It's An Adventure

"Run over the sign! Run it over!" Spike shouted, bouncing in his seat. "*Smash* it!"

"No." Xander calmly drove past the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign, hands at ten and twelve o'clock.

"You little shit! You *wanker*! This isn't yer bloody driver's test ya know! You're *driving* the car! You have responsibilities!"

"Like making sure I have gas and signaling before a turn?"

"Like runnin' over that bleedin' sign! As the *driver*, you can do stuff, Xander. *Fun* stuff! You *bloody* *little* *shit*!" Spike crossed his arms across his chest. "That's one o' my *things* ya know! It's a *tradition*." Spike turned to look at the back of the still standing welcome sign. He felt a pang. Right where his heart used to beat. He rubbed his chest and turned to sit forward again. He looked at Xander. "Do you care *nothing* for me Xander? I'm at a bad place in my unlife, Xander. You *know* this. Little things, Xander. That's all I have, pet. Just the *little* things. Like the sign." He paused, looking at Xander. A seemingly uncaring Xander. "I don't mean a bloody damn thing to you, do I?" He sniffed.

"Didn't we do this already?"

"But the *sign*!"

"Yeah. The sign. I *work*, Spike. I pay taxes. It's *my* money that goes to *fix* that fucking sign!"

"Well, hell. Put this baby in reverse, run it over, and *I'll* pay you back, you big money grubbin' *baby*!"

"Um. . . that's a thought from one who *has* no money. But *no*. Not gonna do it." Xander flashed a grin at Spike. "Sorry. Nope."

"You're such a big *man*, all driving the car and stuff aren't you Xanderpet? I'm gonna *fuck* you into a whimpering *mass*, Xander."

"Promises, promises . . ." Xander sang as he drove.

"Oh *yes* I am-Ooo. . . Stop here! Pull in!"

"What? *Here*?" Xander glanced at the glaring neon sign. "No way! What are you *crazy*? This place is *evil*. *Way* evil!" Xander put his foot to the gas and speed past.

"What? You wouldn't run over the Welcome to Sunnydale sign for me, and now you are attempting to keep me out of *WalMart*? Are you some demon spawn from hell no one has seen fit to warn me about? Or you've been possessed? Yes?" Spike leaned close to Xander and sniffed. Xander giggled. "Something has possessed you? Xander? Can you hear me, Xander?"

"Ha, ha, very funny,Spike."

Spike moved back, sinking into his seat. "I am *not* playing, luv. Or what*ever* you may be." Spike leaned in again, sniffing and licking at Xander's neck. "Smells like Xander. Tastes like Xander. Xander? Take me to WalMart this instance!"

"No! WalMart is *evil*." Xander continued to drive away from WalMart without a second glance.

"*Really*? Possessed? Innocent ole WalMart? How's it possessed, then, pretty one?"

"The place is just evil, okay? *Evil*!"

""How can you be so sure? Just what kind of evil? I thought I knew *most* evil. . ."

"*WalMart* possesses the type of EVIL, my uninformed-dead-*non*-shopping-friend, that *sucks* you in and *keeps* you in! Oh! You *think* you only need some laundry detergent. Ha! But it turns out you need fabric softener too! And a *ball* to go with it! Ha! That's not the end of it! Oh, no. You need some underwear? Turns out you need three new C.D's *and* a few new *videos* as well!" Xander shook his head. "The evil money-sucking *never* stops! Once you're in? You don't get *out*! Not for under a hundred bucks at least, anyway, my friend. It's evil. It's *criminal*." Xander shook his head again. "They outta outlaw that place."

"Really? All that? I just want a gift box for the slayers' wigs."

"A gift box for the slayers wigs?" Xander snickered, amused.

"Yes. Just that." Spike smiled at Xander, all cheekbones and teeth. "And I bet you a blowjob I can come out of there with only a gift box. Just the one."

Xander gave a sharp, illegal turn and headed to the WalMart parking lot. "You need *way* more than just a gift box, Spike." Xander smirked, parking.

Spike unfastened his seatbelt and shot a superior look at Xander. "No I don't." Spike opened the door and paused on the way out. "I do, however, require, *cash*." He smiled at Xander and held out his hand. "Gimmie some money, baby."

Xander snickered and reached into his front pants pocket, pulling out a thick wad of cash.

Spike cocked an eyebrow. "Lot o' scratch ya got there, pet."

"Yeah. Angel had a stash under all his hairbrushes. I, uh, *liberated* some o' these poor ignored hundreds." Xander gave a sweet look. "Cash has feelings *too*! Shame to just leave money lying around like that. All uncared for. . ."

"Bloody klepto."

Xander smiled at Spike. "*Thief* damn you! I was fully *aware* of my *stealing* this money!" Xander smiled and pulled off five bills. "Here." He handed the money to Spike.

Spike snatched the money and pocketed it. "Don't you have something smaller? I just want a gift box." Spike asked, money deeply pocketed.

Xander grinned. "Nope. That's part of the evilness of WalMart. If you *have* the money, you will *spend* the money. My dare to you is that you walk into WalMart, buy the gift-box, nothing else, and come out, with only a gift box in hand."

"That's it? Go into the store, buy what I want and come out? And I get a blowjob? That easy? That sweet?"

"Yep. That easy. That sweet. Go."

"Are you gonna follow me?"

"Nope." Xander parked the car and turned up the music. "I'll just want to see the receipt."

"That's it?"

"Yep. That's it. Go forth and be one with the evil that is WalMart."

"Fine." Spike left the car and headed inside.

Xander waited ten minuets and then headed towards the exit, hiding behind a Pepsi machine. He had a Pepsi as he waited for Spike. It wasn't long before he heard an accented voice mumbling about the evils of WalMart. He popped out and confronted Spike.

Spike of many bags.

"So!" He yelled. "What's in the bag?" He smirked. "Or should I say 'bagS'?"

Spike jumped. "You said you wouldn't follow me!"

Xander grinned. "I lied. What's in the bags? Seems like a lot for just a *giftbox*."

Spike grinned. Caught. And loving it. "I bought all kinds of stuff! You were right! I needed stuff I didn't know I needed. Like the new "Family Values Tour CD! Didn't even know they *had* a new one! Bought the old one too! Hehe. And I bought some new ice trays. . . yours are getting so's you can't even get ice outta them! And, I got-

"Seem's you lost the bet, eh?" Xander grinned.

"Yep. You owe me a blowjob. I *couldn't* just get the one thing."

Xander couldn't help but laugh. "That *wasn't* the bet! *You* owe *me* a blowjob."

"Are you *daft*? I wouldn't agree to such a bet! That *wasn't* the bet, pet. Now! My blow job, now or later? I'll leave that up to you."

"You said-"

"*I* said," Spike began, cutting him off. "I'll bet you a blow job I can get just the one thing. And I *couldn't*. You were right. So I get a blow job!"

"And if you *could* have gotten one thing?"

"Well, then I'd have been *right*, and you would get to *blow* me. Are you *slow* Xander? I used to think so, but then I changed me mind, but now I'm wondering again." Spike shook his head and began walking to the car, leaving Xander to muddle through the bet semantics.

"Spike!" Xander shouted.

"Yeah, pet?" Spike asked, still walking.

"I don't like you!"

"Yeah, but a deal's a deal an' a wager's a wager." Spike turned, walking backwards as he smiled at Xander. "An' I'll be wantin' me blowjob, pretty pet." He gave a grin and turned back around, making his way to the car and into the driver's seat.

"What makes you think I'm going to give you the keys?" Xander asked him, once he too, reached the car.

"Time." Spike smiled at him.

Xander glanced at his watch. "Time? Seems to me, time is more on *my* side. *I* don't fear the sun. I got plenty of time."

"Do'ya think so? *I* don't fear the death o' the slayer. Who's the one with the time, then, pet? You wanna wait till sun up? Wait till I have to crawl, all smokin' and whimpering' into the boot?"

Xander pulled the keys out of his pocket and looked at them. "We probably have lots of time left."

"Probably. All most certainly, really."

Xander walked to the passenger door, grumbling beneath his breath all the while, and climbed in, slamming the door shut. He fastened his seat belt and glared at Spike. "Do you *see* why no one likes you, Spike?" He asked the vampire while handing over the keys.

Spike took the keys and leaned over to buss Xander on the lips. He started the car and pealed out of the parking lot. "Yep! Cause I'm the Big Bad and everyone is jealous!" He smiled at Xander while passing a car in a no passing lane. "Aren't you glad we're fucking, pet?"

"Oh, yes. The joy."

"Oh, shit! Wrong way!" Spike threw out his arm, holding Xander in place. "Hold on, pet." With that, Spike cut a sharp U-turn and speed down the road.

"What? What wrong way? We weren't going the wrong way!"

Spike leaned over the steering wheel and floored the gas pedal. He turned to leer at Xander, licking his lips. "You know, pet. You know."

"Yeah." Xander sighed.

Spike laughed maniacally and Xander braced him self as Giles' trooper Honda crashed into the Welcome to Sunnydale sign, smashing it into smithereens. Spike pulled on the brake and turned the wheel, spinning the car around so it was once again facing the way home.

"Now. Wasn't that *fun* pet? That was fun! You can't tell me that wasn't fun!"

"Can we go home now, Spike?"

Spike revved the engine. "Yep. Let's go save us a slayer, with all our junk." Spike turned up the radio, and speed toward Giles's place. "Oh, and get me a blowjob! Let us not forget my blowjob."

"Yes. Your blowjob. Oh. The joy."

*****