You Always Hurt The One You Love

She couldnt keep giving in. Not to him...of all people. This was weakness, this was foolish. This was everything she knew, and was trained not to fall into under ANY circumstances. But why was it so easy, to let go, to give in...to him...? Nothing was easy, but the world was simpler when it started and ended with him. When he was above and below and inside her, in her heart and in her soul buried deep inside where noone else could see. She wanted to destroy him for making her feel the way she did. She wanted to commend him for opening her up and leaving her raw and whole and fully and completely who she was, inside and out. She had no right to feel this way, and he had no right to make her feel this way.

Was it shame she felt because of him? His stupid feelings for her wrapped up in cocky banter, his soulless form swearing he could love? Or was the shame in her, that she couldnt admit he was right, that she wasnt strong enough to let herself be whole anywhere other than in the cold embrace of death? Her friends would turn against her if they knew. She knew all of this. She knew she could never tell. It made this exciting, it made this pure agony. That she could hide in his shadow, to shelter herself in the pure darkness that she breathed in everytime she was close, and yet she never felt more trapped in darkness than in the company of the ones who were supposed to be her friends.

She pulled herself out of bed, out of his arms. He wasnt sleeping, but he stared off into space, not even attemtping a protest as he did most nights. He knew her mind, he could sense it, knew that tonight was not a night to pull her back into his bed, back beneath the warmth of him that was so inviting. She pulled on her clothes without a word, much of them torn nearly beyond recognition. Each night she wondered more and more how she could continue to hide her secret from Dawn, from Tara and Willow. How could she explain away the nailmarks on her back, the mussed hair, smeared makeup and the tattered clothing? There was a limit to the amount of damage her typical night runs could be blamed for. But they believed her because they wanted to, and not one would spare a thought to where she had really been.

She pulled the door open without a sound, the wind whipping her hair around her head. The candles stirred, but not a one went out, and from there light she could see his eyes, glistening and feral like a predator in the night, but it was she who was tearing him asunder, and she knew it. She closed her eyes, and shut the door behind her, leaning back against it with a new wave of defeat.

She needed to stop, but she was addicted...to him.



"A slayer coming out of a crypt? Normally i wouldnt be surprised, but those werent moans of pain i heard, were they?" She looked up, raising her eyes to a new vamp, freshly pulled from his grave and smirking at her with that all knowing glint in his eye. "Somebody is treading on very dangerous ground."



"The only one on dangerous ground is you." She managed to choke out, pulling the stake from the back pocket of what was once her favorite pair of jeans, but which were now at best a ruin of their former selves. She heard him chuckle.



"I'm not sure i'd mind if you had taught me a lesson, ive been a very bad boy." He laughed again, and she saw that she wasnt intimidating him in the least. "Although im not exactly sure if you're my type."



She swung at him, a rash move which he avoided quickly and smoothly with that otherworldly power the living dead so possessed.



"Feisty one, arent you? You must be a lot of fun. No wonder he likes you, Slayer." His grin was spreading wider with each passing moment, seeing her emotions flash over her face like lightning revealing her innermost secrets. "Is he your pet, or are you his?"



She was quickly regaining her composure, so when she kicked he didnt see it coming. There was the sudden sickening thud of her boot connecting with his not so human skull and he flew back, cracking through a headstone and leaving it in pieces under him.



"Not in a joking mood?" He jested, rubbing the back of his head as he pulled himself to his feet clumsily.



"Not in a talking one." She raised one eyebrow in a challenge, then went for him again, her fist catching his jaw as he kicked her backward into another headstone. She jumped up, on her feet before he reached her and punched again, kicking his side as he attempted to grab her.



"Are you sure?" He laughed and she kicked the nearest headstone causing it to shatter. The smirk left his face and she found it reappearing on her own.



She lunged, spinning a boot into his shoulder and throwing him down. He flew up with inhuman speed and threw a blow to the side of her head, sending her reeling. She recovered in an instant, that same heartbeat echoing the blood of a slayer througg her veins. She kicked again, knocking him back and pounced forward, tackling him to the ground and staking him with a flash.



She felt that familiar burst of wind as he turned to ash and melted away in the breeze.



'Is he your pet or are you his?' she heard the dust catch in the air and mutte the words over and over again to her weary brain. She couldnt keep giving in. Not to him. Not to anyone.



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A/N: ugh im not really sure where im going with this story. Well i guess its more that i know where im going im just not sure how to get there. Anyways i know its not a very detailed chapter and kind of short, promise new ones will cover more and start moving the story ahead, just hope you like and plz review! Thanks for reading^^*