Pain Power Passion

‘Willow Thoughts’

Scene: The morning after Lover’s Walk

The sun is shining, birds are singing. The warmth comes through Willow’s french doors and hit the bed, making the yellow bedspread glow.  All seems right with the world. You’d never guess the hell that the small girl asleep in the bed went through yesterday. She sleeps so peacefully, a small smile on her lips. Se is so innocent looking, with exquisite features and glorious, flame-colored hair. The sun plays with the color, some strands more orange, some more auburn. When Willow wakes up the morning after being kidnapped, there’s an envelope on the floor just inside her balcony door. She examines the cream-colored parchment paper and old-fashioned black writing. Just "Willow" written on the front. Curious, but wary - you have to be wary living on the Hellmouth - she opens it and reads:

You don’t know who you are yet. Who you can be.
But I do, I’ve known since the first time I saw you.
I belong to you. When you’re ready, you’ll belong to me.
You’re worth the wait.

There is so signature.

‘Who? Not Xander. Oz? It doesn’t sound like him.’

"You don’t know who you are yet. Who you can be," she recites as she rereads the note.

‘Yes, I do,’ she thinks. ‘I know who . I are... I are – I am… computer girl, and research girl, and homework girl. I get straight A’s. I’m Buffy and Xander’s best friend. I’m…Who am I? Who can I be?’  she wonders. Is there something about herself that she doesn’t know? Good? Evil?

"But I do, I’ve known since the first time I saw you," she recites again.

‘Xander was five when he first saw me and I was crying about a yellow crayon. He had no idea who I was going be. And Oz, when did he first see me? In school I guess, but he still doesn’t really know me yet. Who…?’

"I belong to you."

‘Someone belongs to me? Does that mean I’m responsible for them? Like a puppy? I like puppies.’  Why does her mind always wander off on these tangents? That’s one thing already about herself that she doesn’t know.

"When you’re ready, you’ll belong to me."

‘I don’t even want to try to figure that one out.’

"You’re worth the wait."

‘I am, I am worth the wait! Aren’t I? I don’t know. But why wait? Wait for what? Why not now? Am I worth the wait? Let’s wait and see. Let’s not. Huh? Now I’m confused. Now I’m confused? Face it, girl,  you were confused way before now.’

She turns the note over and looks at the blank other side. And then turns it over again. She looks at the envelope, but there are no clues there, either.

‘Who is this from? No signature, I don’t recognize the handwriting. I guess I’ll have to wait, and I’m worth the wait.’  She giggles.

Willow takes the card and carefully slides it back into the envelope. She opens her closet and pulls a wood box with an engraved top off of the shelf. As she traces the carved willow tree with her fingers, she remembers buying this box with money she had saved up from birthdays, chores, and holidays. Opening it, she pulls everything out. The pictures of her and Xander. A picture of Xander and Jesse. The pictures of her, Buffy and Xander. The Polaroid she had taken of Giles when no one was looking. The first A she ever got in every class she ever took. A wedding picture of her parents. A letter from a pen pal in Kansas that she wrote to in 5th grade. A ribbon that she had worn in her hair in a cousin’s wedding when she was 6. Lots of things she wants to keep forever. She lays the parchment envelope in the bottom of the box and replaces the other items. Places it back on the shelf and closes the closet door. She leans back against the closet door and spends a moment reveling in the fact that she has a secret admirer.

‘Who’d a thunk it? Me, geeky Willow Rosenberg, I have a secret admirer.’

‘I belong to you.’ Willow smiles and gets dressed.

‘I’ll wait…’