still have something to steer with.

Watching her attempt to relax, Whistler knew he had her hooked. Now it was time to start reeling her in. “And you love him today, both earlier and during the last hour?”

The air in the car practically sparked with tension as Beth hesitated. “Beth did, but I…I shouldn’t.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Whistler close his eyes. She began to squirm while waiting for him to open them again. “Buffy, don’t waste my time. I asked an honest question, and I expect an honest answer.”

When her tears began leaking out again, Buffy pulled over and parked on the side of the road. “I did as Beth, and…and I do as Buffy.” For a few minutes, Buffy thought about William and of Spike, the man and vampire together, and as both, he loved her. And she had done the same as Beth and as Buffy. She thought back to Spike. “I’ve really screwed things up.”

‘Ah, the fish is at the boat, and I just need to land it.’ Whistler blew out a breath. “Not beyond repair. Haven’t you figured it out by now? You can’t believe how many people look for their true love unsuccessfully, and you were lucky enough to find him – twice. You did that, and you ran away twice here in Sacramento and dozens of times in Sunnydale.” Taking in her pensive look, he paused to let her think things through. “Since remembering your life as a slayer, do you remember making your wish?”

Buffy brushed aside her tears. “Sure. To have a normal life.”

“Do you know what Spike wished?” Knowing that she had never even thought of this so far, he frowned as she shook her head. “You may not realize this, but your wish meant that all those connected to you had to have their memories changed to fit your new life or memories of you wiped from their minds altogether. In other words, for those people it would be as if you had never met. As for Spike’s wish, his was simple. All he wished for was to keep his memories of you. Even the Powers That Be werrprirprised. But with his simple wish came a not so simple warning. I warned him not to do anything to remind you of your previous life. The PTB had made that a clear boundary. No contact, not even to see you from afar. And he agreed, satisfied that if you were happy, he would be determined not to do anything that might jeopardize your new life. And you know what, Miss I’m-The-Center-Of-The-Universe and He-Ruined-My-Life? He didn’t. Not one slip up. He moved here and never went close to Sunnydale.” At her look of disbelief, he shook his head. “Don’t even act like you can’t believe he did that. You knew he would do anything for you. He went against his demon’s nature and got a soul for you, didn’t he? Keeping your wish safe was easy for him.”

Sheepishly, Buffy bit her lower lip as she looked over at Whistler. “Wake up and smell the devotion, right?”

“A big cuppa java. You came up to him in the mall, you insisted on coffee, you hunted down his phone number, you called him the first time, you kissed him first, and you seduced him the first time. So, Spike didn’t break the rules. You did. He even tried to stop you, but every time, you insisted on being with him. In fact, after seeing Dawn, he was scared for you and was going to break it off tonight with you to protect your memories.”

Time for his exit, Whistler thought. Always leave them thinking. Whistler knew he had done his job as he watched a tear roll down her face. She wasn’t just feeling just for herself anymore. “Anyway, kid, fate has a way of returning us to the original path but never the exact same path. Good news is that your mom will still live and all you friends will still be alive. And the slayer part? Yes, you are still a slayer, but the Powers That Be are leaving it up to you to decide what you want to do about slaying. But while you are sitting here having your boo hoo, ask yourself if you want to give up the happiness that you had before those vamps crossed your path tonight. So, I will wish you good luck, but I think you have always had it. It is just a matter of recognizing when it is working for you.” Whistler opened the door and stepped out. But before he shut the door, he couldn’t resist and leaned back in. “And by the way, you might want to know what Spike’s punishment will be. He loses his wish of remembering you. Your memory is back through contact with him, so his memory of you is forfeited.”

This hit Buffy like a flying kick. “What? I’m Buffy again, and Buffy and Spike know each other.”

“I told you that fate’s new path will be close to the same but not exact. That’s one of the not exacts. You two will have never eac each other. You won’t remember him after this conversation, and Spike will be like he was eight years ago, just with no Sunnydale on his map. Of course, that loony vampiress might pick up on the change in reality, but the Powers That Be are willing to take the chance.” There, that should do it. Whistler tried to hide his smile.

Buffy’s eyes closed to slits. “You mean Drusilla? You are going to give Spike back to that insane ho-bitch?”

Whistler just nodded as he watched her anger soared supersonic.

“Not if I can help it. I need to have a sit down with these Powers That Be. Be, is, was, whatever. I need to see them.” When Whistler didn’t react fast enough for her, she grabbed hold of his coat and dragged him back into the car. Then she used her best slayer voicitchitched low but leaving no doubt that she was lethal. “NOW.”

TBC