Close to the Chest

Title: Close to the Chest
Chapter 2: Get over your spell.
Rating: PG-13? Maybe even PG?
Warnings: Femslash.
Summary: Buffy performs a counter spell.

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“Diana, Goddess of love and the hunt,” Buffy chanted rhythmically.

‘Oh God, what am I doing? This could be my only chance with her.’

“I conjure thee to withdraw.”

‘It would be wrong. It would be so, so wrong. I wouldn’t be able to take advantage of Willow like that. I refused, so she knows she can trust me. Maybe I can still save our friendship.’

“Diana, Goddess of love, be gone.”

‘Who am I kidding? She’ll pretend it’s okay for a while, but this is gonna tear us apart. She knows how I feel now. I shouldn’t have told her. I should’ve just hurt her feelings. I can’t stand to see her cry. It would’ve been better though. There’s gonna be weirdness now. How can there not be?’

“Hear no more thy Siren song.”

‘Why couldn’t it be real? God, I wish it could be real. We might have a real chance if she felt that way too. Why can’t I ever have that?’

“Diana, I l-license thee to depart.”

‘Oh God.’

The mixture vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving behind an empty beaker. Buffy shut off the Bunsen burner Willow had loaned her. She stared at the remains of the counter spell scattered across the floor of her bedroom and she felt very much like the beaker: empty. The Slayer let out a strangled sob and leaned back against the foot of her bed. The tears fell thick and fast and Buffy entrenched her fingers in her hair.

Footsteps in the hall announced someone’s approach, but Buffy couldn’t bring herself to look toward her door.

“Did you do it yet?” Willow asked impatiently, waltzing in through the open bedroom door. The Slayer didn’t answer, simply continuing to sob in near-silence. “Buffy, don’t cry,” pleaded Willow. A pair of arms wrapped around the trembling blonde and she turned and buried her face in the witch’s shoulder. Even though she feared the awkwardness to come, Buffy needed her friend’s comfort while she was still willing to offer it.

“Buffy,” Willow said softly. “Please stop crying.” The Slayer’s answer was to sob even harder. “Talk to me, Buffy. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I-I-” Buffy tried, but she couldn’t get the words out.

“Buffy, it’s okay,” the redhead said reassuringly, gently patting the Slayer’s back in an attempt to console her.

“But,” Buffy began again, “y-you know now. A-and weirdness because you don’t f-feel – oh God.” She returned again to her best friend’s shoulder.

“Buffy, I love you to pieces, but sometimes you can be a real dummy.”

“Don’t.” Buffy turned away from the witch now, staring resolutely at the opposite wall. “Willow, please don’t laugh at this; it’s how I feel.”

“Buffy, look at me,” requested Willow quietly. “Look at me,” she insisted when Buffy didn’t turn. She placed a hand on the Slayer’s chin and turned her head around again. Timid, fearful eyes met a determined resolve face. “There. Was. No. Spell.” She watched Buffy’s eyes to see if she understood. “I still want you,” she explained further.

“You-” for a second it looked like Buffy had understood. Then she lunged for the spell book. “I must’ve messed it up,” she muttered, turning frantically through the pages. “I’m sorry, I’ll fix it. Just give me time. Maybe I should ask Giles to help.”

“Listen to me, Buffy,” Willow insisted, grasping the Slayer’s wrist to stop her search through the spell book. “I’m not under a love spell. I’m love-spell-free for,” she quickly counted in her head, “like five years now,” she pledged. “I’m sorry I caught you by surprise with this, but it’s real, Buffy. Can’t you feel it?”

“W-Willow, I can’t take advantage of you.”

“Buffy, I’m not asking you to jump on my tongue and ride.” Buffy blushed at the image that crossed her mind. “I just want you to talk to me. Okay?”

“Okay,” Buffy answered quietly.

“First I have a question,” said Willow. “Did you cast a love spell?”

“No!” Buffy half-shouted in reply. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Will,” she assured her at a more reasonable volume. “Besides, I think we all learned our lesson after Xander.”

“Okay,” Willow responded calmly. “So who do you think would cast a love spell on me?”

“Someone who wants me weak,” said Buffy readily. “O-or distracted. They come at me through you because they know it’ll get to me.”

“Buffy, I just barely found out how you feel,” Willow pointed out. “How would anyone else know?”

“They wouldn’t have to know how I feel. They could do it just because you’re my best friend and they want the spell to make everything confusing.”

“Okay,” said Willow again, “that’s actually not a bad theory,” she conceded. “I still want to prove to you that it’s wrong. Now you ask me questions. Ask me about the things that don’t make sense and I’ll explain it to you as well as I can.”

The room was still and silent for a long moment as Willow waited for Buffy to get comfortable with the situation. The witch still had trouble swallowing the fact that Buffy actually wanted her and yet that Buffy couldn’t believe that she wanted the same thing. She knew if she was patient that Buffy would realize the truth eventually; she just hoped it wouldn’t take too long.

“Earlier,” Buffy finally began, her voice sounding much steadier now. “You said you noticed me four years ago.”

“After Oz,” Willow informed her. “I had already wondered about girls a little bit. I thought maybe…”

“No,” Buffy countered. “You were trying to fix me up with Riley. You said you wanted your vicarious smoochies. Explain that one.”

“Promise you won’t get mad?” asked Willow timidly.

“What d’you mean?”

“I didn’t really think you and Riley would last,” the witch admitted. “I thought you’d realize it pretty quick and be all depressed and single again and then we would comfort each other… My fantasies are strange and convoluted.”

“Maybe,” Buffy allowed, trying not to get too hopeful just yet. “So when things started looking good for me and Riley, why didn’t you try to break us up?”

“Well first, that would be really rude and petty. I mean, I thought you guys wouldn’t last, but there’s no way I would try to ruin something as long as it was making you happy.”

“And second?” prompted Buffy.

“I met Tara,” Willow answered softly. “I got over the fantasy because I had a wonderful woman who made me happy in reality.”

“Oh,” said Buffy shortly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Buffy, it’s okay to talk about her,” Willow informed the apologetic Slayer. “She’ll always be with me, but I’m in a better place now. Thinking about Tara is – bittersweet.”

“And would she be okay with – with this?”

“Yes,” Willow replied quietly but with confidence. “We live on the Hellmouth. Did you think we never talked about the possibility?” Buffy just waited silently, unsure of what to say. “She’d want me to be happy. And I think I have a real chance to be.”

“I-” Buffy was starting to believe in Willow’s feelings, but there were still more questions she wanted to ask. “When you and Tara were – separated – last year. Did you think about me then?”

“Not really,” Willow answered bluntly. “I was just really lost. I couldn’t really think about anyone. All I could feel was ‘no Tara.’ You may have noticed I got really into the magicks.”

“Yeah, I think I did notice that,” said Buffy thoughtfully. “I thought about you,” she added in a serious tone. “I actually thought about Tara too.”

“Really?” Willow’s eyes widened in surprise.

“She was there for me, nice to me,” Buffy explained. “I was trying to stop seeing Spike and it was so hard for me. I thought about making a pass at her, but I wouldn’t let myself use her like that. I wasn’t exactly the poster-girl for emotional stability.”

“And you said you thought about me?”

“Same problem,” Buffy responded. “Especially after you stopped the magic, I seriously considered it. But we were both really needy then; that could have ended in major badness.”

“I think you might be forgetting the part where I kicked your ass at the Magic Box,” Willow pointed out. “It kinda ended badly anyway.”

“I remember a fight at the Magic Box.” Buffy feigned a look of concentration. “I don’t remember anyone kicking my ass though.”

“Oh, I so did!” Willow cried in mock-indignation.

“Maybe a little,” Buffy allowed. “But only because I was holding back; I couldn’t really hurt you.”

“I’m glad.” Willow rested her head on Buffy’s shoulder without thinking. The Slayer made no sign of protest.

“You never really seemed to check me out,” said Buffy, moving to her next area of concern.

“Of course not,” the witch replied matter-of-factly. “Buffy, I was trying to respect you. And I was in a relationship for a lot of that time. So respectful times two. Are you telling me you wish I’d ogled you every time you were nearby? I would’ve totally ogled if I thought you’d like it. I mean, you do have a really nice ass.”

“I thought you didn’t check me out,” Buffy accused.

“Not on purpose,” Willow defended. “Sometimes you were just – kinda there. Like you wanted me to – oh.” Willow sighed in realization.

“I was trying to see if you would notice me,” Buffy admitted with a coy smile. “I might’ve actually made a move if I thought you were interested.”

“So, can I ask another question?”

“Of course you can.” Buffy started absent-mindedly running her fingers through the witch’s silky hair.

“When was the first time you thought about me?” Willow snuggled up closer to the Slayer, feeling content and peaceful.

“Like seriously, or just crossed my mind?”

“Mmm,” Willow pondered. “Surprise me.”

“I think I will,” the Slayer informed her friend.

“Oh yeah?” challenged the redhead.

“Willow, it crossed my mind the first day I met you.”

“WHAT?” Willow sat up straight and looked into Buffy’s face, checking to see if the Slayer might be pulling her leg. “No way!” she exclaimed in disbelief. “Oh and here’s naïve little Willow, thinking you’re sooo straight.”

“Well, I’ve never actually done anything with a woman,” Buffy confessed. “I’ve wanted to though. With more than one woman.” She paused. “Not more than one woman at once,” she clarified, realizing that her sentence had come out wrong. “I mean, more than once.”

“And all the guy stuff?”

“Was good stuff,” said Buffy. “Well, Spike was ambiguous stuff,” she qualified. “Physically, I’m definitely attracted to both. But of course there’s more than just physical stuff to think about. Emotionally, there’s only one woman I’ve ever seriously considered.”

“Oh Buffy.” Willow smiled one of her ultra-charming Willow smiles. “It is me right? You weren’t about to say Faith, were you?”

“What? No.” Buffy dismissed immediately. “Okay, so she’s got the eye-candy, but definitely not an emotional interest.” Willow was still looking at the Slayer expectantly. “It’s you, Will.”

“Yay.” Willow threw her arms around Buffy again. The Slayer returned the embrace affectionately. “So the first day?”

“Mm-hm.”

“What did you see in me?” Willow asked.

“You were so cute and charming and – bookworm-y.”

“And that was a turn on?” questioned the witch.

“Oh yeah,” Buffy assured the charming redhead in a low and seductive tone.

“Buffy, you’re really weird,” replied Willow playfully.

“At least my fantasies make sense,” Buffy countered with a grin.

“My fantasies are fine,” the witch defended. “And that wasn’t my only fantasy.”

“Oh yeah?” Buffy’s breath quickened, suddenly feeling very warm on Willow’s neck.

“Wanna hear about ‘em?” Willow asked soft and seductively in the Slayer’s ear.

“Mabye-” Buffy shuddered pleasurably as Willow kissed her right behind her ear. “Maybe we should clean up this mess first.” Buffy gestured listlessly toward the leftover materials from the counter spell.

“Hmm?” purred the redhead. Then the meaning of Buffy’s words caught up with her. She looked over at the mess and frowned. “Responsible stuff,” she muttered. “You’re right we should – we should really do that first,” Willow reasoned, trying to focus.

“Yes,” Buffy said determinedly.

“Definitely.”

“Totally.”

“Responsible.”

“Yes,” said Buffy again.

“Buffy?”

“Willow.”

“I don’t wanna move.”

“I know, neither do I,” Buffy said warmly. “Now that I’ve got you, I just wanna hold you and never let go.”

“I should’ve known you’d be all mushy,” Willow commented.

“Don’t you feel mushy?” asked Buffy.

“Well yeah,” answered the witch, “but I’m the manly one so I have to pretend I don’t feel mushy.” Willow placed a hand on Buffy’s mattress for support and started to get up.

“And what makes you think you’re the manly one?” Buffy challenged, standing up as well.

“Oh, I definitely wear the pants,” Willow stated matter-of-factly.

“So you want me to slay in skirts?”

“Ooh, and could you throw in a few extra high kicks?” said Willow brightly.

“You’re a wicked witch,” replied the Slayer.

“Okay, you can wear pants,” Willow conceded. “As long as they show off your butt.”

“I am not a piece of meat,” Buffy pouted playfully.

“Aww,” Willow sounded tremendously disappointed. She leaned in close to Buffy’s ear. “Does that mean I can’t eat you?” she asked in a low, soft voice.

“Ohhh God.” Buffy shivered from head to toe. “We really need to do the cleaning thing before we get distracted.”

“Okay,” said Willow, voice level and calm. “But we’ll get back to this, right?”

“Definitely,” vowed the Slayer.

“And you do believe me now, right?” Willow verified. “I mean – you didn’t just decide to go ahead and take advantage of me anyway.”

“I believe you,” Buffy assured her before turning toward the mess.

“Ooh yeah,” said Willow as Buffy bent over to start picking things up. “Niiice ass,” she tried her best to sound sleazy as she planted a hand on the Slayer’s backside and rubbed.

“Oh God Willow, don’t touch me.” Buffy dropped the spell book she had just picked up.

“Huh?” questioned Willow, confused by the obvious pleasure in Buffy’s tone that directly contradicted her words.

“Sorry,” said Buffy, grabbing the book again and standing up to face the witch. “You’ve just got me so hot right now.”

“Ooh, hot’s good.” Willow’s eyes were alight with pure pleasure.

“Cleaning,” Buffy insisted.

“Cleaning,” Willow breathed. “Okay.” She wrenched her gaze away from the gorgeous blonde and started to aid in the cleaning. “Can I talk about something serious?” she asked.

“That would probably be really helpful actually,” Buffy reasoned, piling the various spell supplies into her empty laundry basket so it would be easier to take them all back to Willow’s room.

“Okay.” Willow took a breath. “It’s just – well, it’s obvious that you were really worried that this would come between our friendship.”

“Well, that was mostly ‘cause I thought you didn’t want me back,” Buffy explained. “I didn’t want there to be any weirdness there.”

“And I get that,” Willow assured the Slayer. “I was kinda worried about that too. But the thing is – I don’t think it can.”

“I think you skipped a sentence somewhere in there,” Buffy pointed out.

“I don’t think it can come between our friendship,” the redhead clarified. “I don’t think anything can. Buffy, I tried to kill you last year.”

“And I tried to kill you too,” Buffy reminded her, feeling guilty. “When I was – with the crazies.”

“And we’re still friends,” said Willow softly. “I think we can survive a relationship.”

“I think you’re right,” Buffy agreed. “And also – I’m sorry.”

“For what?” questioned Willow, surprised.

“For bein’ a big dummy,” replied Buffy with a smile.

“That’s okay.” Willow grabbed the basket full of supplies. “I think I know a way you can make it up to me,” she said suggestively as she turned to leave the room. “I’ll be right back,” she called over her shoulder.

Buffy sat on her bed, trying to process the incredible sense of euphoria she was feeling. Her heart felt deeply warm and satisfied; her body felt warm and…craving. She was falling for her best friend and her best friend was falling just as hard for her. Could there be anything better than this feeling? Buffy couldn’t think of anything in her memory that had felt quite like this.

Willow’s footsteps were returning and Buffy stood again as the redhead entered the room.

“Willow,” she greeted her cheerily, “I think I need your help.”

“Buffy, what is it?” the witch asked with an alarmed look on her face.

“My body’s so warm,” Buffy informed her with an enormous smile. “I think you should help me take my clothes off.”

Willow kicked the door shut behind her and crossed the room in a flash, wrapping her arms around Buffy’s waist. The two friends looked deeply into each other’s eyes.

“You promise you’re not gonna cry this time?” Willow requested.

“I promise.”

They kissed each other briefly and then leaned onto each other’s shoulders, still embracing passionately.

“I’m so glad this all worked out,” said Warren, standing where Willow had been just a second previously.