Days Like These Keep Me Warm
folder
BtVS AU/AR › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
12
Views:
1,721
Reviews:
66
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
BtVS AU/AR › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
12
Views:
1,721
Reviews:
66
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter Two: Try To Sit Down A Therapy
Disclaimer I don't own any of the characters from Buffy, Joss Whedon and his good friends do.
Rated: NC-17 for acts of sex and strong language.
Genre: Romance / AU
Characters: Buffy and Spike and some of the others pop up.
Feedback: Yes please, makes a girl feel wanted at outforawalkbitchuk@yahoo.com, really reviews boost my confidence and criticism helps me improve my work.
Summary: Buffy is a homeless girl who hopelessly follows William around the streets of a British seaside town, he doesn't realise this though because the poor man is blind….much Spuffiness [AU]
Authors Note: I will admit that the basic premise if taken from the Charlie Chaplin movie City Lights in which a blind girl falls for a homeless man, only I've swapped the genders and the setting and well most other things.. This is a Spuffy fic because I can't help but love Buffy and Spike, oh Joss Whedon please somehow make them get together in Angel, pretty please?
Thank you all for reviewing, it means a lot and I'm being sincere about that Anyway, enjoy, review. Luv Louise
Chapter Two: Try To Sit Down A Therapy
"I can't believe that life's so complex. When I Just wanna sit here and watch you undress. I can't believe that life's so complex. When I Just wanna sit here and watch you undress. This is love this is love that I'm feeling. This is love this is love that I'm feeling. This is love, love, love, love that I'm feeling"
The lyrics of the song by P. J Harvey filtered though the cramped, muggy venue that William resided in, listening attentively to Tara's singing, as he sat near to the small stage with his group of close-knit friends. The biggest problem about that night, apart from the fact that Strummer wasn't allowed to accompany him to the gig was the sense of claustrophobia William was suffering from.
It was a condition he had required at the same time that he had become 'inflicted' by his blindness. He hated seeing it as an infliction, but truly at times it was, an unwanted disease he couldn't get rid off no matter how much he tried, maybe, just maybe according to the doctors and specialists he saw William might one day regain his sight but as the months dragged on, he had lost any hope of that. So yes his claustrophobia and blindness were both a result of his little time spent in his own personal hell, in his complete and utter nightmare. He couldn't help but think about it every night, he relieved how he fell to the ground, that the last face he would ever see was her as she smiled and walked away, leaving him alone in his world that was turning black, alone and half dead. When he had finally awoken his universe was black, devoid of images other than his memories.
Ever since then, his time in that dark corridor had brought with it anxiety and an irrational fear that overtook him, made his palms become clammy, his breathing to accelerate and his mind to spin, whenever he spent too much time in a crowded place. Yet he didn't want to leave just yet, even if the symptoms of his fear had begun to build within his body. He couldn't leave because his friend was still performing and he hated being in his flat, he felt too lonely at night, when Rupert wasn't in the shop.
//And I still haven't asked him about her// he pondered, he was of course referring to Buffy, he needed to know what she looked like. To take his mind of the boredom he felt that afternoon he had been conjuring up all the various possibilities of what this mysterious girl looked like, every little detail. He liked the fact that she hadn't said the usual line like 'I'm so sorry about your illness' or fused over him like her was baby or completely incapable of looking after himself.
//For all I know she could've been pitying me, thinking how sad my life must be, fuck knows what the bleeding hell she thinks of me, she probably has no opinion at all, after all we only met once for all but a few minutes. But she let me touch her, would've let me to feel her face, try and work out if behind her soft voice is a beautiful woman. Shit I have to stop with this, obsessing over every girl who ever speaks to me// He shook his head, realising that Tara had finished her set and he was automatically clapping her performance.
He knew he shouldn't be thinking about Buffy or any other woman, it was playing with fire, he would get burnt and if his track record with Ms Backstabber was anything to go by he would end up injured //Take my ability to hear away as well as see, or maybe they will paralyse me, if I ask nicely/
William was bitter at times, but he often hid his anger for his ex girlfriend from his true friends and instead created a false persona that made everyone think that William Johnstone was happy and full of live, forever joking. Yet he was more like that painting The Sad Clown, smiling on the outside, crying on the inside. People believe that the inevitable depression that he suffered from after his 'accident' //Not really an accident, seeing as she fucking set me up// had only been brief and that he had recovered from both his deteriorating mental and physical health pretty quickly, all things considered. However, it had turned out his friends had been wrong, even if they hadn't realised it and still didn't, two years later. William hadn't recovered at all, he hadn't dealt with his blindness very well nor had he coped with the circumstances that led to him losing his sight in the first place. He had been betrayed by someone he loved, who he had been loyal to and the price of his devotion to her had been a deep betrayal that was still being felt by William two years since the event.
Thinking about all this shit had turned William's mood from joyful to completely devoid of any hope. He didn't want to know what this Buffy looked like, she would only screw him over, he would do himself a big favour if he kept away from her //Like she would want to be with me anyway, no one wants a bloody handicap miserable git like me for a boyfriend // Nope he wouldn't bother asking Rupert nor Willow about her appearance, he instead asked Alexander who was also at his table to get him a strong whiskey, getting merry was the only way he would be able to keep his charade up.
****
Even though it was heading towards midnight, she was still sat on the promenade, Buffy hadn't bothered to find somewhere warmer and safer yet, she was suffering from a serious conflict of emotions. She was still kinda high from meeting William face to face, and kept closing her eyes remembering how he touched her arm and how she wa so so much more and he was just so sweet and perfection was the only word she though could describe him. She could've spent the whole day letting her mind wander at what she wanted to do to him, how she wanted to caress him all over, to show him she wasn't afraid or put of by his blindness, her mind conjured up images of kissing him or manoeuvring his hands across her own lithe body. If she could've spent all day thinking of him she would've had.
Yet, as always her life was conflicted, because she had been filling out her application from for the job she wanted so desperately, it was the only way she had chance of possibly acting out her fantasies and desires with William. She knew it was a minuscule chance but sometimes the impossible is the only thing that keeps people going, gives them hope and her hope was that she would get to be with him. She had to get the job first and that required lying big time, her companions hadn't helped very much, other than one of them Maria finding a pen for her. It was up to Buffy to make up the lies she needed, the rest of them didn't care one way or the other if she secured a job, their hope had faded a long time go, they lived on autopilot, just drank, found food and survived.
Buffy had tried her best to tell some truths in her application form, after all she had passed some exams and she had gone to school to do this. Conveniently though she hadn't put down the fact that the time between being 18 and 21 had been spent in prison, instead of travelling around Europe and staring university as she had written down. Also she had forgotten to mention that her address was any shop door in this town and suddenly she lived in the Student Village that the university owned and studied History and English. At first Buffy had felt bad at lying, it wasn't fair on Rupert Giles or William, but then what was she meant to do? She had paid for her crimes, for the chaos she had caused and if no one was going to give her job with her criminal record how was she ever going to help herself out of her situation? She was one of those people who had slipped though the net, forgotten about by social services and the benefits agencies, couldn't go back to her family and as for him, no she couldn't think about the man she did the crazy things for //He has gone, I loved him but his gone and its my fault and its his fault and I can't bring him back//
She slumped in her seat, resting her head in her hands and sighing deeply //I shouldn't be doing this, trying to get William, I don't have the right to forget about him, Angel would've died for me, he could be watching me now and thinking I've forgotten about him// She looked upwards, secretively believing that if their was an afterlife that no matter how noble and kind Angel was he wouldn't be in heaven, they had both been shoplifters, joy-riders, almost murderers. Still she looked towards the night sky
"You will always be my first, but William I can't help how I feel about him. Help me be happy Angel, I don't deserve this, I need to prove that I'm not a failure, you always told me one day we would be happy but you left me, you died and I'm alone, don't be angry at me for loving someone else" Buffy mumbled rubbing her eyes, feeling hot salty tears cascade down her grubby face, she sniffled helplessly, speaking to herself wouldn't change anything but even after four years of not being with her only boyfriend she missed him at times and wanted his approval somehow //even though I will never get to be with William either, I'm only betraying you Angel in my mind, I can never have someone ever again//
"Hey girl you been talking to yourself again?" A familiar figure approached her and sat down offering her a swig of his vodka "You get a reputation like the rest of us"
"I'm fine" Buffy declined the offer of alcohol and turned to the man, he was one of the nicer of group she was with, Edward, usually let her get on with her own thing, didn't ask where she went all day //He would tell me to stop stalking William before the police come after me if he knew//
"What you been doing all night? He asked laying down on the bench, trying to get himself comfortable
"Nothing" Buffy stated, wiping her eyes on her top, Edward was sweet enough but he was too out of it to notice she was upset and wanted to be left alone, Buffy got up to go, she wanted to walk around, clear her head, look at those who wandered the town with their happy lives, so she could imagine what it would like to have that happiness and create images of being with William, everything boiled down to him. However, she could tell she was going to be stopped from doing what she wanted because the rest of the 'gang' had turned up, stumbling around, making a racket and Buffy resigned herself to sitting with them for the rest of the night.
About ten minutes had past since their arrival and Buffy was trying to slip away from the group without being noticed, but oh no they all wanted to talk and mock Buffy for seriously thinking she would have a chance of getting a job. //Why do I even stay with these guys, they don't give a shit about my feelings// she sulked to herself as Tim continued his little rant.
"Sorry love but why try to better yourself?" Tim asked rhetorically, not giving a Buffy a chance to respond "None of those bastards will give you a chance, even if you lied on that, application form thing, they will take one look at you and know your homeless"
"But they gave me chance" Buffy croaked, she felt like a small child being told off by a teacher for thinking she could be an astronaut or something, Tim was basically telling her not to bother with escaping the nightmare she was in, like at the age of 22 she should give up and fade away into a life of alcoholism and freezing to death on the streets like the rest of them. She didn't want to accept that fate, she couldn't, she had paid for her wrong doings, she had to prove herself, she had to one day being able to see her mum and sister and make them proud. //I need to be with William, I need to get this job to be with him, I can't give up, I can't, life isn't fair but it doesn't mean you can't change that//
"Just being fake my girl, they will give it to some lazy rich student, whose daddy pays for everything anyway" Tim complained some of his friends nodded in agreement as he sat down
"Tim don't be so harsh on the girl" Edward warned "People are allowed to have their dreams" he turned to Buffy smiling.
"You have to be realistic" Tim rambled on again, and Buffy stared off in front of her, watching the empty promenade, the two main bars on the seafront didn't close until 2am, so if she left now she would avoid the barrage of students who liked to tease her and were usually higher than her current group of tormenters were.
She got up and reached for her rucksack, that contained a few clothes and the all important application form. She hadn't figured out what she was going to do about not having a CV yet but on Monday she would go to the shop again and see if she could arrange an interview, she wasn't giving up just yet.
"Look Buffy don't leave on account of Tim being his usual thoughtless self" Edward tried to appease, causing Buffy to look back to him.
"I have things to do, night" she responded, walking backwards for a few metres, just as she went to turn back around she heard the group burst out laughing and point towards her //no behind me//
"Woah, send us a postcard card next time mate, have a nice trip" Owen shouted, laughing harder.
Buffy frowned until she looked towards the road again, her heart stopped for a few seconds, she recognised the blond hair and the black denim jacket of the man who had fallen flat down on his face in the middle of the pavement. Immediately she darted over to him.
"Oi Buffy see if he has any money on him, we can spilt it" Tim ordered, rising from the bench.
She glowered at them "Fuck you! None of you are getting near him" she declared continuing her run across the road and towards the figure of William who was trying to get himself of the pavement but severely struggling.
"William, William" she shrieked as she made it to his side and bent down taking his arms and helping him rest on his knees "William are you alright?"
*****
He had decided to leave early, because it had become to packed and hot, he didn't want to bother his friends, who already did too much for him and so had assured them he would be okay and that he would get a taxi home. He hadn't intended on getting one though because he knew the streets like the back on his hand, he had spent three years at university here, when he had perfectly good sight, he may not have Strummer but his white stick would do the trick.
In all honesty William had began to show his miserable and dejected side, the alcohol hadn't helped lift his mood and he could tell that Anya in particular had noticed //she's perceptive that one//. He hadn't wanted to ruin the good mood everyone else was in, especially Tara who was revealing in the high of just performing. So he had left and started to walk down the seafront, deciding to avoid the risk of falling onto the beach but staying on the other side of the promenade.
What had happened though wasn't a clearing of his head, like he hoped would occur, despite being outside his claustrophobia and anxiety had decided to peak now, whilst he was alone in the middle of the night. He knew that thinking of her, remembering his nightmare wasn't helping and before he could register what was going on, he had lost his balance on an uneven piece of pavement and he kept repeating the image of being pushed to the ground of the shouting that had occurred of seeing her as she walked away, giving him her false concern with her smile that ingrained in his thoughts.
“Fuck” he cursed feeling increasingly dizzy, extending his stick in an effort to regain some balance, grabbing out for something to hold onto, he gave into his situation and crashed onto the cold ground, feeling his face crack.
"William, William" he heard a few moments later, he was unable to move himself from the position he was in and his self pity washed over him, he truly was a lost cause //a complete retard//. He felt someone stop in front of him and bend down, grabbing hold of his arms //oh great being mugged//
"William are you alright?" the voice asked picking him up further and running her fingers across his face "Its Buffy, Buffy summers, we met before in the shop, you know the record shop run by Mr Giles, I mean Rupert, you probably don’t remember me, I'm Buffy, Buffy summers"
She was rambling, speaking incredibly fast because she had no idea what to do, he had blood trickling from his nose and bits of grit on his skin and she wanted simply to hug him and tell him he would be alright. She briefly looked over to where she had previously been sitting, she had ordered none of them had come over to attempt to steal his wallet and, though they mocked Buffy no idea, they knew she was strong and would start a fight with them, she had done in the past, she wouldn’t let any of them harm him.
"Sssh pet, I remember who you are, good thing you showed up so quickly" William responded, of all the people to see him make a fool of himself it was her, the girl he had been thinking about previously that day, the girl he wanted to desperately find out what she looked like.
"I was just walking home you see and I saw you stumble, what happened, oh god are you hurt?" Buffy panicked, helping him up and sitting him down on a small wall.
"Feels like I've broken my nose love, but I can't really tell" William admitted,was was embarrassed beyond belief by his current predicament //She must think I'm so clumsy, damn I don't care what she thinks, she will only get me hurt// he scorned.
"It’s just bleeding, why are you alone?" Buffy reached into her pocket and found a old crumpled tissue and gently wiped the traces of red substance away as she knelt down in front of him, her shyness that had cursed her before had been overtaken by a need to make sure he was okay, that was all that mattered “Where's your dog?" she almost slipped up and asked where Strummer was, then he would get suspect about her.
"Gave him the night off" William tried to explain, it was maddening having this conversation, he still had no idea what she was like, about from obviously concerned and on top of this he wanted to both continue this exchange and make her go away, he felt it hard to trust her but impossible to ask her to leave.
"I don’t get it" Buffy frowned, she turned around and picked up his white guiding stick, thankfully it wasn't broken, but she didn't understand why he would use one of these, instead of an guide dog //Does he want to get himself injured? // She considered.
"Doesn't matter, look I'm fine, I'll be on my way" William pulled himself up, trying to sense what diren ton to go in now.
"Erm are you sure, I mean I could…" Buffy paused, how could she put her question to him without sounding like she wanted to jump on him and devour him whole with kisses, she needed to sound concerned not obsessed and in a way she was both, she gently brought his arm on hers.
"What, phone for an ambulance? I'm not on the critical list, I can look after myself" William snapped pulling his arm away //I do not need to be molly collided; I can't trust anyone other than my true friends right? //
"I'm sure you can, I," She hesitated, she had turned bright red at being in his company but wanted to help him so much it would kill her if he rejected her offer "William this sounds weird shall I walk you home? I know you can look after yourself but I will worry all night"
William stopped himself from walking away, he was shocked by her declaration, why would she worry about him, they didn't even know each other? "You would?""
"Yeah sure, please I don’t think you're like a cripple or anything, I've seen you around town before, you handle yourself very well, for…”
"Someone who's blind" He finished for her, so she was falling into the stereotype of 99.9% of people he meant, asking about his blindness but William had to admit that given the current circumstances it would kinda make sense that she would say something about it and she hadn't uttered the 'I'm so sorry line' yet. //There's hope for her//
"Yeah, it can't be easy at times" She didn't try to empathise with him because she couldn't, she understood what it was like to be different, to have people stare at you but never could she comprehend what it must be like not to be able to see. //What if his been blind all his life, he wouldn't be able to know what anything looked like, God that is so awful//
"It isn't, why are you helping again?" he tried to perk up a little, he had to attempt to be happy or at be least kind to her, she was after all trying to look after him.
"Because I would hate for anything bad to happen to you" Buffy tenderly answered //Because if I lose you, I will give up on my life//
"I didn't know people had consciousness these days; guess I was wrong ey pet?" William smiled wearily as she gave him his stick back and placed his arm on hers, starting to walk down the road.
"Where is it you live then?" Buffy asked even though she knew too well, but she had to make out that she wasn’t his stalker, that she was simply being kind Buffy with no hidden agendas but //By helping him will he want to become something more? //
"Above Rupert's shop" He replied and Buffy decided she would take the back roads rather than have to walk past the others, if they said anything about who she really was, William would never agree to having her take him home.
"Cool" Buffy smiled to herself as she turned the corner heading away from the seafront //shit I am going to his p, fu, fuck this day is weird//
"Buffy why were you out alone in the middle of the night?" He queried, he knew it was just gone midnight, not too late but woman really shouldn't risk being alone //Every town has it crazies//
"Like I said I was walking home" Buffy told him, she looked towards the sky, like she had before, hoping he was looking out for her and silently thanking him for helping her find William that day, that night.
TBC>>>>
Rated: NC-17 for acts of sex and strong language.
Genre: Romance / AU
Characters: Buffy and Spike and some of the others pop up.
Feedback: Yes please, makes a girl feel wanted at outforawalkbitchuk@yahoo.com, really reviews boost my confidence and criticism helps me improve my work.
Summary: Buffy is a homeless girl who hopelessly follows William around the streets of a British seaside town, he doesn't realise this though because the poor man is blind….much Spuffiness [AU]
Authors Note: I will admit that the basic premise if taken from the Charlie Chaplin movie City Lights in which a blind girl falls for a homeless man, only I've swapped the genders and the setting and well most other things.. This is a Spuffy fic because I can't help but love Buffy and Spike, oh Joss Whedon please somehow make them get together in Angel, pretty please?
Thank you all for reviewing, it means a lot and I'm being sincere about that Anyway, enjoy, review. Luv Louise
Chapter Two: Try To Sit Down A Therapy
"I can't believe that life's so complex. When I Just wanna sit here and watch you undress. I can't believe that life's so complex. When I Just wanna sit here and watch you undress. This is love this is love that I'm feeling. This is love this is love that I'm feeling. This is love, love, love, love that I'm feeling"
The lyrics of the song by P. J Harvey filtered though the cramped, muggy venue that William resided in, listening attentively to Tara's singing, as he sat near to the small stage with his group of close-knit friends. The biggest problem about that night, apart from the fact that Strummer wasn't allowed to accompany him to the gig was the sense of claustrophobia William was suffering from.
It was a condition he had required at the same time that he had become 'inflicted' by his blindness. He hated seeing it as an infliction, but truly at times it was, an unwanted disease he couldn't get rid off no matter how much he tried, maybe, just maybe according to the doctors and specialists he saw William might one day regain his sight but as the months dragged on, he had lost any hope of that. So yes his claustrophobia and blindness were both a result of his little time spent in his own personal hell, in his complete and utter nightmare. He couldn't help but think about it every night, he relieved how he fell to the ground, that the last face he would ever see was her as she smiled and walked away, leaving him alone in his world that was turning black, alone and half dead. When he had finally awoken his universe was black, devoid of images other than his memories.
Ever since then, his time in that dark corridor had brought with it anxiety and an irrational fear that overtook him, made his palms become clammy, his breathing to accelerate and his mind to spin, whenever he spent too much time in a crowded place. Yet he didn't want to leave just yet, even if the symptoms of his fear had begun to build within his body. He couldn't leave because his friend was still performing and he hated being in his flat, he felt too lonely at night, when Rupert wasn't in the shop.
//And I still haven't asked him about her// he pondered, he was of course referring to Buffy, he needed to know what she looked like. To take his mind of the boredom he felt that afternoon he had been conjuring up all the various possibilities of what this mysterious girl looked like, every little detail. He liked the fact that she hadn't said the usual line like 'I'm so sorry about your illness' or fused over him like her was baby or completely incapable of looking after himself.
//For all I know she could've been pitying me, thinking how sad my life must be, fuck knows what the bleeding hell she thinks of me, she probably has no opinion at all, after all we only met once for all but a few minutes. But she let me touch her, would've let me to feel her face, try and work out if behind her soft voice is a beautiful woman. Shit I have to stop with this, obsessing over every girl who ever speaks to me// He shook his head, realising that Tara had finished her set and he was automatically clapping her performance.
He knew he shouldn't be thinking about Buffy or any other woman, it was playing with fire, he would get burnt and if his track record with Ms Backstabber was anything to go by he would end up injured //Take my ability to hear away as well as see, or maybe they will paralyse me, if I ask nicely/
William was bitter at times, but he often hid his anger for his ex girlfriend from his true friends and instead created a false persona that made everyone think that William Johnstone was happy and full of live, forever joking. Yet he was more like that painting The Sad Clown, smiling on the outside, crying on the inside. People believe that the inevitable depression that he suffered from after his 'accident' //Not really an accident, seeing as she fucking set me up// had only been brief and that he had recovered from both his deteriorating mental and physical health pretty quickly, all things considered. However, it had turned out his friends had been wrong, even if they hadn't realised it and still didn't, two years later. William hadn't recovered at all, he hadn't dealt with his blindness very well nor had he coped with the circumstances that led to him losing his sight in the first place. He had been betrayed by someone he loved, who he had been loyal to and the price of his devotion to her had been a deep betrayal that was still being felt by William two years since the event.
Thinking about all this shit had turned William's mood from joyful to completely devoid of any hope. He didn't want to know what this Buffy looked like, she would only screw him over, he would do himself a big favour if he kept away from her //Like she would want to be with me anyway, no one wants a bloody handicap miserable git like me for a boyfriend // Nope he wouldn't bother asking Rupert nor Willow about her appearance, he instead asked Alexander who was also at his table to get him a strong whiskey, getting merry was the only way he would be able to keep his charade up.
****
Even though it was heading towards midnight, she was still sat on the promenade, Buffy hadn't bothered to find somewhere warmer and safer yet, she was suffering from a serious conflict of emotions. She was still kinda high from meeting William face to face, and kept closing her eyes remembering how he touched her arm and how she wa so so much more and he was just so sweet and perfection was the only word she though could describe him. She could've spent the whole day letting her mind wander at what she wanted to do to him, how she wanted to caress him all over, to show him she wasn't afraid or put of by his blindness, her mind conjured up images of kissing him or manoeuvring his hands across her own lithe body. If she could've spent all day thinking of him she would've had.
Yet, as always her life was conflicted, because she had been filling out her application from for the job she wanted so desperately, it was the only way she had chance of possibly acting out her fantasies and desires with William. She knew it was a minuscule chance but sometimes the impossible is the only thing that keeps people going, gives them hope and her hope was that she would get to be with him. She had to get the job first and that required lying big time, her companions hadn't helped very much, other than one of them Maria finding a pen for her. It was up to Buffy to make up the lies she needed, the rest of them didn't care one way or the other if she secured a job, their hope had faded a long time go, they lived on autopilot, just drank, found food and survived.
Buffy had tried her best to tell some truths in her application form, after all she had passed some exams and she had gone to school to do this. Conveniently though she hadn't put down the fact that the time between being 18 and 21 had been spent in prison, instead of travelling around Europe and staring university as she had written down. Also she had forgotten to mention that her address was any shop door in this town and suddenly she lived in the Student Village that the university owned and studied History and English. At first Buffy had felt bad at lying, it wasn't fair on Rupert Giles or William, but then what was she meant to do? She had paid for her crimes, for the chaos she had caused and if no one was going to give her job with her criminal record how was she ever going to help herself out of her situation? She was one of those people who had slipped though the net, forgotten about by social services and the benefits agencies, couldn't go back to her family and as for him, no she couldn't think about the man she did the crazy things for //He has gone, I loved him but his gone and its my fault and its his fault and I can't bring him back//
She slumped in her seat, resting her head in her hands and sighing deeply //I shouldn't be doing this, trying to get William, I don't have the right to forget about him, Angel would've died for me, he could be watching me now and thinking I've forgotten about him// She looked upwards, secretively believing that if their was an afterlife that no matter how noble and kind Angel was he wouldn't be in heaven, they had both been shoplifters, joy-riders, almost murderers. Still she looked towards the night sky
"You will always be my first, but William I can't help how I feel about him. Help me be happy Angel, I don't deserve this, I need to prove that I'm not a failure, you always told me one day we would be happy but you left me, you died and I'm alone, don't be angry at me for loving someone else" Buffy mumbled rubbing her eyes, feeling hot salty tears cascade down her grubby face, she sniffled helplessly, speaking to herself wouldn't change anything but even after four years of not being with her only boyfriend she missed him at times and wanted his approval somehow //even though I will never get to be with William either, I'm only betraying you Angel in my mind, I can never have someone ever again//
"Hey girl you been talking to yourself again?" A familiar figure approached her and sat down offering her a swig of his vodka "You get a reputation like the rest of us"
"I'm fine" Buffy declined the offer of alcohol and turned to the man, he was one of the nicer of group she was with, Edward, usually let her get on with her own thing, didn't ask where she went all day //He would tell me to stop stalking William before the police come after me if he knew//
"What you been doing all night? He asked laying down on the bench, trying to get himself comfortable
"Nothing" Buffy stated, wiping her eyes on her top, Edward was sweet enough but he was too out of it to notice she was upset and wanted to be left alone, Buffy got up to go, she wanted to walk around, clear her head, look at those who wandered the town with their happy lives, so she could imagine what it would like to have that happiness and create images of being with William, everything boiled down to him. However, she could tell she was going to be stopped from doing what she wanted because the rest of the 'gang' had turned up, stumbling around, making a racket and Buffy resigned herself to sitting with them for the rest of the night.
About ten minutes had past since their arrival and Buffy was trying to slip away from the group without being noticed, but oh no they all wanted to talk and mock Buffy for seriously thinking she would have a chance of getting a job. //Why do I even stay with these guys, they don't give a shit about my feelings// she sulked to herself as Tim continued his little rant.
"Sorry love but why try to better yourself?" Tim asked rhetorically, not giving a Buffy a chance to respond "None of those bastards will give you a chance, even if you lied on that, application form thing, they will take one look at you and know your homeless"
"But they gave me chance" Buffy croaked, she felt like a small child being told off by a teacher for thinking she could be an astronaut or something, Tim was basically telling her not to bother with escaping the nightmare she was in, like at the age of 22 she should give up and fade away into a life of alcoholism and freezing to death on the streets like the rest of them. She didn't want to accept that fate, she couldn't, she had paid for her wrong doings, she had to prove herself, she had to one day being able to see her mum and sister and make them proud. //I need to be with William, I need to get this job to be with him, I can't give up, I can't, life isn't fair but it doesn't mean you can't change that//
"Just being fake my girl, they will give it to some lazy rich student, whose daddy pays for everything anyway" Tim complained some of his friends nodded in agreement as he sat down
"Tim don't be so harsh on the girl" Edward warned "People are allowed to have their dreams" he turned to Buffy smiling.
"You have to be realistic" Tim rambled on again, and Buffy stared off in front of her, watching the empty promenade, the two main bars on the seafront didn't close until 2am, so if she left now she would avoid the barrage of students who liked to tease her and were usually higher than her current group of tormenters were.
She got up and reached for her rucksack, that contained a few clothes and the all important application form. She hadn't figured out what she was going to do about not having a CV yet but on Monday she would go to the shop again and see if she could arrange an interview, she wasn't giving up just yet.
"Look Buffy don't leave on account of Tim being his usual thoughtless self" Edward tried to appease, causing Buffy to look back to him.
"I have things to do, night" she responded, walking backwards for a few metres, just as she went to turn back around she heard the group burst out laughing and point towards her //no behind me//
"Woah, send us a postcard card next time mate, have a nice trip" Owen shouted, laughing harder.
Buffy frowned until she looked towards the road again, her heart stopped for a few seconds, she recognised the blond hair and the black denim jacket of the man who had fallen flat down on his face in the middle of the pavement. Immediately she darted over to him.
"Oi Buffy see if he has any money on him, we can spilt it" Tim ordered, rising from the bench.
She glowered at them "Fuck you! None of you are getting near him" she declared continuing her run across the road and towards the figure of William who was trying to get himself of the pavement but severely struggling.
"William, William" she shrieked as she made it to his side and bent down taking his arms and helping him rest on his knees "William are you alright?"
*****
He had decided to leave early, because it had become to packed and hot, he didn't want to bother his friends, who already did too much for him and so had assured them he would be okay and that he would get a taxi home. He hadn't intended on getting one though because he knew the streets like the back on his hand, he had spent three years at university here, when he had perfectly good sight, he may not have Strummer but his white stick would do the trick.
In all honesty William had began to show his miserable and dejected side, the alcohol hadn't helped lift his mood and he could tell that Anya in particular had noticed //she's perceptive that one//. He hadn't wanted to ruin the good mood everyone else was in, especially Tara who was revealing in the high of just performing. So he had left and started to walk down the seafront, deciding to avoid the risk of falling onto the beach but staying on the other side of the promenade.
What had happened though wasn't a clearing of his head, like he hoped would occur, despite being outside his claustrophobia and anxiety had decided to peak now, whilst he was alone in the middle of the night. He knew that thinking of her, remembering his nightmare wasn't helping and before he could register what was going on, he had lost his balance on an uneven piece of pavement and he kept repeating the image of being pushed to the ground of the shouting that had occurred of seeing her as she walked away, giving him her false concern with her smile that ingrained in his thoughts.
“Fuck” he cursed feeling increasingly dizzy, extending his stick in an effort to regain some balance, grabbing out for something to hold onto, he gave into his situation and crashed onto the cold ground, feeling his face crack.
"William, William" he heard a few moments later, he was unable to move himself from the position he was in and his self pity washed over him, he truly was a lost cause //a complete retard//. He felt someone stop in front of him and bend down, grabbing hold of his arms //oh great being mugged//
"William are you alright?" the voice asked picking him up further and running her fingers across his face "Its Buffy, Buffy summers, we met before in the shop, you know the record shop run by Mr Giles, I mean Rupert, you probably don’t remember me, I'm Buffy, Buffy summers"
She was rambling, speaking incredibly fast because she had no idea what to do, he had blood trickling from his nose and bits of grit on his skin and she wanted simply to hug him and tell him he would be alright. She briefly looked over to where she had previously been sitting, she had ordered none of them had come over to attempt to steal his wallet and, though they mocked Buffy no idea, they knew she was strong and would start a fight with them, she had done in the past, she wouldn’t let any of them harm him.
"Sssh pet, I remember who you are, good thing you showed up so quickly" William responded, of all the people to see him make a fool of himself it was her, the girl he had been thinking about previously that day, the girl he wanted to desperately find out what she looked like.
"I was just walking home you see and I saw you stumble, what happened, oh god are you hurt?" Buffy panicked, helping him up and sitting him down on a small wall.
"Feels like I've broken my nose love, but I can't really tell" William admitted,was was embarrassed beyond belief by his current predicament //She must think I'm so clumsy, damn I don't care what she thinks, she will only get me hurt// he scorned.
"It’s just bleeding, why are you alone?" Buffy reached into her pocket and found a old crumpled tissue and gently wiped the traces of red substance away as she knelt down in front of him, her shyness that had cursed her before had been overtaken by a need to make sure he was okay, that was all that mattered “Where's your dog?" she almost slipped up and asked where Strummer was, then he would get suspect about her.
"Gave him the night off" William tried to explain, it was maddening having this conversation, he still had no idea what she was like, about from obviously concerned and on top of this he wanted to both continue this exchange and make her go away, he felt it hard to trust her but impossible to ask her to leave.
"I don’t get it" Buffy frowned, she turned around and picked up his white guiding stick, thankfully it wasn't broken, but she didn't understand why he would use one of these, instead of an guide dog //Does he want to get himself injured? // She considered.
"Doesn't matter, look I'm fine, I'll be on my way" William pulled himself up, trying to sense what diren ton to go in now.
"Erm are you sure, I mean I could…" Buffy paused, how could she put her question to him without sounding like she wanted to jump on him and devour him whole with kisses, she needed to sound concerned not obsessed and in a way she was both, she gently brought his arm on hers.
"What, phone for an ambulance? I'm not on the critical list, I can look after myself" William snapped pulling his arm away //I do not need to be molly collided; I can't trust anyone other than my true friends right? //
"I'm sure you can, I," She hesitated, she had turned bright red at being in his company but wanted to help him so much it would kill her if he rejected her offer "William this sounds weird shall I walk you home? I know you can look after yourself but I will worry all night"
William stopped himself from walking away, he was shocked by her declaration, why would she worry about him, they didn't even know each other? "You would?""
"Yeah sure, please I don’t think you're like a cripple or anything, I've seen you around town before, you handle yourself very well, for…”
"Someone who's blind" He finished for her, so she was falling into the stereotype of 99.9% of people he meant, asking about his blindness but William had to admit that given the current circumstances it would kinda make sense that she would say something about it and she hadn't uttered the 'I'm so sorry line' yet. //There's hope for her//
"Yeah, it can't be easy at times" She didn't try to empathise with him because she couldn't, she understood what it was like to be different, to have people stare at you but never could she comprehend what it must be like not to be able to see. //What if his been blind all his life, he wouldn't be able to know what anything looked like, God that is so awful//
"It isn't, why are you helping again?" he tried to perk up a little, he had to attempt to be happy or at be least kind to her, she was after all trying to look after him.
"Because I would hate for anything bad to happen to you" Buffy tenderly answered //Because if I lose you, I will give up on my life//
"I didn't know people had consciousness these days; guess I was wrong ey pet?" William smiled wearily as she gave him his stick back and placed his arm on hers, starting to walk down the road.
"Where is it you live then?" Buffy asked even though she knew too well, but she had to make out that she wasn’t his stalker, that she was simply being kind Buffy with no hidden agendas but //By helping him will he want to become something more? //
"Above Rupert's shop" He replied and Buffy decided she would take the back roads rather than have to walk past the others, if they said anything about who she really was, William would never agree to having her take him home.
"Cool" Buffy smiled to herself as she turned the corner heading away from the seafront //shit I am going to his p, fu, fuck this day is weird//
"Buffy why were you out alone in the middle of the night?" He queried, he knew it was just gone midnight, not too late but woman really shouldn't risk being alone //Every town has it crazies//
"Like I said I was walking home" Buffy told him, she looked towards the sky, like she had before, hoping he was looking out for her and silently thanking him for helping her find William that day, that night.
TBC>>>>