Someone Old Someone Blue

Well here's the second part....

Chapter 4


“US tax payers money again huh luv?”


“A big comfie uh huh.” Two hours from British airspace and the Slayer and the vampire had retired to the jets rear cabin. Finding here that the seats were a lot bigger and more reclining Buffy and Spike were now sharing a double. “Well I think for all that world and country saveage I’ve done for them they owe me a little indulgence.”


“Not a wrong sentiment at all pet, and why the bloody hell do I never get stuff off the Brits.”


“Play your cards right in future and who knows, times are changed, we’re working with the likes of MI5 and MI6 a lot more these days and they’ve had a few well behaved though not souled vamps on the payroll for years.”


“Yeah I know the type, voluntary blood bankers, don’t want to risk gettin’ staked by trying to hunt an such so they get jobs with government. Who after all always need people offed or snarled at in cellars at some point no matter how democratic they are. Workin’ for ‘umans is something I’d never even think of doing, well cept that one really desperate time when I was on me arse and those guys wanted shot of Jimmy Ho.....” Spike realized he had all of his dirty linen on show. “No I’ve never been willing to work for humans for money, bad business, shouldn’t be done by anyone with any self respect.”


“So if the Watchers Council offered you’d say no, that’s cool by me as the budget is a little stretched these days.“ Buffy snuggled resting her head on Spikes shoulder. “So are there any other ways in which we could recompense you?”


“Oh you know, steady supply of blood, nice digs, you workin’ the debt off with your incredibly cute bod. That plus the warm glow that I get from doin’ good. These things would be enough recompense for me Kitten they can keep their filthy monetary reward!” Spike wasn’t sure if nobility suited him that much. **And should I have mentioned beer specifically?**


“Your so noble, you could have had a twenty five K retainer plus a nice room at HQ and in Italy and my cute bod. That’s the standard amount for advisors, well obviously the my cute bod isn’t part of the standard package because that would be wrong.”


“I’m not really a reliable salary drawing kind of guy luv, more of a free spirit.” Buffy snuggled harder her left hand starting to drift down his chest and across his stomach towards the fastenings of his jeans. “Not that I’m not going to stick around for good and ever you understand. Well I suppose if you really want to you can put me on the books, how many freelancers ‘ave you got?”


“A few demons of the right sort, there’s still a lot of prejudice and not much live and let live sentiment at the Council regarding demons.” Buttons were being unbuttoned then Buffy squeezed her hand inside. “Oh hullo, But no the surviving old fuddy-duddies are just having to put up with the new order. Because en-masse Slayers not so easy to push around as one girl in all the world. Is it ok if I bring this out to play?”


“Mi cock, su cock.” The cabin door was locked and Illyria was nicely tucked away in pretending to slumber land in the main cabin. “You did have to put up with far to much shit from those blokes pre crucimentum and afterwards. Bet their not loving having to put up with you runnin' stuff, and I’m enjoyin' that too luv but aren’t you tired after last night and this morning?”


“Strength and get up and go and libido of ten women, so I'm so not tired at all lover.” Buffy sat up and started to try to unbutton her jacket one handed unwilling to let go of her prize. “So vampire of mine ever joined the mile high club?”


Spike gallantly began to help Buffy out of her obviously constricting clothes. “No, I’ve only flown twice before and both times it was with Captain Forehead, so the moment wasn’t exactly right. You?”


“Always been on terra firma.” Spike quickly had the jacket off and started working on the blouse beneath. “Just unbutton that Spike it’s a front clasp bra underneath.”


“So it is,” the vampire unfastened that too and slipped a hand beneath the silk of the blouse too gently stroke Buffy’s breasts. “So been planning this then. Get me all alone on a luxurious plane and take advantage at altitude?”


“Who me, as if I’d do that, be that bold and wanton. And oh that’s nice.” Buffy got up off the vampire and unfastened her trousers letting them drop to reveal a commando state. “So I reckon that either I should bend over the arm of the chair, or kneel on it if you can get up that high or I kneel or lie on your coat?”


“The coats one of the ones I got from Italy so I’m not that attached, yeah kitten kneel away, but let me just do something first.”


“Oh Spike come on we don’t have that long.....” She began before Spike sank to his knees in front of her. “Or maybe we have long enough.”


“We always ‘ave long enough for me to get your motor running properly pet.” Spike could smell how aroused Buffy was already and see moisture glistening on her sex. But heightened libido or not and no matter how little arousing his lover needed a gentleman still shouldn’t just plunge in. “I’d really like to take a complete tour of your erogenous zones but your right no time, so at least let me eat you out Buffy.”


“Oh....” She feigned reluctance badly. “.....ok.” One hand dropped to her groin the fore and index fingers opening the lips of her sex for him. The other went to the back of his neck as he leaned in pulling him forward hard as his long tongue snaked inside her. It had been too long since someone who didn’t need to breath had gone down on her, she’d realized that fact the night before, a repeat performance so soon was too good an opportunity to miss. **Gods the Immortal was nothing on this.** “Oh Spike that’s so good.”


******************************************


Fully dressed and looking once more like a fashion plate Buffy strolled arm in arm with Spike across the small stretch of tarmac separating her plane from an out of the way hanger at RAF Brize Norton. There were a dozen armed and bemused looking members of the RAF regiment patrolling the area round the building. Illyria followed after the couple looking very Fred like. Hesitant and unsure of her new surroundings there was nothing of the monarch about her. She watched in fact for traps and snares that might pull her back into oblivion.


The Slayer led the way in through a side door Spike following a little warily himself. Buffy had refused to say who’d be in the reception committee.


There was a banner; someone had actually made a banner for him. ‘WELCOME BACK SPIKE!’


“Hi everyone how are you all doing?” What more could a bloke say.


Dawn smiling coming over and hugging him, the niblet very defiantly full grown now and fun to be hugged by. Then Willow with another hug, just a background smile from Kennedy. Then Faith with a handshake and a slap on the back that nearly rearranged his shoulder blades, Robin a nod of an ok you saved the world so I won’t stake you kind. Handshakes and warm greetings from Xander and Giles.


“Spike its so wonderful that your back among us again all tried and tested like......”


“Alright Andrew there’s no need to hug me that bloody hard.”


And here was another familiar face. “Bloody hell mate what are you doing here?”


“Long story my old companero.” Lorne answered. “I tried not being a hero for a while but its not easy to get out when your in. So when I heard Miss Saves the world a lot needed an empath I figured the green guy had better drift here. I don’t fight I just listen to people sing. Good to see you back Spike you’ve been out there on your own too long.”


“That’s good mate, its good to see another bloke from the LA days still out there helpin’ the cause. And it’s good to see all these other friends as well I’ve missed all you blokes.” He saw Lorne’s red eyes widen as Illyria walked in. “Yes I know.”


“Still with the blue bird huh. Gods that’s a sight that takes me back to all the horrible reasons why I quit.”


“I know exactly what you mean Lorne and it can be a right rough one on the old heart strings


“So?” Buffy whispered to Giles. “Cliffnotes of what you’ve found out?”


“Dangerous, but not in need of immediate slaying.” Giles realized that he didn’t even know how sensitive Illyria’s hearing was. “Best just quietly introduce her around.....oh dear look over there.”


“Hi my names Xander Harris.” The one eyed carpenter moved fast when there was a new girl on the scene. “And I’m so glad to meet you.”


Illyria hesitated for a second but then answered. “Hi I’m Winifred Burkle.”


*****************************************


The reception committee at the airfield wasn’t the main event Spike quickly learned. There was to be a reception at Watcher HQ later, that sounded a lot less interesting than a party. But he was assured there was a bar with beer. They broke up into groups to travel there in the vehicles parked outside, Buffy making sure that despite misgivings Illyria was separated off to travel with Xander in Willow’s car, the carpenter had developed immediate rapport with the new demon fem.


Buffy, Spike, Dawn and Lorne were being driven back in a Range Rover by Giles. “So now we’re on our ownsomes what’s the full sit rep Giles?”


“Well Dawn’s done most of the book work on this one.” Giles voice was filled with pride in his best trainee Watcher. “So I’ll let her tell you.”


“Its bad for the most part, immortal Hell King or Queen the genders a little shaky, should be in the Deeper Well but isn’t, would seem to be massively motivated to try to take over the world, ha ha!” Dawn noted that nobody else was seeing any kind of funny side so after a inward sigh went on. “However behaviour whilst under Spike’s supervision speaks of a person who, whilst having the wish to use violence and doing a lot of it, does seem to have the intent to channel it to good. I can’t help but come to the conclusion that the Fred factor may have altered Illyria a little, caused her to decide evils wrong. But still we need to watch her like that proverbial hawk.”


“Ok that’s pretty much my take as well.” Buffy had no immediate plans for violence against Illyria therefore. “Lorne would you be able to read her. Give us any kind of definite answers on her intentions.”


“Sugar plum Illyria is more than capable of fooling a bit player like me, so even if she showed me a rosy hearts and flowers future I couldn’t 100% guarantee it would actually be there. And what she might show me might melt my brain, anyway she knows what I do so how can I casually ask her to warble without raising suspicion?”


“Oh god I suppose its going to have to be karaoke again.” Giles almost groaned.


“Hey Giles baby there’s no need to rain on my musical parade, especially not when you got a sweet voice like yours.” Lorne had fond memories of a recent Giles performance of the time warp. “But Fred was always a wallflower, and I see Illyria copying what she’d do and declining to get up.”


“No need to get her read Kitten.” Spike protested out of loyalty if nothing else. “I know her well enough from the time I’ve spent fightin’ with ‘er. She’s always been true to me even if she can be a right royal pain in the balls.”


“Alright Spike we understand your views on the matter, I’m quite prepared to take a stance of just keeping her under observation.” Giles concluded, as Illyria was by all account a potentially very strong ally in their fight. “I was sorry to have heard that Wesley and Gunn were both killed as well the night Angel died. They were both champions for good, Wesley really came through in the end.”


“He came through along time before the end, did the Council bloody proud ‘e did, bloody good men both, Gunn was a ‘ell of a fighter though I think ‘e got suckered in by Wolfram & Hart more than the rest for a while. But he made up for that in the last days.” Illyria’s estimate of how long Gunn would last in the fight had been five minutes under, but numerous wounds had felled him just after Angel was killed leaving the duo fighting back to back. “So how come you blokes are all back together then last I ‘eard you was scattered to the four corners of the world?”


“Nearing apocalypse, we decided we needed a tough central group of heroes.” Buffy smiled across the car at him. “Which of course is one of the reason’s I came looking for you to join us. Vi and a group of thirty slayers have the Cleveland Hellmouth under control but we still have hotspots the world over. And we have one hundred Slayers based here to fly out at a moments notice so things are not desperate. But I still think at a time like this it’s best to have the big guns assembled in case it really hits the fan.”


“Bloody good idea, though not comforting to know we’re quite that close to the edge.” Spike was however now thinking on a less important topic. “So Xander, is he dating?”


“No not to my knowledge.” Buffy could see the way Spike was thinking. “Oh and there’s a new demon fem in town.”


“He wouldn’t do that again surely?” Her sister asked concern sounding in her voice. “And from what I’ve heard about Illyria she’s not even going to consider getting involved with him is she?”


“Dunno niblet she has been known to ‘ave ‘ad some interest in blokes from time to time since Wesley died.” Spike shrugged. “Guess even former all powerful hell Queens get lonely.”


****************************


Willow was driving the vehicle behind Giles’s; Kennedy was sat beside her with the concern making Xander and Illyria in the back. The witch could scarcely believe how well the two of them seemed to be getting along. **Jeeze he moves fast whenever someone like this comes along, Alexander Harris will you never learn?**


“So you are the might sorceress who altered the ancient prophecy of the Slayers?” Illyria suddenly addressed her. “Saving the world from the First Evil.”


“Yes that’s me.” Willow tried as usual to brush her part in it aside but wasn’t sure anymore if she was succeeding. “It wasn’t all my idea casting it, in fact if it weren’t for Buffy finding the scythe and pushing me along with it then nothing would have happened. And she led the battle that kept the Hellmouth closed.”


Kennedy was about to but in with a yes but what hope in hell would Buffy have had without you but caught a warning glance from Willow. The message seemed to be obvious sedition in the circumstances not good. The slayer clamed up for once despite herself.


“Oh I see not really anything to do with your power at all then.” Illyria shrugged if that was the way that the Wiccan wanted it so be it. But it proved that whilst the First might be a remarkable liar always there was an edge of truth in its claims. Humans never ever saw the transition to Immortality coming; Illyria had not felt power like the intense aura of Willow Rosenberg since she had walked among the old ones. Bain was nothing compared to this beautiful red head. **I’m travelling in a car that’s being driven by someone who may well soon become a God. And I’m the only one who knows her it seems who see’s it!**


There was no point pursuing the matter so she turned back to her male audience. “So Xander what do you do for this cause?”


“Oh carpentry, building work on the side with all these Slayers now there’s need for extra housing and assault courses all the time. We have an old disused airbase in Kent with a green light to throw up whatever we need.” Post his return from Africa Xander had found himself running a major reconstruction programme for the Council. “Not just barrack blocks either, we have firing ranges and guard towers for the perimeter to stop anyone from walking in with a bomb. Plus I sometimes still go out into the field every now and then but Buffy has this whole blindside issue about me these days. Despite my being the one who see’s and all.”


Currently Xander was just seeing cute girl from Texas and ignoring anything else that might be alleged and Illyria’s occasional habit of switching to her own scary monotone. He did realize though that he was being incredibly stupid to go there again. But he felt like doing it all the same. “So you got any sight seeing plans for while you’re over here in jolly old England?”


**What is sight seeing?** Illyria tracked through the shell’s memories. Vacation, it was something that humans did when they went on long tiring trips in there free time to far away places. “Oh yes that, I would like to see the Tower of London, also Buckingham Palace and the big art galleries and ride on the London eye. You could take me to visit them if you like?”


“Sure I’m available to be your tour guide.” His smile lit up Illyria’s unbeating heart, here was someone who wanted to be with her. Who also it seems wasn’t putting any moves on her. Didn’t he want her. **But no he has friends in the car with him, perhaps later.**


“Xander don’t forget that Illyria is being hunted by most of the major evil in the world.” Kennedy cautioned, amazed that Willow was just sitting there letting this happen in the back of her car. “It won’t take them long to figure out where she’s come too.”


Illyria was trying very hard just to be Winifred Burkle at the moment and so didn’t need Kennedy reminding Xander who she really was, but he didn’t look phased at all. So slipping out of character she answered coolly. “I think I can take care of the two of us perfectly fine.”


Yes the fell Brethren were everywhere in the world, but there were a lot less of them now as they had diverted so many of their fighters to America, and she was more than capable of taking them on a score at a time alone if need be. “You’all have no need to worry about Xander, I will look after him.”


“Hey whose worried.” Xander wasn’t quite sure how he should feel about such an obvious suggestion that he needed a chick to defend him. “You see there was this one time when......”


*************************************


Further down the convoy Andrew was holding forth to a very bored looking Faith and Robin. “Yes its just like in Gemmell’s ‘Quest for lost heroes,’ Buffy has gone away on a deeply dangerous mission into the unknown, and now with it accomplished she returns to us triumphant with Spike and the beautiful tall slender woman, she who is now......”


“Dude breathe.” Faith shook her head exasperated, was it wrong to be considering Chinese burning the nerd into unconsciousness? “Deeply dangerous mission, she just flew to Memphis, got into a very comfortable I’m sure private limo and drove off to pick up Spike and Illyria, I suspect she then got laid by Spike and flew back with just one eeeinsee little battle on route. And now Spike’s here and his ass is not going to disappear into Federal custody for being such a fricking nuisance. But it’s hardly the drama your trying to make it into.”


Faiths own very shapely ass was also in no danger of extradition and incarceration either. The Watchers Council having now reached out and arranged to have her record washed clean, though her California privileges where permanently cancelled. But the rest of the world was her not wanted for any crime oyster.


“But it’s just so great now all of our hero’s are back together. Just like the final episode of the Water Margin when the nine dozen heroes of ........”


“Twenty two thousand three hundred and forty seven heroes at last count.” Robin added wanting to close any other comparisons with the 1970’s Japanese Martial arts TV show Andrew had been watching on dvd recently. “So we’re a long way past the nine dozen mark already.”


Robin was now deeply involved in the Councils business, running the training programmes for both Slayers and new Watchers. He was also a full member of the Council a decision which went against the virtual hereditary tradition with regards to seats on it and which hadn’t done anything for Giles’s popularity. “But yes Buffy has brought back two very powerful champions for the good fight.”


“You’ve no qualms about Spike then?” Faith asked, she had noticed the set look on his face earlier, not friendly but not hostile either.


“Well he’s not exactly my most popular face from the past I have to admit, but everything I hear about him for the past two years is good. Ok responsible for major outbreaks of demon wars and campaigns we’re now fighting in half a dozen places, but better to be cutting the numbers down pre apocalypse than have them fighting in it. It’s all going to be about the numbers when it all goes off.”


Andrew for once managed to keep quiet about Robin's decision to live and let unlive with his mothers killer, making no comparison to either comic book or film.


Faith was in a state of near domestic bliss with the ex principal. Her usual tactic of get some and get gone defeated by surprises. Not that he needed to continue that strategy anymore she was so happy, But she could see that despite what he way saying he was hurt by the bad penny turning up. “It’ll be cool, Buffy will be off back to Italy taking Spike with her before you know it.”


“It’s just about the mission still Faith, he’s central to the apocalypse one way or the other. Note the ‘the’ because we are not going to be able to go on stopping them forever. That’s if mankind doesn’t plunge itself into a World War three over religion pretty soon anyway.”


“Maybe if we told the world about Buffy they’d realize the danger and stop with the fighting each other. See their danger and unite.” Andrew had preserved the tapes and added to the collection. He also had comic book series and novel-isations and a highly profitable appearance tour mapped out. All ready for when Buffy became public knowledge and went into a supernova of stardom overnight. Being a Watcher might prohibit him from letting the unaware know about vampires but if word got out surely tales of the Slayer of the Vampyre would be in high demand. **Buffy will be given a seat on some top new UN committee, even be made Chairwoman of same, maybe be a shoe in for a Senate seat if she wants to run. Lorne will be able to get me connected to the people needed to make the movies. ‘Buffy Champion of the world.’ She’ll become the unifier who puts an end to war between humans. Ok her boyfriend will be a vampire which will seem strange, but at least there arn’t two of them anymore. Oh we’ll need a term for souled vampires which doesn’t involve that nasty V word. I suppose I could just not mention him.....**


“No Andrew they would not.” Faith had deliberately let him sit there drooling over the fortune and glory for a couple of minutes before answering. “Because the first thing they’d do is go into a massive world wide witch hunt, in which everyone who looks even the slightest bit different, acts a little funny, is strange like you would get burned on the off chance, then you’d get a mass hysteria cry of ‘International Conspiracy of Silence.’ With every worlds government potentially overthrown for keeping quiet about vampires. And every demon in the world suddenly has his life on the line and goes straight for his stash of nasty. Admittedly we got the drop but afterwards you still got a whole big pile of pieces to sort through.”


“And there speaks Miss Drop Me Into A Fight Anytime,” Robin laughed. “Andrew there’s a lot of reasons we try not to let people in on the fact their nightmares are real, things like hope for example. Yes we have a possibly not concealable war coming, and yes maybe afterwards the Slayers will be icons for the world. But if that happens its not just going to be for the benefit of people who want to sell movie and book rights.”


“Wow picture this girl from the wrong side of the tracks as a world Icon. Dude when the hell are we going to get some of that apocalypse, cause fortune and glory and I need not be strangers.”


********************************


The convoy of cars and vans passed through a guarded gateway and then onto a long tree line driveway that made its way through carefully maintained parkland. In the distance Spike could now make out even in the darkness a very large 15th or 16th Century mansion. “Impressive looking pile of sticks and stones Giles.”


“The original Watchers Council headquarters in England dates back to 1520 or so.”


“Oh right I though your main gaffe was in London?”


“The Georgian pile Caleb blew up, no that was only occupied in the last century, this building had a lot better wards on it and was never found by the First. It was given to us actually by Edward the VI when he created the Watchers council of Britain to take over from the inquisition.”


“Inquisition?” Spike was puzzled, he hadn’t expected them Spanish or otherwise. “I thought that the Watchers Council had always lurked around independent from everyone else.”


“Oh no nothing was independent of the Catholic church pre reformation.” Dawn chimed in beating Giles to it. “Watchers began their work in the mistiest mists of time, living many secret lives yadda yadda, trying to avoid state control and so on but as things got more organised and civilised that gets harder. Romans more or less had them under the thumb, then you get the dark ages and then post it along comes Catholicism and its goodbye independent council for about seven century’s. That’s the period in which live and let live with none threatening demon species became oh so your a demon huh, right then where are my firelighters.”


“So I guess Henry the VIII wantin’ that divorce put the kibosh on that idea too.” Spike jumped ahead as the penny dropped. “That randy git upset one hell of a lot of apple carts just to get ‘is leg over legitimately.”


“No he actually let them carry on running things, it was his fervently Protestant son Edward who decided to make a new Council independent of church and State. Effectively putting the war in the hands of experts and entrusting them to fight it on the QT. Cause if a demon war had gone off on a big scale then there was major risk of everyone hot footing it back to the mother church on the principle that it was a judgement against Protestantism.”



“My little sister, so very big with the knowledge.” Buffy was aware that if this wasn’t all actually in the handbook there would certainly be reference works listed in the bibliography. But she still hadn’t bothered to read it.


“So how come the Brits are still running the whole show then tootles.” Lorne asked hoping to skip a lengthy detailed discussion of Edward VI to present. “I mean America tend to get its mitts on all the top jobs, so why......”


“Hullo, Americans here in the car!” The Slayer interrupted with a laugh.


“Well Britain most powerful world power with global reach for all of the 19th and early 20th Century. Then post that we have the fact that a certain country has the habit of not wanting to be the worlds police man. And the Council are sticky with the money, they got exempted from tax over four hundred and fifty years ago, they don’t cost any of the Worlds taxpayers a penny. And cold war even though Britain was in NATO they could just about get away with operations in the Eastern Bloc where a US run operation probably wouldn’t have done.”


“Well Giles mate you’ve brainwashed this one real well.” Spike joked. “When you goin’ to give Dawn her own team of young minds to fill with all this knowledge?”


“I have not been brainwashing her, she just happens to be my most gifted trainee Watcher.” Giles spoke with obvious pride in Dawn’s record. “But Buffy obviously has a more important view on the matter than mine.”


“And it’s that I’m thirty five before I get my own team of Slayers.” Dawn grumbled what was the point of being Miss Academia if you never graduated.


“If you’re lucky, because secretly my plan is you don’t get out from behind a desk till your forty.” Buffy really knew that Dawn was almost ready to spread her wings, but the wing spreading involved deadly danger as knowledge girl to a team of Slayers, Ok Dawn had both fought and slain but as a follower not as a leader, how was she going to react with lives in her hands. “You’ll get your chance Dawn just as soon as Giles and Robin agree your ready.”


Giles parked and the party got out as the other vehicles pulled into spaces around his. There was a large and mostly female welcoming party on the mansions front steps. “Oh look my absolute favourite, toned athletic girls.”


“Standing right next to you.” Buffy linked arms with Spike to show possession was all of the law. “Don’t you even be looking.”


“Oh like I’d even think about another girl with you at my side.” He looked around, so many unfamiliar faces. None of the Sunnydale girls were here, Spike assumed that the survivors were all our around the globe on postings. “From the numbers I take it then that this is the strategic reserve.”


“Yes my fully paratroop trained airborne reserve. Faiths command, she’s always ready to get dropped into some hot spot or other.”


“Yep that’s me, conflict girl. Liking to be thrown into same.” Faith had come up behind them. “And they gave us the whole paratroop deal wings and all once we passed out after finishing all our training jumps, parade and everything, the whole nine yards.”


“Nine yards of what though?” Buffy hated that mystery expression. “It’s got to be a sporting thing of some kind but I just can’t figure it out?”


“Vickers machine gun ammo belt, nine yards of cartridges in same, ‘Ence givin’ somethin’ the whole nine yards means to blast seven shades of crap out of it.” Spike shrugged at the expressions on the two women’s faces. “Just somethin’ I picked up ‘angin’ round East End pubs in the twenties it ain’t like I was in the bloody trenches. Everyone assumes it’s one of your expressions cause it died out in Blighty for quite a while, quess your lads picked it up when you finally arrived in 1918 after all that famous foot draggin!”


“Hey Americans, standing right here!”


*******************************


Chapter 5

“Oh look old watchers.” If looks could kill Spike was aware he’d need sweeping up off the very posh looking carpets. “Not very happy with how things are shaping up huh?”


“Their no more happy to see you I guess than they are to see Faith and I with our history’s of violence. Giles is universally hated as a bad boy whose not made good, and a bloody show off for being right far too often. Giving Andrew an important looking job just to rile people maybe was not the best plan though how we laughed at the time. Plus they act round Giles like he’s American. I can’t make up my mind if they don’t like Robin just because he’s American, because he showed up with us, because he’s banging Faith or because their just bigots and it’s a colour thing. But there’s Watchers from all over the world and they get along ok with no prejudice it seems so maybe not that. Of course it probably just bites that he’s got two very important jobs and the pulled out of retirement guys got squat, and they never got to screw a Slayer, plus I forcefully advised them all that we had arrived in a new century with new ways of doing things.”


“Oh I see, crucimentum a thing of the past then I take it.”


“Darn tootin, now we have what’s more commonly referred too as 18th birthday parties. Quite often in the ballroom here if there are a few girls who have their birthdays around the same weekends. And the aforementioned old Watchers get invites and they therefore have to buy presents. And they know that the invites are so us taking the piss out of them over what used to happen. Plus some of them also have the guilt because they always knew it was wrong and did nothing. I know Giles still does which is why he doesn’t try to stop the big hole the catering is putting in the budget.” Buffy didn’t include Giles in her somewhat vendetta against the people who had run things rather badly for so many years. “Of course I missed a lot of them being in Italy and the gift buying is a bit of a stretch at times, but the Immortal has a surprising number of stores in his portfolio. Oh and six months ago I told them if they wanted to keep their jobs they had to sing for Lorne too, that didn’t go down too well either!”


“You made Watchers sing for an empath demon?” The vampire could hardly believe it. “Why on earth did you do that?”


“Lot of foreign money sluicing around at the moment in the anti demon world and info seemed to be leaking like a sive. And we know some serving Watchers went freelance on us when they thought it was all over. The ninja thing must have had some inside help, and if you ever thought that the vaults at Wolfram and Hart were full of large amounts of bad and deadly, you should see what we’ve got. Everything from magic swords that would fit right into every heroic myth written to very seperated judge pieces. Lorne’s been really busy since he got here because I’ve also had him read the thoughts of all the top guys in the foreign organisations we work with too.”


“You really must be one popular gal Buffy luv.” Spike continued to casually look over the contingent of tweed wearers. “So what’s the point of ‘avin’ all these old codgers out of retirement, bet they just sit round grumblin’ an eatin’. What use are they?”


“Well somebody has to sit in the meetings, push pens and do the incessant grumbling while I get on with things. Oh and excuse me that’s my secretary.” Buffy walked away towards an incoming file armed vision of blond loveliness. **No you will not look at Buffy's pretty secretary like that.**


“So Spike how does it feel to be back in the old country.” Giles came along just at the right moment to be a distraction and also to provide beer. “Decent gassy allegedly warm beer, they also have prawn cocktail crisps behind the bar, its the lap of luxury here as you can tell. But also of course Watchers and Slayers all over the place so maybe not for you.”


“Yeah I noticed the volume of the ‘ard looks I been gettin’. Spike took the beer that seemed in fact to be nicely cooled, times had obviously changed. “So Buffy tells me that the council is now involved with all sorts of stick your nose in overseas types, how’s that working for you mate?”


“Its working reasonably, and good to see you’ve not lost the urge to try to stir it. Do you mean governments or just your dear friend the Immortal?”


“Not specifically mate no, though then again you can’t ave been too pleased about an immortal Eyetie greasin’ is way into Buffy’s affections and your business.”


“He’s out of Buffy’s affections and your back in them, do help me see the improvement. And actually he’s worryingly useful for my business, has wheedled his way into the depths of it without my even seeing it, accomplished via century’s of greasing and smarming experience I expect. He does it oh so very well.”


“Bloody expert at it, there’s two whole chapters on greasin and smarmin in ‘is book, though of course the wanker doesn’t call it that.” Spike noted the raised eyebrows. “I just read it for purposes of research, know your enemy kind of thing.”


“Ah so still not liking him and not prepared to compromise on that fact. Excellent, good man. Personally I don’t trust him an inch either. The what in it for him will come out eventually but at what cost by then I have no idea.”


Spike felt relieved almost to hear Giles say that, much as he distrusted the watcher himself post the plotting to kill him incident it was good to see he was in the not trusting the Immortal camp. “So you’ve got Lorne whose green working for you, plus a few other demons, how’s that working out?”


“How’s that working out, you’ve used that expression twice in a minute. You’ve obviously spent far too long roaming round America it’s ruined your vocabulary.” Giles laughed at his own joke he’d been getting that line himself constantly since he came back. “No its quite the rage these days, demons who don’t fancy their chances in the end times battle flocking to make themselves useful. And then there are genuine pro humanity types like Lorne as well of course.”


“Buffy’s even hinted that you might be employin’ vampires as well.” Spike had taken a few nervous looks around the hall but no sign of his ex, so either the typing pool weren’t invited or Buffy was yanking his chain on the Harmony front. “I don’t see any sign of ‘em ‘ere.”


“We’re not, others are though. I do know MI6 have had a highly successful vampiress operative for decades.”


“Anyone I’d know?” Spike was a very effective killing machine, why hadn’t they tried to recruit him.


“We have no idea, there’s a very definite message of you don’t mess with our girl and we won’t impede yours. There’s no proof she’s ever killed anyone who could be called innocent, and she’s not trying to take over the world or destroy it so we have to let it lie. I’d really like to find out though just out of curiosity if for nothing else.”


“An there I was thinkin’ you was the most influential organisation in the whole wide world.” Buffy was still going through files Spike noticed. “Is everyone I know buried in paperwork these days?”


“That’ll just be the field reports for the last few days, Buffy likes to keep track.” Giles looked around the room to where Xander was stood deep in conversation with Illyria. “Oh he’s not really going to be that stupid again is he?”


“Knowin’ the boy yes!” Spike didn’t see a problem it would keep Illyria out of his unlife. He might have lived with her for months but he wasn’t in the least bit attached.


“Well that was fun I so love the paperwork.” Buffy rejoined them whilst they contemplated the bizarrity of Xander’s life. “Nothing too serious in the report cept another stray Slayer caught in the cross fire of that inter Serathic demon clan feud in Nuremberg. I think I need to take the scythe on a trip there to explain to them to keep their war off the streets.”


“Oh good I luv’s a field trip.” The crowd of elderly watchers parted a little and Spike spotted a familiar face. “You had all the all the out of retirement watchers sing for Lorne did you?”


“Yes all of them.” Buffy tracked her own view of the room to see who Spike was staring at. “Yes that is the real Roger Wyndham-Price this time.”


Suddenly the old man who seemed to have reached the answer to some inner question set off across the room towards Illyria. ”Now this could be interesting.”


***********************************


“Excuse me am I by any chance addressing Illyria.” There was hesitancy in the question as the Queen of Hell was in full Fred mode, she looked and sounded just like the young woman from San Antonio. But the old Watcher had seen all the reports from LA covering the time of his son’s death. “If so I believe you were with my son when he died.”


Illyria was briefly startled by the interruption, she had memories of this man threatening the shell and Wesley killing him to save her. Then of him proving to be a cyborg, but then logic kicked in and the fact that with her powers she could tell real from fake. “Yes I held him as he died, he was very brave and you should be proud of him.”


“I am let me assure you, please it would be most kind if you could tell me everything that happened?”


**********************************


Buffy had circulated away from Spike leaving him alone with beer, Willow had stopped by with Kennedy briefly but the Wiccan had been obviously preoccupied with the Xander/Illyria question and hadn’t made great conversation.


“Hey William the B how’s it doin’?”


“Very well Faith, a little drunk and blurry and ‘appy enough. Are parties here always this serious though, I mean no music, no god forbid it anyway dancin’?”


“No they’re usually pretty rowdy, but what you got to dig is this isn’t a party it’s a reception.” The brunette was drunk and a little bored, Robin was in full Watcher mode talking shop to the ninth degree with the local inbred’s. “Man but I’d like there to be music.”


“Well maybe we could go out find a radio and sneak it in.” The room was dividing into bored soon off to bed to get away from it young people and talk all night old serious types. “Or if someone could point me to where I’m kippin I could just take a bottle off with me an wait for Buffy.”


“Could be hours before you get any the way these gigs drag on. Party’s here rock but receptions suck.” Faith leant back against the wall. “And Buffy, as I don’t give a damn about it, has to do all the political thing with the talking and the finessing. Hey I hear you’ve been doin’ quality violence cross the big fish pond, want to fill me in on, stop all my brain cells from dying of boredom?”


“Yes my violence has been quality,” Spike spent a few minutes giving Faith the highlights before asking. “But what of your violence, parachute trained indeed, you gals all decked out in sassy red berets as you jump into vampire nests stake’s in hand?”


“Only in a weird vampires fantasies would we attack vamps wearing anything red. And jumping on the nest hell no, these days we’d either get shot to pieces coming down due to vampire gun issues, or if their old fashioned maybe ripped to pieces tangled in our shoots on landing. No it’s a landing in a drop zone near your target and a force march in. Or we land at a nearby friendly airfield and get a helicopter ride. Mostly the later there’s only been five actual combat jumps.”


“Do you get jump stars, nice shiny medals and such these days?”


“No still no medals despite being more like the army every day. Buffy does get called ‘The General’ behind her back, me I guess I’m in the role the dare devil death or glory captain who gets the boys, or in this case girls, forward to do the job.”


“Buffy not in the field much then?” Spike was surprised, was she going the way of Angel taking a back seat to let others do the work. “Back behind a desk where the blood doesn’t flow?”


“Hey vampire what did you expect. She still slays from time to time but don’t forget seven years in the front line, dying three times for the service as it were. In my opinion she deserves it easy, I’ve got three safe years behind bars to make up for so I lead in the field unless its really going off. Which hey is the way I want it so bonus for me.” Faith looked in Buffy’s direct, there was no enmity between them anymore now there were lots of Slayers not two where there should have been one. “I think all the slack there is to take up is mine, plus as you know I like hitting demons with sharp or pointy things.”

“Woman after my own heart....long as your not literally after it,” a big group of bored looking Slayers walked past and Spike felt fear for the first time since he had set foot in the building. “Oh bloody hell Dana’s here!”


“Yeah of course she is, and shit sorry man someone should have warned you.” The events in LA had not gone down well with Buffy when Andrew had finally spilled, she had found out that Spike was not only not dead but recovering from bad injuries received at the hands of a Slayer. “Man that whole hand cutting thing, eeewwww, but can you tell me why your hands didn’t dust when she cut them off?”


“I haven’t got the bleedin’ faintest, and Dana is here, walking around with ordinary people all around her like she’s not a psychotically traumatized killer!”


“Dana’s walking round in a happy place surrounded by people who care about her after medico’s the Immortal has on staff fixed her up. She feels no pain and has a big old teddy bear or whatever image where all the hurt used to be. Plus a trigger and a safety word nobody asked them to put in.”


“Trigger word.” Spikes voice started to raise, he knew all about triggers. “What the fuck are you talkin’ about!”


“Hey vampire less with that tone, cause like I say nobody asked them to do it, we didn’t find out till some Watcher in the know snook her on a mission. Used the weapon for the purpose designed and when the General read the report she disapproved but she knows an asset when she sees’s one. How it works out now is if we have some particularly brutal killing work needs doing we take Dana with. Put two big old war hammers in her little hands and point her in the enemy’s direction. As they spot her and come running we shout the trigger, blood and skull fragments fly then we shout the safety when the bad guys are all dead. Up we go and give our girl a wash down and a lolly and send her back to the van. There’s no post traumatic stress to worry on because she remembers nothing of it.”


“That’s monstrous, and I’m a monster. I bet that filthy Eyetie git ‘as done the same to Buffy.” Spike saw all the changes accounted for. “The bloody git.....”


“No he has not, he doesn’t personally use magic to get stuff, especially not girls naked. And regards Dana I’d agree with you till I saw her in action storming a gate, I might have lost half a dozen girls fighting our way through there but she took it alone. She is in a happy place, a smiley fairy castle land of goodness with no need for drugs or lobotomy, want me to introduce you?”


“No, no thank you, I’m ‘avin’ bad enough flashbacks as is. What if somebody says the trigger without meaning too?”


“Its an obscure Latin phrase, the safety word is puppies. And yes she’s allowed a dog of her very own which she adores and everyone takes great care of her, and loves her. Also I’m pretty damned sure we’re all going to burn in hell for going along with that damned Italian.”


“Can’t believe Buffy uses her in the field like that”


“Was pissed as hell when she found out. But she is the general and a baresark fighter is a damn useful tool. Keep her away from napalm and anti demon chemical weapons Spike cause I can’t swear to what she would or wouldn’t use anymore man!”


“Oh bugger!” Spike sighed, none of this looked very good at all. Still he could only worry so much. “Bloody good job this isn’t a party with how down everyone is. Let me ask you a question though Faith, if astronauts and cave men got into a fight who do you think would win?”


“Huh?”

*************************************


“Can you believe that it looks like he’s actually going to fall for another demon!?” Dawn asked her honorary Wiccan aunt. “I mean she’s not even that pretty, what with the nose, you have seen the nose.”


“Yes and I agree not pretty at all except in the fact of being really pretty and sweet and all in her human form.” Willow saw no point in denial. “Of course we can be comforted by the fact that when she loses her temper she turns into a psychotic killing machine, but she probably can’t eat his head.”


“Do you think if I offered him my hot cuteness he’d leave her alone? You know ‘take one’ for the team and all?”


“Errrrr, that would be almost like incest, Buffy would possibly kill him, he would never do that thing with you, and do you actually want him?”


“Well he’s kind and nice, and I’m in a high risk job, or would be if Buffy would let me do my job, and if I don’t get some soon I might die a virgin. So I figure save Xander from himself and get to try that love thing for the good of the team. Very public spirited of me don’t you think?”


“It is good logic, though at the same time its very wrong logic.” Willow looked up and down the very fine firm frame of her best friends sister. “With your ‘packaging’ you can’t get some. Why on earth not?”


“Buffy of course, and there’s no blame on that. Plus lack of social life since I came here. The Buffy part of it is the fact she was pretty much a romance killer in Roma. For people not knowing about demons its amazing how everyone knew who the Immortal was in that city and so the sister of his regazza was so off limits. I never even got my butt pinched once, and it’s a cute butt isn’t it?”


“Darn tootin.” Willow was really starting to blush now.


“Don’t get me wrong boys asked me out but on chaperoned dates, with the obvious intention too respect me till post marriage, and I’d like to try before I buy at least once to be sure.” Dawn realized that sounded bad so quickly added. “Ok so very not on the first date, despite that whole parking thing. But you got to make sure that well, you know that everything’s not too much or too little and that your going to enjoy him, cause I’d like it to be really good. God Dawn stop speaking.”


“Its ok Dawn I like it to be good also.” Willow found it to be getting better and better with Kennedy. “Ok then Italy a bust but here we are in England with all these young trainee Watchers there must be some of them take your fancy?”


Every possible candidate for Watcherdom had been rounded up and put into training, in many cases skipping University and other normal Watcher rites of passage. “Yes there are some nice ones but their mostly chinless wonders as they’d call them here, I think this whole Watchers families only marrying among other Watchers families is a bad idea. But oh yes lots of interest in me as I’m fresh breeding stock, and again there’s the Buffy factor because their either scared shitless of her, and so of me, or I suspect trying to get into her sisters thong to further their careers. And then there’s the whole looking down their noses at ‘Colonials’ thing.”


“Have you considered civilians?”


“In England, is it just the places I’m going too or is every girl here just trying to get off their heads on the booze or the drugs as soon as poss when they go out. And then have the sex in that drunken can’t remember who the hell he was in the morning state. Because thats what guys seem to expect, and their way perverted they way they look at you is....., never mind. And have you seen the reports on the STD rates of infection here because eeewww so skanky!”


“Do you need the safe sex conversation.”


“I had that in high school, what I need is a nice, clean, respectable, not drunken boy or young man with the cojones to do me and risk Buffy’s wrath. And whose life I won’t turn upside down by the gift of me and my sister becoming part of his life. Your running magic now aren’t you, Is there anyone in your department who might suite?”


“Well the seers are all a little out of it most of the time, or not wanting to touch because they can feel all your thoughts. Then there’s the warlocks who I wouldn’t like to introduce a virgin too just in case.”


“Huh, just in case what?”


“Well I’m not saying their not good guys who wouldn’t need that kind of mojo but would you want your first time to maybe be mid pentagram on an alter. And the magic usage tends to make them twitchy.” Willows trip to Tibet and her spiritual experiences there had finally brought her to a place where she could use her full power without fear, letting her take this job with the Council. “Kennedy and I know some nice singletons, but ok I guess their mostly gay and mostly girls.”


“If their pretty I’d almost be willing to give them a try, that was me joking mostly by the way as I think I want real boy parts not plastic. And the Xander thing was a jest also, he’d never say yes and I’d feel bad about potential falling out with Buffy. No I need a man with experience to steer me round the curves. Hey is Giles dating at the moment?”


“Giles!!”


“I’m joking again, taking the rise out of you in fact. God Willow your so easy.......unlike me.”


*****************************************


“Had enough of the being ignored standing at the side of the room.” Xander asked Illyria. “Because Mr Wyndham-Price aside it seems nobody knows what to say to you.”


“Yes they know fear or suspicion, I should retire then as it seems to be that time. Do you know where my room might be?”


“Buffy did share that information and having the geography of this Tudor maze down tight I can escort you to your door.”


“Thank you, you are most kind.” Spike on the other hand had showed no concern for her at all, too busy with Buffy and other old comrades to care about Illyria. But Xander had been all attention despite the looks of concern he had been getting. “But your friends will not be happy to see you leave with me.”


“I’m just going to walk you to the door is all, they’ve no need to worry about that.”


*******************************************


“So all caught up then.” Buffy rejoined her lover after telling her sister and her friend’s goodnight. “Because if you are then I’d like to take you to bed if I may.”


“Sure darlin’ lead on.” Spike fell into step beside her. “Can I come to Nuremberg with you then?”


“Yes, I intend to do my bit and I can do you and my bit I guess. Kill things and have fun. I think it does me good to get my violence on every now and then. And this is a minor thing really the Serathic are more of a danger to each other than the world, they just keep falling out violently, but when somebody, police or Slayer hears the ruckus and comes a running into it innocent blood gets spilt and lessons need to be taught. What better way to persuade this bunch to hit the road than for the worlds lead Slayer to hit town.”


“Good for you luv, meanwhile I find you have Dana walking round the gaffe like a ticking time bomb.” Spike was pleased to hear a sharp intake of breath. “All tricked out by the Immortals Medicare plan so she’s in a happy place but with added violence potential.”


“Not my idea and better than an institution.” Buffy answered defensively, “and nice mood killing ambush. Look she’s happy and with people who care, I didn’t know about the weapon idea or suggest it.”


“Which I’m fully ok with and accept but your still making use of her, when did it become by all necessary means luv because the girl I knew wouldn’t have contemplated it.”


“Girl you knew went from fighting from really just her own life and a few close friends lives in one small town, because that’s how it always felt, to fighting for the world and actually knowing it. I’m running an army now and yes I do what I have to do.”


Spike could feel the romance leaving the room and the temperature dropping, so unlike with Angel, with whom he might have gone on fighting for hours, instead he conceded. “Oh alright luv I know, weight of the world and so on. I’m sorry; I was just really shocked is all. So lets change the subject luv, tell me if astronauts and cave men got into a fight who do you think would win?”


“Huh?” **Weren’t we heading into a major argument?** “Do the astronauts have guns?”


“No, no guns.”


“Pocket torches.”


“No.”


“Cigarette lighters, cause fire pretty but scary if it suddenly appears at your finger tips.”


“No.”


“Cell phones with really loud scary ring tones.”


“No.”


“So you have the astronauts with no mechanical stuff they could use to overawe the cave men at all but the cave men with all their clubs and such. Say is this by any chance an example of your theories about primal rage being the key to everything, which is a pitch you so love, so you’ve rigged it so the astronauts don’t stand a chance?”


“Bloody hell woman you’re smart, Angel just argued the whole thing over with me for about an hour and completely failed to spot my cunning scam. Faith just agreed with me.” Spike slipped his arm round Buffy’s waist as the romance returned to the building. “You on the other hand spot straight away that I’ve removed any opportunity for a Ryder Haggard style shocking of the poor primitives.”


“Ryder who?” Buffy asked. “Is he some scientology type cause you really shouldn’t be reading that stuff at all because......”


******************************************


Chapter 6


The Yemen, that same night.


The compound was it pitch darkness except for the glow of a watch fire just beyond its northern wall, there were shadowy figures clustered around it for warmth. There was no electricity here in the wilds of the Radfan mountains so there were no electric to illuminate the perimeter, the oil lamps had been put out earlier and the petrol generator that powered computers and satellite phones was switched off. Everyone bar the sentries was asleep.


In a dried up water course a third of a mile beyond the outmost sentries patrol route two black clad figures lay hidden, both intently studying the buildings and the people around them with night vision glasses. One was tall six foot or so and broad with it, the other slimmer and not much above five foot five, Both wore body armour and carried pistols and knives, the taller a long blade from the Khyber pass and two Walther PPK’s, the shorter a standard modern combat blade and a P990.


Suddenly in an almost conversational tone with no hint of a whisper the taller figure opinioned. “You know I is shocked to see ‘ow standards keeps on bleedin’ slippin’. These sods as no bloody idea ‘ow to run a war, look at the silly buggers all standin’ round that fire, and the other sentries are just shufflin’ round like they ain’t got a care in the world, like as if they don’t even know night vision goggles an such ‘as been invented.”


“Yes, just like you’ve never heard of stealthy.” A posh and very female English voice replied in a whisper. “Why don’t you speak up there may be people in Aden who haven’t heard you!”


“Alright luv don’t get your g-string in a tangle. These badmasha can’t ‘ear me out ‘ere cause of all their own chatterin’ round yonder fire.” The big man picked up a large and very heavy looking sub machinegun, Heckler and Koch’s UMP a .45 calibre weapon. “What say we go over there and test out these ’ere bundooks silencers.”


“So I take it your plan is that we storm in guns blazing, much as usual, and shoot everything that moves.” The woman picked up her own equally heavy weapon with no greater show of effort. “Doesn’t that possibly leave us with the same embarrassingly dead snatch target as last time.”


“No, not if I’m more feckin’ careful who I shoots this time.” There was no trace of guilt in that answer. “’Onestly duchess ‘ow was I to know that the silly bugger would jump up in front of me whilst I was offin’ ‘is chums. Anyways if they wanted subtle they should ‘ave the SAS in ‘ere not just thee and me. Penny pinchin’ bloody politicos.”


“Truly you speak the truth you unsubtle demon blaster you, but we’re expendable and totally deniable, because nobodys saying they captured us.” She stood swiftly keeping her attention towards the enemy, her face was covered in cam cream, her hair concealed beneath a balaclava. “Look all the sentries are pretty far apart so why don’t we just use our natural talents to best advantage. Their all humans and the demon go between for the AMD sales in the main building.” She morphed suddenly blue eyes turning yellow. “We fang and talon our way through these sentries, unless you prefer your nasty old steel sling, then off the fellows round the fire with our SMG’s or pistols, then nip into the building, drug the demon, then shout really loudly so that everyone jumps up and we can shoot them. And follow with a rapid exit stage left.”


“Errrrr, yeah.” The soldier morphed too. “I though I was supposed to be the tactical bloke in this partnership darlin’, I sometimes wonder why do you need me?”


“Moral support, the fact I can’t possibly run round fast enough to get them all by myself and your big trouser package as well. Plus your handy for the heavy lifting.” She clicked the safety off her gun moving the selector too three round bursts. “Left or right side of the compound?”


“Left, I’ll start off with the geezer in that stand of trees over there and you bahadur should start with the git by the well.” A thick length of steel wire for garrotting purposes appeared from one of the vampires numerous pockets. “Right then luv to work.”


With lightening speed and a bare whisper of noise the vampiress crossed the open ground and wheeled her first target round with a hand on his right shoulder. A slash of talons cross his throat saw his life ended. The body was lowered gently to the ground then on to the next standing unawares fifty meters on. Fangs to throat this time with a practised skill that could drain a life in seconds, inhumanly strong fingers across his mouth stifling any outcry.


Several more killings later the deadly un-dead duo met back by the well. “’Appy days luv that’s all those buggers sorted, now lets off those gits by the fire.”


Silencers were screwed into pistol barrels. Another burst of vampire super speed saw the creatures of the night across the open ground to the fireside, there were five guards squatted round the fire talking, there were five silenced shots, five direct hits to the head all scored before the first spent cartridge case had had time to hit the ground. Then a hard driven steel toe capped boot to each felled victims head ensured the job was done.


No talking out loud now just hand signals and lip reading, the pistols were reholstered, the submachine guns unslung once more and carried ready. From among the numerous pouches slung on his utility belt the vampire produced a dart pistol. After an exchange of nods and winks they crept silently into the compounds main building and through around twenty figures wrapped in blankets lying on sleeping mats on the floor. With in the far corner one very large horned green massively out of place presence. Both parties paused beside it before a fresh outbreak of lip reading and gesticulating began despite the circumstances.


‘Bugger this, its a fuckin’ Kralnac demon. See the size of that big bastard, we’ll ‘ave to carry ‘im for miles if we knocks ‘im out. We must scrag these others first then march ‘im out at gunpoint.’


‘What fight a large horned very belligerent Kralnac and stop this lot from getting to their guns at the same time. Trying that is how the bloody Pegaran got killed last time. No, knock out and carry, what’s one admittedly big demons weight to two strong vampires like us?’


‘Yes indeed says the girl what will make sure she gets the light end and I gets the ‘eavy end. And who will complain about not gettin’ any when I winds up ‘erniated an incapable for months.’


‘No I won’t complain for I have a rampant rabbit and batteries and thus will be able to make my own amusement till your poor back is fixed.’


‘Bitch, that’s not a nice thing to say to your fella at all, I ‘as a mind to withdraw my labour on that front in protest!’


‘Strike all you like, all I’d have to do is strip naked in front of you and you’d be begging for it within two minutes. Meanwhile James you Queen and country need you so stop pissing a bloody bout. Drug the bugger before someone in the room wakes up because they need a dump or a leak and we wind up arguing in mid battle!’


‘Bet I can hold out long enough so your beggin’ for a seein’ too not me. You’ll look very pretty stripped an’ on your knees pleadin for me to....’ A .45 calibre barrel looks very large if someone points it straight into your face. ‘Alright Missie no need to get that temperamental and threaten domestic violence.’


A dart gunshot later enough drugs to fell the proverbial elephant were coursing into the Kralnecs system. Nobody much cared how long it would take the creature to come round when the information could be extracted straight from its brain by a combination of seer and warlock. Only the fact that that brain had to still be alive prevented a swift decapitation and away.


The militants who were guarding the courier had all piled their weapons near the far wall beside the door. Both vampires combined their strengths to drag the demon up against the back wall. Then turned their submachine guns ready and opened fire.


Five minutes later everyone in the compound was dead and the two vampires now audibly swearing and complaining where making their groaning way into the distance. “Why the bleedin’ ‘ell couldn’t they ‘ave the extraction helicopter fly ‘ere to us?”


“Because during our last fucked up mission we missed those two guys who fired at the nice people from the navy. Hence the walking as they don’t trust us and can you please lift him higher!”


“Higher, this is the bloody ‘eavy end as I expected and I also finds myself carryin’ your bloody bundook to boot. An so what, those helicopters can take a few rounds an what does they think the machine guns they carry is for?”


“And if they get so damaged they can’t fly you have an embarrassing situation of a British helicopter, marooned, in a former outpost of the Empires back yard next to a pile of bodies. Some of whom are citizens of said country.”


“Well ain’t someone going to peach about this to the worlds media anyway when they finds out what’s happened.”


“And risk whoever snatched the Kralnac snitching about what they were up too, no they’d be shitting their drawers worrying about how the faithful would react to the fact they were trying to get AMD from unsightly green horned persons.”


“Oh come off it they know there’s no way that we’d let on about it. ‘Yes demons do exist,’ No body in charge is going to let that cat out of the bag.”


“Are but how will they know its us and not other parties, der Americanski for example, whose leader is in the deep crap for invading a country with zero WMD when there was supposed to be some, and no links with Islamic terrorists at the time of invasion that’s now over run with same. What might he do with an opportunity to drop said parties right in the crap, and kick off a crusade against evil that would keep the republicans in power for years. In fact hasn’t it occurred to you that there’s not been a single Yank in sight this whole mission despite the import, do you think its possible we didn’t bother telling them!”


“Pity there’s not there’d be helicopters and helicopter gunships a plenty an’ we wouldn’t be shaggin' walkin'. God I ‘ate bein a British squaddie, always a fuckin’ shortage of somethin’ an always ‘avin’ to make do.”


“Yes but you’ve got one hundred and forty five years continuous service. You’ll retire one day on the biggest pension in military history.”


“Never, they’ll never sign me off, I’d bankrupt the fuckin’ army, they’d ‘ave to vote the funds through parliament to cover it. No I reckon one day they’ll promote me to General an put me on ‘alf pay for unlife. Enough to live on ‘andsome, possibly with some grace and favour stately home to live in. And can’t you get him nearer ‘is middle?”


“No, how’s your hernia coming along?”


“Bitch, you really are ‘opin’ I’ll ‘urt meself ain’t you!”


“What a very nice way to speak to your girlfriend, saying such cruel things and claiming that I hold you in heartless disregard. I, who care for you and put up with your sexual fetishes despite their being so.....” And so the voices went on as they faded into the darkness.


Fade to black


End of part II.



AMD Artifacts of Mass Destruction. Your Arc of the Covenant, Judge Pieces, Acathla and so on. Kind of thing people buried all over Sunnydale despite the inconvenient fact we were’nt suppose to have found out the Americas where there till Columbus discovered them. (To the suprise of the people living there who knew they were there all along).

And yes I have just brought the ‘War on Terror’ into Fan Fiction but if Demons and Vampires and old magical objects were at large in the world wouldn’t people be trying to make use of same?