A Wish Is A Dream The Heart Makes.

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Authors note; Background information... Xander never got together with Cordy, they remained as riendly enemies. The fluke still happened though. Xander politely turned down Faiths proposistion. She's the only one, aside from Cordelia, that knows he's gay.

Chapter One: The Words That Are Spoken.

Xander stepped out of the school boiler room he gave a swift look in the direction he'd heard O'Toole going, making sure he wasn't loitering, in the hopes of continuing his efforts to blow up the school. He was surprised to see Oz,in full wolf mode, disappear in the same direction. He raised a semi-amused eyebrow, 'Well, that was certainly one way of dealing with the zombie' he thought before he resuming his walk to the library. Which he now noticed had fallen mostly silent. It was time to carry out his plan. He paused,briefly, outside the doors to scoop up the bag he'd left there earlier in the evening. Then putting on his goofiest expression he bounced, apparently cheerfully, through the doors calling out greetings to the gathered Scoobies and seeming not to notice the injuries they were sporting, nor the destruction rampent in the library. Even as he skirted the fallen sisterhood members and nearly slipped on some demon goo, he continued to act oblivious to it all and he kept up his stream of babble.

"... Yeah, anyway I know it was just a study-fest tonight so as I was heading home I thought I'd swing by with some choclate-y goodness... Yer know just to keep your energy up?" As he finished speaking he set the bag of donuts down on the central table. The broken table. He didn't react to the bag slipping down the table nor, to the noise it made landing on the floor. The faint thump rang loudly in the now ashamed silence.

"Well, I'll leave you all to your musty, boring books. See you all tomorrow."

With that Xander smiled, gave a small wave to everyone and bouncing again, turned to leave. The silence in the room was broken only by Xander's jaunty whistling. Two steps from the doors to the library Xander paused and half turned in Giles' direction before speaking in a hard tone that the others barely recogonised as coming from him,
"By the way Giles, you owe me some money. My car needs to be towed and it'll need some bodywork done. After all, the damage was caused by my ramming several demons with it. In an effort to prevent them from carving up one of your slayers. I'll just send the bill to you shall I? After all I am... how did it go now...Oh yes. Fray adjacent I believe it was?" He said the last coldly staring at Buffy and Willow. Giles dropped the sword he was still gripping and removed his glasses beginning to clean them,clearing his throat uncomfortably. Angel, Faith and Wesley all started to move away from the impending argument. Buffy and Willow both began to turn red, knowing they had been caught out in a lie. Xander started to move obviously intending to leave now he'd said his piece. Willow called out to stop him.

"Xander wait! We're sorry. We just want you to stay safe."

"Yeah," Buffy joined in now, convinced that he'd forgive them once they'd explained their reasoning. "We didn't tell you about tonight 'cos we knew if you knew about it you'd insist on helping. We just wanted to keep you out of our way!" She looked at him. She seemed to be oblivous to the fact that she'd just insulted him. He snorted and started for the doors, adding over his shoulder to Giles, "Oh, two more things, Oz is free, don't worry though, he's just eating the zombie that tried to destroy the school earlier tonight. That leads to the other thing, you may want to go into the boiler room later and remove the bomb that's there. Don't panic, I disarmed it already. You may want to remove the flammables though... just in case." He moved, in the stunned silence, the last step to the doors. He was content to leave things as they were, certain he'd got his point across about them leaving him out of things. Xander reached out a hand to push open the door and go. When he froze in disbelief. Buffy'd let out a derisive snort and a small "Yeah, right!" from behind him. Xander turned and stared at her, before slowly walking back towards them.

"Pardon, Buffy? You said something?" He asked quietly, dangerously. He hated being called a liar.

Buffy remained ignorant to the danger and just scoffed at him.
"Oh sure, you've disarmed bombs and fought zombies Xander. Puulease. As if!" She laughed mockingly, before continuing. "You couldn't fight a wet blanket let alone a zombie. Grow up Xander. This is why we don't want you around. You're of no use to me." The others in the room looked at her in disbelief. Yes, Xander wasn't the strongest of them, nor was he the smartest, but he was a valuable member of the group. The only person who didn't look shocked at what she'd said was Xander. He'd been expecting it. Giles burst out "Now see here, young lady...!" But Xander held up his hand and interrupted him.

"No Giles, let's hear her real reasons. So Buffy tell us. Let's get it all out in the open. Why don't you want me here? Not to fight, not to research. You have your say and then I'll have mine. With no interuptions, from either side." Buffy looked, momentarily, uncomfortable at saying everything in front of witnessess but she soon rallied. She knew they'd agree with her. She was The Slayer, after all. And it was only Xander.

"Fine. I don't want you to fight Xander, I'm The Slayer not you. I fight you don't. Besides It's not like you can fight anyway. In a fight you just get in the way, then you get hurt. All you do is distract me and put my life in more danger than it needs to be." She looked at him, confident that they'd agree with her now. So would Xander. "I know you want to fight just to impress me. But Xander, it won't work I'm sorry, I just don't think of you that way... You're my Xander-shaped friend." The others watched her amazed at her arrogance. "I didn't want you doing research because lets face it. It's a little beyond you, isn't it? If you're honest. No, It's far better for us and safer for you, if you stay out of the slaying business altogether, after all none of us like seeing you hurt. So just leave things to those more suited to it. I'm not saying we don't want to see you...after all you can always fetch us snacks and stuff can't you?" She added the last, seeming to belive it would make him feel better. A muscle in Xander's jaw started to flex, as he clenched his teeth, trying to keep his temper under control. After a few minutes silence he spoke.

"Have you finished, Buffy?" At her nod he continued. "First let me say this; No I do't know how to fight, formally, as nobody has ever taken the time to teach me how. However, after seventeen years of dodging my parents fists, I am extremely good at doing so. Further, you say one reason is that you don't want to see me hurt. I can think of numerous times over the past year when we have had to take one of you lot to the hospital. When is the last time you've had to take me there?" Xander paused and looked around the room, enquiringly. Buffy opened her mouth to give an occasion, then paused when she couldn't think of one. Seeing nobody could think of a time he'd been seriously hurt, he continued. "As to your... Suggestion that I am fighting so you'll notice me. In your words; Puuleease! As if! Sorry, but get over yourself. As Faith found out earlier tonight... I'm gay. Which means you just don't have the... equipment I'd be interested in. Sorry." He watched on, amused, as the Scoobies all gawked at him with that revelation. "Moving on, you said that I should leave the fighting to those more suited for it. As Willow and Wesley are present I assume you feel they are "qualified". Thats Willow, who while she has the ability to do magic, is still learning and has trouble levitating a pencil... on a good day. And Wesley, who lets face it, is no ones idea of a warrior. No offense, Wes." Wesley waved a hand, dismissing the comment; he'd be the first to admit he was more suited to books than weapons. Xander took a few more steps into the room.

"As to putting you in more danger in a fight. That excuse would only fly, if you actually noticed me during a fight. However, only Giles and occasionally Angel have ever checked on me to see if I can handle my opponent. You never have."

He paused for a moment, trying to decide if he wanted to continue, before deciding that he was tired of all the secrets. "Now, I believe that you don't want my help in researching because you felt I might find the big words too difficult, yes? Sorry, once more you're wrong. I have actually learned to read eight different demonic languages, not including of course Latin, Ancient Greek and Egyption. How many can you read again... ?" Buffy just spluttered, incoherantly. "Before you say that I'm not smart enough, or imply I'm lying, because you know how I struggle with ordinary lessons. Let me ask you this... If I were in fact failing all my lessons, how on earth do you believe that I've managed to avoid repeating a year or going to summer school?" He continued without waiting for her to answer. "Contrary to what you...all of you... believe I'm not continually failing classes. I am actually in the top ten percent of each of them. If you still don't believe me get Willow to hack the computer and check my grades. Oh, and Buffy, you are not The Slayer, you are merely a slayer. You died, I know I was there, another was Called. Kendra. She was The Slayer. Now, when she died, if you were still the Chosen One no other would have been Called. But as Faith was Called she became The Slayer and the new Chosen One. Sorry girlfriend you've been demoted." He smirked at her. "Oh and Buffy...Fetch your own damned snacks. Don't call me I'll call you. I quit!" With that he turned on his heel and walked out. Unknowingly for the last time.