The Blonde,the Brunette,and The Horned

Summary:Angel gets revenge for the Miss Clairol treatment.
Timeline:Set in season 4-ish.No Jasmine.Not in my AU.
Disclaimer:Joss owns them.I don’t.Joss also owns the cool monster at the end of the credits.I don’t.Life’s not fair.
Feedback is welcomed.Begged for even.I admit-I'm a feedback vamp.
Un-beta'ed-all mistakes are mine.


Angel paced the floor like an expectant father.He ran his fingers through his beautiful shiny platinum locks.
That son of a bitch,he thought.How the hell can I get him back?
Earlier that week,while Angel was in a dead sleep,Spike bleached his hair blonde.Not quite like Spike's,but blonde
enough.The whole gang was in on it-Cordelia,Gunn...even his own son Connor.He had no idea how Spike pulled it off.

Spike.

The very name caused Angel to grit his teeth together.
Thank god for shaman dentists.
As he paced,ideas ran through his head.A cake in the shape of a cross,so his tongue burned everytime he took a
bite?
Nope.Too tempting for Angel.He loved cake.
Tell everyone Spike slept with a Cabbage Patch Kid every morning?
Nope.Wouldn’t work.Fred and Cordy would think it was sweet,and as they fawned over him,Spike would be sneering at Angel over their heads.There’s got to be something......
Suddenly,Angel’s head shot up.
He ran over to his Paradex(his paranormal Roladex)and flipped through the cards.Eureeka-found it,he thought to himself.He picked up the phone,closing the door to his office.The phone rang on the other side,and a male voice answered.A brief exchange,and 10 minutes later,Angel was heading into the sewer.


“So what’s the deal,Angel?”
The pink skinned demon put his feet up on his chair.He was sitting in something resembling a barber’s chair.
“I need a tattoo spell,”Angel replied.
“What for?You looking for another one to match the gargoyle you have?”The demon placed his feet firmly on the floor and peered at Angel.
“No not for me.It’s for a friend.See,he’s getting married,and as a present,I’d like to get him a tattoo of his beloved.He’s afraid of needles,so I wanted to surprise him with a painless one.”Angel tried to smile convincingly.
“Well....”the Henred demon said,”I can do it for you.Do you have a picture of this friend and a picture of the body part where the tattoo would go?"
Angel grinned widely.”Oh yeah.I made sure I brought them with me,if you can do it now.The wedding is in three days.”He handed the pictures over to Red and went into his pocket.He withdrew a wad of cash and handed that over also.Red looked at the picture.”Handsome devil.Good catch,too,I’m sure.Why don’t you want him for yourself
Angel?”Red leered.”Your pendulum swung both ways in the old days,I’m sure.”
Angel bit back a very nasty retort.He needed this done.”No,He’s very happy with his love.I don’t want to intrude at
all”,Angel said.
Red started getting things ready.Ink colors,vials of herbs.”Ok Angel.Let me get to working,and he’ll have his tattoo within 4 hours.”Angel and the demon shook hands.”Pleasure doing business with you.Give my regards to the happy couple.”Angel nodded his head curtly,then left.As Red prepared for the tattoo spell,he looked down at the picture that Angel gave him once again.”Too bad this one’s taken,”he said as he gazed at the stunningly sexy
spiky haired blonde man caught in the photo.”I’d love to ink him in the flesh.”

Angel practically skipped all the way back to the Hyperion.”I’m getting him back,that blonde bastard,”he sung.The smile on his face was incredulous,and he felt a bit guilty.But hey-after almost 200 years of putting up with Spike,Angel was finally going to have the upper hand.He couldn’t wait to see the look on Spike’s face.He wouldn’t have to wait very long-by the time the tattoo appeared on Spike’s forearm,it would be dusk.The very time Spike would be getting up.

He came up into the Hyperian and went into the lobby,intent on playing it cool.
“Any messages,Cordy?” he asked nonchalantly.
“Nope,not at all boss.I’m just finishing a magazine.Anything going on in the world outside?”She barely looked up at him.
“I went to check on a lead,but it was nothing.Say,I’m going into my office.If anything comes up,let me know,will ya?”
She waved him off,dismissing him.”Yeah yeah.Have a blast.”
Angel walked across the room and slowly closed the door to his office.It was all he could do to contain the
excitement.What to do in the meantime?Angel decided to just try andSummary:Angel gets revenge for the Miss Clairol treatment.Sequel to “Sleeping Like a (Bleached) Baby"
Spoilers:Probably set in season 4-ish.No Jasmine.Not in my AU.
Disclaimer:Joss owns them.I don’t.Joss also owns the cool monster at the end of the credits.I
don’t.Life’s not fair.
Feedback is welcomed.Begged for even.I admit-I'm a feedback vamp.
Un-beta'ed-all mistakes are mine.


Angel paced the floor like an expectant father.He ran his fingers through his beautiful shiny platinum locks.
That son of a bitch,he thought.How the hell can I get him back?
Earlier that week,while Angel was in a dead sleep,Spike bleached his hair blonde.Not quite like Spike's,but blonde
enough.The whole gang was in on it-Cordelia,Gunn...even his own son Connor.He had no idea how Spike pulled it
off.
Spike.
The very name caused Angel to grit his teeth together.
Thank god for shaman dentists.
As he paced,ideas ran through his head.A cake in the shape of a cross,so his tongue burned everytime he took a
bite?
Nope.Too tempting for Angel.He loves cake.
Tell everyone Spike slept with a Cabbage Patch Kid every morning?
Nope.Wouldn’t work.Fred and Cordy would think it was sweet,and as they fawned over him,Spike would be
sneering at Angel over their heads.There’s got to be something......
Suddenly,Angel’s head shot up.
He ran over to his Paradex(his paranormal Roladex)and flipped through the cards.Eureeka-found it,he thought to
himself.He picked up the phone,closing the door to his office.The phone rang on the other side,and a male voice
answered.A brief exchange,and 10 minutes later,Angel was heading into the sewer.


“So what’s the deal,Angel?”
The pink skinned demon put his feet up on his chair.He was sitting in something resembling a barber’s chair.
“I need a tattoo spell,”Angel replied.
“What for?You looking for another one to match the gargoyle you have?”The demon placed his feet firmly on the
floor and peered at Angel.
“No not for me.It’s for a friend.See,he’s getting married,and as a present,I’d like to get him a tattoo of his
beloved.He’s afraid of needles,so I wanted to surprise him with a painless one.”Angel tried to smile convincingly.
“Well....”the Henred demon said.”I can do it for you.Do you have a picture of this friend and a picture of the body
part where the tattoo would go?"
Angel grinned widely.”Oh yeah.I made sure I brought them with me,if you can do it now.The wedding is in three
days.”He handed the pictures over to Red and went into his pocket.He withdrew a wad of cash and handed that over also.Red looked at the picture.”Handsome devil.Good catch,too,I’m sure.Why don’t you want him for yourself
Angel?”Red leered.”Your pendulum swung both ways in the old days,I’m sure.”
Angel bit back a very nasty retort.He needed this done.”No,He’s very happy with his love.I don’t want to intrude at
all”,Angel said
Red started getting things ready.Ink colors,vials of herbs.”Ok Angel.Let me get to working,and he’ll have his
tattoo within 4 hours.”Angel and the demon shook hands.”Pleasure doing business with you.Give my regards to
the happy couple.”Angel nodded his head curtly,then left.As Red prepared for the tattoo spell,he loked down at the
picture that Angel gave him once again.”Too bad this one’s taken,”he said as he gazed at the stunningly sexy
spiky haired man caught in the photo.”I’d love to ink him in the flesh.”

Angel practically skipped all the way back to the Hyperion.”I’m getting him back,that blonde bastard,”he sung.The
smile on his face was incredulous,and he felt a bit guilty.But hey-after almost 200 years of putting up with
Spike,Angel was finally going to have the upper hand.He couldn’t wait to see the look on Spike’s face.He wouldn’t
have to wait very long-by the time the tattoo appeared on Spike’s forearm,it would be dusk.The very time Spike
would be getting up.
He came up into the Hyperian and went into the lobby,intent on playing it cool.
“Any messages,Cordy?” he asked nonchalantly.
“Nope,not at all boss.I’m just finishing a magazine.Anything going on in the world outside?”She barely
looked up at him.
“I went to check on a lead,but it was nothing.Say,I’m going into my office.If anything comes up,let me know,will
ya?”
She waved him off,dismissing him.”Yeah yeah.Have a blast.”
Angel walked across the room and slowly closed the door to his office.It was all he could do to contain the excitement.What to do in the meantime?Angel decided to just try and take a nap.He stretched his legs up on his desk,laid his head back,and did some deep breathing-non-essential for life,but a must for relaxing.Soon he was asleep.Until.......

“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL???????????????????????????”

Angel snapped awake,and tried to muffle a maniacal laugh.He rushed out to the main lobby of the Hyperion.The whole gang was present and accounted for:Fred,Wesley,Gunn.Cordy.Even Connor,who shook his head and glared.At what,Angel couldn’t tell.And in the middle of this throng....a very pissed off Spike.

Unlife was good.Angel just wished he had popcorn to snack on while watching the drama unfold.

Angel walked over to Spike to see what the “problem” was.
There on Spike’s arm was a 3 inch by 2 inch tattoo.It was a beautifully drawn red heart,with a banner going through the middle with intricate designs.The banner held a name.

Lorne.

Angel thought he was going to pee his silk boxers.He didn’t though.He just had them dry-cleaned.

“Spike?I didn’t know you and Lorne were a couple.”Simple words from Angel.
“I am NOT going out with Lorne Greene!I went to bed,sleeping a nice sleep,and I woke up with cartoons in the arm!I don’t know HOW it got there,or WHY it got there,but I WILL find out.And there will be hell to pay.”
Spike sat down on the comfy circular couch in the middle of the lobby.”Don’t worry Spike.We’ll take care of this,”Fred said.Automatically,the gang got into research mode,with two exceptions:Spike,moaning about his pictures,and Angel,keeping in the hysteria.

Wesley came back into the lobby,and looked sympathetically at Spike.”Spike,are you feeling all right?Any physical side effects at all?”
Spike was surprisingly calm at the whole ordeal.
“No,Wes.Just pissed off.And I could use a good stiff one.”
The whole group looked up at him.
“DRINK!Good stiff DRINK!!Good gods,I give up.”Spike flopped on the sofa and sighed.What the hell was going on?

Wesley approached Angel,who by now was almost bursting at the seams."Angel...I don’t mean to bring this up but we have to contact Lorne.Maybe it’s some sort of spell that Lorne cast.After all,Lorne DOES like males of the vampire persuasion...”
Angel bolted up,sobered from Wesley's words.
”Wes...”Warning crept into his voice.”That was ONE night,tequila was involved.Get off me.”
No sooner had he said that,a jovial Lorne walked into the hotel.
“Hidy ho good neighbors!What’s shakin’?”Lorne’s smile could usually brighten up a room.Not the case this time.
“Erm...Lorne,”Wesley began,”we need to talk to you about a matter of importance."
“Sure watcherman-what’s up?”Lorne replied.Spike stick his arm out in front of Lorne,about 3 inches from his face.
“Do you know anything about that?”he growled.
“Easy big fella.”Lorne took Spike’s arm in his hands and looked at it carefully.”Hmm...I know the handiwork.A guy comes in every week,on 2 for 1 banana daquiri night.This is his.”He looked up at Spike and the rest of the group,who were filtering in from various points.Angel stayed slightly away from the rest.”He’s a spiritual tattoo artist.He can tattoo you with no needles whatsoever.You don’t even need to be there.”Wes nodded his head.
Gunn looked at the green anagog demon.”Do you know where we can find this cat?I mean,no offense,Lorne,but I really don’t think you're Blondie’s type."“None taken Kemosabe.I’m intrigued though,on why MY name.Mystery to me."

Connor was listening to all that was going on,but he was paying rapt attention to his father.The stand-offishness wasn’t usual for him in this group.Suddenly,he discovered why.Three red hearts started to mystically appear on Angel’s right forearm.He went over to Spike and nudged him.Spike looked up,and Connor motioned subtly at Angel,who was oblivious that he was being marked.They both walked over to where he was standing.
“Nice tatts,Cavebrow.New,aren’t they?”Spike said quietly.
Angel looked down and saw three tattoed hearts materializing right before his eyes.The rest of the group fell quiet,and watched the spectacle.Spike looked into Angel’s dumbfounded visage and let out a yelp.

“You ponce!You bastard!You did this to me!!”Spike wailed with glee.

“How..?Wha...?”Angel was mystified,and mirth in Spike's voice didn't make it any better.
Connor just snickered.”Well,big brother,at least we know the spell worked.”
A collective”HUH???” went thru the group.
“When Spike bleached Dad’s hair,Spike figured he’d retaliate,”Connor started.
“Right.So I went to a witch who cast a threefold spell.Meaning anything done to me...”
“Would go back to Angel threefold.”Wes finished for him.
“Yeah.But I had her put in a clause.Whatever was done to me...”He showed everyone his forearm-the tattoo was faded almost completely away-”would be done away with.”
“And Angel?”Fred asked,giggling a bit.
“Well...I suggest he take a HOT shower.”
The whole room had a good laugh-except for Angel,who just sighed.
And brooded.

Soon after,the group disbanded.Angel was getting ready for the longest shower of his life,when Spike came up to talk to him.
“Truce Sire?”he murmured to Angel.
“Truce Childe.”He bent down and kissed Spike softly.”You got me good,you know.I give you credit.”He held up his arm with the tattoos.”Did you pick the names out too?”
Spike read the names in the hearts:Lorne,Lilah,and William.”No,but there is a significance to them.”They got up to Angel’s suite.
“And that is?”
“Well,one was the name you had put on me-that was Lorne.Another was supposed to be your arch enemy-that’s
Lilah.”
“And the last?”Angel whispered softly.Spike drew his Sire into his arms.
“The last is for your true love,” he murmured as he kissed his Sire-not as Spike,but as his true love.