Cupid Can Kiss My Ass
2/15/08
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Chapter 2-
No one no one no one
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Can get in the way of
what I feel for you
What the FUCK? Oh, the
radio.
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Shit that bass drum
scared the shit outta me.
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10:55 am. Ugh.
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Jesus Christ, I forgot
to cancel that alarm yesterday. I reach over to shut the radio and feel
a hand on my arm.
You you
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Can get in the way of
what I feel for you
"Leave it, Faith. I
love this song."
When the rain is pouring
down
And my heart is hurting
"What're you
You will always be
around
I turn over and gather
her in my arms.
This I know for certain
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"Watching you
sleep."
You and me together
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Through the days and
nights
I paw at my hair.
I don't worry cause
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Everything's
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"Yeah, ‘cause
there's a pretty sight."
People keep talking
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They can say what they
like
But all I know is
everything's gonna be alright
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"Yeah, it is."
She swats at my arm.
No one no one no one
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Can get in the way of
what I'm feeling
Her eyes narrow at me.
"You better stop putting down my fiancée."
No one no one no one
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Can get in the way of
what I feel for you
You you
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I look her in the eyes
and she's issuing another challenge.
Can get in the way of
what I feel for you
If it's death by morning
breath she wants, it's death by morning breath she'll
get. I lean over and give her a deep kiss.
I know some people
search the world
To find something like
what we have
I know people will try
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Try to divide
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Something so real
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So till the end of time
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I'm telling you that
there ain't no one
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We pause to catch our
breath and I find that we're boppin' and
No one no one no one
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Can get in the way of
what I'm feeling
"This is a good
song, baby. You always pick the good ones." I give feather light kisses to
her face and neck.
No one no one no one
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Can get in the way of
what I feel for you
oh
oh oh....
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I smirk against the
hollow of her neck and I lick back up to her chin and look her in the eyes.
"'Oh, Oh, Oh' is
right. That's what you were sayin' all last
night."
She laughs and swats me
in the arm, "It's weird, I kept hearing this song
all day yesterday, wherever we went. And I finally had a chance to listen to
the lyrics. It's us Faith, it's our song."
God, it's
crazy how much we're alike and yet so different. That's just us I guess.
I give
ceiling. We're baskin' in the feel of each other and
the memory of our wonderful night of deliciously hot and steamy sex and I can't
be bothered to shut off the radio.
"1 minute after
eleven on this day after Valentine's Day. That was Alicia Keys with ‘No One'.
Well, I hope you and your sweety had a good night
last night."
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Buffy looks over and
smiles at me sweetly, squeezing my hand in hers as the DJ tells his story.
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"My wife decided to
bring up the way I proposed to her eleven years ago yesterday. Let me tell
that night, too. Word of advice folks: Never forget Valentine's Day and then
try to make it up to her by giving her the tickets to
the Knicks game that you blew your savings on instead of buying her the ring
you were saving the money for!"
Dude, take a breath.
"If you have a
story that tops mine, or shows me up, gimme a call,
you might win tickets to the Knicks playing the Celtics at the Garden..."
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Fuck yes! I reach for
the phone as Buffy leans over to turn off the radio.
"What're you doing,
Faith?"
"I'm
"You're
sister?"
I toss her the phone and
go get my cell. "Hurry, B!!"
"Faith,
no! I'm not telling her in
a rush, anyway she's probably in class."
"But,
B! It's the Celtics! Vs.
the Knicks! Who are shit this year by the way.
It's my chance to see my city get revenge!"
She rolls out of bed and
walks up to me. "I said, no."
"
Yeah,
I Hmphed. What the fuck of it?
"Oh,
no. Not Faith's adorable
pouty face!"
"Why can't I have
one? You do." I stick my lip out some more.
"The pout is mine.
I own the pout." She leans up slightly and sucks my bottom lip into hers.
Buffy
the Pouty Lip Slayer.
Yep, it's dead. I can't keep it goin' with her
"You're mean."
I try to keep up the hurt act but she knows I'm toast.
"
you." She winks. "Now, go make us some breakfast."
"You better make it
up to me, or I'm..." I trail off.
Better not take that
thought train into the station to unload. I was about to say ‘
"What?"
"I can't think of
anything, but if I do, I'll let ya know.
She swats my ass.
"Get in the kitchen and make me food, woman!"
"Man handler,"
I grunt as I go to the kitchen. I didn't even get to use the toilet, she's such
a tyrant! I go to the bathroom in our room and I can hear her inside
She's
after all. I coulda had those tickets! My story would
have been fuckin' awesome. I stomp away to the other
bathroom at the end of the hall.
*****
"
"Yeah, ‘
omelet. Or Granish, whatever floats your boat,
She laughs at that and
already I've forgotten why I was supposed to be mad at her. I plate up the
second omelet and feel her snake her arms around my waist.
"Have I told you
lately that I love you?"
"
"I thought Rod
Stewart did that song?"
I turn around in her
arms and look at her like she's a piece of bread short of a sandwich,
"Yeah, but Van Morrison wrote it in 1989 and sang it originally."
She looks at me like I
told her I farted on her omelet. "He died in the 60's, didn't he?"
"You mean Jim
Morrison, and no, he died in the 70's."
"Then how could he
have written that song in the 80's? They found it in his vault or
something?"
"B, if I didn't
know for a fact that you dyed your hair blonde I would think for sure
you were natural." I give her a knowing smirk.
I turn around and feel a
smack at the back of my head.
"I'm not stupid,
just musically challenged. Besides, what kind of woman in her 20's would know that
much about music in the 70's and 80's?"
"I had aunts and
uncles, who lived with my ma and me at one time or another and I used to get
shipped off them every once in a while when times were really rough. They loved
music and I guess it rubbed off." I shrug. She pulls back from me like I
just told her something that mattered.
"You never told me
that, I always thought you didn't have any family, besides your mother."
I shrug again.
She pulls my face back
to hers so she can look me in the eyes. "What did I tell you about making
my fiancée sound insignificant?"
"You said you
didn't like me ‘puttin' down your fiancee'."
I correct
"Same
thing."
"Yeah,
well, tough nuggets.
You got the short end of the stick with your fiancée, she's fucked up. Good
luck."
The little runt knows
exactly how to get to me. She looks at me like she can see me and knows all my
secrets, then leans up to give me another one of those sweet kisses that make
me want to cry. Then she backs away, gets our plates and sits down at the by
the kitchen table. I get the fruit, toast, jam and stuff and join her at the
table. Next thing I know we're in an old movie.
She's
cream and gives me a questioning look. I nod and she pours it. She then lifts
up the sugar, and gives me another questioning look. This is like déjà vu. I
know I've seen this somewhere before. She again tilts her head to the side
because I haven't answered her yet. I nod. I think in the movie I saw, the
person didn't take sugar, but fuck that, I love sweets.
Especially
the sweet muffin sittin' across from me.
"Times New Roman";color:black'> She makes me so happy.
B's been
one in then questioning me with another one held up, I keep noddin'
like one of those bobble heads after the third spoonful and she cracks up
on there. She shakes her head as she stirs my coffee and places it in the
saucer in front of me.
Perfect.
After that sweet little
scene, the hungry part of our mutual affliction takes over and it's a good
thing no one else is around to witness the carnage. And don't get any wrong
ideas about who ate like a pig and who didn't. Buffy could shame that
did get around to orderin' that dinner.
As I sit back, B makes
me another cup of coffee then gets up and comes to sit in my lap. I place a
protective hand over my stomach so she doesn't get too close. I ate like a
horse.
"Are you seven or
eight months along?"
"Twelve,
you smartass."
She leans down like she's gonna kiss me then turns on
the radio that's behind me on the window sill.
Ugh! Bon
Fuckin' Jovi.
"C'mon, B. Turn
that shit off, I don't want my breakfast comin' up
all over you."
"Gross, Faith. And
no, I want to hear the radio while I sit with my honey."
"At least turn the
station to something that's not gonna make me
barf." She leans over me and reaches to the dial again, this time she just
turns it down.
"Happy
now?" She says as her breasts
smash into my face.
"Very." I
mumble into the girls.
She leans back and looks
at me with that look. No, not that one, the other one.
The one that says I'm a pervert.
"Pervert."
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See?
She's
She leans into me a
little more and rests her head on mine. Gives me a clear shot
at her neck. One of my favorite parts of her body.
I inhale her scent and I feel like I'm flyin'.
Buffy is definitely one
drug I could O.D. on and die happily. I almost did once, but it wasn't
Fuck the bad thoughts!
I start to kiss her neck
and she let's out a long and satisfying "
Damn, after all we did
last night, I still feel like I can go all day again. Buffy leans over and now
I hear people talkin' out of the damn radio.
I think I might have to
smash that thing, she's in love with it or
"So, we were on the
ice at the park in my hometown, and I get down on one knee and start to
propose."
"Sounds good so far."
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"Yeah well, all of
a sudden I hear a crack and like a moaning sound."
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Oh shit, dumbass. You
and your bitch are gettin' dunked!
"Oh, no! The ice was starting to break!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Exactly! So, for some reason I think ‘Let's get down on our stomachs. We
can't possibly fall through the ice if we're laying down, ya
know?"
"Yeah, probably
what I would've done."
"Long story short,
instead of a warm romantic dinner that evening, we spent the better part of the
day getting treated for hypothermia."
"What. A.
Story!"
"I know,
right?!"
That story
"So, what does my
panel say? Oh, sorry Fred, one thumbs up and two thumbs down! You don't get the
tickets to the game, but you do get the new Bruce Springsteen album.
How's that sound?"
"That's awesome!
The Knicks suck this year anyway, I was tryin'
fan."
"The one who you almost drowned by proposing to?"
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"Nah, she
left me for a carpenter in Jersey. This is a new girl."
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“Man, you're a..."
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"
me. Shuttin
"...piece of work.
break. Hello, you're on WMOP, what's you're
Valentine's Day story?"
"Hi, mine
is..."
Holy Shit! I recognize
that voice!!
"I'm sorry you'll
have to speak up, are you in a tunnel?"
"No, I'm in my
bathroom."
No!
No! She didn't!
"That's better;
you're in your bathroom you say?"
"Yes, I'm trying to
win the tickets for my fiancée and I don't want her hearing."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
She fuckin'
did!!!!!!!!!
"Woah!
"Times New Roman";color:black'> Ding, ding, ding! I think we have a winner.
What's your name sweetheart?"
"Buffy."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
I lean back and my grin
is about a mile wide, hers looks like she did something naughty.
"Is that your real
name or are you using fake names to protect the innocent?"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
Bastard.
"Times New Roman";color:black'> That was pretty funny, but still, she's my girl
and only I get to make fun of her name.
"No, it's my real
name."
"Ok, so, Buffy. My
producer is telling me I can't just give you the tickets because you're giving
me all kinds of nice visuals. So what what's your Valentine's Day Story?
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Well, it's still
kind of in progress."
"Are you calling
from your bed? Oh wait no, you said you were calling
from the bathroom. Are you in the shower, maybe?"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
That fucker, he better
pray I don't ever meet him!
"Did I call Howard
Stern by mistake?"
HA! She got him.
"Ha! Ha! No. Ok
little lady. Man you're feisty. Ok, I'll let you tell your story."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Thanks. So
yesterday I got up early and left the house before she was up. She's usually
always up before me but the night before we were out pat- uh partying until
late."
"Man, on a
Wednesday night? Who do you roll with? Paris Hilton?"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"So anyway,"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
My girl's getting
pissed. I love it.
"Yeah, sorry, you
were out late Wednesday you get up on Thursday and leave your girl
sleeping."
"Yes, she usually
gets up and makes a big breakfast for us..."
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"
"It is
that I didn't get to see or talk to her all day... And I kinda
forgot about Valentine's Day."
She gives me that guilty
look again and I give her a soft kiss letting her know I don't give a fuck that
she forgot.
"You too?!"
"Yeah, after I made
this big deal about it last week, things happened on the weekend that made me
concentrate on work and everything else got shoved to the back burner."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Let me guess, your
girl didn't forget?"
"Nope, well, actually
she said she did. She was sleeping and she was woken by you, I have the alarm
set to your station, and she heard you talking about Valentine's
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Wow, I do
matter! So, what did that sweet thing get up and do?"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"At first she
couldn't do anything, because she had to work. She was panicked because she
thought I was planning this whole big thing and she was gonna
look like the doofus who forgot the Day of Love.
After work she bought flowers, candy and a ring."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Ooooh, any special kind of
ring?"
"Well, she went to
Tiffany."
"Oh! My! God! She
didn't! She bought a big freakin' rock, didn't
she?"
"Nope, she bought a
really nice ring with diamonds and pink sapphires set in a platinum band."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"What did you think
when you opened it?"
"I thought it was
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Oh, no! Was it a ring she bought for her mother and was just showing to
you?"
I can feel her tense up
a little at the words ‘her mother', I give her another
reassuring kiss.
"No! No, I thought
it was gonna be the traditional engagement ring, so I
was disappointed when I saw that it wasn't. But that lasted like a second
because I was struck with how well she knows me. I've never seen this
particular ring before, but I know if I saw it in a case out of a thousand
other rings it would be the one I would pick."
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"Man, she does know
you."
"Yeah, so here I
was thinking she wasn't going to propose, and she says that's exactly what she
was doing, in sort of an offhand way that at first had me thinking she was joking."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"No way!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"Way!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
She's
such a California girl. My baby. I give her another
soft kiss.
"...and then she bypasses my right hand that I had held out
to her, and takes my left hand into hers, kissing the ring finger and asks me
what my answer was."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>Then I take her hand and kiss the ring softly;
she kisses the top of my head.
"I hope you said yes, because if not my producer Sheri, who's
straight by the way, says she's gonna find your honey
and snap her up."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"She can try, and I
don't sound like it but I'm a fighter."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"I believe you!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Times New Roman";color:black'>You better! My girl can kick anyone's ass,
including mine.
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"So what did you say?"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Yes, of course!
And we had a nice romantic night."
I
wink and smile at her knowingly.
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"I'll bet that was a night of ‘yeses' to
remember."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>Ha! That was funny, I'll give him that.
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"A lady doesn't kiss and tell."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"And what a lady you are. Ok, Buffy, since
I'm getting a room full of thumbs up, it seems you've won the
tickets!!!!!!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>WOOOOO FUCKIN' HOOOO!!!!!!!!!! My girl's the
best!!!!!!!! I pick her up and twirl her around.
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"YAY!
"Times New Roman";color:black'> She's gonna love
this, she wanted to call earlier and I wouldn't let her, she really wanted to
win these tickets. Thank you!!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"Well, I'm glad we helped to make her
happy. What's her name?"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"Faith."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"Tell Faith the guys and girls, especially
Sheri, down at WMOP think she's somethin' else. You
two enjoy those tickets. Hey Buffy, why don't you pick a song
to dedicate to her?"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"I'd love to but you already played it this
morning."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"That's ok, if it's a new one it's probably
gonna get played again in the next 3 minutes so no
big deal."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"Ok then, ‘No One' by Alicia Keys.
"Times New Roman";color:black'> I always think of her when I hear it because
we've gone through a lot, it's getting better and better and we're
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Times New Roman";color:black'>I slow down the twirls and look into her eyes.
I'm glad she thinks we're gonna be together forever,
too. I was hopin' I wasn't the only one who felt that
way. I give her a kiss to convey how much I love her and let her stand on her
own two feet as the music starts up.
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"Good choice, good choice. Sheri's nodding
like a bobble head. Ok, Buffy tell me what radio station plays the best of the
newest and brightest."
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"WMOP!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"You betcha,
thanks for the story!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"Bye!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
"Times New Roman";color:black'>"Buffy, hang on the line so we can get your
info for the tickets.
you two!"
"Times New Roman";color:black'>Every phone we own is ringin'
off the fuckin' hook. I'm stunned. My baby told three
quarters of the Tri-State area about us gettin'
engaged, before she told anyone in her family.
I'm
the luckiest girl in the world!! We start movin'
together as we stand there in each others arms. It's
the perfect ending to a perfect Valentine's Day.
Which is my favorite holiday, by the way.
"Times New Roman";color:black'>
I
guess that little bastard with the cross bow isn't so bad after all.