The London Sonnets

Spoilers: Anything through Buffy S4 is fair game.
Rating: R for subject matter discussed.
Disclaimer: Property of Joss and ME. Just playing.
Summary: Dinner and some not so light conversation.
A/N: Follows Straight In Her Heart Did Mercy Come. A big thanks to Savvy not only for the beta but also setting up a great storyline in Chaos Theory to further explore the characters. The title is taken from Shakespeare’s Sonnet 109. For previous installments of the Menageaverse, please check out our website at www.responsidultdults.sadbhyl.riverworld.net


Moroccan. Joyce was pleased to find out Rupert had a taste for exotic food. She liked variety in the types of food she ate; it was good to know her men did as well. Her men? Were they really hers at all? Well, one of them still was, as much as he could be. Dinner at a foreign restaurant and some deep discussion had led to things being in the uncertain state they were between the three of them; maybe it was the way to fix them.

Turning away from her thoughts, she studied the restaurant while they waited to be seated. Rupert definitely knew his restaurants. While she had never actually been to Morocco, Joyce had a feeling this is what it would look like if she did. The low chairs were an ornate, dark wood carved delicately to match the patterns on the tables. As for the décor, the art pieces interspersed throughout the dining area were quite authentic. What she could get for them at the gallery made her fingers itch. To say she was impressed was an understatement.

“You’re trying to even things out, aren’t you?” she asked suspiciously.

Rupert raised his eyebrows in consideration, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him. “I happen to like my food as authentic as possible.”

“And?”

“And Momo is second only to Marrakech itself for the best in Moroccan food,” he informed her.

“I stand corrected,” she smiled.

He drew her close and kissed her lightly. “Wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

Joyce enjoyed his nearness. It had been too long. Suddenly she didn’t want to do anything to disrupt this ease, and she was certain trying to talk about things would do just that. Maybe it could wait?

They were seated soon after, and placed their orders with no trouble. Things went well through the starter compote of peeled roasted peppers, tomatoes, garlic, cumin and fresh coriander. Conversation and the delectable mix of spices kept unwanted thoughts away. However, by the time the main course of spiced lamb skewers on couscous arrived, Joyce realized that the temporary ease was just that, temporary. She had asked Rupert if he had done any more singing since his show at the Espresso Pump a few months back and he had almost immediately clammed up. It had be a great evening, as she remembered it. After Rupert had helped out the kids he’d come back and . . . Oh! Oh. It had been one of the most intimate nights the three of them had shared, the prime example of just how good things could be.

They finished the rest of the meal in silence.

All things considered, Joyce had been surprised when Rupert had agreed to go on the trip with her in the first place. Apparently their ideas of talking soon weren't quite the same. It had been more than a month since they had the brief conversation in the kitchen following the fight with Adam and visit from the First Slayer, but nothing more came of it. He always seemed to be busy. Ethan had been right, avoidance seemed to be Rupert’s reaction to anything involving Ripper.

She had gotten sick of trying to wait him out and decided to take Ethan’s advice and confront Rupert. To ease things along and ensure that Rupert had little chance to escape, Joyce had hit upon the idea of the trip. But she was beginning to see that the whole thing would be a complete waste if they didn’t clear things up before too long.

Maybe if she went first, he wouldn’t be so hesitant. And maybe if she could make him understand why she had let Ethan, no, made Ethan use her that day, then maybe . . . Joyce finished her wine. No time like the present.

“I want to tell you what happened that day,” she said without preamble.

Rupert looked up at her, stiffening slightly. “Joyce, this probably isn’t—”

“There never is a good time or place for something like this,” she sighed. “But I can’t stand to have this hanging between us anymore. I doubt either one of us will be comfortable around the other for any length of time until it is gone.”

“I have to agree,” he conceded with resignation.

They sat silently as the waiter cleared their table and then returned with dessert and mint tea.

“We had gone out for dinner,” she began when they were alone again. “It was just dinner, and talking. But something happened. He said it was telling so much truth, that it affected him.”

“Ethan and truth never did mix well,” Rupert interjected knowingly and without any snideness.

“He said something about it being one of the most powerful expressions of chaos.” Joyce continued, “On the drive back to the house, he was very tense, nearly jumping out of his skin. When we arrived, he tried to leave but I wouldn’t let him. I’m not a fool, I knew it wouldn’t be pleasant. And I soon realized how in over my head I was, but I was determined to see it through to the end.”

She sipped some tea, debating about how much she should tell Rupert about what went on that night. It would probably be best to leave out his attempt at draining her; she had a feeling that would go over worse than the bruises did. And he didn’t need to know the how, what, and where of it all.

Decided, she went on. “I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say I was a willing participant through everything.”

“He didn’t just stop, did he?” Rupert pressed.

“No, he didn’t,” was all she would say.

“You stopped him,” he clarified for her, a touch of admiration in his voice. “He went after your essence.”

Joyce blinked.

“Both you and Buffy have enormous energy resources that a less than ethical sorcerer would relish getting his hands on. By subjecting yourself to such a situation, sublimating your will and natural inclination to fight, you left yourself wide open to him. In his weakened state, Ethan wouldn't have been able to resist the opportunity.” He looked past her as he spoke next. “I've experienced both sides of it myself. Before things went bad back when . . . Ethan and I had each other.”

Rupert grew quiet then, but she didn’t want to say anything and shatter his candor. After a few moments, she knew he wasn’t going to say anymore. Fine, back to her.

“I wanted him to do it,” Joyce said quietly, voice steady. “I wanted to see first hand the darkness he carries with him. And quite frankly, I was a bit fed up with the both of you for trying to protect me. It was a piece of Ethan, and of you, that I feel I have the right to see.”

“There’s a reason why we don’t want you to see that darkness,” he said firmly.

“It’s frightening,” she confessed. “But I won’t lie and say there wasn’t a part of me that didn’t enjoy it as well.”

“The darkness can be as arousing as it is terrifying,” he looked at her, unblinkingly. “And because of that it’s very powerful and very dangerous.”

She understood that now, could the the lure. And she finally realized what Ethan had been trying to tell her that morning after she had thrown Rupert out. “I'm so sorry,” she said.

“Joyce, you have nothing to be—”

“No, I’m sorry for how I treated you that morning. I . . . I rejected in you what I had accepted in Ethan. It wasn’t what you did so much as the intention behind it.” She searched for the right words. “I’m used to fighting my own battles and I don’t handle things very well when someone tries to do that for me.”

“You had every right to throw me out that morning. Probably was the best thing you could have done,” he spoke slowly. “I hate to admit it, but I really do admire Ethan for being able to embrace that part of himself. I’ve never been able to do that, reconcile darker and lighter natures in myself. When I ran with Ethan, I was all Ripper. Part of it was rebellion. But most of it . . . I did some things that were quite horrific. Things that I’ve tried to forget because there’s no other way I can deal with them.”

“And Ethan reminds you of those things?”

“Yes and no. Things are different now. But he likes to provoke that side of me. And when Ripper does emerge, completely . . . Maybe it’s worse trying to keep it repressed,” he sighed. “I wasn’t expecting you to be as understanding as you’ve been. Throwing me out, I could deal with. But wanting me back?”

“How could I not?” she reached for his hand, holding tightly. “You’re a good man, Rupert Giles, regardless of what you think.”

“You’re too good to me, Joyce,” he smiled slightly. “I really don’t deserve you.”

She held his gaze, “Maybe not, but you have me anyway.”

“Check?”

She nodded.

While Rupert took care of the bill, Joyce reviewed things. She hadn’t expected Rupert to open up like he had. There was more than he was telling her, of that she was certain. But this was a start. At least now he knew her feelings on things, her reasons for doing what she did, and it didn’t seem to scare him off. Hopefully this put them back on the right track. Joyce hoped so. She really wanted to enjoy London.