Coming Together

Fred jumped in the darkness as the sound of knocking brought her out of her revive. She lay on her bed, back flat against the mattress and head resting upon the pillows. She was still fully dressed in her day clothes but she hoped it wasn’t Angel on the other side of the door. Fred had often contemplated on just how good Angel’s nose really was. For instance, if it were he standing outside her door right now then would he be able to smell her arousal from there? She wasn’t sure, but she hoped that whoever was outside wasn’t Angel.

“Fred, its Angel. Are you okay?”

She never did have the best luck.

“I’m-m Fahne Angel,” her accent was always more pronounced when she was nervous or excited, “I’m just laying down.”
There was silence on the other end of the door.

“Can I come in?”

Shoot! Fred cursed mentally, not daring to make a peep out loud less Angel actually hear her, why did he want to come in? He was going to be able to smell that she was aroused for sure. Then again, he couldn’t possibly know she was thinking about him…not that it made it any less embarrassing. She ought to let him in though, she knew that much. Hadn’t she been secretly dreaming of another moment alone with him ever since their alleyway kiss? Thoughts of the kiss flooded Fred’s memory and she didn’t need any more convincing. She got up and walked the short distance from her bed to the door, and turned the knob.

Fred could have dropped dead from embarrassment at the goofy smile that involuntarily placed itself across her face.

“Hi Angel.”

They had just slaughtered their own messiah and Connor was still missing and Cordelia was in a coma unable to be woken up by any means they knew of…and yet for him she smiled.

“Hi Fred.”

They stood starring at each other with Fred blocking the entrance to her room with her body. Angel finally caved and with a raise of his brow in a question he asked, “Can I come in?”

“Of course!”

“Thanks. I don’t want to be alone right now. Gunn and Wes are out trying to do damage control.”

Fred was alone in her room with Angel, who had just confessed to her that he didn’t want to be alone. Fred was about to start hyperventilating…. She needed Pi.

“3.14159265…”

“Fred?”

Fred gasped a little bit. Why was she so nervous? This was Angel for crepes sake.

She gulped away her nervousness and looked Angel in the face.

“Angel…

She wanted to ask him about the kiss, she wanted to ask him about how he felt, was that selfish of her? In a time like this? Was it wrong for her to want to know what ideas were floating around in his head? Once upon a time he had read her thoughts right off of a wall….literally. Why was it so hard to read his?
As Angel’s face studied her imploringly she chose a safer route of questioning.

“Where’s Lorne?”

Angel seemed as taken aback as she was to have the question come out.

“He’s checking on some connections to see if we can find Cordelia’s body.”

At the mention of Cordelia’s name Angel’s face became even more crestfallen.

He sighed, paced the length of the room before falling into one of the chairs near the bed.

“Oh Angel, we’ll find her don’t worry.”

“What if we don’t? What if she isn’t even on this plain anymore? What if Jasmine hid her somewhere?”

Fred pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose as she contemplated this.

“No…no I don’t think she used any portals. Portals take a lot of energy and leave…a kind of…. Residue sorta. Besides I don’t think Connor would allow for Jasmine to do that.”

Angel rested his hands on the arms of the chair and threw his head back against the head rest. He faced his eyes up towards the ceiling and blew air nosily out through his mouth.

“Connor.”

That single word said volumes. Fred’s mind wondered over to her least favorite subject, so much pain and trouble over one person. He had been so foolish, to sleep with Cordelia…. Though who didn’t want to sleep with Cordelia? Hell, Angel even wanted too. Fred knew that much, he wanted her in a way he’d never want Fred. Her shoulders slumped and a glimmer of pain seated itself onto her face.

Angel seemed to pick up on this.

“Fred don’t worry…we’ll find them.”

She forced a dollop of false cheer across her face and winged a smile.

“Right.”

For a while Angel and Fred sat there just enjoying one another’s company. Angel didn’t feel like talking but he didn’t want to face the emptiness of the silence and solitude that his own room held for him. Fred knew plenty about that- there is nothing more empty than a barren cave after all.

Fred’s thoughts raced and for lack of a place to look, other than ogling Angel, Fred’s eyes fell on her abandoned bed. She was so tired, so weak. She wanted to lie down and forget the whole mess of the world they lived in, she wanted Angel to scoop her up and hold her through the night and tell her everything was going to be okay. The words of another came back to whisper in her mind, they echoed there taunting her.

‘I hear you at night, in your room with Gunn.’

Angelus’ words; she thought about them and felt a shiver run down her spine, did Angel really touch himself to the sound of her voice? Fred didn’t think for a moment that Angel was attracted to her, or wanted her, not the way he wanted Cordelia or that other girl, Willow’s friend. Angel was so alone though, he never received any physical compassion or felt the touch of another. He never got to be comforted, not like that. Fred wanted so desperately to give him that, if only he would accept it from her.

Imagine someone so strong like him, being so alone and so desperate that the sounds of two other people could make you touch yourself…and knowing it was all you could ever have. Fred’s heart ached for him.

Angel was lost to this world. He was swimming in a pool of his own thoughts blessedly oblivious to the world around him.
When Fred had first returned from Pylea he would go to her. He would seek her out in the late hours of the night. At first Angel would go only in the hour right before dawn, in case things became too uncomfortable he had an excuse to fall back on, that he had to leave to sleep for the day. He would hear Fred doodling on the walls, no matter what time it was, he would hear the distinct sound of market scratching against the plaster and since no one else was around the Hyperion Hotel at 5am what other choice did he have?

He would find her, and sit with her, much like he was doing now. Nothing would ever happen, sometimes they would talk and sometimes they would just sit there. Sometimes he would even lay down in her bed…for some reason Fred had a calming smell and it relaxed him. Angel attributed this mostly to their time spent together in Pylea but he was soothed by her presence.

Those were happy times…as close as he had gotten to happiness in a long while.

The ghost of a smile that had beginning to form on his face fell to the floor like an unwanted garment. What right did he have to ask for comfort? How could he come in here and ask her to sooth him again? After the terrible things he had done and said to her.

Unwanted images flooded his mind and he was helpless to stop them.

Angel remembered how he shoved the gun under her chin, after Fred had shot him…saved him again. He remembered the kiss; he remembered how he wasn’t ready to pull away yet. He remembered his time as Angelus. The things he said…. The things he had wanted to do.

~~FLASHBACK~~

“If I were a Runic transcription guide, I would be... shelved wrong.”

Angelus stood in the doorway watching her. God he wanted her, she was so innocent, even when the dark one would manipulate her body and she would beg for it, she still was the picture of innocence. Angelus wanted to strip her of that, make her his, maybe even change her.

“Talking to yourself, Fred? A lot of that going around.”

She jumped and the smell of her fresh scent spiking, rising up into the air with fear made the hunger in Angelus deepen. He wanted to take her, to torture her. Deep inside Angelus felt the dismay of Angel wanting to get out, wanting to save his friend. It gave him all the more satisfaction to feel how much hurting this girl would hurt Angel.

“You can't hurt me. We did a no-demon-violence thingy.”

“Oh, the sanctuary spell. Shucks. Oh, wait a minute. I think I” Angelus pulled out a golden charm, “Oh, yeah, kinda thought you pesky P.I.'s would be humming that old tune, so I picked up a little something'-something'... let's me be as demony as I wanna be”

“I don't believe you.”

Angel remembered the satisfaction Angelus got as he slammed her up against the wall. The sheer pleasure of it, being so close to her body, feeling her against him.

“How 'bout now?”

“What do you want?”

As Angelus bore down upon her he could feel Angel squirming inside of him. He was proud of Fred in that moment. She didn’t cry or whimper, girls stronger than her had succumb to Angelus after far less, and here was Fred, his Fred standing strong and facing Angelus without flinching.

“Maybe I just miss you. Well, since you brought it up, let's talk Beastmaster. Whaddaya got?”

Angelus wanted her, wanted to have just one night alone with her to shatter every pure piece of her.

“Nothing.”

“Come on, Fred. All this raw material. Brainiac like you. You must have a theory.”

“If I did, you're the last person I'd tell.”

Such defiance! In that moment Angelus pictured the best form of torture for Fred… fire he thought. Candle wax to tease and then the actual flame, burn her and bleed her. They could go for hours, until she broke. Until she gave up any information she possessed freely and willingly. Too bad that god damned anti- violence spell was still up. He’d have to pay a little visit to the Furies.

“Well, all right then. I guess I'll figure it out myself, huh? Let's see. I'll take these. And this. Thanks for nothing.”

“I do know one thing. You're out of your league. What you're up against? He'll make you its bitch just like the Beast. So, if you're gonna kill me, get it over with.”

So much more courage than any of them ever gave her credit for. Her eyes fell upon the charm.

“Made in China?”

Fred had grabbed a vase in that moment and struck it against Angelus’ head. Angel had never been more proud of her…although admittedly her aim could use some work. She had chased after him and had missed him not once, but three times.

Angel recalled her chasing after him shooting Lorne instead.

“Lorne!”

The second shot he blocked with the book

“Can't beat a good book. Too bad. I was just starting to have fun.
“Why stop now?”

“Connor!”

Fred cried out as his mangled body hit the floor of the Hyperion Hotel. Angel realized his son was indeed part demon.

“Well, isn't that interesting. Nice try, Fred. You think about how close you came to stopping me when I'm slaughtering all your friends.”

Angel knew she hadn’t realized it at the time but he had said that because she was going to have plenty of time to think it over. To remember how close they came as he escaped, because Angelus was already planning on abducting Fred. He was already planning out in his mind how he would break her and have his way with her 100 times over.

~~END FLASHBACK~~

What right did Angel have to ask her comfort after all he had done to her?
Angel felt two distinctive eyes watching him and turned his eyes over to Fred who had a unreadable expression on her face.