Becoming Me

Since I left you with a merciless cliffhanger:

Previously…
The vampire began to open the door, and Lilia grinned up in expectance. But when she saw a ridged forehead on a vampire who was way taller and way fatter than Amber, she screamed as loud as she could.

“Thanks for invitin’ me, brat,” spat Val as she pulled the small child up into her arms, ignoring a woman’s shouts coming from a few rooms away. She clapped a strong hand over the young girl’s mouth. “And for fuck’s sake, shut up.”

And now on with the story!

24: CHOICES

Amber had made it halfway down the final block when she heard the scream. It was a piercing, terror-filled cry, the kind that expressed a feeling that was ageless and genderless and simply human. Despite her being a frequent and ferocious killer, Amber was sure the sound made her blood run cold. She broke into a run.

The door to the House was open. Why is it open? It shouldn’t be open. No one but me goes in there, Amber told herself as she hurried up the steps. Suddenly the sweet smell of blood washed over her, and her appetite was suddenly resurrected. Then she saw the body of Lilia’s mother, lying in the doorway to the kitchen. She heard the clatter of the CDs dropping to the floor.

“Lilia?” Amber called, leaping over the corpse and running desperately towards the kitchen. She heard Val scream, “You fucking brat! I’ll bite you back, you bitch!” Lilia was darting out of Val’s snatching hands, her wrinkle-less face screwed up in terror. Amber paused in the doorway, catching her breath and regaining her cool.

“Val,” she acknowledged coldly once her voice had grown calm. “What the fuck are you doin’ in my house?”

“Oh…” giggled Val cruelly, “I was invited.”

Lilia paled visibly and bit her lip. Fearfully, the small girl explained, “Amber, I thought she was – “

“Shut up,” Amber spat, and turned back to Val. “Val – honey – I really don’t appreciate dissention in the ranks,” she said casually as she opened the utensil drawer and located the hidden stakes. She’d made Lilia’s mother keep stakes in every room, just as a precaution. Fat lot of use they did, Amber thought angrily as she grabbed a stake and twirled it in her fingers.

Val leaned tantalizingly close to Amber, and mimicked the other vamp, saying, “But Amber – honey – it’s not dissention. It’s mutiny. Me an’ the girls are thinkin’, maybe you’ve gone…” she trailed her fingers down between Amber’s breasts and ended by poking Amber’s bare patch of stomach, “Soft.”

Amber growled in frustration.

“Now to be honest, I’m kinda upset. I mean, y’mean a lot to me, Amber. I really like ya. So I hope y’can, ya know, prove we’re not losin’ ya. All you’ve gotta do is kill the niña. She’s gettin’ in the way of the gang, Amber. All us sistahs, we’re s’posed to be equal, like ya said. But you’re the only one who gets to in the House. But now, everyone’s waitin’ to come upstairs. Just like we deserved to do at the beginning.

“I really hope ya can do it. I mean, you’re on the road to being one kick ass vamp. I mean, you’re fucking creative with your torture and killin’ an’ everything. Just, ya know, you’re so human. Ya just have to pick between human an’…Your life is over, Amber. You’ve gotta choose to live in the now.”

Amber frowned, the stake drooping in her hand. Lilia whimpered from where she was cornered, trapped between the washing machine, the cabinet, Val, and Amber.

Val smiled sweetly at Amber, golden eyes glinting. “Just make a choice…”

* * * * *
“Spike…” the blonde vamp looked down at the woman nuzzling into his shoulder. “I’ve been so happy since you returned…You’re my golden…Spike.” He smiled awkwardly; he was still getting used to brown hair instead of blonde, insane ramblings instead of Buffy’s inane, girly chatter.

Spike was quite proud of what he’d done. He had not let the bloody Slayer get the better of him. And now that he was back with Dru, things started to make a lot more sense. He realized how ridiculous it was to think he was in love with Buffy. Drusilla completed him. He was always content in her presence. Better yet, she respected his violent and bloodthirsty tendencies, instead of preaching sanctimonious, moralistic Slayer bullshit.

That last thought made Spike laugh out loud. A vampire a Slayer, in love! Just the idea was hilarious!

“My love,” Drusilla moaned, “You taste like ashes. Are you thinking of her?”

Spike growled and covered her lips with his own, feeling like nothing had ever felt better or simpler, he’d never felt so lustful and yet so uninhibited. “I’m thinking of you, baby,” he whispered in her ear.

* * * * *

“That was so brave, Buffy. Most people?” Wil raised her eyebrows in awe. “We’d have needed a few days before facing Giles. But not Buffy the Vampire Slayer!”

“But Wil…” Buffy protested, “I evaded questions! I – I lied by omission! I am a coward.”

Willow stared incredulously at her friend. “Buff, you did great. I do have a question, though. You’re back now, and everyone’s happy – even you, as far as I can tell – but just a day or two ago you were coming out all against coming back home. What made you change your mind?”

Buffy’s gaze drifted over the peaks of Sunnydale’s roofs.

She felt distant and disconnected from the noise and the cars and the modern world. Instead her soul longed to soar in the summer wind and fly until the air grew cool and the lively noises set beyond the horizon.

“I don’t know,” she said at last, her voice small and solitary. “I don’t know.”

* * * * *

Val’s words echoed in Amber’s ears. “Just make a choice…”

Amber approached the corner where Lilia cowered, and reached out for the girl’s wrist. Val smiled encouragingly, ready to welcome Amber into a new life. The purple-haired vampire looked back at Lilia, realizing that in front of her stood her last tie to her old life. Just one snap of a small neck and the world of vampires, of predators and prey, would rush up to greet her. With just one snap, she would be free, and her old world would be gone.

Lilia’s wide, pained eyes were a reminder of what it had once felt like to love and be loved. They were a tangible window into something that was unattainable, that Amber realized was gone forever.

Amber could shut those eyes. It would be so easy to kill Lilia. Then the rest of the gang and all the minions could rush up the basement stairs and surge into the house, which would no longer belong to the vestiges of a happy family. It would belong to a new family. The Revolver family.

Lilia’s family had been ripped from her, and it made Amber imagine how angry Lilia’s sister – if Lilia were to have sister – would be if vampires came in and destroyed the family even more. Amber barely had to imagine, barely had to remember, she only had to look at Lilia’s trusting face…

Amber pulled on Lilia’s wrist and roughly threw her across the room, away from the vampires and towards the door, and turned to face Val. Amber didn’t have time to look back and check that Lilia wasn’t hurt, to make sure that the small child had gotten back on her feet and begun to run. Val pounced, pinning Amber ruthlessly to the floor, and Amber struggled, for a moment helpless beneath the larger and stronger girl. She let go of her mind and it began to race, wondering if she’d done the right thing, if she could have done any better, if Lilia was alright and if she’d die in a few minutes anyway and the entire thing would be futile…

“Amber,” Val cried, distressed, “You’re fucking breaking my heart! Snap out of it!” Amber felt hysterical, weakly kicking and wriggling. Then furiously, she bit into Val’s shoulder and ripped two bloody gashes through the muscle. “YOU MOTHERFUCKING WHORE!” Val screamed in agony, and used one hand to grasp at the gaping wound. Amber kneed her assailant in the stomach, freeing herself and crawled across the tile to where the stake lay on the ground. Val twisted, watching, ready to protect herself, but Amber jumped and managed to land in the middle of Val’s back and used all of her emotion to plunge the stake deep inside Val’s chest. A few seconds later, Amber was kneeling on the kitchen floor in a pile of dust.

Amber heard rattling on the basement door. Suddenly, she realized that if Lilia had gone outside, she would be an easy target for the rest of the gang. In a few minutes, the vampires might realize Lilia had gone outside, and Amber would have a hell of a time making sure there wasn’t a Revolver waiting to jump out on Lilia or herself from the shadows. She knew she needed to destroy the gang as quickly as possible.

Amber rifled through the cabinets until she found a box of matches, and wildly began striking them, breaking most of them and watching the small red heads fall to the ground. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she exclaimed under her breath until she finally lit one. She ran into a room with a carpet and dropped the lighted match down into the shag. She lit two more matches and waited a few seconds to see that the rug was burning, and then scrambled out through a window. Once outside, she found the gas pressure gauge and turned the pressure as high up as she could, hoping the pipes would burst and feed the flame.

She stood still for a few seconds and then hurried off to the front of the house to check on Lilia. When she came around the corner, Amber was greeted by an empty front lawn. She sniffed around, but found no traces of Lilia. The girl could not have gone outside. Cursing some more, Amber ran up the front steps once more and into the house.

She could smell smoke and the pungent smell of gas. The smoke detectors were beeping and the air seemed cloudly. “Lilia?” she called loudly. “Lilia, where the fuck are you?”

Amber heard a noise, and then Lilia emerged from the fireplace, covered head to toe in black soot. “I climbed up the chimmy,” she confided, apparently pleased with herself.

“That was fucking stupid,” assessed Amber, rolling her eyes. She scooped Lilia up in her arms and made her way to the door. Halfway out of the burning house Lilia struggled and pointed to the floor.

“Discos!” she exclaimed, and when her feet hit the floor she began scooping up the CDs. Amber picked up the others and grabbed Lilia once more, feeling the heat of the fire fanning their backs.

“You need lessons on having brains, Lilia. A life or death situation and you stop to fucking pick up CDs!” Lilia giggled at what she felt was a superb joke and allowed the vampire to run with her out of the house and down the street.

The girls saw a fire truck speed past. “He’s going to my house,” Lilia told Amber knowledgeably.

“You don’t have a house anymore.”

“Neither do you.”

Amber set Lilia down more roughly than necessary and walked a little bit ahead of the girl, arms crossed over her chest.

“But it’s okay. We still have a home.” Lilia waited, but continued when she was met with silence. “I mean, we have each other. And I feel at home with you – ”

Amber whirled around and glared down menacingly at Lilia. “Listen, brat. I saved your life because I don’t support heartless murder of innocent babies. Not because I have fuzzy, family feelin’s for ya. You aren’t my home. I don’t have a home. Now I’m stuck with ya cos I saved your sorry ass, but I need ya to quit with the touchy feely shit, aright? Unless you’ve got somethin’ important to say, like ya took a piss in your pants, then please do me a favor an’ just shut up, aright?”

Lilia swallowed and nodded her head, and Amber continued walking. After a while she got the slightly disconcerting impression that Lilia was sobbing silently, but then Amber found the bus station and was able to occupy herself with planning which bus to take.

They had no where to go. Neither of them had family or friends.

But then, maybe they had allies. Amber remembered that Buffy (such an awful name, really), the new Slayer, and realized that since she had grudgingly switched sides when she saved a kid’s life, a Slayer might help her out. Especially a Slayer who was already pals with a vampire. Amber hated the idea of working with a Slayer, Buffy in particular, and what she really wanted to do was torture Buffy in a million creative ways and murder her in a million more to get her back for her fucking carelessness, but Amber didn’t believe she had a choice.

She’d heard that Buffy was the Sunnydale Slayer, and the LA – Sunnydale bus departed in about twenty minutes.

A week ago, I never woulda believed I’d be babysittin’ a kid and takin’ a bus to Sunnydale. Still I hardly believe it.

But then again, a month or two ago, I never woulda thought I’d be a vamp, like in the movies. I never woulda thought that she…Faith…would…

Amber felt a weight on her upper arm. Looking down, she saw Lilia’s dark-haired head, leaning against the pillow of Amber’s bicep. “Lilia, move it,” Amber commanded, but Lilia didn’t stir. Amber sighed and returned her gaze to the flashing marquees and lights, and the few people who were getting on and off buses, going places and meeting people and moving through their lives.

Ok, how did you like it? Review and let me know. And on another note, I realize that I have quite a few typos in my stories and I'm looking for a beta reader or something, someone who has a solid proofreading ability and would like to help me out. I tried the yahoogroups at the top but it didn't work, so if any of you would like to/know someone to beta, please tell me! I sometimes go back and edit my work, but when I already have trouble making updates as frequent as I'd like, taking writing time to edit seems like a dangerous plan. Anyway, review and stay tuned for the next chapter!