Irresistible Super-Stud
folder
BtVS Crossovers › Misc - General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
8,396
Reviews:
1
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Category:
BtVS Crossovers › Misc - General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
2
Views:
8,396
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Game-On
Irresistible Super-Stud: The Joe Hundredaire Story
Chapter 2: Game-On
Spike stood amid the chaos, smiling like an idiot.
Like most vampires, he normally shunned Halloween, but something Dru had said during one of her more lucid moments had intrigued him. Getting together his gang, he’d made his way out onto the streets of Sunnydale, only to find them resembling a scene from Bedlam.
He’d already snacked on some idiot dressed as a highwayman, and was slowly getting in the mood for some major damage. Maybe, just maybe, tonight would be worth getting out of bed for after all.
Joe made his way along the street, martini in one hand, cigarette in the other. He’d already sent several attackers running and screaming into the night with a series of scathing comments and well aimed barbs. One creature that looked like an old photo of Bigfoot had been chasing a young woman dressed as a cat until Joe had reduced it to a shivering wreck with a monologue about its lack of hair care and dandruff problem.
Stopping under one of the few working streetlights, he removed the end of one cigarette from his holder and inserted a new one.
“Got one of those for me?” a husky female voice dripping in a deep Russian accent asked.
Joe turned to look at the stunning red head that had silently appeared beside him, “For you my dear, anything.” He handed her one of his hand-rolled cigarette from its sterling silver case, then lit it with his gold lighter, “So, what’s a girl like you doing out on a night like this?”
“I don’t know: one moment I was in my apartment in New York, next thing I know, I’m here, wherever ‘here’ is.”
“A story very similar to my own in that regard. The name’s Joe, Joe Hundredaire.”
“Natalia Alianovna Romanoff.”
“Charmed, I’m sure.” Joe bowed his head to kiss one of Natalia’s hands, enjoying the closer view of her extensive cleavage, “Don’t suppose I could persuade you to join me in a drink or ten, followed by a large, freshly made bed?”
“You are a smooth talker.” Natalia smiled like a wolf, “Maybe later, but right now I want to find out who’s behind this and cause them excruciating pain.”
“A woman after my own heart.” Joe smiled as the sound of gunfire filled the night air, “Shall we?”
Ms. Galore stared at the strange man she had empties her gun into as he stood, half a dozen bullet holes in his chest, and looked at her with bewilderment in his eyes.
“Buffy?” The man looked at her, “What the hell did you do that for?”
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” Galore asked, re-loading her gun from the small pouch on her belt, “And the name’s not ‘Buffy’: it’s Pussy Galore”
“I must be dreaming.” The stranger shook his head.
“Like I’ve not heard that line before. Now who are you and what do you want?”
“It’s me: Angel.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’ve met.”
“How can you say that?”
“It’s easy: I open my mouth, and words come out.”
“Buffy...” Angel took a step forward, but stopped dead at the sound of a gun being cocked behind him.
“You will have to forgive me: English is not my first language.” Natalia smiled as she looked at the back of the vampire's head down the barrel of her gun, “But I think she made herself perfectly clear.”
“And why would she want anything to do with someone who looks like a walking hair-gel ad?” Joe asked, “And that ‘dark-and-brooding’ look is so 1980’s...”
“What?” Angel took a step back, shaken, “What are you going on about Xander?”
“Are you totally delusional? Do I LOOK like a Xander to you?” Joe asked, turning to Natalia with a sly smile, “Why don’t you shoot him and put him out of my misery?”
“Look.” Angel raised his hands slowly so as not to shock anyone, “But something very strange is happening around here.”
“I’m forced to agree.” Galore nodded slowly.
“Same here.” Natalia lowered her gun, but kept it aimed at Angel.
“Well it’s hardly breaking news.” Joe looked at the other three, “The question is: what are we going to do about it?”
Spike watched the strange conversation taking place from a distance, keeping to the shadows. It was clear that what ever had affected the town was also affecting the Slayer and her friends. Only his former mentor Angelus seemed to be in his right mind.
What ever was happening to the Slayer and her friends was powerful mojo, and he instinctively knew that it would be a very good idea to watch from a distance before making his move.
Giles was relaxing: Halloween was traditionally the one night a year that Watchers had to themselves. With almost every known demon and supernatural entity shunning the night, they could leave their Slayer to their own devices and kick back.
Having dug his mint-condition, original pressings of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon and David Bowie’s Space Oddity out from their hiding place at the back of his record collection; he settled into his armchair with a bottle of single malt Scottish whiskey.
The doorbell chimed just as The Great Gig in the Sky was starting.
Cursing under his breath in several languages, he walked to the door and was surprised to find Willow looking at him down the barrel of a gun.
“I take it that this isn’t some strange, American form of Trick-or-Treat?” He asked dryly.
“We have a problem.” Angel stepped through the open doorway, having long ago been invited into the Englishman’s modest apartment, “Something very strange is happening to people.”
“Buffy? Willow? Xander?” Giles looked at the three youths who he thought of as almost his own children, “I guess you’d better come in then...”
“Ladies first.” Joe stepped aside to let Natalia and Galore through the door, then followed after them, “Well, ten-out-of-ten for your choice in music, but minus several million for decor. No prizes for guessing that you’re straight as an arrow: can’t say I understand what some men see in homosexuality, but by god they’ve got an eye for style...”
“He’s been like that since I found them. He only answers to the name ‘Joe Hundredaire'.” Angel whispered to Giles, “Willow insists that her name is ‘Natalia Romanoff’, while Buffy seems to think that she’s Pussy Galore, like in the Bond movie.”
“Extraordinary.” The Watcher stood dumbfounded, “Any idea what’s happening?”
“Actually, that’s why I talked them into coming here: I was hoping that you’d be able to tell us...”
Leaving Angel and Giles to talk, Joe grabbed the discarded bottle of whiskey and sniffed it.
“Damn, the old English guy has good taste in drink as well as music.” He poured himself a generous measure into a nearby glass and offered the bottle to his two companions, “Ladies?”
Natalia grabbed the bottle and held it up, “Good health.” Upending the bottle, she took a deep swig of the strong liquor. Joe was impressed to see that her eyes didn’t even water when she was done.
“Give me that.” Galore grabbed the bottle and took an equally big swig, likewise showing no sign of trouble.
“A challenge is it?” Joe asked coyly, “Challenge accepted.” He tossed back his glass, not even swallowing as he let the whiskey slide straight down his throat. He smiled as he looked round and saw that Angel and Giles were still oblivious to anything outside their huddled conversation, “Looks like this evening might not be a total waste after all...”
Spike watched from across the street, a pair of powerful binoculars zeroed in on the lounge window.
“Hillside 25 year-old single malt?” He asked, licking his lips, “We have GOT to get hold of that somehow.”
“Miss Edith is scared.” Dru looked at her doll, “Says they’re not what they seem.”
“With all due respect, Luv, the day I start taking advice from a china doll is the day I start working on my tan.” Spike rolled his eyes, “We’ve got to think of a way to get them out of that bloody Watchers house...”