It's An Adventure

Spike slammed his fist against the horn. "Just what makes these blokes think they *own* the road?" He sped up, passed the semi, and moved in front of it, slowing down.

Xander worked his imaginary break and gas pedals. "I think it's the fact that they weigh several tons and can crush us like bugs!"

Spike snickered. "Xander! I expect better from you. You should know size doesn't matter, pet!" He patted the boy's thigh before punching in the cigarette lighter. "Wheres'me smokes?"

Xander had turned around, wanting to see the semi as it ran over them. Morbid, yes, but he couldn't help himself. He quickly turned back to face Spike when the vampire started to grope his crotch. "*What* are you doing?"

"Looking for my smokes! I asked you where they are!"

"The are *not* in my pants!"

"Good thing, that. Thought maybe they were in your *seat*, though, luv." Spike quickly switched lanes again, buying himself time to look. "Hold us steady." Spike let go of the steering wheel and ducked down. Xander's heart stopped again but he grabbed the wheel.

Spike came up with a grin and a crushed pack of cigarettes.

Xander didn't speak. He couldn't. He was choking on his heart again. The damn thing kept either stopping or getting lodged in his throat. At least they were no longer in front of the pissed off trucker.

Spike rolled down his window and flicked his lit butt out. Xander followed the glowing tip, watching as it arched, got caught in the wind and was swept into the driver's side window of the car behind them. He watched, enthralled, as the driver began to frantically beat at his head. The driver, his head now smoking, began to swerve. Horns blared as the driver crossed over into the next lane. The driver, his hair now on fire, over corrected and was hit by a fast moving SUV as he careened into its lane. The smaller car, its driver furiously beating at his flaming head, was sent spinning and crashing into the sidewall. Xander let out the breath he'd been unaware of holding, when the hair-on-fire driver stepped out, looking, well, if not too happy, at least alive. He smiled when the man finally put out his hair.

Spike glanced in the rear view mirror, muttering about the crazy drivers. "Gimme the phone, Xander."

"Huh? Did you just see-"

"The phone, pet! Give me the bleedin' phone!"

"Oh! Right! Good idea!" Xander fumbled around until he came up with the cell phone they had with them, handing it to Spike. Of course they should call and report the accident. He didn't think of. It had all happened so fast!

"Like a bloody lunatic! *That's* how he's driving! What do you mean, where am I? I'm on the bloody highway about to be killed by one of yer soddin' great lorrys! Hold, on, yeah." Spike sped up, weaving in and out of traffic until he was on the ass of the semi again. "All right, then, the license plate number is. . ."

Spike rang off with an evil snicker. "Here, pet." He held the phone out to Xander. When Xander made no move to take it, Spike looked his way. "Xander! What are you doing? Are you hyperventilating? For chrissake, boy! What's wrong with you? Do you mean to suck every bit o' fun out of this trip? It's only right that I reported that driver! That's why they *have* the bloody HOW AM I DRIVING numbers! I should've brought the slayer with me! Bigger knackers than you, that one is sure to have. Here! Have some fresh air!"

Spike rolled down the windows and cranked up the music.

"You! You!" Xander began, gasping.

"Me? Me? What?"

"You!"

"Yes *me*! Very good. Me *Spike*. You *Xan-der*. Can you say that with me? Xan-der."

"You set a man on fire! You caused a wreck! You're trying to *kill* me!"

"What are you blathering on about?"

"You. Set. A. Driver. On. *Fire*!"

"What? Where? When?"

"On fire! Back there! You set him on fire!"

"Now, just how did I do that?"

"With your cigarette! You threw a *lit* cigarette out the window and it landed in someone's car! They wrecked!"

"Really? And I missed it? Why didn't you *tell* me! You *are* trying to suck all the fun out of this trip!"

Xander made a strangling noise. Spike reached into his coat and came out with a silver flask. An unusually large one. He held it out to Xander with a grin. "Here, Xander sweety. Have a nip. You've lost all your color."

Xander took a gulp, coughing. He took a few more, gasping. "I don't like you, Spike."

Spike chuckled and patted his thigh. "Why don't you sleep the rest of way, hum, pet? Won't be long now an' we'll be at the Pouf's, grab the goods, rest up, and be back on our way, home to good ole' Sunnydale, yeah?"

"*I'm* driving back, Spike."

"Um, yes. *That's* going to happen."

"I *am* driv-"

"Sleep!"

Surprisingly, Xander did. Or maybe he just passed out from all the Scotch he'd downed.